JANE Trauma & Building Self-Esteem

Transcription

1 JANE Trauma & Building Self-Esteem Good to start with you, Jane. If today we have the opportunity to adjust like little knobs and little dials, and change the way you think or change the way you feel, what should we get done? I have anger issues. Yes. I want to understand. I have very bad anxiety and depression. So, good job in updating me. Let s start with, what do you mean by anger issues? Little things trigger me to over speak my mind. Yes. Some verbal stuff? I almost don t care if someone s doing something that bugs me, I will let them know. Sometimes it turns into a face to face or sometimes it just turns into them being pissed and leaving. It doesn't turn into a fight, but I already had two incidents. It turns into a verbal altercation. I already had two incidents here. With two girls. Uh-huh. But one of them, we made up. Now we re like best buddies. The other one 1

2 Not so much? No. Oh, okay. I call her the bitch. Oh. So, would you like to have a different kind of response to situations where people are acting in ways you don't like? I just wish I didn t focus so much on everybody else and just kept my mind on what I m here for. So you d rather not be so reactive to those people. Alright, I can get behind that issue. Then you said some stuff about anxiety. What s that about? How does that thing show up? I get really anxious easily. Does that mean you feel it in your body? Yeah, it starts in my chest. It starts to hurt and my heart beat races. Does it feel sometimes like you can t get enough oxygen? I have to start like breathing in my nose and out my mouth, in my nose, out my mouth. When is the last one of those that happened? I want to say it happened last night. Yes. And when s the last time before that? Just a few days ago. 2

3 Got it. And the third thing you said was about depression. Help me understand. I went through a lot in my life and I m really depressed about, why me? You know, there s sexual abuse as a child. Yes. As a little girl? It started when I was nine. Family member? It was my mom s ex-boyfriend. How long did that happen for? Nine to thirteen. Would you say that stuff he did to you was ever physically painful? A couple of times. Did it sometimes feel mixed, like bad and good? He would do it when I fell asleep and I'd wake up and he would do it and...i wouldn t wake up. I d pretend I was sleeping. I get it. Yeah, yeah. I was awake but I d pretend I was sleeping like it wasn t happening, it was a dream. Right. Right. Right. Do you find that that thing that happened with him comes to mind much? A lot. Okay. Pretty much every day. Okay. So when you said depressed, do you mean that that thing has been coming to mind a lot? 3

4 And then, you know, the fact that I relapsed and I have a little girl. How old is she? Ten. Yeah? And how many days now clean? Eleven. Eleven? And you re looking to make that... I m excited, yeah. To be back on track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back to work and do what I need to do. What kind of work do you do? I work at a bookstore. What do you do for them? I m a stocker. We unpack and stock the shelves. Got ya. 4

5 Do you meet with the people? I used to. Now I just work after hours. Yes. We just stock shelves. But I haven t been in the past year. It s been about a year since I ve been... Since you ve been working? Working. But you still have a job? Yes. Good. Was it a medical leave, kind of? Yeah, They know why I m out. It's leave without pay. Okay. But they keep your position. They know what was wrong with me and I'll probably get a slap on the wrist but I'll still have my job. I m excited to meet with you and I have a sense that we re going make a significant difference. I hope so. I think so. I m pretty sure of it. I can generally get a sense of it pretty quickly and I'm getting that sense strongly with you. Let s do this to start. What happens with humans unlike any other life form is that our minds can create data. Somebody can write a novel. 5

6 And our minds store data. You can remember getting dressed. You can remember the order in which you got dressed. No other animal has a mind that can do that. And our minds attach meaning to events. Maybe somebody sees something and says to you, Look at that cowardice. And you might look at it and say, "Well, actually I'm seeing courage." And you might look at a painting and say, That s just beautiful, and somebody else would want to say, That s just hideous. And you d know beauty is in the mind of the beholder and meaning is in the mind of the perceiver. I can tell from spending a few minutes with you that your mind is hard-wired fine. You might not have been thinking it is, but it is. That it s hard-wired fine. The software is okay, but the data read has been off. I went to a neurologist and he said I have an abnormal front lobe and that s why I have such bad anxiety and depression. You couldn t be talking to me, relating to me and having things in order the way you do if your mind wasn t hard-wired fine. You ve been able to present me with relevant information step by step by step in the perfect order and you did it all while maintaining kind of a friendly atmosphere so I m feeling safe and good and connected with you. You can t do that if it s not hard-wired. You can t. The software is okay. The data storage read has been off. It is for just about everybody. Here's what happens. You can remember getting dressed because data got stored. A rabbit can t remember how his day started. Data doesn t get stored. The events don t go in. The data about the event gets stored. So this guy driving home nighttime, open highway, red light flashes behind him. He pulls over. You know what he s feeling. And the cop walks up. He s afraid. That only gives him the ability to 6

