The Fantastically Mundane. Episode 1

The Fantastically Mundane Episode 1

THE FANTASTICALLY MUNDANE 1 Scene: 1 MARLEY S DORM ROOM 1 SOUND: SHUFFLING AS MARLEY PUTS AWAY ITEMS 2 FAUSTER Hey there roomie! Looks like we re moving in together. 3 MARLEY (sighs) I mean... I guess... 4 FAUSTER We ll tackle these college years together man. Two peas in a pod, practically inseparable! 5 MARLEY Fauster, you ve been in my head for three years now - 6 FAUSTER Don t you mean... in your heart? 7 MARLEY - and you ve never stopped talking! One stupid spell mistake and I ve had three years of hell. I didn t ask for a demon. 8 FAUSTER Marley, you got better than a demon... you ve got me. 9 MARLEY And that s worse. Look, freshman year means new beginnings, and I got super lucky to be accepted into Aisling, so don t screw this up for me. 10 FAUSTER Please, you re only here because of me. I m the best thing to ever happen to your miserable wizard life. 11 SOUND: KNOCKING ON DOOR; FOOTSTEPS; DOOR SQUEAK AS IT OPENS 12 NIKKI Hey neighbor! We noticed you just moved in. I m Nikki, and this is Sunshine. 13 SUNSHINE Hi there. 14 NIKKI We live across the hall. Anyways, we re heading to the floor meeting. Wanna come with us?

2. 15 SUNSHINE Yeah, it looks like you don t have any friends. Is your roommate not here? 16 MARLEY Uhhhhhhh, can you hold on for a sec? 17 SOUND: DOOR SQUEAKS AS IT CLOSES 18 MARLEY (cont d) Listen Fauster, please don t ruin this like you ve ruined every single other friendship I ve had. They seem nice... enough. 19 FAUSTER Plus they re girls! I ll give them a shot. 20 MARLEY Just be cool. Don t do anything to embarrass me. 21 FAUSTER Eh, you do that all by yourself. 22 SOUND: DEEP BREATH FROM MARLEY; DOOR SQUEAKS AS IT OPENS 23 NIKKI Everything okay? 24 SUNSHINE Yeah, we heard you talking to yourself. Are you crazy? 25 MARLEY Um, yeah, I m fine. I... I... was just on the phone with my, um, my mom. 26 FAUSTER Nice save. 27 MARLEY Sorry about that. 28 SUNSHINE It s fine, a lot of people call their moms when they get to college. Usually they have friends first, but I m sure you ll be fine. 29 MARLEY Ummmmmmm... 30 NIKKI Yeah, she s always like that. You get used to it.

3. 31 SUNSHINE Used to what? The endless, meaningless abyss that is the universe? (A BEAT) 32 NIKKI Sooo... about that floor meeting. 2 Scene 2: DORM FLOOR MEETING 33 SOUND: STUDENTS MUMBLING; GENERAL ROOM TONE 34 DECLAN Heeellllooooooooooo freshmen! May I have your attention please? (THE CROWD QUIETS) 35 DECLAN Welcome everyone to Aisling University of Arcane Studies, the world s greatest school of magical education. My name is Declan, your resident assistant for the Internal Exploration Community, where you will interact with like-minded individuals. You may not think you are as magically inclined as everyone else... and that s true... but that doesn t mean you can t accomplish greatness, like I have. Here at Aisling, we strive to work together, to build each other up, and to help everyone reach their full potential. So, I know no one likes these, but we re going to do a quick ice breaker! 36 SOUND: COLLECTIVE GROAN 37 DECLAN (cont d) I know, I know, but it ll be fun! I want you to get into groups of three or four and share your name, your species, your favorite animal, and what you hope to accomplish here at Aisling University. For example: I m Declan, I m a druid, my favorite animal is the phoenix, and I ve already reached my biggest accomplishment here, which is being a resident assistant! So go ahead, group up, and get to know your fellow Internal Explorers! 38 SOUND: GENERAL MURMUR AS STUDENTS GROUP UP 39 MARLEY So, um, group?

