Transcript from Malcolm-France

Transcription

1 WATER PARK TRANSCRIPT Who wants to mak iv bucks? Boys: How? I nd somon to tak th all. Oh, my God! What did you do? I can't tll you. Ys or no, no qustions askd. Oh, my God! Mak it tn. Don. Oh, my God! You'r a good son. (calling) I got him, hony! I got him! Don't worry. (inishing o shaving Hal) Thr you go. All pink and shiny. Mm. Boys?! (Boys hold up mirrors) Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Ooh! Fl tn pounds lightr. (with atrshav) You rady? Oh, yah. Go. (Lois slaps cloth on his back) Uh, aah... Malcolm (TC): Dad got us r tickts at th watr slid park rom work. It taks two days to prp him, but it's worth it. Ooh, smooth as a sal. Rady or that watr slid. You know, w havn't bn on an outing in a long tim. It's nic whn w can do things togthr as a amily. Do what togthr? Cut to Dwy lying on th couch, crying. Lois is consoling him. (crying) Why can t I go? Dwy, w discussd this. You hav to stay hom bcaus o your ar inction. I nvr gt to go. Hony, I know it sms lik a pattrn but it's just this. And Disnyland. Oh, and that chocolat actory tour. Mayb it's tim to stop sticking dirty things in your ars.

2 Hy, Dwy. How's th ar? (licks ingr and puts it in Dwy s ar) (smacks Rs on hand) Stop tasing him, Rs! I your athr dosn't ind a baby-sittr, nobody's going anywhr. (on phon) Oh, no, no, no. It's just th littl on. Yah, th othr two arn't going to b anywhr nar you. Malcolm (TC): Evr sinc I can rmmbr, w'v always had troubl with baby-sittrs. Sittr 6: (cooing) Hllo! Goochy, goochy, goochy, goo. Goochy, goochy... (Francis bits hr hand) AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! Sittr 7: I don't know, swti. What do you hav bhind your back? (runs out o th hous and o down th road, scraming) Sittr 8: (rom clost whr Malcolm and Rs hav lockd him up) You littl losrs. I'v had nough o this. You opn this door right now. Okay, look. I'm a littl claustrophobic. Just opn th door! Lt m out! Com on! Malcolm (TC): I don't know. I'm starting to think it might b us. Wll, you'd think I'd gt bord, wiping th loor with my cadts. God knows w njoy it, sir. Do you know what your problm is, cadt? Disciplin. Anything worth doing is worth doing wll. Whatvr I do, whthr it's taching you boys or mastring tai chi, or playing pool... I ocus. I push mysl. But you don't commit to anything, son. You'r nvr going to b a winnr bcaus you do vrything hal-assd. Oh, rgrttabl. You may hav spokn too soon, sir. I think you'll ind I play pool with my whol ass. Eight ball, cornr pockt. Damn. Ah, th atal scratch. Onc again, I waltz with Lady Victory. And until you ocus, Francis, sh is nvr going to b your danc partnr. Thank you or coming on such short notic. It was so nic o your agncy to giv us a scond chanc. You two ar going to hav so much un togthr. (quitly to Dwy) Don't you dar hurt hr. Hurry, th sun's coming up! Do you want to play somthing? No.

3 Lois Hy, hy, look, kids. Only 6 7 mor mils to Wavtown, USA. Yay. So, Malcolm, you going to go down th Liquidator this tim? Don't prssur th boy, Hal. I'm not prssuring him. I'm just asking. H's scard nough as it is without you making a big dal out o it. Hy, Mom, dosn't Malcolm hav to war his nos plug or his sinuss? Shut up. Oh, that's right. I orgot it. Listn, you just b vry carul thn, okay? Don't worry, hr it is. Oh. Thank you, Rs. (whispring) Jrk. Oh, my gosh, look at this! This is awsom! I can't wait to gt on th rids. Malcolm, don't think you can tak o that nos plug just bcaus I'm not looking. You'r going to war it all day. I'm not vn in th watr. I I catch you not waring that nos plug, you'r going to spnd th day in th kiddi sprinklr. What do you want to do irst? What maks you think I want to do anything with you? What's your problm? That nos-plug thing was bogus. You crossd th lin, Rs. What?! You sold m out to Mom. It would'v bn dirnt i I had don somthing to you, but... that was totally coldbloodd.