7 do one thing better, run fast. That's good if you're a zebra. The same mechanism in a human, not so useful. We would recommend he not go running fast. But this cop is such a jerk. He looks at the guy and he says to him, This was a 70-mile-anhour zone and you were going 72 miles an hour, you idiot. And then he says to him, And being as ugly a guy as you are, don t you think you might want to dress better? Now, our guy is still afraid but he s enraged, afraid, both. Anger enables him to do only one thing better, bite hard. That s the only thing it s useful for. We certainly don t recommend he do that. So we've got like the wrong equipment. All of us have the wrong equipment. Makes sense? So you're having lunch with this guy, having a nice conversation. There s only two of you in the room. And in the middle of lunch, he slams the table and screams, "Bastard!" and you go, What the heck? What did I do? And he says, You didn t do a damn thing. That guy tells me I m ugly. I m not the one who s ugly. And you say, Dude, are you talking about this cop you told me about three months ago? And he says, I can t get that damn cop out of my head. Being a wiseass, you say, "So he's a tiny little cop. He must have gone in through your ear." He says, Oh, shut up. You know what I mean. What happened is the data about the cop...here s what happens. Think of a digital camera, but when it takes a picture of something disturbing, the data expands times a billion. The meaning gets attached times a billion. So now we got this gigantic clump of data going where the little datas had gone. So I have something at home that I think it s just about the best invention. Just to think about it makes me happy. It's in my kitchen. It s called garbage disposal unit. Isn't it about the best thing ever? You know, coffee grounds, (swish, swish) things just disappear. I was opening up an avocado, the big kind, the big green avocado. There's a pit. It s about the size of your head, you know. I m holding it in my hand and I'm looking at my garbage disposal unit. I said, "Boy, we could give you a very bad day." I just threw it away. When something happens that is disturbing, confusing, the data expands and so the data can get stuck. If the data gets stuck, the more primitive part of the mind can mistakenly read it as happening even when the more advanced part of the mind isn t thinking it's happening. So even when the part of his mind he calls I knows it isn t happening, the part of his mind he calls self might be reading it 7

8 as happening and sometimes more than others. So if somebody has little life that you and I would call gentle and protected, probably there is still some avocado pits. But if somebody has lived a more eventful life, then getting this thing cleared up is even better, freeing up all kinds of additional energy that s valuable in lots of ways. Does that make sense so far? Mmhm, mmhm. All we got to do to clear it up is get your primitive mind to know what you already know which is that there is a difference between the data about the thing and the thing. I mean, so you walk by this hallway and you see this guy standing in front of this great big picture of a cow and he's messing around with the picture. And finally you say, "Dude, what are you doing with that picture?" And he says, "Well, I'm trying to milk it. They need to be milked, you know?" And you say, Honey, that s not a cow. He says, It looks like a cow. Yeah, but it s not. It s info about how a cow looks. So primitive mind though can fuse those when the thing gets stuck. So what we want to do is just get the thing unstuck so that it is clear to every part of your mind that that isn t anything that is going on that now requires any action on your part. The emotion has been caused by the primitive part of mind, thing called "self", but it s not causing it because of what happened, and that s why you think of what s causing it. It s causing it because it s been thinking it s happening. So, it s been causing a feeling in order to get you to take action to make something stop happening that isn't happening. And that's how the whole thing got discombobulated. Am I making some sense? Say yes because I really like it when I make sense. Yes. Yes. Okay, I feel good. So, that s what we re looking to get done. So the way that your mind works, it s fine but the way that the data has been stored and read is problematic. Let s create a way to visually represent problematic stuck data clump. Not what happened, not 8

