Coaching Notes Week 2 Work and Live Within Your Values Your Signature of Self
2 Work and Live Within Your Values Your Signature of Self A lot of people struggle to define what their Values are. It s easy to think that a need is a Value, so how do we tell them apart? In short, Values are the things you are naturally attracted to and that feel so easy to do. We CHOOSE to build a life around our Values. Needs are like niggling anxieties waiting to be fulfilled. I must be remembered is a need and quite apart from I love to be the best which could be a value. We spend a lot of time and energy trying to get our needs met, while our Values are based on what we really like to do, what comes effortlessly to us. Values don t gnaw away at you like Needs do which make you drive with the foot flat out on the accelerator. Values are the unique blueprint of who you are. Unlike DNA or our genes, we don t inherit our Values from our parents, other people can t force their Values on us and we can t pretend we have certain Values because we think we should or ought to have them. We don t have Values just because it makes us look good or interesting. They are the jewel box of our soul if you like, ways of being and things we like to do that are so US. It s the signature of the self. When you are being in congruence with your Values it feels effortless. Like laughing, you don t have to think about it, it isn t forced or anxietymaking. It comes easily and it feels good. Our Values have always been with us. If you were a child who loved to have adventures and explore, it would therefore be a Value for you as an adult to enjoy new experiences and travel. If you loved to write stories and entertain your friends with them, chances are that inspiration and creativity are your Values. If you stood up to the bully then justice and fair play are intrinsically your Values.
3 When we are not being in congruence with our Values, we get the Sandpaper Effect you know that rasping, irritated feeling that irks and alarms us that something doesn t feel right. Something indefatigable that you can t put your finger on, but you know it doesn t feel good, something doesn t fit. It s like a transparent juggernaut has passed through us and the slipstream leaves us feeling unsettled and out of sorts. This is when we are not in congruence with our Values or our Values have been crushed or compromised. This can often happen in employment or dealing with people we feel uncomfortable around or incompatible with. Coaches: ask your clients when and where they feel happiest. When, where and with whom are they feeling most uncomfortable with and explore deeper by gently enquiring around their answers. If your Value is justice and you see a colleague being unfairly treated, then every fibre of your being will call you to arms. If inspiration (being inspired or being inspiring) is your Value, working solo in a grey office without sharing ideas or discussing concepts will create the Sandpaper Effect on your emotions every day. Part of you dies. If you value harmony, grace and beauty then working for a hedge fund bank will not make you feel good, but if competition, winning and being No 1 are your Values you will feel well at home in financial services. Be generous with yourself and clients when you seek to discover what your Values are.
4 Here is a Simple Way to Help Your Clients Identify Their Values: Ask your clients to think back over the last few weeks or months and try to place 5 moments when they felt truly happy and at peace. Who were they with? What were they doing? Why did it feel so good? What did they learn? for example, are Reading a piece of great creative writing by my favourite author and wishing I could do the same Their Value? To be inspired (and be inspirational) As coaches you might say - to help a client have an A-ha moment Your Value? To connect with people deeply, to make a difference To make friends laugh and have the courage to be different Their Value? Wit and individualism Helping others see things in a different light/abstract thinking Their Value? Conceptualism/Originality Waking up and knowing I have nothing to do that day Their Value? Freedom and autonomy Making my home look divine Their Value? Creativity/harmony
5 Some ways to recognise a Value You relish the thought of doing activities orientated around your Values. You were doing these things as a child (writing stories, helping others, breaking rules, being different). It s something you are naturally interested in the books you read, the people you admire, the specialist mags you gravitate to, music you like. It s a theme that runs through your life if freedom is a Value you may seek a freelance career, a solo life, being your own boss. You feel fulfilled and happy, not anxious or stressed. A Value is something you d rather do sooner than later. You are naturally good at it. Other people define you by it funny, rebellious, harmonious, unifying, peace-maker, innovator, leader, traveller, artistic etc You love doing it. Look at the role models you admire artists, musicians, business leaders, people of integrity the characteristics they represent could echo your Values. It pushes all your buttons and you just light up. Value-Added Clients Homework Suggestions Think of the people you truly admire. Who are your heroes? Pablo Picasso, Einstein, Woody Allen, Marie Stopes, Madonna, Muhammad Ali, Frieda Kahlo etc and write down what qualities they have or had that inspire you. Identify your Values and make a list of the top five and always keep it with you. Try this next time you are in a difficult situation an argument, a boring conversation, at a life-changing crossroads ask yourself If I was being in my Values now how would I handle this? Use your jewel box to work for you, to help you live a life you love with mellifluous ease.
6 Some Powerful Coaching Questions Where in your life are your Values being honoured? What can you do now that would honour you values? Who or what is the most important thing in your life? What do you enjoy doing most in the world? What are your hobbies? What is your favourite type of book? What is your favourite film? Do you like animals? What sort? If money was no object and you had no constraints, what would you do with your time? If you could do any job, anywhere in the world, what would it be? What has made you smile in the last week? What s your guilty pleasure? What s your favourite food? Where is your favourite place? When have you had the most fun? If you could plan your dream weekend, what would it involve? What would be the worst thing that could happen to you at work?