CYNTHIA SEXUAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE

Transcription

1 CYNTHIA SEXUAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE 0:00:24 Jon: My intention is that our meeting is one that you will be very happy with. I m interested in our meeting improving the quality of your life in a way that is significant and lasting. What should I know about you in order to make it happen that I can really be useful to you? 0:01:04 Cynthia: I ve been relapsing, so I ve tried to stay sober for the last year and a half and I ve relapsed about seven or eight times. 0:01:13 Jon: Has it been about alcohol? 0:01:15 Cynthia: It s everything. It s been one thing or another. Alcohol does get me into rehab, but that s not really the problem. I haven t been dealing with a lot of the trauma that happened when I was a child. So, I m acknowledging it now. 0:01:35 Jon: That s what they tell me that I m good at. I m excited that you are here and we can get some stuff together. So, just really big, broad headlines. When you were a kid, what happened? Commentary: I say, So, with really big broad headlines, when you were a kid, what happened? Sometimes people are likely to get together with me because there is something that they experienced that is continuing to be a preoccupation and so, that s, of course, what there is to deal with. That s what s happening here with Cynthia. Sometimes people present with just ways that they re feeling currently or dealing with things currently that they d like to alter and that s when you would use the incantation so that the inner mind pinpoints the event. But, in this particular session, she said that trauma happened when she was a child and she was dealing with it. So, it makes sense for me to just say, What happened? 0:01:55 Cynthia: I was physically abused, sexually abused. My mom sent me to a boarding school that got shut down. Really bad, like breaking kids bones, tying people. I was there for three years. 0:02:10 Jon: From age? 0:02:11 Cynthia: Fourteen to seventeen or fifteen to eighteen. 0:02:17 Jon: Sexually abused was something before that? 0:02:18 Cynthia: Yes, before that. 1

2 0:02:21 Jon: Somebody you were living with? 0:02:24 Cynthia: My brother. 0:02:26 Jon: Was the sexual abuse violent and painful? 0:02:29 Cynthia: No. 0:02:31 Jon: And it happened a number of times? 0:02:33 Cynthia: For like five or six years until I told him to stop. I was pretty young. 0:02:37 Jon: You survived so much. It s so cool that you re here. 0:02:43 Cynthia: Yes. 0:02:45 Jon: Do you find that the stuff that happened comes to mind? 0:02:51 Cynthia: I blocked it out for a long time. It does now. 0:02:58 Jon: When it comes to mind, you mentioned numb, but when it comes to mind what happened in the boarding school, are there feelings that come with it? 0:03:12 Cynthia: I dissociate. I don t even feel feelings. I dissociate even before I feel the feeling a lot of the time and it s been my defense mechanism and it s not working anymore. 0:03:33 Jon: Well, it has had some disadvantages, but let s not overlook the advantages. Commentary: I m letting Cynthia know that I think that her dissociating during traumatic experiences was a positive skill that enabled her to survive. I think, sometimes, dissociation is thought of as something that indicates that there is pathology, but I think that it s better for people to realize that they were skilled and survived something horrible because they were dissociating and it really worked for them. It s a skill. 0:03:45 Cynthia: It worked for a long time. 0:03:49 Jon: So, it s an extra in talent. It s a skill. It s not a dysfunction. However, what we can do will make stuff work still better, I think. But I have great respect for the skill that s enabled you to survive stuff. See, the amazing thing is the thing that has me like what?! is that you walk in, talk to me, friendly, cool. So, the amazing thing after that stuff is that you can walk and talk. 0:04:30 Cynthia: Yes, yes. I do pretty well with it. 2

3 0:04:34 Jon: Yes! So, that s way cool. The other stuff we can definitely give you a hand with. So, you linked the relapsing to that earlier stuff. Is that because people have told you that they went together or you think they went together? 0:04:59 Cynthia: I don t know how to explain it. I had all of these experiences and I thought that I was fine and the last year and half, two years, I haven t been fine and I haven t ever acknowledged or went through any kind of emotion about any of the experiences that I had and I felt like everything was coming out of me sideways, if that makes any sense. 0:05:37 Jon: You mean, you were starting to feel some emotions about stuff that happened earlier? 0:05:42 Cynthia: Well, I had a friend pass away, very close friend of mine, and I felt like that triggered something in me. 0:05:50 Jon: What happened after that? 0:05:52 Cynthia: I just drank until I never drank like that before. He passed away and I just started drinking until I just didn t stop. 0:06:01 Jon: When you said it triggered something within you, so it was about him, but it was about other stuff too? 0:06:12 Cynthia: Right. 0:06:13 Jon: You ve figured that out or you were feeling that? 0:06:19 Cynthia: No, all of a sudden, the emotions, I just couldn t stop drinking and all of these emotions were just pouring out of me when I was drinking and it was like the flood gates had opened. But, when I stopped drinking, they d go away. So, after he passed, something happened to me. I don t know how explain it. 0:06:46 Jon: And how long ago was that? 0:06:48 Cynthia: Two years. Right before my first treatment center, which was here. Right before I ever went into treatment for the first time. 0:07:00 Jon: What s his name? 0:07:01 Cynthia: Ben. 0:07:02 Jon: Do you think of Ben? 0:07:03 Cynthia: Yes, I do, often. 0:07:05 Jon: Do you kind of sense Ben with you some time? 0:07:07 Cynthia: I do, sometimes, yes. 3

