With ourselves The most important of all How do we speak to ourselves What do we say??

Transcription

1 Communication

2 Communication With ourselves The most important of all How do we speak to ourselves What do we say??

3 How do we communicate with others??

4 What are the difficulties??

5 85% of communication is nonverbal Includes facial expression, body position, muscle tone, breathing, tempo and voice tone

6 What does he say??

7 When people communicate they are trying to get their needs met Need to express clearly Sometimes difficult to get needs met if we cannot identify what it is we need or want

8 Placater Communication strategies Words say: Whatever you want is ok with me. I am just here to please you. Body language: I feel helpless Inside feelings: I feel like nothing I am dead without you I am worthless

9 Blamer Words: Disagree all of the time You never do anything right What is the matter with you? Body Language: Blames I am the boss around here Inside: I feel lonely and unsuccessful

10 Computer Words: Ultra reasonable Body Language: Computer like, calm, cool and collected Inside: I feel vulnerable

11 Distracter Words: Irrelevant the words make no sense Body Language: Angular and off somewhere else Inside: Nobody cares. There is no place for me

12 Leveler Words: Words represent the truth at that moment in time Body Language: Is consistent with the verbal message Inside: I feel good about myself and I am expressing my needs

13 Why is it so difficult to Level I might make a mistake Someone might not like it Someone will criticize me I might impose He/she will think I am no good I might be thought of as imperfect He/she might leave

14 Try these rebuttals You are sure to make mistakes if you take any new action especially new action You can be quite sure that there will be someone who won t like what you do. Not everyone likes the same things Yes, someone will criticize you. You really aren t perfect. Some criticism is useful. You can live through whatever happens. You have more strength than you think you have

15 Only about 5% of people are real and level

16 Three Basic Styles of Interpersonal Aggressive Behaviour Some examples are fighting, accusing, threatening and generally stepping on people without regard for their feelings

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18 Passive A passive person lets other people push him or her around. The advantage is that you rarely experience direct rejection. The disadvantage is that you are frequently taken advantage of This causes you to store up a great deal of anger and hostility

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20 Assertive People are assertive when they stand up for themselves, express their true feelings and don t let others take advantage of them. At the same time they are considerate of others feelings The advantage of being assertive is that you get what you want, usually without making others angry If you are assertive, you can get act in your own best interest without feeling guilty or wrong about it

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22 Assertive vs. Aggressive You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated Assertiveness allows you to

23 Assertiveness allows you to Demand your rights Express personal likes and dislikes Talk about yourself without being selfconscious Accept compliments comfortably Disagree with someone openly Ask for clarification Say no Express anger effectively and be more relaxed in interpersonal situations

24 How to be Assertive Identify situations where you want to be more effective Look at your rights, what you want, what you need and your feelings about the situation Arrange a time to discuss Define the problem as specifically as possible Define your feelings by using the I message

25 Instead of You hurt me Say I feel hurt when you do that Express your request in an easy to understand sentence Be specific and firm Reinforce your request by stating the positive consequences of your request Maintain direct eye contact

26 Maintain and erect body posture Speak clearly, audibly and firmly Don t whine or be apologetic Make use of facial gestures and expressions

27 Assertive Vs Aggressive Do You Know the Difference??

28 Listen When I ask you to listen to me And you start giving me advice You have not done what I asked When I ask that you listen to me And you begin to tell me why I shouldn t feel that way You are trampling on my feelings

29 When I ask you to listen to me And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems You have failed me, strange as that may seem Listen: All that I ask is that you listen Not talk or do just hear me

30 When you do something for me That I need to do for myself, You contribute to my fear and feelings of inadequacy But when you accept as a simple fact That I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational Then I can quit trying to convince you

31 And go about the business Of understanding what s behind my feelings So, please listen and just hear me And if you want to talk Wait a minute for your turn- and I ll listen to you.

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