DomoniqueBertolucci.com How to Be Happy Series

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2 Hello and welcome to How to Be Happy the online workshop series. I m Domonique Bertolucci and today, you re watching How to Be Happy at Work. So here s what you ll learn today. As you see, I don t have a slide full of bullet points of all the things you re going to definitely learn today. Because here s the thing: people are always asking me, Domonique, how do you know what s going to make me happy? How do you know what I need to do to be happy? And the truth is I don t. I don t know what you need to do to be happy. I don t know what changes you need to make in your life. What I do know is what questions to ask you so that you can work out the right answers for you. And I also know what principles or practices or habits you need to follow in your life in order to make sure that that happiness is lasting and on-going for you. Before we get started in today s program, though, I want to be really clear about something you re not going to learn. This is not a workshop on how to find the perfect job, not a workshop on how to work out what is your calling in life or what your dream job should be or how to find the ultimate career satisfaction, not at all. This workshop is all about being happy at work, doing the job that you do right here and right now. So my first question for you is: What does being happy at work really mean to you? What does being happy at work really mean to you? And the first exercise that I have for you is exactly that. To take a minute to write down a short description of what being happy at work means to you. Now, let me just explain to you a little bit about how the exercises will work. During this workshop, each time there s an exercise, I ll give you a minute or so to write down your answers. Now, I don t expect that for every single exercise, you ll complete all of your responses in that time. But what I hope you ll do is use that time to get started, and then at the end of the workshop, you can come back, rewind and go back to that exercise and work it out in full detail. Sometimes, you ll write something today and you ll think, Oh, I need to come back to that tomorrow, I need to cogitate on that, I need to think about that some more, I need to let those thoughts percolate. So don t worry if you don t have time to finish. In the time I m giving you here and now, I m giving you enough time to get started. What s really important, though, if you haven t finished your responses to an exercise, is that you don t keep working on that exercise as I start talking about the next point. You could pause me or alternatively, you could come back to that at the end of the workshop, but make sure you don t miss out on the next point that we talk about because that will be just as important as the one you re working on. So, starting now, I m going to give you a minute or so to write a short description of what being happy at work means to you. Okay. Now, I want you to take those thoughts a little bit deeper. And this time, I want you to ask yourself what would be different. What would be different if you felt genuinely happy when you were at work? What would be different for you in your life, in your experience, if you felt genuinely happy when you were at work? Again, I ll give you a minute or so to think of your response. Page 2 of 23

3 So here s what I know: It s a fact of modern life that most people feel that they need to work. And yet for so many people, work is the thing that they spend most of their time doing and most of their energy complaining about. Most people are going to work, most people are spending most of their time there and most people are complaining about it. In 2001, I wrote a book, The Happiness Code, and I introduced the ten keys as a set of guiding principles for being the best you can be. These same principles can be applied to your working life, showing you how you can feel good about who you are and the work you do, regardless of what it is that you re doing. As I said right at the start, this workshop isn t about finding your dream job, discovering your calling in life or designing the perfect career path. This is about being happy at work in the work you do right now. Because here s the thing: If you re going to go to work, you may as well enjoy it. And the reality for most people these days is that you do need to go to work. And so if you re going to do that, you may as well enjoy it. You may as well feel good about yourself and about your working life while you re there. It takes up far too much of your time for this not to be the case. So let me just tell you a little bit about those ten keys. The first key, take charge, the principle of choice. This is all about recognizing that you need to make the decision to be happy, and that you need to make a series of conscious choices and decisions throughout your life, throughout your day, throughout your week, continuously, to support your decision to be happy. The second key, let it go the principle of acceptance. This is all about understanding that not everything will be the way you want it to be. And sometimes, the smartest thing to do if you want to be happy, is to be okay with that. The third key, live for now the principle of presence, is all about enjoying this moment, the one you re having here and now because this is the only one that s guaranteed. The past has been and gone, and none of us know what the future will hold. So enjoy your life right now, live for now. The fourth key, expect the best the principle of optimism. This is all about the perspective with which you see the world, you see your life, and as we ll be talking about surely, the way you see your working life. Expect the best. Back yourself the principle of belief. This is all about believing in yourself, in your right to be happy, and believing in the fact that you have what it takes to be happy in your life. The sixth key, get out of the way, is all about the principle of permission. Making sure you re not the one who s getting in the way of your chances of happiness, through your own limiting beliefs, limiting habits, negative behaviours or self-sabotage. Page 3 of 23