4 0:07:09 Jon: Yeah, in a good way. 0:07:11 Cynthia: Yeah. Not as much as I used to, but at the beginning I felt like he was around a lot. 0:07:19 Jon: You ve done a wonderful job in catching me up, answering the questions that I asked. 0:07:26 Cynthia: Okay. 0:07:28 Jon: Next, I m going to do this. I m going to tell you how I understand how human minds work, how they cause emotions and thoughts and behaviors. As I do that with you, there are two reasons. One is, if I m going to be having any effect on you with a certain way of thinking about things, it s only right that you know what it is and agree that it s okay. Two, we can move a whole lot faster when we re both looking through the same lens and seeing the same stuff. As I go over this stuff with you, I would like you to do your best not to apply any of it to yourself. Think of it just as a theory, this guy s thoughts about what goes on when people have thoughts or feelings. So, just get it outside of you as theory and then, if it makes sense, it will be valuable for us in what we may do for you. Commentary: As I begin to go through the process of explaining how mind works processing information, I m directing Cynthia away from applying these things to herself and making the learning outside of her and objective. 0:08:32 Cynthia: Okay. 0:08:33 Jon: So, on one level, this guy can tell you pretty much what he s feeling, what he s thinking and what he s doing, but on the level in which he s aware and then could describe it, he s not really controlling it. So, if he s feeling sad and you say to him, Well, just be happy, he doesn t know how to do that. He s not causing the sad, he can t shift it and cause the happy. In fact, even if he was happy and you just said to him, Well, just feel sad, he couldn t do that either. 0:09:17 Jon: So, I think of that level and I think of layers of the earth, outside level, level of awareness, like I think about a speaker. So, if this guy is holding this Bluetooth speaker and he s growling at it and you say, What are you doing? and he says, I m trying to get it to play a different song, you d say, Well, honey, that s the receiver. It s not really playing the song. But he says, But, I hear it out of it. Yeah, yeah, but it s not playing it. It s receiving it. At that top level, I think people are receiving rather than playing. 4

5 0:09:58 Jon: So, then, at the next level in, which is below consciousness, that s where the feeling, that s where the thought is coming from. And the thought and feeling causes the behavior. Make sense so far? 0:10:17 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:10:19 Jon: So, people who are looking to improve themselves, work on themselves, change themselves are usually trying to do that from level one down, from the top down, but that seems to be often not real successful, just like it wouldn t be successful for me to shake the speaker to change the song. 0:10:50 Jon: So, if we go down to the second level, that s the facet of the mind that s causing the feelings and the thoughts. And the feelings and thoughts cause the behavior. That part of the mind causes thoughts and feelings because of the way it reads info or data. 0:11:11 Jon: For humans, that usually is screwed up. For simpler life forms, it seems to work pretty well. Let s think briefly about a simpler life form, how things work pretty well. So, Zebra, her senses just brought in info, Lion is coming. Her brain caused her body to shift and it shifted in order to cause one part of her body to become super strong. What part do you think? 0:11:44 Cynthia: You mean the fight or flight response? 0:11:45 Jon: What part of Zebra s body just got super strong? Multiple choice: nose, tail, legs? 0:11:52 Cynthia: Legs. 0:11:53 Jon: Yay! 0:11:53 Cynthia: Okay. 0:11:55 Jon: Every bodily system was utilized in that digestive, respiratory, skeletal system, muscular system, everything, but it s all about strong legs that turns on instantly when it s useful. Instantly, it s off when it s not. By the way, Zebra has to run faster than what when lion is chasing her? 0:12:17 Cynthia: The lion. 0:12:18 Jon: No, the slowest zebra. 0:12:20 Cynthia: Oh! [Laughter] 0:12:22 Jon: One minute after that, Cynthia, you say to Zebra, Zebra, that thing came out of nowhere! I m so glad you re okay! Did you see the size of the lion? And Zebra says to you, Cynthia, what lion?! For Zebra, if it s not happening, it 5

6 doesn t exist. When she saw this bird land near Baby Zebra and peck her own baby, she did not like it, not one bit. And again, her brain caused her body to get strong, but not legs so much. Guess what? Jaw, because it a dog is really mad you, does she run over and kick you really hard? No. So, that s why people s faces get red and their jaws pop out, because we re hardwired the same way as Zebra is to either run fast or bite hard, which works really well for zebras. Humans? Not so much. After all this time, you d think it would be good for me to chew on something. So, we have the wrong equipment. 0:13:17 Jon: In addition to that, Zebra, when it s happening, it s happening. When it s not happening, there s no record of it. You can remember getting dressed this morning and you remember what you put on first and then second. You could tell me the name of the school you went to. No other life form has that ability. Our minds can create data. Somebody wrote a song. Somebody wrote a novel. Our brains attach aesthetics to data. So, he looked at this painting and he said, That s wonderful! We need it for the living room! And she said, My goodness, it s hideous! Because beauty, you would say, is in the eye of the beholder and, of course, meaning is in the mind of the perceiver. So, when he said to you, Look at that coward! and you said, Well, you know, I actually saw courage. But it doesn t shock you because you know that what people are seeing is filtered through their own perception, through their own brain which attaches meaning to it. But, that s not what we experience. 0:14:37 Jon: Think of a guy looking through a stained glass window and he says, I like to look at the sun through this window because look at the beautiful green and blue and the shapes and the picture of Jesus and that s pretty to see the sun shine through it. Well, that guy at least knows something about what s going on. But, the next guy is looking out that same window and you say, What are you doing? He says, Looking at the sun. He says, Wow, the sun is really interesting to me. It s green, it s red, it s orange and it s got a picture of Jesus right in the middle of it. And you go, Well, dude, not exactly. 0:15:15 Jon: So, we have those things going on. The reason you remember getting dressed is because there is info about it in storage that right here you can access and you did it without being confused about whether you were getting dressed. So, all kinds of info as it comes in, the data about the thing, not the thing, makes its way to storage. 0:15:50 Jon: But, if something is disturbing, the data about it goes in bigger. Think about a camera. It takes pictures in normal resolution unless it s a disturbing 6

