Section 2: Why Your Ex is Acting Cold & Distant (And How to Get Them To Open Up) In this section, I want to address something that s probably driving you crazy right now: How cold and distant your ex is being They were totally in love with you before, everything was great and now they barely even give you the time of day. It s probably driving you crazy and making you wonder: How can they do this? How could they be so cold and distant and act like I don t even matter to them? In this section, I want to address some of the underlying reasons for their behavior so you can finally understand what s really going on. Once you understand what s going on behind the scenes you ll finally be able to stop driving yourself nuts, wondering why they re acting this way. The truth is, you ll probably still be bothered by it even after you learn this. However, it ll bother you a lot less once you finally understand this. So here s the short explanation: The reason they re acting so cold and distant right now is because they re A LOT more over you than you think.
Your Ex is A LOT More Over You Than You Think You might think that this all just happened very suddenly; however, your ex has already been thinking about leaving you for quite some time. It s not like they just woke up one day and were like: hmm, this relationship isn t really doing it for me. I really love this person and all but I think I m just going to go ahead and end it. Not at all. In fact, here s what I discovered after talking to a lot of people on both sides of the breakup, both the person doing the dumping and the dumpee Most people plan to break up with someone for weeks, months, and sometimes years before they actually leave them. From time to time, I ll ask people the following question: How long did you know you wanted to end it before you actually ended it? The amount of time varies in each case, though the most common answer I get is usually a couple of months. See, it s never easy to end a relationship. (If you ve ever been the one to end a relationship in the past then you already know this) My point here is this: It s never easy to leave someone you love I know right now it may seem like it s really easy for them to do it based on their current behavior. However, you have to realize that their current behavior is a reflection of weeks, months, and sometimes YEARS of unhappiness. It wasn t this easy for them to do when they first got the idea. That s why they wrestled with it for so long before they finally did it. The only reason it seems so easy for them to walk away right now is because they ve actually been EMOTIONALLY DISTANCING themselves from you during all that time.
In other words, they ve been pulling away from you in order to make it easier for them to leave the relationship. As you can imagine, it d be really hard to leave someone you re still madly in love with. No one ever leaves someone thinking, oh my god, they are such an amazing person!!! I don t know if I ll ever be find someone as good as them again! If that was the case, they probably wouldn t be leaving them in the first place If your partner still saw you in such a positive light, they wouldn t be walking out of your life right now. So why are they doing it? It s because something happened to cause them see you in a negative light It may have just been a thing or two at first. Perhaps it just led to a fight or an argument in the beginning. You guys got through it. No big deal. However, as more and more issues came up (or as the same issue surfaced again and again), it began to have a devastating effect on the relationship. And over time, it even began to affect the way that they saw you as a person. So while it may have just been a little thing at first, over time it progressed into a really big thing (kind of like a snowball effect) And now you re left trying to figure out what that little thing is, probing your partner for the reason they ve been acting so different lately. And yet, they don t even know how to explain it to you because it s now progressed way beyond that little thing that started it all. It s now a full-blown snowball, with a collection of fights, arguments and reasons that have built up over time. And now all these things are stored away, brewing with disappointment and resentment. That s why they re acting so cold to you. It s because they re in an entirely different emotional state right now. And that emotional state is what s causing them to want to leave you. Here s a universal truth about break ups: People break up because of emotions.