4 The seventh key, be grateful, is all about the principle of abundance. Recognizing how rich your life already is, how full of so much of what you want and need your life already is. The eighth key, give all you can the principle of generosity. And as you ll see today, we re not just talking about being generous with your money. We re talking about being with your time, and with your energy, and with your spirit. And that means avoiding judgment of others and of yourself. The ninth key, keep it up, is all about the principle of commitment. As I said right from the start, you need to choose to be happy. But then you need to continually make that choice and be consistent to commitment to happiness in your life. And the tenth key, be brave, is all about the principle of courage because sometimes you re going to need to be brave in order to get what you want and what you need in order to have a happy life. So now, let s talk about those ten keys in more detail and see how they apply specifically to being happy at work. So the first key: The principle of choice. You need to choose to be happy because here s the thing: unless you are doing your dream job, being happy at work requires a constant decision. You need to choose to be happy at work and then you need to back that decision up with the thoughts, feelings and actions that will make it your reality. I really can t stress this point enough. Unless you re absolutely not just doing your dream job but working with your dream team for your dream boss or with your dream clients, unless you are actually living your working dream right now, then being happy at work is going to require a conscious decision. And quite frankly, there are so many people who are living their dream who aren t happy because they don t recognize it, because they haven t stopped to look at it. So I just say make sure that you ve made the decision to be happy at work. You gotta go there, you may as well enjoy it. And once you ve made that decision, follow through. Follow through with the way you think, the way you feel, and actions that you need to take so that you can be happy at work. Now, here s the thing: You don t need to love your job to be happy at work. Now, that might come as a surprise to a lot of people, but you don t need to love your job to be happy at work. Loving your job is all about how you feel about the type of work you do. So I love my job because I get to talk about happiness with people like you. I don t love my job because I have to send invoices and follow up when people don t pay on time. This is not what we re talking about here, we re not talking about the parts of your job you love or that you don t love or whether you love or whether you don t. What we re talking about here is how to feel happy about the experience of working. How to feel happy about your working life; how to feel happy about the fact that you go to work. Page 4 of 23

5 So you don t need to love your job to be happy at work. Because that s all about how you feel about the type of work you do. Feeling happy at work is about finding a way to feel good about who you are and the work that you do, regardless of what it is that you re doing. So this is an internal peace. It s making the decision to feel good, to feel content, to feel happy about your working life regardless of whether you re in your perfect job or not. Now, that doesn t mean that you can t still strive for your dream job or make a career path or look forward to the future; absolutely not. What this is about is enjoying the here and now and making the choice to do it. So the question I have for you is: Have you been choosing to be happy at work? Have you been choosing to be happy at work? And the exercise that I have for you is this: Think of three things you could do differently and these might be actions or these might be thoughts or these might be behaviours or these might be feelings, but three things you could do differently, changes you could make that would make you feel happier at work. Think of three things you could do differently, changes you could make that would make you feel happier at work. And then I want you to make a commitment to making those changes right away, because it s the here and now that counts. Think of three things you could do differently or changes you could make that would make you feel happier at work. I ll give you a minute or so to think that through. Now, let s talk about the second key, the principle of acceptance. Now, each of the ten keys is equally important. They all matter and you need to apply all of those ten keys in order to have a fulfilling, contented and happy experience in life. But if there s one key I find myself talking about over and over again when it comes to work, it s this. It s the principle of acceptance. And here s the thing: Being happy at work is about accepting that there is no such thing as the perfect job, the perfect boss or the perfect colleague. And once you stop looking for perfection, you can actually start to appreciate your working life for what it is and learn to accept all the things that it isn t. Once you stop looking for perfection, you can start to appreciate what it is and learn to accept all the things that it isn t. I hear so many people talk about work, getting angry about things that are simply the way things are. Many, many years ago when I first began my coaching practice, I went off and studied a particular certification and how to be a career coach. Specifically, to support people in that exact thing that this workshop is not about: finding their dream job. And we did the most marvelous exercise and I sorry, we were introduced to the most marvelous exercise and I remember this so clearly, and our lecturer was telling us, this is what he got his career coaching candidates to do. He said, Okay, get a piece of A4 paper, hold it portrait, you know, long ways down the side, hold it up portrait, fold it in half down the middle. So now, you ve got sort of two sides to the paper. On the left hand column, write down all of the things that you think Page 5 of 23

