10 Signs You re Going Through a Midlife Crisis & 3 Simple Strategies to Get You Back on Track
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1 Turn midlife on its head with leading Change Coach and author Jackie Mendoza Signs You re Going Through a Midlife Crisis & 3 Simple Strategies to Get You Back on Track
2 Signs You re Going Through A Midlife Crisis & 3 Simple Strategies to Get You Back on Track When I went through my midlife crisis at 45, I desperately needed to make sense out of what I was going through and wanted answers to the following questions: What s happening to me? Why am I feeling this way? How do I cope with what I m going through? But when I searched under midlife or midlife crisis a lot of what I found were tongue in cheek articles about middle-aged men buying sports convertibles and/or leaving their wives for younger women. There was very little documenting women s experience of midlife and yes, let s not skirt around the issue, about women entering peri-menopause and menopause. So how can you tell if you re going through a midlife crisis? Here s a list of tell-tale signs: You feel more and more scratchy or irritable for no apparent reason You used to enjoy your work but you re feeling bored more often You no longer enjoy the things you do in your spare time but you end up doing them anyway Friends, colleagues and acquaintances you used to get on with are beginning to frustrate or annoy you more and more You re beginning to question the key relationships in your life do we still get on? How much do we really have in common? Are we drifting apart? Am I being taken for granted? You ve achieved most of the things you set out to achieve but you feel something s still missing and you ve no idea what it is You ve got most of the things you want in life but you still feel empty inside You re not saying what you really feel because you don t want to upset others but keeping quiet is really beginning to get to you You re beginning to feel that time s running out for you You re starting to worry more about getting old and about your own mortality Chances are if you re experiencing three or more of the above, you are going through some sort of midlife crisis. And while the symptoms above are a far cry from the anecdotes you might find in the media and online, it should come as a relief to know they re pretty common and that they re not signs you re going mad! So why are these symptoms coming up? In her brilliant book, The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr Christiane Northrup explains that during peri-menopause not only are we experiencing the hormonal shifts that mean we re no longer able to have children, but these shifts are also changing and rewiring our brains and nervous systems. After all, our female hormones aren t just connected to reproduction, they re also closely connected to our moods and the way our brains work. In midlife what s effectively happening is that our hormones are presenting us with the opportunity to rebalance our lives by setting healthier boundaries, taking better care of ourselves and, most importantly, speaking our truths. If for many of us, the first half of our lives was about putting others needs and expectations first partners, spouses, children, bosses, colleagues, friends, community etc in midlife we re being forced to ask: what s been out of balance so far? What needs to be changed? What aspects of myself have I neglected? What dreams and aspirations have I had to give up? These questions can be so pressing and raw that we subconsciously react with anger hence that scratchy, irritable, frustrated, angry feeling that builds up. And if we were to look really closely, we d realise that this anger isn t necessarily directed at other people (although initially it ll feel that way) but it s actually directed at ourselves. We have two choices we can let the anger take over us or we can acknowledge the anger, answer its call to rebalance our lives and set our very own agendas for midlife and beyond.
3 3 Simple Strategies to Get you Back On Track A wise teacher once taught me that dealing with a negative emotion isn t so much about trying to ignore it or push it away but more about dancing with it. In other words, it s about accepting it s there and working with it because whenever we try to ignore or push a feeling away, it ll simply grow bigger and stronger until it finally gets our attention. When it comes to dealing with the uncomfortable emotions of midlife the irritability, the frustration, the boredom, the emptiness, the isolation, the sense of urgency we want to begin to allow ourselves the mental and emotional space to listen and work out what s really needing to emerge. Often the daily routines and habits we ve developed over the years have meant we no longer make time to listen to our own inner wisdom or even to acknowledge our needs. But if the midlife blues start calling and we want to take notice to rebalance our lives, we absolutely do need to reconnect with that inner wisdom and listen to our needs. So here are three strategies to get back on track: 1. Your Morning Ritual Motivational author Louise Hay once said: How you start your day is how you live your day, and how you live your day is the way you live your life. In our fast-paced, instant access world ruled by schedules and deadlines, we often begin our days the way we ended them in a rush or panic to get things done. But stress and panic are the last things you need when you re already dealing with the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions that midlife can bring. This is the time to commit to taking extra care of yourself to give yourself some space to simply take a few deep breaths and ease the feelings of overwhelm. That s why it s important to try to create some space for yourself as you begin your day. You don t need loads of time just to 15 minutes will do. The trick is to make sure the time you ve allocated is fully dedicated to me time it s time to do whatever you d normally do when you need to look after yourself. My morning ritual varies but always includes up to 30 minutes of meditation, journaling and listening to motivational talks. Some people like to go for a run or an early morning walk, others will do some yoga or work out. It doesn t matter what you do as long as it s dedicated time for you that no one and nothing can interrupt. Try committing to some sort of morning ritual for a week and start noticing the difference it can make to you, your outlook and the way you go about your day. Start by thinking: a) How many minutes can I realistically carve out for myself each morning? b) What can I do during this time that will help me feel good?
4 EMOTIONS Helping successful women 2. The Wheel of Life If the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions of midlife are pushing us to rebalance our lives, how can we work out what s out of balance in the first place? Try this simple yet revealing process: MEANING & PURPOSE PHYSICAL BODY & HEALTH FINANCES 0 WORK / CAREER / VOCATION RELATIONSHIPS TIME Take a look at the different areas of your life above and start scoring them according to how satisfied you are with them. If the centre of the wheel is 0 and the outer edge, draw a line across each segment that shows your satisfaction with this area of your life at this moment in time. As you may have guessed, the wheel of life is a great way of identifying which areas of your life are out of balance. Once you ve completed it, hone in on the areas that have scored low (let s say, below 5) and ask yourself: why are the scores low? What s going on in each of these areas now for me to feel so dissatisfied? Then for each of the areas where you scored low, ask: what do I actually want in each of these areas? What would my ideal score be? What would I need to do to reach that score? What might I need to drop or let go of? What do I need to do more of?
5 3. Your Five Minute Check-In In our fast-paced, instant access world it s easy to get swept away by a deadline driven tide. We all know what it s like when we have to fit a hundred and one things into our day (and that s just before midday). We rush around like headless chickens, we feel our stress levels rise, we go on automatic pilot and we completely lose track of ourselves. That s why I encourage people, no matter how busy they may think they are, to take five minutes at semi-regular intervals throughout the day. Simply find a space where you won t be interrupted, sit or stand still and take a few deep breaths. Deep breathing alone does wonders to calm a racing mind and while you re doing that, you can also focus on letting go of any tension you might be holding in your body. The more you work the five minute check-in into your day, the more you ll notice the difference it can make. You ll be more able to reconnect with yourself and get clear about what it is you need to do next instead of getting lost in everyone else s timeframes, deadlines and panic. And the more you reconnect with yourself, the more you re able to a) live your day and life the way you choose to and b) become more aware of the areas of your life that need rebalancing. Jackie Mendoza is a Change Coach and author working with high-achieving women who re entering, or are in the throes of, a midlife crisis. Her 7 Step Formula for Thriving Through Midlife has transformed her own life as well as those of many others. To book a scoping session with Jackie visit: or Jackie direct on jackie@jackiemendoza.com
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