7 0:17:07 Cynthia: Yeah. picture. It clicks into supersonic high def meaning the size of the data bit went to figuratively size of a grain of salt to the size of a pumpkin. That brain adds all kind of meaning which is always distorted and wrong. And now it s the size of stupid, giant pumpkin that three guys need to carry out of the dumb pickup truck. Meaning, then, it gets hard to get it through the pipe and so it can get stuck. If it gets stuck, brain can mistakenly read it as happening even though it s clear it isn t happening, causing pre-occupation which is like an energy drain. Now, has all of that made sense so far? 0:17:08 Jon: You, fortunately, had and have this amazing ability to be not responding to data even as it is happening when your brain realizes that no response is needed. When is no response needed? Well, if it isn t happening, no response is needed. But also, no response is needed unless there is a response that would be useful. So, if somebody comes in and says, How can you guys be having this conversation?!! The population in India is increasing dangerously. You explain, Well, I think we re going to just sit here and continue our conversation, but it s not that we disagree with you. But, there isn t a response that we need to have because there isn t anything that we can do right about that. And if there s nothing we can do, there s nothing we need to do. Nothing needs to be done and, so, we re going to be focused somewhere else. 0:18:30 Jon: If some guy s pants catch fire, there is something he needs to do. But, if he s tied up to a stake and his arms are immobilized and his legs are immobilized and his Joan of Arc and somebody just lit the thing on fire, there isn t anything he needs to do. He can only hang out. 0:18:55 Cynthia: Right. [Laughs] 0:18:58 Jon: Because nothing needs to be done. 0:19:00 Cynthia: Right. 0:19:01 Jon: So, she can even be peaceful at that moment if her brain is working extraordinarily well. People have photographed nature things where you see like a group of wolves bringing down some elk or something. Elk is terrified, moving this way and moving that way, and there s a certain point in which he is surrounded and he just gets it, Hey, there s no course of action that I can take. Hence, there isn t anything that I need to do. At that moment, you see the terror get replaced by peacefulness. Somebody might say, Oh, that seems pathological. Me, I m thinking, God, how do I learn to do that? And that s what your brain automatically did for you. Yay! 7

8 0:20:02 Cynthia: Yes, it did. 0:20:06 Jon: Now, you might very well, if you hang out around psychotherapy kind of people, find somebody who tells you that now a bunch of emotions are stuck inside you and you need to be able to get in touch with them and express them in order to release them because they re stuck in there. That s just not the case. 0:20:32 Cynthia: Okay. 0:20:35 Jon: Think back to Elk. Is there now a lot of fear that got stuck inside of him at that moment? Let s say somebody then shoots the wolves and he s okay and then the guy says to him, How re you doing? He says, Well, damn, that was pretty scary, but I m glad that you did that. Thanks, dude. And the guy says, Okay, but now you better experience the fear so you can release it. 0:21:03 Cynthia: [Laughs] Yeah. 0:21:05 Jon: And the elk says, Well, dude, that s dumb. I don t have any fear stuck inside me that needs to be released. That was a way cool response on my part then and I didn t feel it, so I don t have to release it. Even if I felt it, I felt it. I don t need to release it. It doesn t have to be done like that. 0:21:28 Jon: So, I tell you that because, if you were to sit in front of a lot of different people who do counseling and therapy, and you told them what you told me, you might not hear what I just said and I want you to hear what I said because the major difference between me and anybody else you talk to is I m right. 0:21:52 Cynthia: [Laughs] Okay. 0:21:56 Jon: And that stuff is well meaning, but not so much in terms of useful. Does that sound okay? 0:22:09 Cynthia: Yes, it does. I understand what you re saying and I agree with it. I think that now, just in the last year and a half, the things that I experienced in my past have been part of my present as opposed to before. 0:22:33 Jon: Well, let me reword it. Data from prior things has been getting read wrong, as if it s happening and needs something done about it. The solution isn t to convince yourself it is happening so you can scream and roll on the floor. The solution is to realize it isn t so that you re fine. And that process doesn t have to be a terribly long, drawn out and painful process. 0:23:10 Cynthia: I hope not. [Laughs] 8

9 0:23:12 Jon: But, instead, can be just a getting the good news process that s interesting and nice. Make some sense? 0:23:21 Cynthia: Yes, it does. 0:23:22 Jon: Because, if somebody is very upset about something that isn t any longer happening and some psychologist comes by and says, Well, I guess he needs to get more upset, so that he could release it. 0:23:37 Cynthia: Yeah, that happened to me. 0:23:37 Jon: And somebody else might say, Really? Well, I was thinking that he just needs to get it that he already escaped. Does that make sense to you? 0:23:43 Cynthia: It does. The thing is that I wonder, because of the disassociation which you said is a good and effective way to deal with it 0:24:03 Jon: It s great! 0:24:06 Cynthia: But I feel like I don t feel anything at all now. 0:24:15 Jon: But we can deal with that. There s all things we can deal with. I m just telling you that they re not going to be dealt with by telling you that now you need to roll around and scream. 0:24:26 Cynthia: I don t want to do that. 0:24:27 Jon: Right? It s not that you have to let the feeling out. You re going to hear a bunch of that, I think. I m telling you that they re wrong. That s not how to do that. So, let me just check a couple of things. Sometimes, while we were talking, you seemed to be interested. Were you? 0:25:01 Cynthia: Yes. 0:25:02 Jon: And sometimes you seemed to be amused when I was silly. Were you? Commentary: Rather than getting involved in exploring with Cynthia or encouraging introspection or doing some process to figure out why she doesn t feel anything, what I m doing there is causing her to recognize that she, indeed, is feeling and I start out by pointing out that she was feeling amused. 0:25:05 Cynthia: Yes [Laughs] 0:25:07 Jon: Okay. Can I just have your arm for a second? I m going to slap it. One, two. [slaps gently] What happened? [slaps gently twice more] Did you feel that? 9