6 about your boss. On the right hand column, write down all the things your boss thinks about you. Left hand side, all the things you think about your boss, right hand side, all the things your boss thinks about you. Then fold the paper in half again, really rub down that edge, and then use that to tear it in half. So now you ve got two pieces of paper. Left hand is holding all the things you think about your boss, right hand is holding all the things your boss thinks about you. And this is an exercise this lecturer got a lot of his career coaching candidates to do. And then he said, What I want you to do is take that list, the one in your left hand, the one that is all the things that you think about your boss, and screw it up and put it in the bin. Screw it up and put it in the bin. And then pay attention to that list of all the things that your boss thinks about you. And I just loved that exercise because what it highlights to people is that there is a hierarchy at work and there is a power dynamic and if you have a boss, then your boss s opinion of you carries more weight in the workplace than your opinion of your boss. Now, why am I telling you this now? Because this, to me, really highlights the importance of this principle of acceptance. It really highlights the importance of this principle of acceptance because if your boss isn t perfect, if you want to stay in that job, you need to accept that. If your company isn t perfect or your pay package isn t perfect but you want to stay in your job, you need to accept that. Because here s the other really important thing about acceptance: Remind yourself that if you don t like it, you can always leave. If you don t like it, you can leave. But unless you accept that your happiness at work is your responsibility, nothing will fundamentally change, regardless of where you work. Do you get that point? Unless you learn how to be happy at work, it doesn t matter where you work, you won t be happy because, let s just say you land the perfect job in the perfect company and you have the perfect boss, and then he or she leaves. And the new boss who comes along is kind of okay, but not so perfect, what are you going to do? Allow that to ruin your chances of happiness at work? The other kinds of things that we need to learn to accept about work are more about how you re experiencing your job. You know, colleagues that annoy you or situations or circumstances that annoy you and recognising that although this situation might not be perfect, it s the one that you have chosen to be in for the time being. So let s say you have a job and you really don t like a part of that job. You really don t like a part of that job. Well, until the time is right for you to leave and that will be different for everybody, perhaps you ll find natural circumstances, perhaps you need to study, perhaps the job market is not doing what you want it to do but until the time is right for you to leave, you need to find a way to be happy while you re there. Because you re spending too much of your life there. And so a part of that will be accepting that things are the way they are. You know, I ll tell you a story from my own experience and then I ve had several clients experiences, very similar experiences, but I ll tell you mine. Page 6 of 23

7 So right around the year 2000 and this height of the dot com boom, I went to work for I took one of my few permanent jobs in my career, and I went to work for a dot com consultancy, a startup. And this startup was backed by a really big company. I thought this job was going to be the perfect, perfect job for me because we had the funding of a large company but we were small, we were a startup and we were dynamic. And what I discovered was that the people, in particular, the boss that I was working for, had been what we call promoted to his level of incompetence. So he hadn t really had the experience, the skills or the aptitude to run a team the size that he was running, to work in a company the size that he was working for. He was also best friends with the big boss, so chances are he wasn t going anywhere. And I found this so frustrating initially. To go to work and I would literally come home, Working for an idiot! Not particularly generous, not particularly charitable, but that s what I was feeling. I m working for this idiot, he doesn t know what he s doing, he can t work it out. Oh, I wish he would leave, though he wasn t going to leave because he s lunching with the boss. You know, frustration building. And then I said to myself, Well, why don t you leave? Quit, find another job, you don t have to quit, walk away off into the sunset. Go looking for another job, and I thought to myself, You know what? I have a really good opportunity here not only to learn something which is clearly taking over the market place, was the dot com boom, but to learn it whiles working for a company that has all the funding and resources of a big company that we got to go on. I was living in London at the time and I got to go to San Francisco for the training, we built a website for a charity as our website training program instead of sitting there listening to some lecture while some person droned on about how to build websites, we built one for a non-profit organisation with people from all over the world flying in to San Francisco to do this. I mean, what greater fun? So I thought to myself, Okay, the downside here is I really don t feel a lot of professional respect for the person I report to. He s a nice chap, he s a perfectly pleasant chap but I find him frustrating because I don t feel that he has the skills and abilities that he needs to do his job well. However, I feel like I m learning something really valuable here and I m learning in an environment that has the resources to make learning it interesting and fun and challenging for me. Plus, when I ve learnt it, I can leave and I ll be able to go and work anywhere, anywhere that I want. And I made the promise to myself that from that day forward, I would not complain about my boss to anybody, including myself. I would accept that in my humble opinion, he was a twit very nice twit, but a twit. I would accept that and I would no longer allow it to impact my happiness at work. And it didn t. Page 7 of 23

