How To Write An Awesome First . General Guidelines For The First

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Candice Adams
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1 How To Write An Awesome First Table of Contents: 1. General Guidelines for Writing The First i. Keep it short and sweet ii. 9 Rules 2. What Your First Tells Her 3. What NOT To Write Her 4. The Collection Examples 5. What To Do With This Information?? General Guidelines For The First Writing that 1 st can be a lot of pressure The first lesson I can tell you about writing that initial is that if it takes you longer than 3 minutes to write, it s NOT good. Longer than 3 minutes means you are putting too much thought into what you say and how you present yourself and women are going to sense that right away. What it says to women is this: I want to impress and make sure I write the RIGHT thing to you to get you to respond. Which means I m too eager, I m needy and I m already invested in you even though I don t know you.

2 As you can see, all of that is NO good and not how you want to represent yourself. Now, I know that s not who you are and you know that s not who you are but these women haven t met you yet. They know nothing about you other than the way you wrote that first . Sure they can learn more from your profile but I guarantee women won t even get to your profile if they don t like what you wrote to them. Which is why that first and the way you write it is essential. So follow the rule of If it takes you longer than 3 minutes to write an initial , don t send it. Instead, walk away from the computer and come back when you are ready to write what YOU want, rather than what you think she wants to hear ;-) The 2 nd lesson I wanted to share about writing the initial is that it should be short, light and engaging. Messages like you re pretty. I d like to take you out. or messages that could be sent to anyone will never get responses from women. Just like in real life, in order to get a woman excited and interested in you, she must FEEL something about you. And in order to get her to FEEL something about you, your messages must be engaging. Now I don t have a formula for writing a great opening but I have something better. What I have for you comes in 2 parts. 1 part is a bunch of and texting examples I ve compiled over the years that I know are kick ass opener s or texts. Just seeing these will help you create your own pattern for success. I ll also include my commentary as to WHY they were engaging and WHY I would respond to them.

3 The 2 nd part is general guidelines and rules for writing initial s that you can follow. And these guidelines are that you want your initial s to be: 1. Short no longer than a paragraph ESPECIALLY if you are writing to women in their 20 s. 2. No Investment you never want to show that you are already heavily invested in a woman just because you read her profile UNLESS the woman is over than Intrigued you want to show this woman that there was something about her that caught your eye that makes her unique or different than other women. BUT you re still not sure about her. So it could either be that she s squinting in a pic of hers and you want to know what the hell was in her eye OR that it s rare to find a girl online whose list of favorite books include X, X and X and you want to know why. 4. Interesting & Fun Online dating is meant to be fun. At least the dating part of it is. Remember you re trying to see if this girl is cool. If she s fun and can bring something to YOU. See if she can jump into your world rather than attempting to weasel your way into hers. 5. Positive Nobody likes a Debbie downer. Make sure that your s are always positive rather than negative. You can definitely tease, challenge and ask questions about things in her profile but never put them down or tell a negative story that her profile may have sparked. IF you do have a shared hate for the Red Sox you can definitely comment on it but put a positive spin on it a girl with a mutual detest for the Red Sox. Where have you been all my life? 6. NOT Cheesy and Already Approving I ve seen lots of initial s and profiles written that can show a woman you re already into her. Statements like I hope you are that girl or Are you ready for a guy like me. Things like this are cheesy and come across as needy. As I ve said time and time again,

4 it s not about HER just yet. You ll decide when it can or can t be. But you have to get to know her first. If you already approving prior to her even writing you, what does that say about you? 7. Open-Ended You want to leave room for her to respond and contribute. Just like in real life you want to end your so that s it s open to her also adding on and jumping into the conversation. Read my article on conversation threading for guidance here: 8. Be Literate Netspeak is huge turn-off according to OK Cupid. Using netspeak instead of proper grammar decreases a woman s response rate. Words like: ur, u, wat, wont, and so on. These all make a terrible first impression. 9. Avoid Physical Compliment - You might think that words like gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. As we all know, women normally like compliments, but when they re used as pick-up lines, before you ve even met in person, they inevitably feel ew. What Your First Tells Her You have to remember that with online dating, as well as real life dating, you may not be the only guy vying for a woman s attention. Which means that you need to stand out amongst the herd. With every you send, you want her to re-confirm that selecting you over others was the right choice. The first should show her that: 1. You have high social value