4. 40 NIKKI Sure! Sunshine? 41 SUNSHINE I guess. 42 NIKKI I ll start. My name is Nikki, and I am... a human. 43 MARLEY Human? But... 44 SUNSHINE No she s not, she s a vampi- 45 NIKKI (Talking over Sunshine) My favorite animal is a, well, for a really long time I liked penguins, but recently, um, bats have kind of been my thing. And I m at Aisling to uphold the Kelsing family name. 46 MARLEY Kelsing... how do I know that name? 47 SUNSHINE Because she s a hunter dummy! From a huge family of hunters. They hunt all kinds of things, like vampires, werewolves, demons, vampires, ghosts, the undead, VAMPIRES... 48 NIKKI So what about you Sunshine? 49 SUNSHINE Well, I m a pixie, which of course means I can make flowers grow, and grass greener, and the sun shine brighter! But I can t stand any of those things. My favorite animal is a dead one, and I m at Aisling to get my Bachelor of Dark Arts. 50 MARLEY Wow... and I thought pixies were supposed to be upbeat. 51 SUNSHINE That is a stereotype. I expect that from Nikki, but not you. 52 NIKKI Hey! I know hunters have a bad reputation, but I promise I only hunt dangerous creatures.

5. 53 SUNSHINE So what about you momma s boy? 54 FAUSTER I like her, she s hilarious. 55 MARLEY Um, well... 56 FAUSTER Don t mess up kid. You ve only got one shot at this. 57 MARLEY Right. My name is Marley. I am a wizard, and my spell of choice is lighting candles, which I m really improving on. My favorite animal is a, um... 58 FAUSTER Say unicorn, that s topical. 59 MARLEY No, it s uh, dragons. 60 FAUSTER Typical. 61 MARLEY And I m hoping to improve my abilities, as well as get rid of my faults 62 FAUSTER Yeah, like your slouch. 63 MARLEY You know what I mean. 64 NIKKI Um, no? Are you okay? 65 SUNSHINE Do you hear destructive voices too? 66 MARLEY What? No, I - 67 DECLAN Hey guys! Are you all wrapped up over here? 68 NIKKI Um, sure...

6. 69 MARLEY Yeah, we re done, thanks. 70 DECLAN Sounds good 71 SOUND: CROWD MURMURING 72 DECLAN (cont d) Alright my little internal explorers! I hope you ve made a few friends today. My room is at the end of the hall, so feel free to stop by at any time if you have any questions, concerns, or if you just want to chat. Here s to a great year! 73 TRANSITION 3 Scene 3: LIBRARY 74 SOUND: NATURAL SOUND; PAPERS SHUFFLING; PEOPLE TALKING QUIETLY 75 MARLEY (Whispering) What do you mean you won t help me out? 76 FAUSTER Hey, my deal was to help you be a better wizard. And I don t think cheating in your Demonology 101 class is going to help you at all. 77 MARLEY But I thought this would be an easy A because of you! 78 FAUSTER Not my fault. Come on; you know quite a bit about demons. I mean, you did summon me... 79 MARLEY On accident! 80 FAUSTER And you ve been possessed for three years. You re only two weeks in man. You can do this. Just write the essay. 81 MARLEY Are... are you being nice to me? 82 FAUSTER Hell no! I hope you crash and burn buddy! It s far more entertaining.

7. 83 MARLEY Gee, thanks. 84 SOUND: FOOTSTEPS 85 NIKKI Hey there Marley! 86 SUNSHINE Hi momma s boy, whatcha up to? Not that I really care, but Nikki says I need to be more personable. 87 MARLEY Oh, hey Nikki. Hey Sunshine. I m alright, just working on this demon essay assignment. 88 SOUND: SHUFFLING AS NIKKI AND SUNSHINE TAKE A SEAT 89 SUNSHINE Ooh, for Demonology 101? That s my favorite class this semester. 90 MARLEY Really? It s my least favorite. I don t like demons all that much. 91 FAUSTER I don t like you either man. 92 NIKKI You have experience with demons? I thought most wizards avoided demonology. 93 MARLEY Oh, yeah... yeah, I ve never actually like, tried demonology or, like, met a demon or anything. No, not at all. I just, I just, don t like the idea of demons, you know? 94 FAUSTER (Through laughter) Keep going man, you re doing great! They totally believe you! 95 NIKKI Oh, sure. I mean, for a required class, it s not too bad. But I wish they didn t have all those demon PSAs all the time. 96 SUNSHINE You guys are crazy. Demons are fascinating. The dark powers, the eternal fire, destruction and flames fueled by sin...