8 And when the time came for me to leave because I felt that I had amassed the experience that I needed to take this and move forward not to mention the dot com bubble had burst and so the promise of riches had disappeared I was able to take that experience and move forward into a different environment, profit from what I d learned greatly, but without having had a miserable year. I had a perfectly pleasant time. I was happy at work. Was he a twit? Yes. Did that change? No. Did I learn to accept it? Yes. Was it always easy? No. But did I do it? Yes. Because my happiness was my responsibility. He was perfectly happy in all his twitly brilliance, carrying on, he wasn t unhappy. Why should I let that impact my happiness? So of all of the keys, the one that I find myself so often talking about when it comes to being happy at work is this principle of acceptance. Realising that you need to accept your job for all that it is and all that it isn t. So my question for you is: What do you need to learn to accept about your job? It s not going to be perfect. There is no such thing as perfect. And even if you feel that in a particular moment you had perfection, perfection is fleeting, momentary. It s a momentary illusion. So what do you need to accept about your job? And my exercise for you is this: Think of someone or something at work that annoys you. Think of someone or something at work that annoys you, and then ask yourself if you have the power to change things. This is like that A4 exercise, A4 folded in half paper. You know, ignore all the things that you think about your boss and focus on the things your boss thinks about you, because where does the power lie in this relationship? Who holds all the cards? Your boss. Likewise, you need to think of someone or something that annoys you and say to yourself, you know, Does it belong on do I have the power? Can I do anything about this? Can I do anything about this? If you can influence the situation, then make a plan to address things immediately. So if you think you can create some change about this thing or person that annoys you, do something about it. Now, I find this is fascinating, I talk to my entrepreneurial clients, people who run their own businesses, who have staff who they don t feel are up for the job. But they don t want to lay them off. Like, you re the one in charge here, you re the boss. This is entirely up to you. So you get to choose here. If you don t think they re up to the job, put them through the process, give them a warning, explain to them how they need to improve and if they still don t meet their targets and objectives, it s time to let them go. So you need to be really clear in your assessment. Do you have the power here to make a change or to influence an outcome? If you do, stop talking about it, start doing something about it. Make a plan to address things immediately. But if you don t have any or you have insufficient power over the situation, then what you need to do is to choose to find a peaceful acceptance instead. Now this phrase here, peaceful acceptance, is a really important one because this is not about saying it s okay. It s not about saying, I think this is marvellous. It is not about saying what I think is wrong is actually right. What it is about saying is that I m not going to give this my energy. Page 8 of 23

9 Going back to my own working example, Mr. Not-so-good-his-job, I just needed to accept that he was not so good at his job and that a lot of the time the decisions that he would make would annoy and frustrate me if I let them. And I came to acceptance of that. I came to I found a peace with that. Did I stop thinking he wasn t good at his job? No. Did I start thinking he was brilliant? No, nothing changed. But I found a way to peacefully accept that so that it was no longer impacting my happiness. So your exercise is to think of someone or something at work that annoys you and ask yourself, do you have the power to change things. If you do, if you can influence the situation, then make a plan to do something about it straight away. Stop talking about it and take action. And if you don t have any or you don t have enough power over the situation, then choose to find a peaceful acceptance instead. I ll give you a minute or so to think about that. Now, let s talk about the principle of presence. You see, one of the biggest causes of stress at work is how dependent you are on other people for your success. What you need to remind yourself is that you can t fix the past and you can t control the future. All you can do is your best. So you can t fix what s gone on either for you or in your interactions with other people. And you can t predict how things are going to turn out. All you can do is your best. All you can do is your best in the here, in the now. I find myself so often talking to clients who are angry or frustrated about something somebody else has done. Angry or frustrated about how something somebody else has done has affected them or worried about the impact it s going to have in the future. And I just have to remind them that you can t fix what s gone on and you can t control what is going to happen. All you can do is your best, commit to the best you can be, and then relax and live in that moment. Relax and live in that moment. Another really important part of being present is to challenge yourself to keep your work in perspective. So in this moment that you re working here and now, you need to remember that most people s jobs don t actually involve life or death scenarios. So unless your job is actually one of those, don t act like it does. I see so many people at work running around like they re in the emergency room except that the people in the emergency room don t tend to run around. You know, I remember working in one environment that was particularly aggressive early on in my career. It was aggressive, lots of angry people shouting and when it first occurred to me, I said to myself, You know what? This man, it happened to be a man but plenty of women were behaving badly as well he does not save the life of small children. Maybe, and just maybe, if you were saving the life of small children, I d put up with this nonsense. I d say, Hey, it s reasonable that you re carrying on like this. But you don t so it s not. And so often, people behave that way themselves. By running around, they re putting all of this stress and energy into what might what s gone wrong or what might go wrong or the way things could turn out and all of this, you know, angst. Page 9 of 23