4 Don't b such a baby. What you did to m was an act o war. And bliv m, I will gt you back. You won't know whr or whn, but you'r gonna pay. You sound unny. You wantd to s m, sir? I just got a call rom th shri that a cocksur, smart-mouthd youth looking vry much lik yoursl has bn hustling pool at th local bars. Rally, sir? You ar in srious troubl, cadt. I can xplain... Why hav you bn holding back whn w'v playd pool? What? I want to know why you'v bn ltting m win. Sir, i I playd or ral I'd just nd up humiliating you in ront o th school, and... and you'd, you know, tortur us all or it. Rally, nothing good could com rom it, and, and bsids, winning sms to mak you so happy. I am not a child. Do you rally think I m so ptty that I would throw a tantrum ovr somthing so small as a gam o pool?! My mistak, sir. W ar going to play again. And you ar going to giv m your bst gam, cadt. And to mak sur o that, i you don't win pictur yoursl, 0400, awaknd rom swt drams o Mommy snt outsid into th bittr cold to rais our school colors and stand at attntion or thr hours until rvill is calld. Now, pictur that or 780 conscutiv days. But what i I try my bst and I still los? Thn you shall b misrabl indd. Dismissd. Rmmbr, hony, how I promisd you that xotic island vacation but w had to go hav childrn instad? Mm-hmm. Wll, I was thinking mayb today could b our littl island gtaway. W'v got th sun, th sand, th palm

5 trs. And I brought th cocktails. It's Malibu Rum in a lotion bottl so no on will know th dirnc. You ar so cut whn you snak in alcohol.. April: Hy, Rs, I think I just saw that girl you likd. You know, th on with th rally long blond hair. April? April, that's hr. Why'd you say you likd hr again? Sh's ral trampy. I har sh kisss with tongu. Is that tru, April? (standing right bhind Malcolm and Rs) Jrk! Now w'r vn. You gk! You dsrvd it! Ow! Gt outta hr! (as Malcolm and Rs pass thm) I think thos ar ours. No. I'll tak car o it. Malcolm, Rs, knock it o! Cut to th hous, whr Dwy is sitting on th couch in silnc, with Mrs Whit. Attndant: Can I watch TV? No. Can I play vido gams? No. What can I do? Somthing quit. (Dwy gts down onto th loor and runs a toy car along th co tabl) Quitr. (Dwy thn drivs th car through th air) (at th Liquidator) I can do this. (man scrams) Kp your arms and lgs crossd at all tims. Do not bnd your lgs. Do not rais your had. Rmov all pircings. You may not war anything around nck. Enjoy th rid. Okay, hr it gos. On thr. On...two...thr! (gts up, stps o slid and hads back down th ramp, Rs is waiting in th lin. Th othrs in th quu ar grinning and giggling)

6 Hy, thr, girli. Lt m adjust your bra strap. (pulls Malcolm s nos plug string and it slaps him in th ac) Now w r vn. Cut back to th hous. Dwy and Mrs Whit ar sorting Mrs Whit s button collction. Oh, no, no, no, no. First, w sort by th numbr o hols, thn by color. (Dwy is chwing somthing) What's in your mouth? Nothing. Thr ar at last 70 things I will not tolrat and lying is on o thm. Spit it out. (Dwy obligs) You'r ating my buttons. I wasn't ating. I was saving. What ar you? A hamstr? What wr you saving it or? I don't know. It's prtty. It's my avorit on. You know... actually, it's my avorit, too. What do you think o this on? It's ugly. I hat it. So do I. My, you'r a smart littl boy. Cut to Marlin Acadmy, whr Francis is practising playing Pool. Cadt #6: Cadt #6: Eric: Cadt #6: Cadt #6: (clars throat) You sm to b practicing prtty hard. I hop you'r not planning on doing somthing stupid, lik winning. Look, guys, I know you want m to los but Spanglr insistd I play a ral gam. Francis, you can't win. I you do, Spanglr's going to tak it out on us. Rmmbr whn Hndrix bat him playing hors on a lucky shot? W couldn't watch anything but PBS or a wk. And that was during pldg driv, man. Guys, com on. Do you hav any ida what Spanglr's going to do to m i I los? Do you know what w'r going to do to you i you win? Cut back to th Watr Park, whr Hal and Lois ar bing lovy-dovy in th Wav Pool. Hal s swim-shorts ar loating on th surac. (atr h and Lois com up rom undrwatr, and h pulls