5 2. You have a personality and are not some robotic spam machine that crawls the internet and sends out generic s to women 3. You are NOT needy 4. She is not just one in a 1000 girls that you are writing to You want your first to say, I m a solid guy with options and MAY want to select you but I am not completely convinced just yet. Obviously not with those words but that is the message I want you to get across to both the woman and to yourself. Remember, just like in real life, YOU get to be part of the selection process and the goal is not to win her over. The goal is to see if there is commonality/chemistry between the two of you so that you can progress to meeting in person. What NOT To Write Not sure if you listen to The Ask Women Podcast, if not you should ;-) But on one of our shows we had two awesome women who gave their feedback on the wrong way that guys write them their first s. They both agreed that when a guy simply writes hey or what s up or how is your day going or I like your profile. We have a lot in common. Let s meet up for coffee, they instantly get turned off, bored and move onto the next guy! When I asked them why, they both said, Because he s not showing me anything about him he expects me to carry on the conversation rather than contributing to it himself. They also said, It just says that he s boring and they both didn t want to be with boring guys.

6 I completely agreed with them because anybody could write these s anybody who s super boring ;-) Not only do these s not invoke any type of emotional reaction in her, they also kill all attraction. So what does invoke an emotional response and make her want to know more about you, write back and want to go on a date??? There are 4 essential things that every must have in order to invoke an emotional response from woman and get her to respond to you It needs: 1. Proof that you see her and that she stands out from the herd of women online. This does not mean showering with compliments or sucking up. It means highlighting something different that caught your eye and made you write to her. Could be that she was wearing a Bears shirt or that you admire her passion for midnight bowling. 2. To engage her emotions. Statements don t engage emotions for example I like dogs, emotions do for example Your dog reminds me of my childhood dog. 3. To be fun! Without fun there is no reason to be dating at all let alone dating online. If you don t have fun with your first , she s not going to either. Go back to your childhood days and think of the way you engaged girls. You teased, you challenged and you weren t afraid to rock the boat. This is the fun I m talking about. 4. To give her a reason to respond to you. You can do this by adding a question or statement that requires more information from her. Now that I ve told you all the basics for writing that first , I want to get onto to the most important part and show you my collections of awesome and not so awesome initial s.

7 THE COLLECTION! I knew I would I have a need for these one day! These were sent in from past clients I have worked with and have asked permission to share with you. They are a collection of 10 good and bad examples of initial s to send to women. I ll show you each initial and then comment as to WHY I liked what was written. 1. TO WOMAN: A lady who subscribes to the Around the Horn podcast?? Be still my heart :-) I grew up in Chicago, so I'm an avid fan of all sports Chicago (although I'm not as well versed in the college scene). Do you have any pro sports team allegiances? :-D Marni s Comments: I love this because it has all of the essentials: fun, invokes feelings, makes a woman feel seen and gets her to respond. I could literally feel this mans energy when I read this initial and it made me want to respond back because I want to be around energy like that. 2. TO WOMAN: Wow, I rarely see a profile and expect to see "education equity" listed; that's incredibly awesome that you have passion for such an issue!! I've always felt that we focus on the wrong issues when it comes to education (test scores, etc); people lose sight of the fact we're educating young people and not robots. What's your ultimate goal when it comes to reform? Marni s Comments: This is very similar to the one above. Has all the ingredients. The great thing about this one is that the guy was not afraid to put an opinion of his own out there and was not afraid to turn

8 the girl off with it. This shows high value and shows that he is a confident, independent man. Again, the high energy in this is really nice BUT please know it doesn t always have to be so high energy. If that s not who you are, you can still write an engaging first TO WOMAN: A Netflix fan with no specific binge preferences?? C'mon now, tell me you haven't watched Arrested Development or Dexter for 7 straight hours...if you haven't, they have the right to revoke your membership, y'know. Marni s Comments: Love how this teases the girl and shows that the guy has a sense of humor. My comments that I wrote above apply to this as well. 4. TO WOMAN: Love that you're a proponent of brinner; I subscribe to the Ron Swanson school of thought, "There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food." By far one of my favorite quotes. When did you get into brinner? Marni s Comments: This one shows there is a meeting of the minds, a commonality which is always wonderful when dating online. Women, as well as men, are looking for connections online and sometimes it s hard to find them. Pointing out a deeper, more unique connection is always a great way to catch a woman s attention. 5. TO WOMAN: Subject: You don't seem... like the teacher type. I would have figured you for a corporate lawyer. Why did you decide to teach? Marni s Comments: Alright, this is a tricky one cause I see what this