10 But it s not changing the world. It s not changing the world, it s not saving lives. Unless that s actually what you do, you need to remind yourself that you don t. and a wonderful tool for keeping present at work when something isn t going your way or isn t turning out the way you want to, you need to ask yourself, Is this going to matter in ten years time? Is this going to matter in ten months time? Chances are, it s going to matter for somewhere between the next ten minutes and the next ten hours, and then something else will come along that matters. So I think this whole principle about being present is living in this moment, not getting hung up on what has been, not getting anxious about what might be, and just doing your best. And while you re doing your best, letting go of this desperate, urgency that so many people attach to the way they re working. Because you re not saving lives. Unless that s actually what you do in which case, you get to treat things as urgent lifesaving things. And even then, I m sure we could learn a lot. Learn a lot from those people who do work in those emergency life and death situations, about how to stay calm and how to stay focused and how to concentrate on exactly what it is that they need to fix right now. Right now, not what didn t work out yesterday, not what kind of cases might come in tomorrow. So stay present, live in the moment at work. Doesn t mean you re being reckless or irresponsible or not taking responsibility for yourself or your actions. But it s about where you put your focus and where you put your energy. And the place you need to put your focus and your energy is simply on doing your best and then letting go of the rest. So my question for you is: Are you angry about things that have happened or stressed about things that might? Think about you when you think about your work and ask yourself, you know, Am I angry about things that have been and gone? Even if it was a half an hour ago or half a day ago or half a week ago, am I still fed up about that? Or am I stressed about things that might happen? Am I getting anxious about the things that the future might bring? Something that I haven t even had to do yet? Are you angry about things that happened or stressed about things that might? And here s my exercise for you: What I want you to do is think about something at work that didn t turn out the way you wanted it to. Think about something at work that didn t turn out the way you wanted it to. It could be as simple as, you know, you wanted to ask a question in a meeting and maybe somebody tore you down or interrupted you or didn t even let you finish your point. It could be something more serious. You know, you gave a presentation that went badly or you needed a report from somebody and they didn t give it to you in time and that meant you were late with your work. It doesn t really matter what it is, I just want you to think of something that for you, didn t turn out the way you wanted it to. As you recall this event, I want you to feel how much tension is in your body. So this isn t actually a writing exercise, this is a thinking and feeling exercise. So think about something that has happened that did not turn out the way you wanted it to. Page 10 of 23

11 And then when you re thinking about it, feel how much tension is in your body. And then what I want you to do is to make a commitment to leave the past in the past and let that negative energy go. Let it go, it s been and gone and holding on to it won t change it. When you ve done that, I want you to repeat this exercise now for something that s coming up, an upcoming event or a piece of work or something that you re worried about. And again, I want you to relax and remember that you can t control the future so as long as you ve done your best, there s no point in holding on to that tension, mental, emotional and physical, because worry is worry. It happens in our minds, it happens in our bodies and it happens in our hearts. So there s no point in holding on to that tension if it hasn t happened yet. So, two parts to this exercise. One is reflective looking at the past, one is future focused. But for each part of this exercise, for each part of this exercise, I want you to feel what s going on in your body. Feel the tension and then once you ve acknowledged the physical impact, the mental impact and the emotional impact that worrying about the future or feeling angry about the past is having on you, I want you to let it go. I ll give you a couple of minutes to work through that. Now, if you haven t had a chance to complete the second part of this exercise, the future focused one, I really encourage you to do that after this workshop. I really encourage you to do that after this workshop. And then any time, moving forward, when you find yourself feeling that way, when you feel this frustration about something that s happened or anxiety about something that might happen, I want you to go through this exercise and just feel it in your body, recognise the impact that not living in the present that not living in the present is having on you mentally, emotionally and physically. And then I want you to let it go, anchor yourself to this moment, and to let it go. Now, let s talk about the principle of optimism. One of the biggest changes you can make to how you experience your work is to change the way you see it. Simple as that. Instead of focusing on all the negative, accept that your job isn t perfect and just focus on instead. Sounds really elementary, sounds too simple to be true, but it s incredibly powerful and it really works. Instead of focusing on all the negative, accept that your job isn t perfect at the moment. When you find yourself engaging in negative talk about your work, be that actual conversations with your colleague or in your own head, just stop; start a different conversation. I had a really interesting conversation with a client once who was having a really frustrating time at work and he was coming home from work and he was downloading on his wife, telling her about everything that had gone wrong that day and the things that were annoying him. She was then complaining that he was bringing his negativity home from work. He was saying, But I need to be able to somebody. Page 11 of 23