No matter what reason your ex gave you for leaving (if they even gave you any reason at all), I guarantee that it wasn t the real reason. And even if it was the real reason, that reason is only one tiny sliver of the full story. And I can guarantee that they evaluated the whole story before breaking up with you. No one just wakes up and decides to leave the person they love in the spur of the moment. It takes A LOT more than that to actually leave someone. So what does it take to actually get someone to leave? Why Do People Break Up? There are a lot of different things that can make someone leave a relationship (far more than I can even begin to describe in this one section) If you want to learn more about why your ex decided to break up with you, I recommend getting my advanced course on Why Your Ex Left. In this course, I explore the 10 most common reasons that cause people to break up (and what you can learn from it). The goal of this course is to help you learn what went wrong in your relationship so that you actually have a chance of rebuilding it. Or, if you don t want to rebuild it, you can use this knowledge to make sure that you don t make the same mistakes in the future. You can download the course here => www.whyyourexleft.com
The Reason Behind Every Single Break Up Although there s a wide variety of reasons that caused you and your ex to break up, there s ONE core universal reason that made them break up with you. This core reason is at the heart of every break up (no matter what the surface level reasons may be). Your ex left because the pain of being with you became greater than the pain of losing you. Pretty insightful stuff, huh? Like I said in section 1, as humans, we HATE change. In fact, we try to avoid it at all costs. It s painful, it s uncomfortable and it s unfamiliar. So if someone reached a point to where they were actually willing to endure the pain of changing, it means that they reached a point in their life where the pain of staying where they were became worse than the pain of changing. Make sense? See, what happened was that your ex was unhappy in the relationship for so long that it finally drove them to do something about it. The first few times they brushed it off, they ignored, etc. However, after a certain period of time they reached what I call The Pain Point This is the point in which staying is more painful than changing. When they reach that point, they cross what I call The Transformational Threshold This is when they re actually driven to make a change in their life. In this case, that change involves breaking up with you. PS: if you re the one that did the dumping then this should explain the process you went through prior to actually breaking up with your partner. You may be tempted to second-guess your decision at times because now you re going through the actual pain of changing and living your life without them. However, it s important that you stick through this period of discomfort and get to the other side.
A lot of people start having leavers remorse and start wondering if they made the right choice. In order to counteract this urge, you have to remember why you made the decision to end the relationship in the first place. If you don t do this, you run the risk of giving in to your ex in your moments of weakness and compromising on what you believe to be the right thing to do. Back to the dumpee As you can see, your ex went through a rough process before finally ending the relationship. Sure, it may not seem as rough to them right now as it does for you but that s because they ve had a chance to process this stuff over an extended period of time (while this probably hit you all at once). However, you have to realize that this break up isn t just happening all at once, totally out of the blue. Your ex has been unhappy in the relationship for quite some time (whether you ve been able to pick up on it or not is a totally different story). Regardless of whether you did or not, your ex is now at a point where they lost hope of things ever changing. If they didn t lose hope, then they d still be with you. In fact, you guys would probably be working on your relationship together right now (rather than being separated and grieving the loss) Now, if they are still with you, then it s even more crucial for you to get some help to turn things around before it s too late. Please call my office immediately and ask my assistant to set up a Relationship Rescue session with me. On this call, I ll do my best to help you save the relationship while you still can. You can still call and ask to book this session even if you guys already broke up, though the relationship might already be beyond repair at this point. If you want to know more about whether you can still save your relationship, check out my advanced course for the 10 tell-tale signs that your relationship can still be saved. If you re interested in learning more about this course, send us an email for more details at help@howtogetoverarelationship.com
The REAL Reason Your Ex is Acting Cold & Distant When I talked to people in my private practice, I discovered that some of them actually confronted their ex to see why they re suddenly acting that way. They probed them and started asking them questions like: Why are you being this way? Why can t you just talk to me normally? Most of the time, their ex didn t even respond to them or give them any real reason for their behavior. However, in some cases, their ex said it s just easier that way Interesting This basically confirms exactly what I was saying earlier: It s easier for your ex to cope with the break up when they don t allow themselves to get emotional again If they allow themselves to get emotional again, it would make them vulnerable. And since they ve been thinking about ending the relationship for quite some time, they don t want to open themselves up to you and risk being swayed or influenced by their emotions. So instead, they ve decided to just shut themselves off from you completely in order to make it easier on them. Here s what you need to take away from it all You need to realize that they are not doing this to hurt you they re doing it in order to make it easier for them to cope with it. This is something that I believe to be a universal truth in life: People aren t trying to hurt you, they re just trying to save themselves If you actually dig deeper and look beyond the surface in any situation where you feel wronged or hurt, you will likely find this to be true. Try to keep this in mind so that you don t drive yourself nuts. Your ex may not act any differently as a result of this but it ll give you some clarity on what s really going on so that you don t keep obsessing about it.