10 0:25:16 Cynthia: Yes, I felt it. 0:25:17 Jon: Oh, okay! Then this I don t feel things isn t actually happening. 0:25:23 Cynthia: Oh, okay! 0:25:25 Jon: So, what was it like seeing him? I don t know. He told stories, then he started hitting me. 0:25:30 Cynthia: [Laughs] Right, that s what I ll tell everyone. 0:25:34 Jon: But not hard, not hard. 0:25:36 Cynthia: No. 0:25:37 Jon: Anyway, so if you sit down for dinner and some gal walks over and says, That s my food, bitch! and puts her hand in your plate and sticks your food in her mouth, do you feel sleepy when she does that? 0:26:01 Cynthia: I don t feel anything. I would probably laugh. 0:26:04 Jon: Okay, well, that would probably be appropriate because she s pretty bizarre to be doing that. Commentary: I m recovering from a false start. I was looking to cause something that would create some anger in her to again get her acknowledging, experiencing or realizing that she feels things and, yet, she doesn t acknowledge anything other than that it would be amusing, so I m moving forward saying, Yeah, that would be appropriate. 0:26:08 Cynthia: [Laughs] Right, that s probably what would happen. 0:26:11 Jon: But what if you have a real close friend and the same person walks over and smacks her face real hard? 0:26:21 Cynthia: Then I would feel upset. Commentary: I create a situation that causes her to recognize that she would feel angry and that is what anger is for. It s an emotional and physiological response that the mind triggers in order to cause actions that are protective protecting food, protecting offspring, protecting mate, protecting territory, protecting one s own body. 0:26:23 Jon: Upset, like angry? 0:26:26 Cynthia: Like in a protective way. 10

11 0:26:27 Jon: Yeah, well, that s anger. 0:26:28 Cynthia: Yeah, anger. Okay. 0:26:31 Jon: So, if you were babysitting this little girl and this guy walked over and said, Oh, she s a cute little girl. I want to slap her a bunch, and he started doing it, would you have a response? 0:26:41 Cynthia: Yeah, of course I would. 0:26:42 Jon: Look at that response. And right there is what s called anger. 0:26:47 Cynthia: Yeah, because I don t feel that very much. 0:26:49 Jon: Well, but you would right there. 0:26:51 Cynthia: No, I would for somebody else. Commentary: When I m pointing out that Cynthia, indeed, would feel angry in situations that would cause anger, she says yes, but not for herself. I point out that it still is for herself. She s protecting something that s valuable to her and, hence, the anger still is for herself. 0:26:53 Jon: But for somebody else it s still for you. 0:26:56 Cynthia: Yes, yes. 0:26:58 Jon: You re taking care of the kid. Not on my watch, you ain t beating this kid up! 0:27:03 Cynthia: Right, yeah. Absolutely. 0:27:05 Jon: Go somewhere and die, guy. You ain t hitting this little girl while I m in control here. That s anger. So, that feeling worked, right? 0:27:14 Cynthia: Yeah! 0:27:16 Jon: Okay. And could there be a situation in which you re watching a movie and there s this beautiful little collie and the boy loves her very much, but now the collie is being taken away and the boy will never see her again and the boy is sitting there and feels his life is over and the collie is whimpering and you re thinking what? Is there a different show on. Can we change the channel? 0:27:48 Cynthia: Yeah, that s probably what I would be thinking, yeah, honestly. [Laughs] 0:27:54 Jon: Yeah, because that s a sappy, stupid movie. 11

12 0:27:56 Cynthia: Yeah, that s what I would be thinking. 0:27:58 Jon: So, that would be just what to be thinking about that. Does it make sense? 0:28:01 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:28:02 Jon: Okay, so the way your mind has been working is significantly better than normal, but not what you would call optimal because there s been some stuff that s been kind of off. So, let s create a design, like make one up, like get a visual that will represent the problematic way that mind has been, better than normal, but not perfect. We want to create a design, like abstract design, like modern art, like finger paints, like doesn t have recognizable content, but we just make up a design. 0:28:53 Cynthia: Of the way my mind is? 0:28:55 Jon: The way mind has been. Yes, right, currently. How things have been going on, including things that haven t been so advantageous and that have been causing this relapse stuff and all that. We want to make up a design of the way mind got it? 0:29:13 Cynthia: Yeah, I got it. 0:29:14 Jon: Does it have any color? 0:29:15 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:29:17 Jon: And so we re done with that. Now, I m already seeing what, at the highest level, is intended for you. You don t need to see it with me, but I m seeing you where mind is clear, updated, rebooted, refreshed, where your brain is only holding what has real value and where you, therefore, are automatically following through with things that you re glad you did. That s what I m looking at for you. You re response shows me that you and I have the same intention, the same purpose, the same vision. Our energy is coming together already. When energy comes together, it expands. Energy that s expending is fueling where we re heading. Our brains are also very responsive to symbols. That s why all countries have flags. We re going to create a way to symbolically represent what it is that s intended for you. Mind updated, cleared and really working to your advantage. We re going to use wild bird or wild animal, whichever one shows up as inspirational now and what animal or bird is it? 0:30:28 Cynthia: Well, as soon as you said it, I thought of a crane, like a standing crane, and then there was a horse. So, I don t know. 0:30:37 Jon: Well, the crane got there first. 12