12 Anyway, a very interesting thing happened where his wife had to go away for a week for her own work. She went away and I asked him how was, you know, How was your week and work and how did you find having, you know, your wife at home and having that support there to download on at the end of the day, and he goes, Do you know what? The funny thing is not having anybody to complain about my work to. Maybe get on with it more. And I didn t mind it quite so much. I think talking about all the things that annoy me actually makes it worse. And I m pretty much quoting verbatim there, his observation. So pretty much, talking about the things that were making you unhappy is kind of making it worse. I m not saying that we should bottle up our frustrations and allow our stress to build up. But I m talking about where you focus your energy, where you focus your attention. And so often, people are putting their attention on the negatives instead of accepting that which we ve already talked about, the principle of acceptance accepting that your job isn t perfect and focusing on what is good about it instead. And when you catch yourself out going down that negative path, just stop. Stop and have a different conversation. If you walk out, you know, up to colleagues and they re complaining about work, walk away, go and talk to somebody else. Because one of the biggest changes you can make to how you experience anything, and in this case work is what we re talking about, is just to change the way you see it. You don t need to become delusional, it s not about being naïve or unrealistic or being in denial about things. It s just about where you focus your attention. It s about having a positive perspective. So my question for you is: Are you ignoring the good things about your work? Are you ignoring the good things about your job? And my exercise for you is this: Make a list of five things you like about your working life. Five things you like about your working life. You see, I ve talked about your working life, not necessarily your job per se, because these things don t have to be limited to the job you do. They could be about the job you do, but they could also be things like the lifestyle that surrounds your work. So a couple of examples here: I get to walk to work or I only have to work school hours or I get to travel internationally, you know, I gave you an example earlier where I got to go overseas for a training and do a really fun project as a way of learning something. What a great thing about working life, even though it had actually nothing to do with my job per se. So I want you to make a list of five things that you like about your working life. They might be about your job, some of them might be about your job, but they could also be about things that surround your work. So how your work impacts your lifestyle in a positive way. Make a list of five things, and I ll give you a minute or so to create that list. Now, let s talk about the principle of belief. You see, your beliefs have an enormous impact on your experiences. What you believe has an enormous impact on what you Page 12 of 23

13 experience. It s not enough just to say you want to be happy at work, you really have to believe that not only do you deserve to be happy, you are going to be happy at work. It s not enough just to talk about it, you need to believe it. You need to feel within yourself that not only do you deserve this, but this is what s going to happen, this is what is happening, you are going to be happy at work. Because what happens is that your subconscious takes its instructions from your belief set. So your subconscious doesn t think independently, it just thinks how it s told. It just does what it s told to do. So if your belief set is that you are somebody who deserves to be happy in everything you do and, in particular, happy at work, your subconscious will set about doing what it has to do to make this a reality. If you believe that you re going to be happy, you will be happy. Because all of the choices and beliefs and actions that you need to take, all of the choices, beliefs and actions that you need to take to sustain that happiness will come naturally and easily to you, because your subconscious will be on your side, will be backing those up for you. So it s not enough just to say you want to be happy. You have to believe it. You have to believe it because those beliefs will have an enormous impact on what actually happens. And the question I have for you here is: Do you believe you deserve to be happy at work? Do you believe, in your heart, that being happy at work is something that you deserve that s your right, that s your entitlement? And the exercise I have for you is a fun one. What I want you to do is create an affirmation that is a statement that is positive, present tense and personal about how you would like to feel at work and about your work. To create a statement, one that is set in the that is a positive statement, it s set in the present tense and it s personal in the way that the language you use and the way you describe things, about how you would like to feel at work and about your work. And then I want you to start each day with this affirmation in your mind and repeat it each time something that frustrates you or annoys you occurs. So, for example, an affirmation about how positive, personal and present tense about how you like to feel about work and at work might be something like this: I enjoy every working day. I accept that the day may flow through some positive or negative times, but I can work through these with ease. I feel good about myself when I m at work and I feel good about being at work. Now, that s just a completely off the cuff example there, but you can see how it was positive. I talked about feeling good, it was present tense, I said I do, you know, I am, I do, I talked about personalised it for me was taking the ups and downs in my stride, carrying them with ease. So once you ve created this affirmation, I want you to repeat, take, start each day with it in mind. But I want you to also repeat it when something that frustrates you or annoys you occurs. I feel good at work. I enjoy my work. You can just repeat that when something drives you insane and quickly, you ll find those frustrations or negative energy starting to dissipate. So I ll give you a minute or so to begin crafting your affirmation. Page 13 of 23