8. 97 NIKKI Sunshine, you re drooling again... 98 FAUSTER I ve said this once, I ll say it again. I like her. 99 MARLEY They re really not that great. I promise. And I didn t realize the class would be nothing but "don t do demons." 100 NIKKI True! Well, we need to work on our essays too. Want to bounce ideas around? It may help. 101 MARLEY Um, sure! What were you guys planning on writing about? 102 NIKKI Well, I was thinking about taking a different approach and talking about the economic turmoil going on in Hell right now, and how a lot of demons are looking for hosts here on Earth because of it. 103 MARLEY Wow... that s, that s pretty cool actually. Is that true? 104 FAUSTER Kid, you have no idea. Hell has, well, it s gone to hell. 105 NIKKI From what I understand, yeah. I kind of wish I could talk to a demon to get their opinion on the situation, but that s way too risky. I don t want to get possessed, because that sounds awful. 106 MARLEY (under his breath) You have no idea. 107 NIKKI What was that? 108 FAUSTER Marley, if you blow our cover, I swear... You re talking to a hunter. Hunters send demons like my lovely self to Hell, which is like I said, is hell. 109 MARLEY Oh, nothing. That does sound pretty awful. Probably the worst thing that could ever happen to someone.

9. 110 FAUSTER Okay then. I ll pretend that didn t hurt my feelings. 111 SUNSHINE See, I think you guys have this all wrong. Which is why I m writing my demon essay about possession, and how that can be beneficial. Like, why wouldn t you want a little extra power? Especially for you no-power clods. 112 MARLEY Do you want my list in chronological, or alphabetical order? 113 SUNSHINE You think way too bright Marley. You need to look at the world just a tad darker. 114 MARLEY I ll leave the dark thinking to you Sunshine. It s, uh, it s what you do best. 115 SUNSHINE Well, you re not wrong. That s a first. 116 NIKKI So what are you writing your essay about Marley? 117 MARLEY Well, I thought I would write about demon summoning, because it seems pretty easy. But I m having difficulty finding the exact spells you use. (A BEAT) 118 MARLEY (cont d) Not that I want to summon a demon or anything! Again, I really don t like demons. That would be an awful idea! 119 SUNSHINE Aren t you a wizard? Spells are kind of your thing, right? 120 MARLEY Yeah, but... I m not a very good wizard. The one time I tried a more complicated spell, I ended up with a... well, it didn t go very well. 121 FAUSTER You can say that again. 122 NIKKI I m sorry. What happened?

10. 123 FAUSTER Don t blow it kid. 124 MARLEY Um, I don t really want to talk about it. 125 SUNSHINE What about your parents? Since you talk to your mom all the time, couldn t they help you find the spell you need so can write this paper? 126 MARLEY Huh, I hadn t thought of that. Thanks Sunshine. 127 SUNSHINE Does this mean I can stop being personable now? 128 NIKKI Why? You re doing great! Look at us; friends helping friends. 129 SUNSHINE Ugh, friendship is way too happy for my taste. I m going to try to find a book on demon possession. Be right back. 130 SOUND: SHUFFLING AS SUNSHINE GETS UP; FOOTSTEPS 131 MARLEY She must be tough to have as a roommate, huh? 132 NIKKI Eh, I ve gotten used to it. I m trying to help her lighten up just a bit. 133 MARLEY I don t know if Sunshine will ever be able to lighten up. 134 NIKKI You may be right. (A BEAT) 135 MARLEY Sooooooo... 136 NIKKI (suddenly) Do you want to hear something weird? 137 MARLEY (surprised) Oh, sure. I guess.