9 what you ve been feeling problematic stuck data clump. If we make up a design to represent it, would the design look more like...you know, design ---doesn't look like anything. Modern art, doesn't look like anything. One guy told me jagged, one guy told me scribbly, one guy told me twisted, one guy told me murky. For you, the design representing what s been happening where data has been stuck causing misfires, what would it look like? More like dark, murky? More like harsh, glaring? I guess dark and murky. So we re done with that. Now, what s happened for me is I've paid close attention to what you tell me about what s been going on and I think you can tell that I ve been listening hard and carefully to you. S I ve been listening to what s been going on but at the same time I m seeing what it is that at the very highest level your mind is intended for you. That s where I m seeing you, with mind updated. I m seeing you with mind cleared. I m seeing you with mind rebooted, refreshed, defragged and working to full capacity. That would be nice. I don t need you to see it with me clearly like I see it right now. I don t know how you could. I don t need you to see it like that, but just see me seeing it. And if you see me seeing it, and you think it would be nice, then we have the same intention, the same purpose. Our energy is coming together. As it comes together, it already expands. It s my job to figure out how to direct energy in order to clear an update. You take a big magnifying glass, hold it over, it captures the sun down to the newspaper. The newspaper is in flames. What happened? Directed energy. I mean, the same thing happens while I regulate the nozzle on a hose (swish) and direct the energy. So we ll be doing something with energy directing it, getting the data stream clear so that you notice a difference. Sound okay? So, I'd like to show you a couple of things with energy that might be interesting. Would that be okay? Well, I haven t been able to sleep the past three nights. 9

10 Wow, that s a lot of being awake. You must feel kind of drained and tired. I m pretty drained. Yeah, yeah. I can hear that. I have fibromyalgia and a couple other diseases, so it's been rough. Lot of stuff going on. How s your body feeling at the moment? I just got the chiropractor to crack it and a massage. It feels a little better? My body feels better, buy my brain is just shutting down. Of course it would. In Groups, I'll like be alert, talking and raising my hand and sharing, and then like 10 minutes later I'm like (snoring sound) and I'm grabbing the chair. They're like, "You're excused. Go lay down," and I go lay down on the bed and I can't sleep. I understand how that works. I know I m tired. But I just saw a doctor and he changed my medicine down a little bit. I m good with you. Okay. You just let me know what's happening as it happens. Fine. Alright. Okay. So let me show you a couple of things with energy that might be interesting. Okay. 10

11 Slide close. Hand like this, like this, like this, like this, look here. Don t look away. My hand comes up here. You begin to notice and sense an energy from my hand and you begin to notice a movement through your hand. Notice that your hand moves without you trying anything on purpose to move it. Notice that it s moving in closer to the energy with little jumps and jerks and twitches. Notice that it's moving in on its own without you making it happen. And then when your hand touches my hand, you close your eyes. There it is touching. Your eyes are closed. You're going to feel my finger touch your arm. But then when I move your arm fast that's when things shift and arm just collapses and falls like liquid lead on my finger, just resting completely. One, two, three, it moves and just falls. There you go. Eyes closed until I ask you to open them. That s perfect. When you feel my hand tapping your shoulder all the way down to the wrist, you re gonna notice that the arm begins to feel and rest heavier and looser and looser. There it goes. And looser and looser all the way down so that it's just resting, resting, resting completely. Now, you do know stuff about learning and you know that as things as we become more familiar with things, they get easier and easier and easier. So every process you and I engage in builds on the one before it and each time is easier and each time we get more done. So, just think about next time, drifting, even further, even faster, all the way back down. Notice that as I slowly lower your arm 'til your arm just completely rests, you can just kind of rest along with it, rest along with it 'til it s all the way resting down. Then you just take your own time and when you re ready once again, you open your eyes. Bingo. Perfect. So what did you notice in terms of thought during those few seconds? That was weird. So, our primitive minds are very responsive to symbols. That s why countries have flags and corporations have what you call logos. We're going to create a way to symbolically represent what I see happening for you. Mind clear and updated, fresh and free. So let s use some kind of wild bird or wild animal. Pick one. Ostrich. 11

12 And there we go. That s a very powerful bird. I wouldn t want to be messing with any ostriches, that s for sure. Should I pick another one? No, I like it because it s fully present and you don't mess with it and it's strong and it's a cool bird. It's a really cool bird and it s not ordinary. We want you clear and working to best advantage but I m totally not wanting you ordinary because there s a uniqueness and a beauty and a strength in the way you show up. So we re gonna get all of that uniqueness clear and working for you. Sound okay? Yes. So, here s what you do. Arm goes out like that and then just rests on my hand. And in a moment, you'll try to push my hand down, but then when I touch your forehead, arm just melts and everything else just melts along with it. Close your eyes and try to push it down, try and try and try, and melt. And arm just melts, and body just melts, shoulders are melted. You ll notice that your arm is already so melted it doesn t even feel like it s your arm anymore. Because nobody s arm is as melted as your arm. When I drop it, I'm going to drop it in the middle of the air and catch it. That s gonna be just like catching a lead weight because it's just that loose. That s right. It s just that loose. And then when I tap your forehead, it gets looser, and looser, and looser and looser, and looser. And every process we engage in builds on the one before it. It just has to be. Already, you see, what s going on is your mind is opening to take in, to absorb, to integrate, to act on, to make use of those things that are really going to be of real and lasting benefit for you. So, in a moment you re gonna feel me tap the back of that hand three times. And now, as you're aware of your hand, you know exactly where it is even though you can't see it. You know where it is because you can sense it. You can sense it because you can feel it. You can feel it because of sensation, and sensation is energy. And because your energy, you know exactly where your hand is. And there is a vibration and vibration is constant. People are very rarely aware of it but it s always there. There s always a vibration, but you may become aware of something that s different because it might be 12

