Free PDF Report 7 Key Practices to Reclaim Yourself After Divorce

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1 Free PDF Report 7 Key Practices to Reclaim Yourself After Divorce For those of you who are faced with the pain of a divorce or breakup and the reality that follows, please know that you are going to be okay! Through working with countless individuals in relationship crisis, I ve identified 7 Key Practices that are instrumental in shortening your healing process, restoring your confidence in your ability to rebuild your life after a divorce, and empowering you to reinvent yourself from the inside out. This report reveals foundational practices that others have used to successfully rise from the ashes feeling stronger, happier, and 100% empowered. Implementing these practices will create a proven pathway to heal your heart, regain your power, and create a vibrant and fulfilling life - even in the midst of your pain, loss, and grief. I know it s not easy, because I ve been there myself. May the information in this report, serve you well. Warmly, Leila Leila Reyes, MSW in progress Coach, Consultant, Facilitator, Speaker Creator of Reclaim Yourself After Divorce Process Spiritual Divorce Coach Certified Master Integrative Coach Professional "Best Year of Your Life" Coach

2 Reclaim Yourself Practice #1 ACT WITH INTEGRITY You will know you re acting with integrity when what you think, what you say, and what you do are all the same. You will have no need to cover up your actions or defend yourself or your position. You will feel completely aligned with your truth and you will feel good about yourself. It may feel uncomfortable to act with integrity as you Reclaim Yourself After Divorce, because you may have an old tape playing in your head telling you what you should and shouldn t do. Give yourself lots of compassion as you reclaim yourself after divorce through this key practice of acting with integrity. Here are some ways you may be out of integrity with yourself: You let your ex s words determine your self-worth and value. You say your priority is to have a child-centered divorce, but you use your kids as a weapon against your ex. You invest a lot of your time and energy obsessing over the past instead of using it to create a future for yourself. You aren t investing in yourself or your future. There are many ways you can be out of integrity with yourself. Some have a bigger impact than others, but all will sap your creative life force energy leaving you feeling bad about yourself. One common integrity issue is to focus on the wrong doings of yourself or ex. Instead, look for what is right about your circumstances even if it s difficult to see right now, building that muscle will bring you back into integrity with yourself and open up new possibilities for your life. Another common integrity issue involves guilt. Many people going through a divorce feel guilty about the impact their divorce will have on their children. While it s normal to feel guilty, it really doesn t serve you. In fact, it impedes your ability to take conscious inspired action. Get support to create the best possible transition for everyone involved. If you have children, Rosalind s book, How to tell the kids about the divorce is an excellent resource. It s a guidebook for the parents and a custom template story book to create a normalizing experience for the kids. If you re feeling guilty as you focus more on yourself, don t! You need to focus on yourself as you create a new life. Making yourself a priority is good modeling for your children. A third integrity issue is in believing what you ve been told by your ex. I have heard many stories from men and women who have had their ex bombard them with negative and spiteful messages. While it is a good idea to inquire into how you can become a better person, do not take what someone dumps on you as the truth of who you are.

3 Acting with integrity means that you know who you are and what you stand for. A divorce is the perfect time to examine your values, beliefs, and attitudes. Explore deeply and commit to living true to yourself and what you believe - not what you ve been taught. Make sure your choices are authentic to you! Reclaim Yourself Practice #2 MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY You are the only person that you will be with everyday of your life from cradle to grave! Doesn t it make sense, to treat yourself as your own best friend. Have you given too much of yourself away that you have nothing left for you? Many people facing divorce have lost connection with themselves and are in pain around letting their dreams go. If this is true for you, then it s time to give yourself the time and attention that you would give to one of the most important people in your life. Here are some ways you can make yourself a priority: Identify and pursue your passions. Give yourself encouragement. Celebrate your successes. Get adequate rest and drink enough water. Invest in your education, your mental health, and your dreams! Look for the wisdom you can gain from your circumstances. Self-care is perhaps the single most important practice you can engage as an act of self love, and it also is great for your children to see (if you have them). Commit to taking really good care of yourself not just your body but your mind, spirit, and tender heart too! Develop a self-care practice that includes exercise, meals, meditation, education, hobbies, professional support, or anything else that would be loving and kind. See if you can be compassionate with yourself as you inquire the ways you ve put yourself last or ignored your own needs. Reclaim Yourself Practice #3 SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES Setting boundaries with yourself and with others is another vital practice. You may have become co-dependent over the years doing for others what they could have done for themselves and letting yourself take last place. Your guilt may lead to choices that aren t really good for the people who depend on you. These are boundary issues! When you re in integrity, and taking good care of yourself, boundaries are easy. Committing to the first two practices will help you set clear boundaries.