11. 138 NIKKI Sorry, I know that came out of nowhere. But I haven t told Sunshine this, and I need to talk to someone. 139 FAUSTER Ohh, I hope it s gossip. I hope she confesses her sordid love for Sunshine. 140 MARLEY Okay. What s up? 141 NIKKI So, last week, I stopped by Declan s room because I had a couple questions for him. And his door was open and everything, so I thought it would be fine to say hi, but when I got there he was... completely creeping on Sunshine s MyScry page. 142 MARLEY Sunshine has a MyScry page? She hasn t friended me... 143 FAUSTER Obviously. 144 NIKKI He shut down his laptop as soon as I said something, but I was reaaaalllllyyyyy confused. 145 MARLEY I mean, I d be confused too. He s supposed to be the RA, he can t be stalking us. 146 NIKKI Exactly! And like, no one cares about Sunshine... except for me. 147 FAUSTER I soooooo called it! 148 SUNSHINE What about me? 149 FAUSTER Speak of the devil. 150 NIKKI What? No! We weren t talking about you. 151 FAUSTER She s not good at lying either, is she?

12. 152 SUNSHINE Okay then. I found a book! I really think this will help with my essay. It s written in real blood! And bound in human skin! (A BEAT, NIKKI GAGS) 153 SUNSHINE (cont d) Guys, I m kidding, lighten up. 154 MARLEY Lighten up? Really? 155 SUNSHINE And by that I mean catch fire and die. 156 NIKKI (Weakly) Come on Sunshine, I thought... I thought you were getting better at this. 157 FAUSTER Is it just me, or does she need to get more sun? 158 MARLEY Yeah, Nikki? Are you alright? You don t look so good. 159 NIKKI What? I m fine, just a little hungry is all. 160 SUNSHINE How about we get you some... um, "special" red popsicles. food? You know, those 161 NIKKI That should help. Plus my teeth feel kind of weird. 162 FAUSTER My, what sharp teeth you have. 163 MARLEY Okay... Well, I hope you feel better. 164 NIKKI Thanks. See you around? 165 MARLEY Sure thing. I ll talk to you guys later. 166 SUNSHINE Buh-bye momma s boy. 167 SOUND: SHUFFLING AS NIKKI AND SUNSHINE GET UP; FOOTSTEPS

13. 4 SCENE: 4 DORM HALLWAY 168 SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING; NATURAL SOUND 169 FAUSTER Well, that was a weird trip to the library, and I m saying that. 170 MARLEY Yeah, because our situation isn t weird at all. 171 FAUSTER After so many years, this is normal. Get used to it pal. But seriously, there s something strange going on here. 172 MARLEY We re friends with a death-loving pixie and a hunter with an identity crisis. Oh, and I m stuck with you. And you re the one going on about strange things? 173 FAUSTER Look Marley, I know it s tough for your tiny wizard brain to understand, but us demons can kind of sense trouble. It s in our nature. 174 MARLEY And? You re saying we re in trouble? 175 FAUSTER I don t know, kid. But something s up. All I m saying is as much as I like that pixie chick, she seems like she might be an issue. 176 MARLEY I mean, Sunshine may have a slight obsession with demons and death but- (MARLEY RUNS INTO DECLAN) 177 SOUND: BOOKS FALLING TO GROUND 178 FAUSTER Look what you ve done you bumbling mess. 179 MARLEY Oh my gosh Declan, I m so sorry. Let me help you. 180 DECLAN Thanks, uh... Mmmmmmark?

14. 181 MARLEY It s Marley. 182 DECLAN Sorry sport. Could you hand me that book over there? 183 MARLEY Sure thing. 184 FAUSTER "Advanced Demonology?" What s he using that for? 185 DECLAN Thanks. So, I saw you hanging out with Sunshine earlier... and she mentioned she was interested in this. I took this course a couple semesters ago and found it... enlightening. Would you give this book to her? 186 FAUSTER Enlightening? That s normal. 187 MARLEY Uh, sure. 188 DECLAN She seems like a nice girl, I just want to help her out. 189 FAUSTER NICE? Did he just say nice? 190 MARLEY Um, okay then. Well, I should get back to writing my paper. 191 DECLAN Alright, well if you need anything, I m just down the hall. See ya Mark. 192 MARLEY It s... never mind. 193 FAUSTER Nikki was right. There s gotta be something wrong with a guy who thinks Sunshine is a nice girl to take home to the parents. 194 MARLEY True. Our RA studies demons, Sunshine wants to be one, and Nikki hunts them. Fauster, we re in for one hell of a semester.