14 So if you haven t finished your affirmation yet, make sure you work on that after this workshop because what you ll be able to do is use it kind of like a mantra when things are annoying you or not going your way or causing you stress or causing you frustration, as a way of changing, changing your thought process and reinvigorating or reenergising your happy and content perspective. Now, let s talk about the principle of permission. You see, it s all too easy to buy into a paradigm that perpetuates negativity about work. Work is boring, work is stressful, work is tough. What you need to do is give yourself permission to really enjoy your working life and rewrite this dialogue in your head. I often talk to people about their life paradigm, the operating system that they operate their life on that, you know, think about it as the operating system on your computer. You know, when it s time to move up to the latest version, you know, or if you re a PC user and you finally move over to Mac and you say, Oh, it doesn t you know, it works so much better than it used to, this is a different operating system. And what you want is an operating system that like we would all want for our computers one that is smooth running, that does what we want it to do when we want it to do it. But what you also want is a life paradigm that sees your life as being happy and in particular, what we re talking about here is a paradigm that supports happiness and contentment in the working environment. Think about it just those three examples that I gave: work is boring, work is stressful, work is tough. Think about how often you hear people repeat these kind of phrases or expressions about work. I ll give you an example of a client of mine. A client of mine who believed that work was stressful. This was her paradigm about work. She believed that work was stressful and even when work was calm, she managed to generate some stress because being stressed at work, to her, meant that she was committed and she was engaged. This was obviously all happening on a subconscious level. She didn t think, I ll go to work and I ll create stress because that means I m good at my job and I care about it. But because she believed, her paradigm was that all work was stressful and that the good jobs were stressful. And that the people who really cared about their jobs got stressed about them because she believed that, that was the negativity about work that she perpetuated. And what she needed to do was give herself permission to rewrite this and to say, for example, the paradigm became: I am competent. I am a truly competent professional and I am able to move through my working day with calm and ease. Now that may sound like the affirmation from the previous exercise which, in many cases, that s what your affirmation might be like, but what the key thing here is about giving yourself permission to throw out that old paradigm and to create a new one. To say, This is what my operating system is going to be. This is going to be the way I move through my working life. Page 14 of 23

15 So instead of buying into yours or other people s negative perspectives about work, the negative paradigms, give yourself permission to really enjoy your working life by rewriting yours. And don t allow other people s negative beliefs about work to compromise your experience. Don t allow other people s negative beliefs about work well you know, the good jobs are always stressful, or you know, the most powerful leaders are always angry or the most challenging environments, always, you always have to work long hours, or if you want to get ahead at work, you need to work weekends. Whatever it is, don t allow other people s limiting beliefs about work compromise your experience. Decide how you want to feel at work and let other people decide for themselves. So don t buy into somebody else s paradigm that perpetuates negativity about work. Give yourself permission to be happy at work. Make that decision, decide how you want to feel at work and then do what you need to do to make that a reality and then leave other people to their own perspectives about working life. So my question for you is this: What false assumptions are you making about your working life? What false assumptions are you making about your working life? And my exercise for you is this: Take a minute to think about the thoughts and ideas you hold about your work and about work in general. So have a think about how you feel and what your thoughts are, what your ideas are about working life and the work that you do and make a note about any negative or limiting belief. And then make a note of any negative or limiting beliefs that you have been subscribing to and that have been directly or indirectly compromising your ability to be as happy as you possibly can be in your working life. So think about what goes on in your head when you think about work, your work, other people s work, work in general, and then make a note of anything negative or limiting that comes up for you. And it doesn t have to be things that directly compromise your ability to be happy, it might be indirect things. One of those sneaky little passive aggressive things whittle away your happiness. But I want you to identify these thoughts or ideas that you may have that are getting in the way of your being as happy as you can be at work. I ll give you a minute or so to think about that. Now, let s talk about the principle of abundance. Recognising how rich your life already is. Here s the thing: Whiles your primary reason for going to work might be financial, a working life has the chance to provide you with a wealth of other benefits if you re open to them. So whiles the reason you might go to work, the main reason you go to work, is to make money, being at work, having a working life, has the chance to provide you with a whole manner of other benefits if you re open to them. And this is something I also want you to think about while we re talking about the principle of abundance. And it s this idea that most people need to work, even if it s just to afford the things they want. I m always hearing people talk about their needs around earning money and I think one of the things that we get so confused about in modern life is our difference between what we want and what we need. Page 15 of 23