What We Do When Our Partner Leaves When our partner tries to leave, we usually hound them for a reason. We try to understand why they re leaving. The reason that so many of us do this is because we think that if we can just get a reason out of them then we can convince them to stay. But like I said earlier, this rarely ever works because their decision to leave you is an EMOTIONAL decision (not a logical one). This is really hard for us to grasp (especially for guys) But here s the thing They didn t break up with you for just ONE specific reason but rather a collection of reasons that caused a change in EMOTION. And once that change in emotion happens, it s usually really hard to do anything else. Yet, most people don t really realize this They continue to probe their partner for some kind of answer as to why they ended it. Why are you doing this!?!? What happened!?!? Let s talk it out. Unfortunately, the way most people go about this is totally WRONG. They don t know the right approach to use to actually get their partner to open up. They don t know how to communicate effectively. They don t know how to handle conflict. If they did, they wouldn t be on the brink of a break up to begin with. Rebuilding a broken relationship is a hard enough feat as it is. However, it s next to impossible when neither partner has the skills to make it work. And even when one person has the skills to make it work, it s still not enough. The truth is that it takes two people to make a relationship work.
The main thing I m trying to communicate here is that even if they were open to talking to you right now, the chances of you convincing them to take you back are not very high. Why? Because, like I said, they didn t just break up with you for ONE particular reason. It s usually a collection of reasons But even more importantly, it s a collection of EMOTIONS and EXPERIENCES These are the things that caused them to distance themselves from you EMOTIONALLY. In other words, they FEEL differently towards you right now That s why anything you try to say LOGICALLY won t work. Why? Because you are literally speaking to them in a different language. You are speaking to them with LOGIC while the issue here is EMOTIONAL If you want ANY chance of rebuilding a relationship with them, you have to change the way they feel about you. (And you re not going to do that by arguing with them or using logic) The truth is: it s very hard to actually change someone s feelings towards you especially when there s a lot of built up resentment) It takes two willing people to make it work. If you want to learn if there s still a chance of getting back with your ex or rebuilding a relationship with them, send us an email for more details about my advanced course help@howtogetoverarelationship.com In this course, I m going to help you figure out if you should try to get back with your ex or move on. The reason it s so important for you to figure this out is so that you can finally get some sort of answer or closure. Without it, you ll just end up being stuck in the uncertainty cycle forever, torn being moving on and getting back together. Hell, you may even waste weeks, months, and sometimes YEARS of your life waiting around on someone that really had no intention of ever getting back together with you.
This course will help you make sense of their behavior and see through any mixed-signals they may be giving you. I ll show you exactly what to look for to figure out if they still want to be with you. After doing this for years, I discovered that there s actually 2 tell-tale signs to look for that are a dead give-away. Once you learn what these are, it ll all make sense to you. I ll also give you the critical signs that you need to pay attention to so that you don t end up wasting your time with someone who doesn t want to be with you. Most people are totally naïve to these signs. In fact, they usually just end up brushing them off completely because the truth isn t pretty. However, I m not concerned with saying what s pretty, I m only considered with giving you the truth. And that s exactly what I m going to give you in this course. Warning: this is NOT for the faint of heart. This is only for the people who actually value themselves enough to finally get this thing figured out. If you re okay with living in a state of constant confusion, reading into every little thing they do, wondering if there s still a chance this is not for you. This is only for people who want to know the truth. If you re interested in learning more about this course, send us an email for more details at help@howtogetoverarelationship.com
How To Get Them To Open Up Alright, so as promised, I m going to tell you exactly what to do to get your ex to open up I know, I know the thing you ve been dying to get to ever since buying this course. The reason I didn t share this with you right away is because I wanted to lay the groundwork first and get you to brace yourself for this both mentally and emotionally. You needed to get back in touch with your true self first; the part of you that is bigger than whatever situation you re in right now. Next, you needed to understand where your ex is at right now. You needed to understand where they re coming from (and why they re acting that way). Now that you have a better grasp of these two things, you re better prepared to take on the task at hand. Before you say a single word to them, you have to make sure that you re not coming across as needy and desperate. Neediness is not attractive and any kind of attachment will actually push them away. So get a grip on yourself and regain your composure before you do anything You need to center yourself and get back to a place of wholeness within yourself first. Remember, you would be okay with or without them if it really came down to it. By the way, this is all based on The Attachment Principle that I discovered. I covered this in the very first video you saw when you bought this course. In case you forgot it, it goes like this: In every relationship, the person who cares least always has the most power. PS: if you d like to watch that video again, you can see it here: www.breakuprelief.com However, the point of me sharing this with you isn t to tell you that you need to stop loving or caring about them. Not at all.
