Right, Andrew. Wakey wakey! Get a move on! Oh, look at the mess. There are clothes everywhere.

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Bartholomew Johnston
5 years ago
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1 SCENE 1 Right,. Wakey wakey! Get a move on! Oh, look at the mess. There are clothes everywhere. (Yawns.) Oh, morning,. When are you going to tidy this place up? ( picks up a few things.) Not now. You ll be late for school. ( drops the things again.) I was having a brilliant dream about designer clothes. I had hundreds of them. All the best brands ZeroPlus, Bing Bang, and best of all Never Never and I was on the catwalk and everybody was cheering and clapping Why don t you ever have dreams about going to school? I do. They re called nightmares. Well, your nightmare s about to begin again. (She grabs a jacket and tries to put it on him.) You ve got to be there in twenty minutes. Wait a minute I m not wearing that. Oh, is it dirty? I ll stick it in the wash. It s not dirty. It s just not very good. At Christmas you said that this was the best jacket in the world No as a matter of fact, you said it was the best jacket in the universe. It cost 250! Aye, well, the universe has moved on since then. Where s my new jacket? (Picks a jacket that is on a hanger.) Here we are (Slips it on and poses a bit.) Fantastic. Wait till my pals see this. Well, to pay for your new clothes, I m having to start a part-time job at the chip shop. Oh, mum. That s silly. You shouldn t have to work down the chip shop. ( smiles.) Couldn t you just get a part time job in a clothes shop instead? ( exits, upset. looks at audience.) What? Did I say something? Pupil 1 Pupil 2 Pupil 1 I don t think you should be wearing clothes like that to school. What ll people say? They ll say (Cut to school.) wowee! Hey, Andy nice threads! What a fantastic jacket,. That must have cost a fortune.

2 Pupil 2 Yes it did as a matter of fact. Can I touch it? Careful and then they ll say SCENE 2 Wouldn t you just die for a jacket like this? I wouldn t even risk a minor injury for a jacket like that. Oh, don t listen to him. He dresses like a tramp. Don t you? Better than dressing like a shop window. Dummy. What s all the writing for? That is the brand. You do know what a brand is, don t you? Of course. That s what you see on cowboy films when they get a red hot lump of metal and burn a coo s bum. It is important to let people see your brand. What? In case a posse of cowboys come to round you up? These are the latest style Never Never 632s with gold plated buttons. Never Never? What s that? Only the most poular and trendiest and coolest brand of clothing and sportswear in the world. Get it on! That s their slogan. How about Get a life? Do they keep your legs warmer than other trousers? There s more to it than that. These trousers don t just keep your legs warm Oh? Can you wear them on your head as well? I d rather wear these on my head than wear yours at all. At least my clothes allow me to be an individual. I m an individual too. Its just I choose to look the same as some other individuals. I least I don t look cheap. Better cheap than a sheep. Baa! But look how dull your clothes are. I mean your jacket it doesn t even have anything written on it or anything. What difference does that make? It keeps my arms warm. It keeps the rain off me. And it s got pockets for my money and my keys and my sweeties and my lumps of oose.

3 ( realizes he is alone with and shuffles away.) SCENE 3 What s wrong? Did I say something? Are you scared of oose? Whoo! No. It s just I d rather you didn t speak to me while you re erm dressed like that. Bet you don t even know wear your clothes come from, they re probably made in sweatshops They are not there is a factory just down the road! I m going to check it out maybe I ll get a discount for being they re most loyal customer! An Old Factory in Scotland. (As sets the scene, factory noises gradually fade and stop. End of day hooter blows.) It s definitely this address but it doesn t look too promising. It s not exactly a hive of activity. Maybe they re on their dinner break. ( walks on with a hammer and a large piece of board.) Excuse me. Can I ask you a question? No. I m not going to a board meeting. I m boarding this factory up. Is this where they make all the Never Never clothes? More like never never again. Don t you watch the news? Not really. I m more of a cartoon person. They ve upped stumps shot the craw vamoosed pulled the plug sellt the jerseys, to coin a phrase. The factory is shut. Gone no more history. It s a tragedy. What a disaster. That means there ll be no more new styles to buy. No more triple stitching. No more impressing everybody with my fantastic dress sense Even worse. No more jobs. But everybody wears Never Never gear. I thought they were making a fortune. They just disappeared overnight. (Snaps his fingers.) They could get the stuff made cheaper elsewhere. Do you know where the Far East is? Edinburgh? The Far East? Musselburgh? No. Asia. We ve all been made redundant and our jobs have been transferred to sweat shops in the far east.