7 a bandaid rom his mouth) Ew! Whr wr w? Liguard: Mom! You hav to stop Rs! H's bing a total jrk! Malcolm, dos it look lik I'm opn or businss? You hav don nothing but pstr us. Is it too much to ask that your athr and I njoy on day? But Rs is... I don't want to har it. You ithr tak car o this yoursl or I'm going to lock th two o you in th car or th rst o th day. (ss Rs in th wav pool dlibratly splashing som kids, and gos to liguard) Liguard, hlp! My brothr - h can't swim. (Dragging Rs rom th pool) Out o th way, guys! Drowning boy! Drowning boy! Drowning boy! (lis Rs down on th sand, and ushrs crowd away) Giv him som air, guys. Giv him som air. Back up. (ss guy attmpting to rsuscitat Rs) Sir! Lt th popl who work hr do that. Now w'r vn. Cut back to th hous, whr Dwy and Mrs Whit ar sitting undr a blankt tnt. And thn, I was playing with my imaginary rind and Rs hit m bcaus h said I shouldn't talk to mysl. Wll, Rs is a horrid littl boy. Thr's nothing wrong with having an imaginary rind. I talk to my Harold all th tim. You do? O cours. H's hr right now. Would h lik a cooki? Sur. (Dwy rachs out with cooki) No, no, no. H's ovr thr. Cut to Marlin Acadmy, whr Spanglr and Francis ar playing anothr round o Pool. Francis misss a shot. Cadts: Ys! Sorry, sir. It's undrstandabl, cadt. I'v sn prossionals do much wors. I guss th pool gods ar smiling on m today. (cadts sigh) (sinks black ball) But thn, th

8 pool gods can b ickl. Cadt #7: That's okay, sir. You'll win th nxt on. Sir, what ar you doing? I think I'm losing. And gracully, I'd lik to b notd. But you could hav mad that shot. I could say th sam thing to you. Thr wr at last a dozn shots that you'v hld back on. But sinc you sm to b motivatd mor by losing I'm going to bat you at your own gam. Huh? I'm going down, cadt. I'm going down hard. But sir, ths guys ar going to kick my ass i I win. Wll, that's just gravy. May th bst man los. (Braks triangl to bgin a nw gam, and sinks black ball) Fudg! It sms I'v scratchd again. Wll, you sm to b on a roll, cadt. (clips o Francis and Spanglr in anothr gam o Pool) Cut back to th hous. Dwy and Mrs Whit ar dancing to EFrnandoF. Mrs Whit soon has a hart attack and is takn away in an ambulanc. Atr Dwy watchs th ambulanc lav, h ss a balloon and starts chasing it along th road. Bor you say anything, Malcolm I just want to tll you, I don't want to har it. Can't you giv your mothr and m iv minuts o pac? You know what? You can hav th rst o th day bcaus I'v givn up. I'm not going to hav any un anyway, so why try? As long as w'r on th sam pag. (gts up and walks away) Malcolm (TC): Today suckd. I'v don nothing xcpt chickn out, gt laughd at and ight with Rs. So now, I'm just going to li down njoy th sun and wait or thm to tak m hom. (lis down, and Rs throws wt undrwar on his ac) Now w'r vn. (Marchs ovr to Rs at th Liquidator and pulls down his pants in ront o vryon in th stand, who laughs) Now, w r (Rs pulls up his pants and chass Malcolm to th top o th Liquidator, bumping into Hal

9 and Lois and spilling thir ood and drink on th way) Attndant: Boys! Rs, I'v don som soul-sarching in th last iv minuts, and hrby or my ull apology. It was vry wrong o m. I'm truly sorry or my inappropriat bhavior. Th trribl guilt I'm ling is punishmnt nough... (manwhil Lois is pushing hr way through th quu) Hy, no cutting in lin. Oh, it's you again. Rs, I am so sorry. I rally, rally man it. (Rs gos to throw a punch and Lois grabs his wrist) (ylling) Do you think w'r walthy?! What?! Do you think w'r walthy? Walthy popl driv ancy cars. Thy buy rsh pasta. Do w do any o thos things? No! Walthy popl can aord to hav thir vacations ruind. No big dal. Thy just pick up and thy go again. Your athr and I work so hard. W work so long. What is wrong with you two?! Ar you aborigins?! Evry tim I turn around, I har somon scraming and ighting, and I pray to God it's somon ls's kids, but it's not. It's always you! San childrn would apprciat this but you hav to kp going at ach othr lik rabid monkys! It is not nough that you do this vry day. You hav to mak m sur, too. So hlp m! (ss Malcolm smiling, his ingr rady to push hr down) Don't you dar! (Malcolm pushs hr down anyway) Oprator Voic: Arms and lgs crossd at all tims! Eric: Cadt #6: That is th bravst thing I'v vr sn you do. Yah. You'r going to di. I know. So, do you think sh's okay? (har growling, and Lois pulls th two boys down into th slid) This is th last tim I tak you boys anywhr! Good playing, cadt. Sam to you, sir. Hy, who won? Who cars, man?

10 Cut to Dwy, who has chasd th balloon all th way into town, whr it bursts. H looks around. Guy: Hy kid, happy birthday (throws him a papr bag) Cool. (starts chasing it)