! Mindful Self-Compassion Handouts Ellen Albertson, PhD, RDN, CD, CPHWC Psychologist, Nutritionist, Reiki Master, Certified Professional Health & Wellness Coach, Mindful Self-compassion Teacher 802-497-3453 ellen@drellenalbertson.com www.drellenalbertson.com!1
SOOTHING TOUCH One easy way to soothe and comfort yourself when you re feeling badly is to give yourself a gentle hug or caress, or simply put your hand on your heart and feel the warmth of your hand. It may feel awkward or embarrassing at first, but your body doesn t know that. It just responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, just as a baby responds to being cuddled in its mother s arms. Our skin is an incredibly sensitive organ. Research indicates that physical touch releases oxytocin, provides a sense of security, soothes distressing emotions, and calms cardiovascular stress. So why not try it? You might like to try putting your hand over your heart during difficult periods several times a day for a period of at least a week. Hand-on-Heart When you notice you re under stress, take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths. Gently place your hand over your heart, feeling the gentle pressure and warmth of your hand. If you wish, place both hands on your chest, noticing the difference between one and two hands. Feel the touch of you hand on your chest. If you wish, you could make small circles with your hand on your chest. Feel the natural rising and falling of your chest as you breath in and as you breathe out. Linger with the feeling for as long as you like. Some people feel uneasy putting a hand over the heart. Feel free to explore where on your body a gentle touch is actually soothing. Some other possibilities are: One hand on your cheek Cradling your face in your hands Gently stroking your arms Crossing your arms and giving a gentle squeeze Gently rubbing your chest, or using circular movements Hand on your abdomen One hand on your abdomen and one over heart Cupping one hand in the other in your lap Hopefully you ll start to develop the habit of physically comforting yourself when needed, taking full advantage of this surprisingly simple and straightforward way to be kind to ourselves.!2
SELF-COMPASSION BREAK When you notice that you re feeling stress or emotional discomfort, see if you can find the discomfort in your body. Where do you feel it the most? Make contact with the sensations as they arise in your body. Now, say to yourself, slowly: 1. This is a moment of suffering That s mindfulness. Other options include: This hurts This is tough. Ouch! 2. Suffering is a part of living That s common humanity. Other options include: Other people feel this way. I m not alone. We all struggle in our lives. Now, put your hands over your heart, or wherever it feels soothing, feeling the warmth and gentle touch of your hands and letting Reiki flow. Say to yourself: 3. May I be kind to myself See if you can find words for what you need in times like this. Other options may be: May I accept myself as I am May I give myself the compassion that I need May I learn to accept myself as I am May I forgive myself. May I be strong. May I be safe If you re having trouble finding the right language, sometimes it helps to imagine what you might say to a dear friend struggling with that same difficulty. Can you say something similar to yourself, letting the words roll gently through your mind?!3
LOVING-KINDNESS WITH SELF-COMPASSION Please find a comfortable position, sitting or lying down. Letting your eyes close, fully or partially. Taking a few deep breaths to settle into your body and into the present moment. You might like to put your hand over your heart, or wherever it is comforting and soothing, to practice Reiki and as a reminder to bring not only awareness, but loving awareness, to your experience and to yourself. Locate your breathing where you can feel it most easily. Feel your breath move through your body, and when your attention wanders, feel the gentle movement of your breath again. Let your body breathe you. After a few minutes, start to notice any physical sensations of stress that you may be holding in your body, perhaps in your neck, jaw, belly, or forehead. Also notice if you re holding some difficult emotions, such as worry about the future or uneasiness about the past. Understand that every human body bears stress and worry throughout the day. See if you can incline toward the stress and difficulty in your body as you might incline toward a child or a beloved pet, with curiosity and tenderness. Now inclining toward yourself, offering yourself goodwill simply because of the stress and difficult emotions that you re holding in your body right now, as everyone holds stress in their bodies. Offering words of kindness and compassion to yourself, slowly and affectionately. For example: May I be safe May I be peaceful May I be kind to myself May I accept myself as I am (find your own phrases, and repeat slowly and affectionately) Whenever you notice that your mind has wandered, returning to the sensations in your body and to the loving-kindness phrases. If you are ever swept up in emotion, you can always return to your breathing. Then, when you re comfortable again, returning to the phrases. Finally, taking a few breaths and just resting quietly in your own body, knowing that you can return to the phrases anytime you wish. Gently open your eyes.! 4
COMPASSIONATE LETTER TO MYSELF Everybody has something about themselves they don t like; something that causes them to feel shame, insecure, or not good enough. Please think of an issue you have that tends to make you feel bad about yourself (a mistake you made, your appearance, relationship issues, etc.) Now think about an imaginary friend who is unconditionally wise, loving and compassionate. Imagine that this friend can see all your strengths and weaknesses, including what you don t like about yourself. This friend recognizes the limits of human nature, and is kind, accepting, and forgiving. Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend, focusing on the perceived inadequacy you tend to judge yourself for. What would this friend say to you from the perspective of unlimited compassion? And if you think this friend would suggest possible changes you should make, how might these suggestions embody feelings of care, encouragement, and support? After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back to it and read it again, really letting the words sink in. Feel the compassion as it pours into you, soothing and comforting you. Love, connection and acceptance are your birthright. To claim them you need only look within yourself. If you prefer, you can also: Write a letter as if you were talking to a dearly loved friend who was struggling with the same concern that you are. What words of compassion and support would you offer? Then go back and read the letter, applying the words to yourself. Write to yourself from the perspective of a friend who cares deeply about you, savor the feeling, put the letter down, and then read it to yourself later on.!5
SELF-COMPASSION IN DAILY LIFE The goal of this practice is to be mindful and self-compassionate in daily life. That means to (1) know when you re under stress or suffering (mindfulness) and (2) to respond with care and kindness (self-compassion). The simplest approach is to discover how you already care for yourself, and then remind yourself to do those things when your life becomes difficult. PHYSICALLY soften the body How do you care for yourself physically (e.g., exercise, practice Reiki, massage, warm bath, cup of tea)? Can you think of new ways to release the tension and stress that builds up in your body? MENTALLY reduce agitation How do you care for your mind, especially when you re under stress (e.g., meditation, watch a funny movie, read an inspiring book)? Is there a new strategy you d like to try to let your thoughts come and go more easily? EMOTIONALLY soothe and comfort yourself How do you care for yourself emotionally (pet the dog, journal, cook)? Is there something new you d like to try? RELATIONALLY connect with others How or when do you relate to others that brings you genuine happiness (e.g., meet with friends, send a birthday card, play a game)? Is there any way that you d like to enrich these connections? SPIRITUALLY commit to your values What do you do to care for yourself spiritually (pray, walk in the woods, help others)? If you ve been neglecting your spiritual side, is there anything you d like to remember to do?! 6
Resources Germer, C. K. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. New York: Guilford Press. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. New York: William Morrow. Kristin Neff s Website Self-compassion.org Center for Mindful Self-compassion website https://centerformsc.org/ Chris Germer s Website Mindfulselfcompassion.org Ellen Albertson, PhD, RDN, CD, CPHWC Website: DrEllenAlbertson.com e-mail: ellen@drellenalbertson.com phone: 802-497-3453 7