4 The benefit of setting clear boundaries is that you will have time to take care of yourself and the important person you are. Do you know how important it is to invest in yourself? Without boundaries, you will never Reclaim Yourself After Divorce. Without boundaries, you will be teaching your children to follow in your footsteps. Boundaries don t have to be harsh, but they may be. The clearer you are on who you are and what is right for you, the easier it is to set clear boundaries. As you set clear boundaries, resentments and anger will start to fade, and you will experience the joy and freedom you long for. In addition, your relationships will become stronger and healthier. Here are some areas you may need to set clear boundaries: Stop obsessing over your ex s life and invest your energy in your own. Schedule ME time and don t barter it away! Don t engage in unproductive conversations, s, or text exchanges that are abusive or dishonoring of you. It simply takes too much of your precious lifeforce energy that you need for other things. If you re going through a difficult breakup, schedule time each week to deal with the necessary aspects of your divorce, but let it go the rest of the week. Do NOT let your inner-critic speak to you negatively. Boundaries are not always easy to set, especially with loved ones. When you first start setting boundaries, resistance is very common. Clear and consistent boundaries will completely transform your experience of your divorce. Reclaim Yourself Practice #4 DON T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY If there is one core truth that will change your life, it is this: It s not about you! Don t make what your ex says, does, feels, believes, or lives mean a damn thing about you, because it s not! If your ex leaves you, it s not about you. If your ex is angry, rageful, resentful, or abusive, it s NOT ABOUT YOU! The pain you experience from a breakup or divorce will always be in the interpretation of the events and circumstances of your life and not the actual events. The facts of what has happened carry no emotional weight until you ve attached a meaning to it. Not taking anything personally will allow you to keep your heart open. Your self-esteem will not be affected and you will be able to truly hear and be with another s experience, which is a great gift of intimacy! Here are some things people commonly take personally:

5 People often make a divorce mean that they have failed and will be alone forever. A common interpretation of an affair is that you unattractive or unlovable, or unwanted instead of an inability to maintain a commitment or any other number of interpretations. There is a lot of pain involved when a person feels they have ruined their kids life by getting a divorce. You can attach meaning to every single event or circumstance. A common default mechanism is to interpret negatively. See if you can catch yourself from making negative interpretations, and if you stop yourself in your tracks you will save yourself a ton of heartache. If your spouse cheats on you, it says more about them than you. You can make it mean that you re not enough or you can make it mean that he/she isn t enough for you. It s all interpretation. See if you can choose empowering interpretations from this point forward. Write them down if you need to as you develop this new practice. Reclaim Yourself Practice #5 BE VULNERABLE Vulnerability is the most powerful connective force. Speaking authentically from our hearts creates intimacy with others in the most natural way. We think we need to protect ourselves by hiding qualities or ways of being, but not only does it draw us together, we re much more transparent than we think we are. We cover up our humanity, when it s our humanity that is the most juicy and loveable and connecting force. Be real! Be raw! Be YOU! Here are some ways you can start being vulnerable: Share what is really going on with you. Take a risk to meet someone new. Say No, when you don t want to do something. Here is an excellent video resource on TED TALKS on the power of vulnerability. This is a must see if you are fearful of revealing the true you. I know of no other practice that connects people more deeply than being vulnerable. All your fears are unwarranted, and if people turn away from you because of your vulnerability, then refer to practice #4 It s not about you! Reclaim Yourself Practice #6 FEEL YOUR FEELINGS The only way through is through. Feelings come and go. Painful emotions will pass. If you don t use your feelings, then they will use you. If you don t listen to your body and the emotions that run through them then you will eventually get sick. Feelings

6 can be powerful and it s understandable that you might be fearful of feeling them. Some people think they will die if they give into their feelings, but your won t. If you don t feel your feelings, they can turn into much bigger emotions than if you just felt them. Feeling your emotions can be a healing and cleansing experience. Here are some ways you can feel your feelings: Engage in a regular mediation practice. Take time everyday to connect with the sensations in your body. Identify the feelings you re having throughout the day. Give yourself time to fully experience your feelings. Be responsible with your feelings. Feeling your feelings doesn t mean dumping on other people or being abusive or disrespectful to others. Write to get your feelings out. Cry. Scream. Punch a pillow. Talk to a friend, a therapist, or a coach. Do whatever you can, but don t keep your feelings inside unless you like feeling awful! Reclaim Yourself Practice #7 ENGAGE IN COMMUNITY Isolation will keep you stuck, so engage in a community that feels safe to you. It may be a new community and you may need to take some risks. Honor your style of connection; some people need to work harder than others to maintain a connection, so don t judge yourself if you need more alone time than others, but be aware that when you re going through any major life transition there can be a tendency to isolate too much and this can lead to depression. I know of no other practice that can expedite your healing process than to be engaged in a community with people you can relate to. Here are some ways you can get connected with community: Join a meetup group for newly divorced or newly single people Invite new friends over for a potluck dinner Say Yes, when someone invites you to join them for an activity. Join my online journal community at: When sharing with others, you may find peace in realizing you re not alone in your struggles. Your vulnerability in sharing undoubtedly helps others as well. If you join our online community of over seven-thousand people, you will enjoy interacting with others on topical calls with experts serving people going through divorce as well. Whatever community you choose, find one that can support you in reinventing your life in new and empowered ways. Now that I ve taught you the key principles for reclaiming yourself, these are the things I want you to focus on to Reclaim Yourself After Divorce:

7 Commit to a self-care, self-inquiry, and self-love practice that will serve as your foundation. While it s common to have lost some confidence after a divorce or breakup, there is no other expert on what is authentic and true for you, than you! Rebuild your trust in yourself and your own intuition through a regular practice. Make conscious choices everyday that are authentic to you. Ask yourself this powerful question from Debbie Ford s book, The Right Questions: Is this an act of self-love or an act of self-sabotage? Be compassionate with yourself no judgment only assess where you are without judgment that it means anything about you. WANT TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE THESE PRACTICES A PART OF YOUR LIFE? Schedule a complimentary session to discover your Personalized Practice Plan. Call me at or schedule your session here: Yes! I want to Reclaim Myself!

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