MAINTAINING STRONG FRIENDSHIPS Your friends provide a special kind of support and understanding that you may not get from anyone else.

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1 Q3 NEWSLETTER 2016 IN THIS ISSUE: Maintaining Strong Friendships Setting Work-Life Boundaries When You Work from Home Talking with Your Child Building a Productive Relationship with Your Manager MAINTAINING STRONG FRIENDSHIPS Your friends provide a special kind of support and understanding that you may not get from anyone else. And studies show there s a link between good health in later life and strong friendships. There are many benefits from strengthening your connections to old friends and making new friends throughout your life. Research has found that three things help people make friends at any age: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and the chance to let your hair down and confide in each other. Look for activities that provide those things, such as clubs or volunteer activities that require a regular commitment. If you can t find people near you who share your interests, visit MeetUp ( Meetup lets you search for existing groups of people who have the same hobby, passion, or values, or tell others that you want to start a group. Here are some other tips that can help you develop new friendships and keep your existing friendships strong. Find ways to stay in touch with people you ve known for a long time friends, neighbors, co-workers while also reaching out to new acquaintances. Make friendship a high priority. Put time and effort into your friendships. When you were younger, you may have made friends naturally through school, work, or military service. In midlife you may need to work harder to maintain or build friendships. This will pay off now and in the future as you develop a stronger network of people who are important to you. Accept that your friendships may change. In midlife, some of your friends may want to have a different relationship with you than they had when you were younger. This is a natural part of human growth and development. You may still be able to share many things with friends who have less time for socializing now or who may be leading a very different kind of life than you are. Share rituals and traditions. Shared rituals and traditions are ways of expressing deep values and staying close with people you love. You and your friends may want to develop your own rituals to celebrate events such as birthdays, holidays, and promotions. Or you might invite your friends to share in traditions you enjoy with your family or others. Take extra steps to stay close to friends who move away. Plan for how you ll stay in touch after a friend moves to a new community. Can you visit regularly? Have a weekly or monthly telephone conversation? Continue to celebrate some important events together? Get involved in community activities. These are a great way to strengthen old relationships and build new ones, because they allow you to spend time with people who share your goals. Consider volunteering at a food pantry, a hospital, a house of worship, a museum, or a nearby school. Or check the calendar of events in your community newspaper or on its website to find out about meetings of organizations that may need your help. For more information, log on to LifeWorks.com Username: Password: or call 1

2 continued from page 1 Take courses at an adult education center. Adult education centers offer courses at much lower cost than most colleges or technical schools. They may also offer a wide variety of enjoyable activities such as sports or trips to theaters, restaurants, or art museums. You may want to take courses on your own or strengthen ties with a friend by taking a course together. Renew old friendships. Attend a high school or college reunion. Or find other ways to get reacquainted with old friends. Use the Internet to renew old friendships. You can search for old friends through Internet directories such as Switchboard ( or 411.com ( Other services on the web can help you find former classmates. Connect through social media. Networking sites, like Facebook ( and LinkedIn ( let you post a profile of yourself, and then build an online community by inviting people to join your network and accept invitations from others. These also let you join or start online groups and search for old or new friends in many ways for example, by name, by school or year of graduation, or by the work they do. Each network works in a slightly different way, so if you re interested in them, you might want to visit several before choosing one. For more information, log on to LifeWorks.com User ID: Password: For more information, visit LifeWorks.com 2 or call

3 SETTING WORK-LIFE BOUNDARIES WHEN YOU WORK FROM HOME One thing that makes telework so attractive and convenient for many people is the flexibility. However, without a clear difference between work and non-work time, many teleworkers allow work to creep into the time that should be reserved for relaxation, family, and other personal needs. On the flip side, some teleworkers find that they have trouble keeping their personal lives from interfering with their work and affecting their work performance. Creating and maintaining effective boundaries between work and the rest of life will be an ongoing challenge for you as you manage a telework schedule. For more information, visit LifeWorks.com 3