13 0:30:39 Cynthia: Crane was first. 0:30:40 Jon: So, crane is representing all of it working, clear and good. Like a flag doesn t represent colored cloth, crane isn t representing big bird. It s representing mind cleared, updated, working for you. Got it? 0:31:01 Cynthia: Okay. 0:31:01 Jon: So, in order to get mind to do that, you ve got to just show it what to do and you can show it what to do. Just for a second, think crane. Do it. Boom. And that actually moved it. 0:31:18 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:31:19 Jon: Now, we ll move it further because you ll think crane and at the same time can you multi-task? 0:31:24 Cynthia: Sometimes. 0:31:25 Jon: Okay. Let me make sure you can do this. I need you to think crane and breathe. 0:31:30 Cynthia: [Laughter] 0:31:30 Jon: No, think crane and slowly exhale. Do both. 0:31:35 Cynthia: [Exhales] 0:31:37 Jon: Perfect. Next time we do it, right after you inhale, guess what I m going to ask you to do? I already gave it away. Right afterwards, what do you think I ll ask you to do? 0:31:48 Cynthia: Think crane? 0:31:49 Jon: No, you re going to think crane while you re inhaling. Then what am I going to ask you to do? 0:31:54 Cynthia: I don t know. 0:31:54 Jon: Exhale! So, you re going to think crane, inhale, and then, even more slowly, [Shoooooo]. Perfect. Next time, as you slowly exhale, eyes slowly close and then just stay closed until I tell you to open them in a few seconds. In and [shooooo]. And open your eyes. Perfect. 0:32:26 Jon: So, energy is coming together. I m going to show you a couple of things with energy that are interesting. Well, first I m going to show you this. Your brain can take a picture of crane and re-do it so that it becomes even more powerful and has an even bigger effect. So, the picture of crane then changes 13

14 and becomes even more powerful. [Snaps] There it is. What s it look like now? 0:32:57 Cynthia: Kind of bigger. Bigger. 0:33:02 Jon: There you go. Bigger in this case is what? 0:33:07 Cynthia: Better. 0:33:08 Jon: Better. There we go. Think bigger, better, crane. Say, Bigger, better, crane. 0:33:16 Cynthia: Bigger, better, crane. 0:33:18 Jon: Breathe in. Think bigger, better, crane. Close your eyes and just melt with it. That s it. Perfect. Good. Now, open your eyes. I m going to show you a couple of other things with energy that may be interesting. What I m going to do is position your hand, indicate a spot, ask you to look at the spot. As you look at the spot, I ll talk to you for a few seconds, then I ll ask you to close your eyes, then I ll talk to you for a few more seconds, then I ll ask you to open your eyes, and then I ll ask you to tell me what you noticed during those few seconds. The whole thing takes 30 seconds or less. 0:33:59 Cynthia: Okay. 0:34:00 Jon: Okay? So, slide in closer. Take this hand, put it like that and then it just falls like that and I just adjust it to here. And you look right there at that spot. Don t look away. Now, there is a vibration that is actually constant. It s always going on, but it s unusual for people to be aware of the vibration. Close your eyes. Your eyes are closed. You don t see your hand, but you know where it is and you even know the exact spot that you had focused on. Open your eyes. Look at me. What did you notice in terms of thought during those few seconds? 0:34:41 Cynthia: Nothing. 0:34:42 Jon: Yes. So, put your hand like this and then like this. Sit back. Good. Hand is still like boom, boom [lifts his hand up and down. Cynthia copies the movements]. Close your eyes. You re going to, in a moment, feel my finger touch the back of your hand and then you ll know exactly where it is and you ll know exactly how it feels. So, my finger is touching your hand and you know where it is and you know how it feels. In a moment, I ll lift my finger from your hand. You ll know where it was. You ll know how it felt. And it s almost as if you can continue to feel it as your eyes continue to rest closed. 0:35:21 Jon: You remember what I spoke about in terms of vibration. I mentioned it was happening all the time, but I noticed that as I mentioned vibration that the 14

15 vibration had visibly increased and that this proves already that your mind is not just powerful, but that your mind is also responsive in certain situations when certain criteria have been met. In addition to the vibration that is constant, you may be able to notice something else seems different, might be just a little jerk or a twitch. But you see, I know that you understand that a single occurrence is different from something happening constantly. Just like you know that something that is happening occasionally or randomly, sporadically or intermittently, is different from something that is going on constantly. You know those things are different, but I know that you know more than you know that you know. And I know that, therefore, on a deeper level, you understand deeper than consciousness that although what is different is different, that what is different on certain occasions isn t different and there is where you do know even more than you know. And these are things we can think about later. For now, I would just point out that you already realize one thing builds on another. As you become more familiar with things, they get easier. And each process we engage in will build on the one before producing even better results. Hence, even more gets done. So, again, take your own time and, when you re ready, you open your eyes. Rest your arm and tell me what did you notice in terms of thought or feeling in those few moments? 0:37:38 Cynthia: My breathing began to slow. 0:37:44 Jon: It sure did, yes. Good job. 0:37:46 Cynthia: I did get a little distracted. I wasn t thinking anything else. I just stopped paying attention to what you were saying. 0:37:59 Jon: They were designed to cause that. So, yay, good. 0:38:04 Cynthia: Yeah, so that s what I did. And really nothing much else. I started to feel kind of like a little sleepy, I guess. 0:38:12 Jon: Yeah. Hand like you re going to shake hands with me. Sit up, kind of like we re going to shake hands. Good. Hand right here. I ll do that. You ll look there. You look there. Don t look away from there. See my hand here in your peripheral vision. When you look here, my hand moves in toward yours and you begin to notice kind of an energy there and you start to see that your hand moves and you can feel an energy in your hand and you notice your hand moving in toward mine on it s own. You re not making it happen, but you re watching it happen. 0:38:41 Jon: Close your eyes and then you feel your hand touch my hand. When that happens, you feel my finger touch your arm. And then, what s going to 15