9 guy was trying to do but it just comes off as rude. Its kind of Pick Up Artisty and you know I m not a fan of that. As a woman I would have been insulted especially if I loved the fact that I was a teacher. I would have thought, What does that mean? Do I look bitchy? Do I look smart? What does that mean? It would not have engaged me at all. I would probably not respond to this message and writing and written him off as a dick. Working with this guy, I knew he was not a dick at all. He was just trying to be playful but in a way that is too dry for , especially when this woman did not know his style of humor. 6. TO WOMAN: Would you please stop stalking my profile ;-) Seen you've checked me out a couple of times so I decided to do the same and found myself intrigued. I can see you are a real lady. Not many more of those left in the world. Marni s Comments: I loved this one cause I know a lot of guys get really confused by women checking out their profiles but aren t sure what to say about it. This is playful and invokes emotions. Plus it s makes her feel seen. 7. TO WOMAN: Hi, I'm in the military and I would like to know more about you. What kind of things do you like to do? Marni s Comments: This is an example of one of those bland s I was talking about before. One that says nothing about who you are as a man and invokes no emotions. Think for a second. What if someone were to write this to you. Would it make you want to write back? Would you think oh this person much be interesting!. Probably not. Too boring, says nothing and does not make me want to respond.

10 8. TO WOMAN: I read through your profile and I gotta say, only my Freshman English Teacher made more use of the Oxford Comma than you. Oh my name is Alex! Grammar snob at your service! Marni s Comments: K this one is a little cheesy for my blood BUT I know many women who would love this. Especially women over TO WOMAN: I won t lie what got me initially interested in you was your profile picture. But then I started to read your profile. I saw that you love baseball, rock n roll music, and comedies. And it ALMOST made me forget about how pretty your smile was. We re both baseball fans, rock n roll is my favorite kind of music, and I m a sucker for a stupid comedy. Will you marry me!? But seriously, I m interested in chatting with you. Marni s Comments: This one is also kind of cheesy but I would probably respond back to this one just because I would be interested in seeing what that second was like TO WOMAN: Your profile is hilarious! I'd love to witness one of those things you do, they sound cute ;-) So do you work at a rehab clinic? I worked on Celebrity rehab for a while and it made me totally want to help people with addiction (even though most of them really didn't have issues, they just wanted the air time). Anyway, my name is Mark and your pic caught my eye, but it's what you wrote is what made me decide to write to you haha. I take it your name is Jessica? Marni s Comments: This one was actually written by one of my

11 Wing Girls boyfriends. She has now been with him for 2 years and this was his first to her on OK cupid. It s sincere and real and I love it and obviously so did she TO WOMAN: You're awesome. I ended up unable to stop reading your profile. If you speak as well as you write then we gotta hang. I'm Brandon by the way and there's a new place that opened with old arcade games, another room of pinball machines, a comfy patio and a full bar! I CHALLENGE YOU WOMAN! Marni s Comments: This is a bonus one. I like that it starts with a little tease and cocky comment and goes into real and genuine. As you can see, my collection houses a bunch of different types of s from cocky to cheesy to sincere to straight forward. All of these work but you have to decide what works for you. What To Do With This Information?? That s a silly question ;-0 What you do with this information is you use it and start practicing. I ve outlined some pretty awesome general guidelines to follow, as well as provided you with templates and now it s time to start practicing using what I ve taught. My advice is to try all of them a few times using your own words but following the flow of each of these. See what gets you a good response AND see what feels right to you. No matter what, you still want to be true to who you are online while getting attention from women. The second that you start representing yourself as someone else that is not consistent with who you are is the second women will start feeling you are creepy. PLUS if you write to a woman as one character and then show up for the date a totally

12 different guy, the woman will instantly write you off and be mad at the whole online dating process. Have fun with it! If you want me to look over your outgoing s to see if you are on the right track, I d be happy to do so All you gotta do is click here to sign up for our coaching program and you can start sending your outgoing s to guarantee you on the right track. Go here to sign up:

Mike Wynn - ArtofAlpha.com

Mike Wynn - ArtofAlpha.com The Art of Alpha Presents' 7 Proven Conversation Starters That Lead To Dates How to easily approach any women, And not get stuck in your head wondering what to say I just let another beautiful woman slip