4 continued from page 3 Communication and work-life boundaries One of the most difficult aspects of telework is learning how to establish boundaries and then communicating them to co-workers and your manager in a positive way. Here are some ways to do that: Know your manager s expectations. Talk with your manager regularly about work expectations and know what is needed in terms of work output. Whether you are already teleworking and want to adjust your schedule for better balance or are just getting started, up-to-date information about your team s goals and your manager s expectations for you are essential. Set up a regular meeting with your manager to ensure that you stay current with team needs. Determine when you ll be on duty and when you ll be off duty. Take the time to analyze your schedule to determine when your manager, team, and customers need to interact with you the most. When should your workday start and when should it end? Is it important to have weekends that are generally off duty? Will there be times when you re not working but are available for urgent questions? If you have the flexibility to take breaks from work during normal work hours, for example, to go to the gym at lunch a couple of times a week, how will you shift your workday to make up that time? Talk with your manager about your weekly schedule. Prepare a draft of how you would like to set up or adjust your schedule and discuss it with your manager. Negotiate a plan that allows you time to recharge and come back to work energized. Reassure your manager that you are still committed to your job and that you, of course, expect to flex your schedule like the rest of the team when there is a work crunch. Let co-workers or clients know when you will be available. A regularly updated voic message is even more essential when you work from home. An example would be a voice message that says, Hi, you ve reached Mary. I am in the office today, but I will not be available to return calls until 11:30 a.m. If you need immediate assistance, please call Account Services at This lets people know that you re there; you re just not available at the moment they called. You could also use an electronic calendar that others may access, send out a weekly schedule, or issue reminders about when you ll be out of the office. Talk about and agree on some ground rules with managers and co-workers. These could include expectations about how soon and voic messages will be answered, how frequently you will communicate with managers and co-workers to update them on your progress on shared work, and how you can be contacted in case of urgent work issues. Agree on these ground rules with your manager and co-workers and possibly your clients so you all have the same understanding of when you will be available, how quickly you will respond to different kinds of messages, and how those rules might apply in situations that are urgent. Use technology wisely. Use voice mail and to your advantage. As long as co-workers and clients feel sure that you will respond in a timely manner, you can decide to allow yourself blocks of uninterrupted time to focus on important work. You might come up with a special signal as a way of alerting you to an especially urgent request. Sometimes it can seem like s, voice mails, texts, and instant messages are controlling your life, but if you can make a conscious effort to use these technologies wisely, they will work for you. For more information, visit LifeWorks.com 4

5 TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD Getting a conversation going with your child can sometimes seem like a monumental task. Maybe your child doesn t want to talk when you do or doesn t seem to listen when you do have a conversation. What are some ways to get your child to open up? And how can you create the right atmosphere at home to help your child feel comfortable talking with you? When you are talking with your child, keep these tips in mind: Find a comfortable place to talk. Don t just ask questions talk about your day, too. A conversation is likely to go further if it begins with something other than, How s your teacher? Talk about how you felt as a child. If your child is having a problem with a classmate, share a similar experience from your own childhood. There was a boy on the playground I always had trouble with, too... Sometimes your child needs your sympathy and understanding more than your advice. Try not to be critical and judgmental. If you begin a conversation with your child by saying, You re selfish, you never share, you re setting up a confrontation. Try talking, not attacking. You might begin by saying, There are things that belong to you that you shouldn t have to share with your sister or your friends. Would you like to put away those things you don t want to share so there won t be a battle next time? Try to avoid using the words always and never in an accusatory way. There are some words we use as parents especially when we are angry or frustrated that will stop a conversation dead. Always and never can silence even the most talkative child. You never clean up your room. You re always late for school. Before these words come spilling out of your mouth, ask yourself, What is the goal of this conversation? Am I saying things in a way that my child will respond to positively? Use I statements instead of you statements when you are feeling upset. Telling your child, You re so lazy is sure to put a halt to the conversation. Instead, try saying, When I find wet towels on the floor, I get upset because I like the house to be neat. Or, When I find wet towels on the floor, I get upset because others are not helping keep the house neat. Keep conversations focused and brief. Avoid trying to cover a laundry list of issues. You will only turn your child off. If the conversation with your child is about homework, don t bring up other problems. Avoid saying, I don t like how your room looks, and I m not thrilled about your friends. Stay focused on one topic. Be honest. If you want your child to be open and honest with you, it s important to be honest as well. That means discussing topics you may feel uncomfortable discussing, like sex and drugs, and being as forthright and direct as you can be. You can even say to your child, You know, when I was growing up, I didn t discuss sex with my parents, so it s not always easy for me to talk about it with you. But I think it s very important that we do. For more information, visit LifeWorks.com 5