16 happen is that when I touch your head and move the arm, the arm is going to melt all at once, loose like liquid and just falling, liquid lead. There is goes and notice the rest of the body is just falling too, because you re absolutely in the advanced class when it comes to learning. There s absolutely no question about that. And that s why, as this arm melted, you re noticing that the other arm became just as melted. I m going to show you right there that that arm is way melted. But you re also noticing something going on because you can feel an energy in your forehead and that s my hand, of course, near your forehead. It s interesting the way your head is drawn toward the energy, just like your hand was drawn in toward mine. So that when finally hand, head just falls and falls. It s kind of like a paint can being pushed over. If we didn t catch it, the paint would be stuck in the rug. Then we d have to get the paint out of the rug. When I tap the back of your neck, something that was stuck falls out, loosens and clears, clears. 0:40:14 Jon: Each process is going to build on the one before. Every time is going to become more powerful. Just conceive of that and know it will happen. And then, in a moment, when I tell you, you re going to struggle and try and push to come up and it s going to require a struggle for it to come up. But, when I signal you by tapping your head or maybe just saying now, you ll find that, as hard as it was to come up, that s how easy it is to fall back, but that each time you fall back in, you fall back in down to even deeper, deeper peace, ease, clarity. So, now, as slowly as you possible can, think about how slow grass grows, you push your way up. You struggle and push very, very slowly and effort-like so that it requires a struggle to try to come up, but it s so easy to fall back down, each time further. Notice what happens with this as, that s right, notice the weight of your forehead and that s way different. But there s been some stuff stuck in your back and it s not going to be able to stay stuck through this because it s released and clearing, just falling out, where there were things that were stuck causing some distress. It s released and clearing. And then, nice, struggle hard, push and you push your way up. Think it s about the hardest thing you ve ever done in your whole life [snaps and Cynthia falls back down]. You just fall. And every process we engage in goes further yet. Further, further, further, further, further. That s it. And now, once again, up and up and I ll even help you this time because it s hard. And up. There you go. Good. And now, look at the design that you saw when we began. Remember the design? 0:43:05 Cynthia: Yes. 0:43:06 Jon: And what s that look like now? 16

17 0:43:11 Cynthia: Smaller. Distant. 0:43:12 Jon: Yeah. Have you ever been in a house where they have a thermometer that gives the temperature outside of the house? 0:43:21 Cynthia: Yes. 0:43:22 Jon: I was up at a house in the Adirondacks and it was about 78 degrees. They had some kind of a wood stove that they kept pumping up. There was a big thermometer and the thermometer said it was like 7 degrees. I said, It s 7 degrees? It feels slightly hot in here. He said, No, it s 7 degrees outside. And then later, I saw it was 30 degrees. Do you think I hoped it had become warmer? No, I could see that it had become warmer. No question about it. The design you saw, like a thermometer, is an instrument that s giving a reading on the internal environment within your mind with the issue on the table. As you look at it now, you notice a different design. It got smaller. That means that the atmosphere within your own brain had begun changing. In fact, had significantly changed because your brain is responsive and because you re a fast learner. Does that make some sense? 0:44:32 Cynthia: Yes. 0:44:34 Jon: So, let s think initially about this event with Ben together. 0:44:44 Cynthia: Okay. 0:44:45 Jon: Here s a way of thinking about things. There was a time you were outdoors. You saw something that was beyond beautiful. You saw something that was like wow! Like it completely had you and nothing else exists. What is it? 0:45:02 Cynthia: On a trail. It was in the Appalachian Trail. A beautiful waterfall. 0:45:08 Jon: At the peak moment, the best, best, bestest moment, there s a sense of peace and excitement. Let s think that, at that moment, your awareness was drawn in to where, at your center, there is peace and excitement. Let s figure that there have been other moments when you felt peace and excited and that there were moments when your awareness was far away from that. 0:45:32 Cynthia: Yes. 0:45:35 Jon: So, you would explain to a child that the sun has got to be just as hot at midnight as it is at noon, so it s got to be weighing as much at midnight as it does at noon. Just as hot and, therefore, just as bright. It s only our perception of it that changes. So, where, at your center, there s peace, excitement, clarity, wisdom, the light is always on. The light is always bright, but you haven t always been aware of the light, of course. Make sense? 17

18 0:46:08 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:46:09 Jon: You have opinions about things. Some people have opinions that are so strong, they tell you their opinion as soon as they meet you. Like, who cares?! But he has to tell you because he thinks his opinion is who he is. But you know sometimes a belief can change and, if that happens, the individual doesn t evaporate like steam into the air. You have opinion, you re not an opinion. You have your body that has always belonged to you. It s never been who you are. It doesn t even look like it looked when you were just a minute old. Every single cell has been replaced, over and over and over and over and over. When I touch your hand, I m not touching anything that anybody else has ever touched. If you put your finger through a candle flame and I do, then you do, then I do, I m not touching what you touched. You didn t touch what I touched. It s always new. This is always new. 0:47:06 Cynthia: Yes. 0:47:07 Jon: There you go. So, you are not your body. You are not a habit. You are not what you re feeling at any given moment. You re not what you re thinking. Let s figure that who you really are, who you truly are, is what you re becoming more aware of at that wonderful moment, seeing the waterfall on that trail. That that peace, excitement, wisdom, clarity and light is you. That light is you and the light is always fine. 0:47:46 Jon: You see, I was starting to pour milk and I saw somebody had written on the milk and I started screaming. My girlfriend came in and she said, Now what? I said, Honey, somebody wrote on the milk! She said, Let me see. She says, Oh, good grief, that s an expiration date. And I said, Noooo! And I ran into the bathroom and I started checking all of me out to see if there was one on me. She came in. She said, How are you doing? I said, There isn t one there. She s such a sweetheart. She s always comforting, if I need a friend. She just whispered in my ear. She said, It s in invisible ink. 0:48:28 Cynthia: [Laughs] 0:48:31 Jon: Then I realized, it might be, but it is on my head, but not on the light. So, the light is fine. Imagine some guy trying to beat up a light beam with a baseball bat. We re not worried. So, the light that you are is fine. The light that Ben is is fine. That s how you are able to sense him. In fact, there are different lights, but there s a place where they re intermingling and it s really bright. I don t even know who is who there. It s so cool because that s where it s he and you and there isn t any separation at all. 18