16 The difference between what we want and what we need. And actually, our fundamental needs are met with very little income or very modest income, let s rephrase it to that. Our fundamental needs are met by a very modest income, but then we all have a list of wants that come on top of that. So actually, a relatively small amount of work would meet our fundamental needs. But what we continue to do is work in order to get the things that we want in life. And there is nothing wrong with that. That s a very right thing. Decide what you want, work hard, make it a reality. I m all for that. But I think what we need to do is to recognise, recognise that we are working to get the things that we want, or that the majority of our work is to get the things that we want. Let s say you work nine to five, Monday to Friday. You probably earned enough on Monday or maybe Monday and Tuesday to meet your fundamental needs, food, shelter, some clothes on your back. And the rest of the week, you were probably working to get the things that you want. Holidays, private education for your children, beautiful clothes, new clothes, a bigger house, a new TV, petrol for your car. So a very small or a very moderate and modest amount of work actually meets your needs, actually allows you to earn enough money to meet your needs. And a majority of the time, the rest of the time you re working is actually to get the things that you want. And that s okay. That s a good thing if you recognise it and if you recognise that what I m doing here is I m working to get what I want out of life. You know, a couple of years ago, I was invited to speak, to give some motivational talks for a company, a large, large, large employer of women where a lot of the work that they did was quite low level, very low level office work, low level administrative work and one of the things that was so fascinating in the brief, they said to me, We don t want you to talk to people about having their dream job because what we recognise is that a lot of people come here to work to either a) put food on the table or b) to get the extras in life. To get a few extras in life. So what we want you to talk about is feeling good about your life, not about your career or ambition. And I thought that was so open minded of that organisation to recognise that people came to them to work not necessarily of course, there were career people there, but the majority of their staff were there to get what they wanted out of life, to be able to pay for some of the things that they wanted and some of the things that they needed. So there s two parts to thinking about abundance here. One is recognising that although you get money from work, you get so much more from work if you re open to it. And, two, recognising that the money you gain from work, the financial that you get from work, a very small amount of that or relatively small, I should say, a relatively small amount of that met your needs and the rest of it was to get your wants and to feel good about that. Page 16 of 23

17 To feel good about that once you re clear on the difference between your wants and your needs, are able to feel good about that so you re able to say, I go to work because that allows me to pay for the things that I need and get the things that I want or save for the things that I want or build towards the future that I want. So recognising the abundance that your working life provides you with. So my question for you is: Are you clear about what you get from work? Are you clear about what work gives you, you get from work? And my exercise for you is this: Make a list of all of the rewards you get from work. Make a list of all of the rewards you get from work, but don t limit your assessment to purely financial benefits. Work can provide you with a range of other benefits including stimulisation, socialisation, status, kudos, friendship, company so I want you to make a list of all of the rewards you get from work, but don t limit this assessment to purely financial benefits. Look as broadly as you can, what does work give you. I ll give you a minute or so to work on your list. Now, if you haven t finished your list or you haven t searched widely enough for a full breadth of rewards, make sure that you continue to work on this exercise after the workshop. Next, let s talk about the principle of generosity. And as I m often reminding people, being generous isn t just about what you do with your money, it s about what you do with your time and your energy and your spirit. And here, where we re talking about the principle of generosity in the working environment, I really want to focus on being generous with your spirit. So not being judgemental, giving other people the benefit of the doubt, because the facts are that most people are doing their best most of the time. Most people are doing their best most of the time. And this is no less true at work than it is elsewhere in life and just as important to remember. So be generous with your colleagues and your co-workers and forgive their failings. Forgive their failing. How often do you find yourself feeling angry or frustrated or annoyed about something a co-worker or a colleague didn t get right? And it might not even be something specific they didn t get right like an error they made, it could be like the example I gave right back at the start of this workshop about the boss I felt who wasn t really up to the job. It didn t mean he wasn t doing his best. My opinion was he wasn t up for the job, but he was still doing his best. And so it wasn t my place to hold it against him. Wasn t my place to hold it against him that I didn t think that he was the right person for the job. So, you know, that s on a grand spectrum, you know, thinking that somebody s not up for the job. And on a day to day spectrum, it could be just that somebody did make a mistake or they didn t do something the way you wanted them to do it or that they gosh, it could be that somebody got to work late. Before you get annoyed with them, find out why. Because most people are doing their best most of the time. Page 17 of 23