6 continued from page 5 Apologize if you have said or done something wrong. Saying I m sorry is one of the best lessons you can teach your child. It s a way to build trust and open communication. Admit your mistakes. Find a time to be alone with your child. Try to find a time each week to do something alone with your child. Commit to those times. The more comfortable you are together, the easier your conversations will be. Cherish a sense of humor. Laughter can help you bond with your child and defuse even the most tense conversation. Just remember that children often don t see the humor in something that they find important, so use humor carefully and never at your child s expense. Show your child that people can resolve their differences. That means being able to say, You know, I m wrong, or We can resolve this. Let s try. Try to set a tone in your home where your child sees that adults can disagree but still treat each other with love and respect. Resolving differences illustrates that relationships are enduring. Treat your child with respect. Your child will stop listening if you treat him with disrespect. Remember that all children are different. Some are moody. Some are shy. Some are outgoing. If you treat your child with respect and accept his individuality, communication will go more smoothly. Remember that the way you communicate will vary from child to child. Every child is different. So how you communicate has to vary, too. Taking walks with one child might be a good way to get a conversation going. With another child, the best conversations might take place just before bedtime in the quiet of a dark room. Help your children learn to solve problems don t solve problems for them. Good communication is not simply telling kids what to do. It s helping kids learn to think for themselves. Asking how a close friend or TV or storybook character might handle the situation can help a child think about different ways to resolve a problem. This also provides safety by allowing the child to answer as she thinks someone else would. Keep in mind the importance of nonverbal communication. Don t forget to hug, kiss, smile, or put your hand on your child s shoulder when you re having or ending a conversation. Just being with your child and saying nothing can sometimes be a good way to communicate. Sitting next to your child on the couch can be a way to be close. It says you care. If your child is upset or having difficulty communicating, you might say, Sometimes it s OK just to be with someone without talking until you are ready to talk. I m here for you. Show your love. Write notes and send occasional text messages like, Good luck on that test! Make sure you tell your child how much you love her and are proud of her. For more information, visit LifeWorks.com 6

7 BUILDING A PRODUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MANAGER good relationship with your manager is critical to your success at work. Not only will it make your job easier A and more enjoyable on a day-to-day basis, but it will help you advance your career. The tips below can help you build a positive working relationship with your manager. Meet your deadlines and fulfill your responsibilities. You can t expect your relationship to develop positively if you re not performing up to expectations. If you are having trouble keeping up with your workload, talk with your manager as soon as possible so you can work together to find a solution. Meet regularly with your manager. Don t just talk to your manager when there is a problem. Depending on your manager s communication style, you might send a weekly update or schedule a regular one-on-one meeting. Use this time to give your manager an update on your current projects and accomplishments and get answers to questions. Try to make time to talk about future projects and changing organizational priorities, as this kind of information will help you stay in the loop. Know which of your tasks and responsibilities your manager sees as most critical for meeting your group s goals. If you re not sure which of your responsibilities takes top priority, you may not be working as effectively as possible. Schedule time with your manager if you are uncertain about his expectations; don t assume you are on track because you have not heard otherwise. Learn more about your manager s job and wider responsibilities. Find out what work pressures and stresses your manager faces. This knowledge will help you understand the decisions your manager makes and discover ways to make her job easier. Try to figure out what your manager s manager expects of her and what your manager values most. How does she define success? Is it through meeting deadlines, avoiding mistakes, being an innovative thinker, or increasing production? Knowing what drives your manager will help you set priorities effectively. Don t wait for your manager to tell you what to do. Make his job easier and impress him by taking the initiative to do the things you are sure you need to do without being asked. You may also want to ask for long-term projects that you can work on when you have a lull in your regular assignments. On a personal level, show friendliness and respect toward your manager. You don t have to be friends with your manager, but it can be easier to establish a comfortable working relationship when you add a more personal dimension. If your manager is receptive, occasionally ask about her family, hobbies, or what movies she s seen lately. Share some information about yourself, too. Realize that your manager isn t perfect. You can t expect your manager to be superhuman and always make the right decisions. If you expect perfection, you will probably be disappointed. Accept that your manager has flaws and bad days just like everyone. Try to be aware of when your manager may be under more stress than usual (whether from work or family), and look for ways to help, or at least to avoid creating additional stress. Look for things that you can learn from your manager. You may not agree with the way he does everything, but your manager probably has some skills that you admire, such as the ability to motivate a team, analyze a budget sheet, or give an impressive presentation. Look for these kinds of skills or talents and learn from them. Focus on solutions, not problems. Problems inevitably come up. By focusing on possible solutions rather than what went wrong, you will be presenting your manager with a proactive, positive approach that will likely be appreciated. Be a team player. Help keep up your department s morale by being a positive, productive team player. Remember that your manager has other employees to manage and other responsibilities that you may not even be aware of. You can help make his job easier by trying to get along well with everyone on your team, offering support when needed, and being flexible about changes in work routines and assignments. Help your manager succeed. Making your manager look good is one of the best things you can do to improve or strengthen your relationship. Keep in mind that your manager s success is also good for your career. Look for ways that your skills can complement hers, so that you can help your manager succeed. For example, your manager may be a terrific public speaker, but not so great at using PowerPoint. If that s your strong suit, let your manager know that you re available to help with that. Similarly, be available to help your manager out in a pinch; managers value people who can come to the rescue in a tough situation. Even when it feels like your manager gets the credit for your hard work, take heart in the fact that your manager and most other people know that your contribution was essential to her success. For more information, log on to LifeWorks.com User ID: Password: For more information, visit LifeWorks.com 7 or call