19 0:49:16 Jon: Our bodies have an expiration point and I m not even sure longer is better because it s fine when the body isn t there. You can travel faster. It has some significant advantages. So, close your eyes for me for a few moments and I m going to just touch your forehead gently and then I m going to ask you to just check within yourself. Again, looking inside because there is going to be a message from your wonderful friend. Maybe it will be words that you hear, maybe just words that come to mind, or maybe something you d see or feel because he is way into being wind at your back, a leg up, a guiding light and, therefore, you re at a wonderful place. He knows that you guys are closer than your own breath because your lights intermingle, and the light is who you are, and the light is who he is, and it s okay. That s it. Take all the time you choose with that and then, only when you re ready, find your way back up. Good job! So, did you hear from Ben there? 0:51:16 Cynthia: I think I just It was weird. There s like, I m okay. 0:51:23 Jon: Yeah! 0:51:24 Cynthia: And I love you and that s really all I heard. 0:51:27 Jon: There s not a whole lot else to say. 0:51:29 Cynthia: And I kept seeing pictures of him, more like just a flash, like a picture. 0:51:37 Jon: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beautiful. Nice. Good job! Yay. 0:51:45 Cynthia: I mean, sometimes it s hard for me to believe that it s anything but my mind producing that. 0:51:51 Jon: Well, what else is anything else? 0:51:53 Cynthia: Right, right. I guess it all is, right? 0:51:58 Jon: So, yeah, it s your mind, in a clear way, reading data. Often, our minds are reading data in ways that aren t so clear. So, your brother did stuff to your body. Think of a particular time when you were little. You were about how old? 0:52:26 Cynthia: I don t know, maybe six. 0:52:27 Jon: Okay, one particular moment of it. Now, for some people, it just feels bad, but more often it feels bad and good. For you, bad, bad, good? Or just good and good? 0:52:41 Cynthia: No, bad and scared. 19

20 0:52:47 Jon: Bad and scared. Good. So, as you recall that that little girl was feeling bad and scared then, understandably, right? 0:52:55 Cynthia: Yes. 0:52:56 Jon: He was how much older than her? 0:52:57 Cynthia: He was a year younger than me. 0:52:59 Jon: Okay. And yet, bad and scared with what he was doing then. Make sense? 0:53:05 Cynthia: Yes. 0:53:06 Jon: Okay. So, you can remember that, but you re also very clear that you are here now. Let me make sure. How many fingers? Commentary: The holding up of three fingers and asking how many, which, of course, she ll answer correctly, is used to both amuse her and cause her to have the experience of being present and involved in the collaborative connection with me. 0:53:16 Cynthia: [Chuckles] Three. 0:53:16 Jon: There you go. So, here, you know that there are three fingers. You can recall what happened there, getting that this is where you are and that that thing is finished, completed and, therefore, defeated. Does that make sense? 0:53:39 Cynthia: Yes. It does. 0:53:40 Jon: Did you ever wear braces? 0:53:44 Cynthia: Yes. 0:53:45 Jon: And were they clunky ones? 0:53:49 Cynthia: Kind of. 0:53:50 Jon: Were they metal? 0:53:51 Cynthia: Some were. The bottom. The top was porcelain. 0:53:56 Jon: So, you got the sort of high-end kind. 0:53:58 Cynthia: On the top, I think. I can t remember. 0:54:02 Jon: Okay, now let me see your teeth. Smile. 0:54:04 Cynthia: [Laughs] 0:54:05 Jon: Now, your teeth are beautiful. 20

21 0:54:06 Cynthia: Straight. 0:54:07 Jon: Straight, yeah. That s more accurate. Straight, that s real. Teeth are straight. So, now we can recall that there were braces, but we don t feel bad as you run your tongue along your teeth and feel the smoothness. You re feeling good about what is going on, just like somebody who is hungry would feel good about eating rather than depressed about having the hunger. 0:54:47 Cynthia: That s true. 0:54:47 Jon: And so, now, you and I are collaborating in an enjoyable and respectful way on something we re both into in wanting for you. That s what is going on. You can be remember when something was going on that wasn t really that. This is what is and that s what isn t. And so, as you recall that now, what do you think? What do you feel? 0:55:23 Cynthia: It s hard to recall it, for a second. 0:55:28 Jon: Yeah, but you had recalled it a moment ago. 0:55:31 Cynthia: Yeah, I know. For a second, I couldn t remember. I guess I don t feel much. I don t really feel much. Like it s not there. 0:55:44 Jon: Yes, and it isn t. 0:55:47 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:55:48 Jon: Is it? 0:55:49 Cynthia: No. I mean, it s not. It s not part of me. 0:55:56 Jon: It s not anywhere, is it? 0:55:56 Cynthia: It s not painful. 0:55:57 Jon: Right! But, a few moments ago, it wasn t so pleasant. 0:56:04 Cynthia: Right. 0:56:05 Jon: So, yay! Your brain on that thing just updated. Make sense? 0:56:13 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:56:15 Jon: And see, that s not a numb, that s clear, right? 0:56:19 Cynthia: Right. 0:56:21 Jon: Very good, huh? Very good for you. 0:56:23 Cynthia: Yeah. 21