13 a movement that's just like a twitch or a jump or a jerk. And it might just be a single occurrence, a one-time thing and you know that something that happens just one time is different than something that s happening constantly. Or maybe something that s occasional but you know that what s occasional is different from what s continuous. That s it. But you see your other mind, your inner mind with its wisdom also understands that on another level what seems different is exactly the same. And as your hand continues to have that energy and move independently, because you see I can move your arm but your hand is moving in a different way than I m moving your arm. And while the fingers are moving, I notice they re moving with little jerks and jumps and twitches and fits and starts. And, in fact, I notice that the fingers and hand, even though I ve been moving the arm down, that the fingers have been lifting themselves up. I ve been moving the arm down but the fingers have been lifting themselves up but not just lifting up the way somebody would lift up but lifting up in a special way that nobody could do it. Because your mind is doing stuff that you can't consciously do, can't purposely do. Nobody can do what your mind is causing your fingers to do. And it s all happening in just exactly the way that it should. And as I tap the shoulder, things loosen, and loosen, and loosen, and loosen, and loosen, and loosen, and loosen, and loosen still more. That s it. That s it. That s it. That s it. That s it. And you have had an experience and I know that you've had an experience. You ve had the experience of finding a dish that food had been served on, a dish or a plate. And you know what? It hadn't been rinsed in a very quick-fashioned and food had gotten stuck on it, so stuck that if you shake it as hard as you can, you can t shake it off. If you rub it as hard you can, you can t rub it off but you know that the solution is to just put that plate into a completely different environment and as you just put that plate into hot, hot, hot soapy water and the environment changes just as you notice changes in light and shadow as you continue to melt further and further and further and further in that as the environment changes and as everything just changes and falls, that the environment has changed in a way in which things that were stuck simply can t stay stuck even if they ve been stuck for a long, long time. They can t stay stuck in the changing environment. And that s what puts things just fall. And do you think you've had the experience of picking up a sponge that was dry and hard, and taking that sponge that was dry and hard and plunging it into hot soapy water, and squeezing and feeling its softness, and quickly it softens. And then as you touch that sponge to the plate, and I mean you can rub gently, just gently, just kind of 13

14 gently, just gently, the stuff that was stuck, stuck, stuck can t stay stuck and just falls, and just falls, and just falls, and just falls. And it all just happens automatically. And hey, I know that you know that already you ve begun to relax. And I know that even though you know that already you ve begun to relax that you also know that you could even imagine an even still, that's it, deeper level. But I don t want you to try to reach that even deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper level right now. All you need to do is conceive of it, just imagine it. You don t need to put any kind of effort into reaching a deeper level because what we ve got is working just fine and because even though it s pleasing and soothing and clearing and calming, and feels so good, that doesn t make it necessary or important. And besides that, every single process builds on the one before and becomes even more effective, even more powerful, even better, even better, even better, even better, even more. So next time further than this time and every time further than the time before. Every time, you just fall, fall, fall, fall. Think about a can of paint that tips over and just spills, and you would fall, and just spill every time to an even deeper level and at these even deeper levels the process of healing and clearing and soothing, and moving all that data, through and out and gone and done happens even more easily because what doesn t have any value becomes impossible to find because there is no way that you can tell me, not one bit that. You can tell me what was on the fifth paragraph of the fifteenth book read during the second year of the third section because it s just flushed. And you ve learned what there was to learn from it and you know what there is to know but you don t know the third sentence of the third paragraph on the thirty-seventh page of the twelfth book during the fifth year because there are things you just don't even need to know and it's that they just clear. And with that, your whole body begins to just feel so loose and so comfy that where there used to be discomfort that could hide and could hold on to tension, there is no tension for it to hold on to. And so it just falls out and that s why your body is feeling better than you can ever remember because it all just falls out. So in the moment when I squeeze your shoulder, you just sit up, light and up and feeling better than you ve felt in a long time. That was weird. You think? 14