I shared this with you in order to illustrate the power dynamic that runs behind the scenes in EVERY relationship. I just want you to be aware of this principle so you don t come across as desperate and needy. That s all. So whatever you do, don t start begging or pleading for another chance. Also, don t hound them. Don t try to pressure them to give you a reason and don t try to give them any kind of ultimatums of your own. Stop trying to control the situation. Just pull back for now and get a grip of yourself. Love yourself and get to a place where you d be okay with or without them. If you re not in that space, do NOT talk to your ex. You ll only make it worse. Once you re in that state, here s what you do: Agree with their decision to break up. Just agree with the breakup for now and let them know that while you really value what you two shared together, you need some time for yourself to really reflect on things and see if this is something that you really want for your future. By framing it this way, you are coming from a place of power (rather than a place of desperation). While this may seem like a very simple statement, it s actually sub-communicating a lot of very important things. It s showing them that you value yourself and your time and you actually want to give things some thought before rushing into things again. If you d like to go the extra mile, you can also let them know that you plan to use this time to reflect on what happened in the relationship so that you could learn from it and be a better person. Now you might be thinking: wow, that s pretty straight-forward. I don t even know how I d say all that.
Well, in an ideal world, you would say this the moment they re have the talk with you. You know, when they start of saying things like, this isn t really working out for me, I need some time apart to think about things, etc That would have been the perfect time to do it. So if you re still on and off and you sense the talk coming, here s what to say: You know what, I m glad you brought that up because I ve been thinking the same thing for a long time now and it s probably the best thing to do Now if you re thinking wow, I m already way past that point. I ve already called them a bunch of times and sent them a bunch of texts. I don t know how I d even say this after everything I did. It d seem kind of weird or out of character No worries. Papa Kevin s got your back ;) Here s an exact word-for-word template that you can use without agonizing over what to say or how to say it. I call it: The Resistance Remover >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hey, I m sorry I acted a little crazy the other day. What you said just kind of took me by surprise. I know it shouldn t have because I ve actually been thinking about taking some time apart as well but I guess when push came to shove, I just kind of lost it. Anyways, I ve thought a lot about what you said and I agree that breaking up is probably the best thing for both of us right now. Best wishes, Your first name >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The Best Way To Use This Template There are a lot of different ways that you can use this message. Personally, I would recommend writing a short hand-written letter. There s something much more thoughtful and personal about this than just a simple text or email (especially if you ve already tried those methods in the past). If you did, it makes it way too easy for your ex to just glance over it and quickly categorize with everything else you did. Plus, there s a million other things on their phone that are literally a click away. Writing a handwritten letter is a good way of standing out and making a real impression on them. Plus, you ll know they re actually devoting their attention to what you re saying when they receive it, rather than having it go in one ear and out the other in between a bunch of other texts and emails. Overall, I think they ll be much more open and receptive to it in this format. However, if you don t want to do that, you can also send it as a text, email or even a facebook message. You can really use it however you want. At the end of the day, the format you choose won t make or break it. Just like this one message alone won t make or break your relationship. As great as this message is, it cannot single handedly fix a broken relationship. The goal of this message is to remove the resistance they have towards you and have them see you as a whole and separate individual that is actually reacting maturely and giving this stuff some thought (rather than just acting out of desperation). In other words, this message is meant to position you as an equal (rather than a codependent emotional wreck that just keeps on pestering them) Look, shit happens and sometimes we get really emotional and totally lose our cool. However, if you can acknowledge it and own up to it, you can recover from it. That s what this message is designed to do. It s designed to help you regain respect in their eyes (and hopefully it ll help you regain some self-respect as well).
However, I want you to keep in mind that this message is just the opening move It s like the first chess move. You don t win the game with this. There s tons of factors beyond this message that are totally beyond my control (and probably beyond your control as well). After all, your chess pieces only compromise half the game pieces. In any case, this is a great starting point to help you get your foot in the door and open up a means of communication with them. That s why I call it the opening move It s just a way to open things up in a way where you can actually talk about it. That way, if it is truly meant to be, you ll have a way to revive the relationship. After all, the last thing I want to do is have someone lose something special because they didn t know how to handle themselves in the face of overwhelming emotions. That s really the only reason I even shared this stuff with you in the first place; to show you how to handle yourself in a much more mature and respectable way (as opposed to coming across as needy and desperate). By saying that you want some time to evaluate things too, it tips the scale a bit in your favor and puts you in a place of power. It reminds them (and yourself) that you re a perfectly whole and complete individual that could be fine with or without them. It also communicates the fact that you would only choose to invite them back into your life if you truly believed that it was in your best interest. In a lot of cases, it usually isn t, though that s a really hard thing for most people to accept (even though deep down they realize that their ex is not really good for them). Unfortunately, most people have to learn this the hard way. As they say, you can lead the horse to the water but you can t make it drink. I did my best to lead you down what I believe to be the most constructive path based on my experience. However, what you choose to do from here is totally up to you.