22 0:56:24 Jon: So, a particular moment that was yucky in this crazy place that they sent you, you were how old? 0:56:39 Cynthia: Fourteen to seventeen. 0:56:41 Jon: But, now one moment of it, you were how old? 0:56:47 Cynthia: Maybe fifteen. 0:56:48 Jon: Okay, and give me a headline. What was happening at that moment? 0:56:51 Cynthia: I was in an isolation cubicle facing a white wall for like a week. 0:57:00 Jon: Okay. I want you to remember having done that. 0:57:03 Cynthia: Okay. 0:57:04 Jon: Good. And what happens as you remember it? 0:57:09 Cynthia: I experience feelings and then I try to block them. 0:57:16 Jon: What are the feelings that come up as you try to remember it? 0:57:18 Cynthia: Very scared. 0:57:23 Jon: Okay, good. Now, think back with me. We re doing fine. Just hang out. 0:57:27 Cynthia: Okay. 0:57:28 Jon: As you remember that, wasn t that little girl really scared? 0:57:36 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:57:37 Jon: I mean, really freaked. 0:57:38 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:57:39 Jon: Okay. And doesn t it make sense that she would have been? Commentary: People are frequently afraid as they recall a prior experience that was terrifying. If that s the case, the thing to do is create resolution by making it clear that this bad thing can never happen. So, if somebody is twenty-years-old and the thing happened at fifteen-yearsold, I can say, Nobody can ever do that to you at fifteen-years-old again. So, I ve included the age as part of what happened. What happened is you got hit at five-years-old. You can never get hit at five-years-old again. That can never happen to you. It can never happen to you. So, the understanding, It can never happen, goes into her mind and then causes the fear to dissolve. Mind updates: It isn t happening and it can never happen. And so, the mind stops producing the fear. 22

23 0:57:44 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:57:45 Jon: Okay. You realize that that can never happen to you. Nobody can put you in a cubicle at fifteen years old and have you look at a white wall 0:57:58 Cynthia: Right. 0:57:59 Jon: Never going to happen to you. Guaranteed for the rest of your life. You ve got a pass that it never, never, never happens. Make sense? 0:58:07 Cynthia: Right. 0:58:08 Jon: Okay. So, when you were scared then, it was scared of stuff like, I am scared that I m not going to be okay, that I ll go nuts. 0:58:24 Cynthia: Yeah. 0:58:25 Jon: Forever. 0:58:26 Cynthia: Yes. 0:58:26 Jon: Well, was that sort of it? 0:58:28 Cynthia: Yeah, yeah. 0:58:29 Jon: Afraid of. 0:58:33 Cynthia: I was afraid that I would never get of there. 0:58:37 Jon: Yeah. Okay. Can you be afraid right now that you never got out of there? 0:58:45 Cynthia: No. 0:58:46 Jon: Right? 0:58:47 Cynthia: Right. 0:58:51 Jon: So, can you be at all afraid right now that you re never going to get out of there? 0:58:59 Cynthia: No. 0:59:00 Jon: No. Okay. So, you can be absolutely certain that what she was afraid of never happened. 0:59:12 Cynthia: Right. Yeah. 0:59:16 Jon: Okay. And so now, as you think back to what happened then, what do you start to feel now? 0:59:31 Cynthia: Less afraid, but still afraid. 23

24 0:59:32 Jon: Okay. Good. Good job. See, this isn t anything about blocking it. This is about hanging out and dealing with it. So, remember how terribly terrifying it was. 0:59:48 Cynthia: Yes. 0:59:50 Jon: Okay. And then get here with me. 0:59:53 Cynthia: Okay. 0:59:54 Jon: Okay. And that was awful and I tell really silly jokes and that was really an awful thing and here you are and, as you sitting here with me, are you afraid I might an even worse joke? 1:00:13 Cynthia: [Laughs] No. 1:00:15 Jon: So, you re not really afraid right now. 1:00:17 Cynthia: Right. 1:00:18 Jon: No. So, check and see if there is any fear now. 1:00:24 Cynthia: No, it went away a little. 1:00:26 Jon: Okay. See if there is any fear now. I ll try to be scary. [Makes a scary sound] Commentary: I m causing her to be involved in the connection with me and laughing at the silliness while referencing that prior experience so that her mind, at all levels, knows that the prior experience isn t in existence. Hence, the fear disappears. At 1:00:40, she realizes it because she is laughing and knows that she is present and emotionally relating to what s going on. 1:00:31 Cynthia: [Laughs] No. No fear. 1:00:35 Jon: I ll try harder. [Makes a scary face.] 1:00:36 Cynthia: [Laughs] 1:00:39 Jon: Any fear now? 1:00:40 Cynthia: No, I m laughing. 1:00:42 Jon: Think back on what happened and you re here. Say these words. They re important. Say them right. This is serious. Been there. 1:00:53 Cynthia: Been there. 1:00:55 Jon: Done that. 24

25 1:00:56 Cynthia: Done that. 1:00:57 Jon: Got the t-shirt. 1:00:59 Cynthia: Got the t-shirt. 1:01:00 Jon: Don t like fruit cake. 1:01:02 Cynthia: [Laughs] Don t like fruit cake. 1:01:03 Jon: Fuck them. 1:01:05 Cynthia: Yeah, fuck them. [Laughter] 1:01:08 Jon: Good job. 1:01:09 Cynthia: Okay. 1:01:11 Jon: But it was FUCK THEM! 1:01:13 Cynthia: No. 1:01:13 Jon: No. 1:01:14 Cynthia: A little bit of vengeance, but not too much. 1:01:16 Jon: Check it out. 1:01:17 Cynthia: Not really. Just kind of a funny 1:01:24 Jon: Is there anybody that you would get so mad at that you would turn that person into one of those people? 1:01:32 Cynthia: One of those people? 1:01:34 Jon: Think of one of those people that was really mean. 1:01:38 Cynthia: Yeah. 1:01:39 Jon: What s the name? 1:01:40 Cynthia: Name of the person? 1:01:41 Jon: Yeah. 1:01:42 Cynthia: Brenda. 1:01:43 Jon: Brenda, okay. Now, if you got really mad at some gal, and you were a witch and you could turn people into people, would you be mad enough to turn that person into Brenda? 1:01:54 Cynthia: No. 25