15 I have never been through anything like that. Would it win the prize for the weirdest thing so far today? Not like weird in a bad way. No. But weird in a good way. I m all about unique, remember? I know. And you re all about unique. I almost feel like you hypnotized me. That was like a celebration of unique, wasn t it? Yes. And now, by the way, check your body and notice what are you feeling now? I m getting the feeling back. What s that? I m getting the feeling back in my arm and back. And what s the feeling like in your arms and back now? It's almost like a tingling in my arm. There it is. And then also notice that...i ll say something that would have really bothered you, but let's see what happens now, okay? So when you were a little girl, this guy messed around with your body and you pretended to be asleep, and that s never going to happen to you because it's a "been there, done that, got the t-shirt." Yeah, so here are the magic words. Repeat them exactly the way I say them, okay? It s about that thing that happened. Here we go. Say, Been there. 15

16 Been there. Come on, like I said. Been there. Been there. Done that. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Got the t-shirt. Don t like fruitcake. Don t like fruitcake. Fuck it. Fuck it. Here we go. Been there. Been there. Done that. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Got the t-shirt. I hate fruitcake. Fuck it. Keep up with me. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Don t like fruitcake, fuck it, Don t like fruitcake, fuck it. 16

17 There it is. Good. Now, recall it, try to recall it, notice what happens if you try to feel bad. Good and open your eyes. Now, what happens when you try to feel bad? Notice it's not pushing that button any longer, is it? It got like disconnected. It's like can you find the stain that was on the plate before you washed it? Can you? Can you? Can you? No you can't. Even if you try to feel bad about it, you'll notice it doesn't work. You see, anger is an emotional and physiological response to perceived threat so it continued to be felt like a threat because it was stuck sort of in the pipe. Before the Draino. But it s not stuck any longer. Watch, you say these words and try to try to do it with a straight face. Really try not to laugh. Try to be serious and say, "What happened makes me so mad." What happened makes me so mad. Makes me so mad. Makes me so mad. Don t you dare laugh. Makes me so mad. No, it makes me so made. No, you're starting. Hold that smile back. It makes me so mad. It really makes me so mad. It really makes me so mad. It makes me so mad. 17

18 And notice that it's just falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling. And then you fall with it, one, two, five, (swish) Yes. Clear, fresh, gone. There is no way to even know what the teacher wore on the fifteenth day of the fourth year because it doesn t matter. Been there, done that. Finished with it. It can never happen to you. And up. Good job. Ohhhh. Stretch. Come on, stretch the way you're not able to stretch. Stretch (swish) Notice that feels a little different, doesn't it? Got it. Been there, done that. Wow. Trying to get back up. What's that? I m just trying to get back to reality. Well, you're at reality. This is it. That's crazy. This is where you are. This is what is going on. Where you are is fine. You re doing exactly the right thing for the right reason. You can t go wrong. You re getting cleared up and cleaned up, and together, and the stuff that was happening where there's all that anger thing going on, notice now, that stuff just doesn t, you know, whatever. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. Been there, done that. 18

19 That s right. That s what they're going to show you, what they're going to do. I mean, it's just some girl. You've been through worse than some girl being bitchy, don't you think? That s like an oak tree that s got huge roots that s been through three tornadoes and two hurricanes and uh-oh, it s gonna rain. Uh oh, there s a bitchy girl. It s not going to bother you because your roots are very, very deep. Got it? So how did our meeting go for you today? Oh, I liked it a lot. Well, I m glad. I really did. I didn't expect anything like this. You re a very fast learner. You knew you were a fast learner here but I don t know whether you knew how fast you were learning all the way through. Because in order to be a fast learner, you need the ability to be a fast learner but you also need to have the right teacher. Make some sense? Yes. Yes? Yes. 19

20 Yes? Yes. Yes? (Laughter) I do that with my daughter. There we go. I ve enjoyed meeting you, sweetheart. Thank you. That was an amazing experience. I m so glad. I ve never been through that before. I can t even think. No? Wow. Nothing needs to be thought. You've done enough thinking already. Good job, sweetheart. Thank you. Enjoy your day. Namaste. Namaste. Absolutely. That s a good thing. That means you see the light within me. I see the light within you for sure. Okay, good. Thank you. Bye-bye 20