Whatever you do, make sure you decide from a place of POWER (not desperation) Remember, the secret is to be happy on your own (with or without your ex) You have to be willing to let them go if you ever want them to come back. PS: if you know that your ex is not the right person for you and you know you need to move on, please just completely disregard this section. I battled with myself while I was writing this section because I didn t want to lead people on or give them false hope. The only reason I ultimately decided to share this message was because I wanted to give people a way to open up the communication again in a casual, non-invasive way. When I first started helping people, I wouldn t actually tell them what to say. I would just tell them to cut contact and move on. However, I realized that very few actually listened. Over time, I realized that people were going to try to contact their ex one way or another might as well give them a better way to do it. With that said, if you don t want to be with them, just let go and move on with your life. You can still send them that message if you want, just don t go wishing and hoping that you end up getting back together. Because chances are, you won t. Why? Because people break up for a reason. What s done is done and you need to accept it and move on. Just focus on the first 10 pages of this section where I was talking about why they re acting so cold and distant right now. Now that you have a better understanding of the situation and you realize that they re ahead of you in the recovery process, your expectations will change. Hopefully, you ll no longer expect them to act the same way, which will give you some more peace of mind. By the way, if you re interested in learning more about where your relationship went off course and what you could have done to save it, I have another course that you may find helpful. It s called:
Why Your Ex Left (And What You Need to Learn From It) This course will give you an inside-look at what went wrong in your relationship, what you can learn from it, and what to do so you don t end up repeating the same mistakes in your future relationships. It also goes much deeper into why men just suddenly leave disappear out of the blue and how to become the kind of woman that no man would EVER want to leave. I also cover why women suddenly lose attraction and start acting cold and distant in a relationship (and what you can do to KEEP her interest so that she never gets bored and leaves you for someone else). It s important to know why your relationship ended regardless of whether you want to get over your ex or get them back. If you want to get back together, you have to know the REAL reasons you guys broke up so that you can actually have a chance of resolving the things that tore you apart. Without this, you don t stand a chance of actually getting them back (let alone rebuilding the relationship and actually making it last) If you don t want them back and you just want to learn from your mistakes so that you know what to do in the future, I d highly recommend checking it out too. After all, it s better to learn from it now so that you don t make the same mistakes in the future. Here s the link where you can download the course =>www.whyyourexleft.com In case you re wondering how a course like this can possibly tell you what went wrong in your relationship, I just want to make it clear that this is not just a regular course. It s more than just a series of videos and ebooks it actually gives you specific messages that you can send to your ex to get them to tell you the real reason why they left. You re really going to like one of them in particular, called The Reason Revealer It s a bit longer than the one I shared in this section but it s even more powerful. The one I shared in this section is great because it levels the playing field. However, your ex may not always respond to this message (after all, there s nothing in it that really evokes a need for them to reply to you). It s a lot more subtle and under the radar However, The Reason Revealer message actually asks them to give you a reason for the break up in a really casual and non-invasive way. It took me a while to phrase it just right but now it works like a charm. Once you read it, you ll beat yourself up for not thinking of it yourself. Check it out here => www.whyyourexleft.com
Want My Personal Advice on Your Situation? If you want more in-depth advice based on your specific situation, just call my office at (312) 476-9416 or email us at help@howtogetoverarelationship.com After you reach out to us, my assistant will get back to you to schedule a time for us to talk. Once we get on the phone, I ll help you see through all the confusion and figure out what you should do. Disclaimer: due to the overwhelming amount of requests I get, I cannot personally talk to everyone that wants my advice. However, we always get back to people within 24-48 hours so go ahead and reach out to us and my assistant will let you know what times I have available. I m usually pretty booked up but even if I m totally booked for the week, they should still be able to get you in pretty soon. Just call us at (312) 476-9416 or email us at help@howtogetoverarelationship.com