4 SCENE 4 SCENE 5 Imagine a shop that sells sweat. Do they store it in bottles? No it s a factory that makes people work really hard for very long hours for hardly any pay. Have you never heard of the tiger economies? They sell tigers as well? That s dangerous. No wonder they re sweating. So if you want to see where your jackets come from, you ll need to get a plane to the far east. There s a plane leaving in five minutes. That s convenient. (They exit.) Aeroplane Flight. (An Stewardess appears.) Welcome aboard Flight 247 to the Far East, stopping at Muschat, bai and Musselburgh. Please fasten your seatbelts, stop stuffing your faces with sweeties and pay attention. Please turn your mobiles off. Not so much because we will crash as because they are selfish and annoying. The person next to you does not want to hear your opinion on last night s episode of Big Brother. In an emergency your oxygen mask will drop from above which will shortly be followed by us all dropping from above. Ha ha. Life jackets are stored under your seats in case we land in the sea. Have a nice flight. Excuse me.. See the life jackets Do you have them in a different colour? I don t think this shade of tangerine will go well with my shirt. It s a life jacket. It needs to be brightly coloured so that you can be rescued. Would you rather be lost at sea? I d rather drown than wear something that colour. Aren t you taking fashion a bit far? I don t care where we crash. I m not wearing that jacket. Excuse me again. Stewardess? You remind me of my mum. That s because I am your mum. I m just doing a few flights until I pay off my credit cards. (She walks away.) That s terrible. My poor mum having to work extra hours just to buy me trendy clothes. Oh well that s the price of looking good. This is a passenger announcement. We are now approaching our final destination. We hope that you enjoyed the flight. Please fly again with Squeezy Jet. And don t be late in for your dinner. ( Stewardess exits.) My darling little children. Are you ready to do some work? Are you ready to make some money? Are you ready to break some sweat? Now, it has come to my attention that one or two of you have been lagging behind. Not meeting your targets. And you know what happens when you don t meet your targets? Mr gets upset, because you re costing him money. I m not running a charity. This is business.

5 ( exits.) Well this is definitely the place we were looking for. Look at all the workers. (Indicating audience) They look tired and a bit bored. Wow. Look at all the designer gear. Every brand you can imagine. What a great place to work. ( tries a jacket on. arrives.) Take that jacket off right now. Are you trying to ruin my stock? Who are you, boy? Are you the new employee? That depends on the wages. Do you have a work permit? No. Good. I hate work permits. They re so restricting. I have hundreds of people working here making these jackets. Fifty jackets a day three dollars each. (To audience.) Fifty jackets times three dollars that s a hundred and fifty dollars. About a hundred pounds. I ll do it. Good. Now, your job is to sew the labels on. Easy. You do it wrong you don t get paid. You go too slow you don t get paid. You mess it up You don t get paid? No (Mimes throat cutting sign.) I used to have a teacher like that. Don t stand around talking all day. Get a move on! This isn t one of those sweat shops I ve been hearing about. I no sweat. (Points to his armpit.) Check for yourself. I ll take your word for it. Chop chop. If I reduce their wages anymore they ll be paying me! (He goes for a snooze) ( returns absolutely shattered after his day s work.) Oh I think I need a lie down. There you are, Mr. Fifty jackets three dollars each.

6 I think you misunderstand me. It is not the jackets three dollars each. It is the workers three dollars each. (Gives three dollars.) Three measly dollars for a whole days work? No no no. You were late. One dollar fine. (Takes a dollar back.) Two measly dollars? No no no. Hire of machine. One dollar. (Takes another dollar back.) One dollar a day. So how long will I have to work to afford one of these jackets. (Calculates it to himself.) It would take about three months just to afford a jacket. Then you better get home and have some sleep. We start again in eight hours. But my house is hundreds of miles away. In that case you can sleep on the factory floor with the rest of the workers. (Takes his last dollar.) That ll be one dollar rent. (About to exit.) Nighty night. Don t let the bed bugs bite or the rats or the snakes. Wait a wee minute. This isn t fair. You can t treat people like that. Why not? The people who buy these things don t care where they come from. When you go into a shop, do you ask where the things were made and how much the person who made it was paid? No. You just walk away and forget it. I make what the shops order and the shops order what you buy. Don t blame me blame you. In that case I resign? Ha ha ha. Mr is not so crazy. With a touch of clever accounting and a little bit of bullying I get the fool to work all day for nothing. Ha ha. Meanwhile I make a fortune. (He looks at the jackets.) Oh, no. He s put the logos on upside down! I m ruined, ruined. ( exits.)

A collection of old broken down cars litter the front lawn.

EXT. S HOUSE - DAY A collection of old broken down cars litter the front lawn., 29, tall and handsome in overalls stands over a car looking down at its engine, cleaning a spanner with an oily rag. David