Rapid Rescue. by Celeste Bonfanti. greenroompress.com

Rapid Rescue by Celeste Bonfanti greenroompress.com

RAPID RESCUE By Celeste Bonfanti Copyright MMXIV by Celeste Bonfanti, All rights reserved. CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this Work is subject to a royalty. This Work is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention and the Berne Convention. RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, information and storage retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into non-english languages. PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock performance rights to this Work are controlled exclusively by Green Room Press, Inc. No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this play without securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from Green Room Press, Inc. Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Green Room Press, Inc. Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Professional and stock fees will be set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. Any licensing requests and inquiries relating to amateur and stock (professional) performance rights should be addressed to Green Room Press, Inc. Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged. AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this play. The author s billing must appear directly below the title on a separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author(s) must be at least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s). PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must include the following notice: Produced by special arrangement with Green Room Press, Inc. COPYING: Any unauthorized copying of this Work or excerpts from this Work is strictly forbidden by law. No part of this Work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means now known or yet to be invented, including photocopying or scanning, without prior permission from Green Room Press, Inc. GREEN ROOM PRESS, Inc. P.O. BOX 248 CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA 52406 TOLL FREE (888) 350-5005 FAX (319) 368-8011

2 RAPID RESCUE RAPID RESCUE By Celeste Bonfanti SYNOPSIS: Believe it or not, this one-act farce is inspired by the true misadventures of working the overnight shift at a call center serving stranded motorists. It s hard to decide who is crazier, the callers or the staff. Working mother Dawn and her co-workers handle them all: the motorist who presents a moving target for the tow truck driver, the tipsy caller who has somehow misplaced his Lamborghini, and even a caller answering to the name of God. Rapid Rescue will keep you laughing, and we promise you you ll think of it every time you have the misfortune of your car breaking down! CAST OF CHARACTERS (4-5 female, 4-5 male) DAWN (f)... A normal woman in abnormal situations, age 30-50. (42 lines) LEE (m)... An easy-going guy with a hip flask, any age. (39 lines) MARGIE (f)... Lacks motivation; chip on her shoulder, age 20-30. (13 lines) AMANDA (f)... Sleeps through most of the action, age 40 up. (4 lines) DAVID (m)... Dramatic, nervous, paranoid, age 30 up. (16 lines) BRAD (m)... Distracted supervisor, age 40 up. (23 lines) VOICE 1 (m)... Tow truck operator. (11 lines) VOICE 2 (f)... Ditzy female motorist. (15 lines) VOICE 3 (m)... Male drunk. (7 lines) VOICE 4 (f)... Frantic female motorist. (5 lines)

CELESTE BONFANTI 3 PROPS 2 satchels, one full of cutsie desk ornaments 1 bottle of nail polish 1 file 1 clipboard with a sheaf of papers on it Hip flask PRODUCTION NOTES The play is static all action takes place at a call center with five work stations. Each station needs a computer monitor or mock-up, a chair and a phone or headset. There are no particular costumes; street clothes suffice. There are four off-stage voices, two male and two female. These are callers to the center and will need to be mic d. You need a reliable phone sound cue, which will be used incessantly and often in rapid succession. Timing is everything in this play. It needs plenty of rehearsal and a cohesive team of players. Improvisation is encouraged, both in rehearsal and onstage. Dedicated to: Dawn Kania and her colleagues on third shift

4 RAPID RESCUE AT RISE: We see a call center with computer monitors, phones and seating for five. Enter DAWN, carrying satchel. DAWN: (Addressing audience from downstage center.) Of all the countless crazy things I ve done for my kids, by far the craziest has been working the overnight shift at your friendly neighborhood auto breakdown service. It made sense on paper. My husband works days; I can sleep while the kids are in school. He comes home. I get up, make dinner, we eat as a family and I come to work. But somehow (Enter MARGIE, with satchel unseen by DAWN, she occupies the second work station and proceeds to pull out item after item to personalize her area.) things on the overnight shift are well, they re kind of hard to describe. LEE: (Enters and crosses to DAWN.) Evening, Dawn. DAWN: Shhhh! LEE: (Looking around.) What s up? DAWN: I m savoring it. LEE: Savoring what? DAWN: The last few seconds of sanity. LEE: Aww, come on. It s not that bad, is it? DAWN: You know it is. LEE: You just have to develop some (Pats jacket pocket.) coping strategies. DAWN: Uh-huh. A little help from my friends, right? LEE: Mr. Jack Daniels has never let me down. Phone rings MARGIE is filing her nails and ignores the call DAWN and LEE look at her, then at each other and hurry to work stations three and four, respectively. DAWN: (Answering phone.) Rapid Rescue Emergency Auto Service. This is Dawn. How may I help you? ENTER AMANDA, who carries a blanket and pillow she settles with a deep sigh at work station one and makes herself comfortable VOICE 1: Yeah, Dawn, it s Vic with Liberty Towing. DAWN: Hi, Vic! What s up?

CELESTE BONFANTI 5 VOICE 1: Well, about twenty minutes ago somebody there sent me to Fifth and Arch to pick up a Mrs. Linder. DAWN: Hold on, Vic, let me pull up the call. (Types into computer.) Yup, I see it. She called to say she d run out of gas. ENTER BRAD with a clipboard, perusing paperwork he does not sit. VOICE 1: Right. Except I m here at Fifth and Arch and there s nobody here. DAWN: Are you sure? VOICE 1: Yes, ma am. Empty intersection. LEE: Let me call her. (Dials.) DAWN: Vic, Lee here is going to contact Mrs. Linder and find out what s going on. You must have been sent to the wrong location. VOICE 1: OK. You want me to hold? DAWN: No, we ll call you back. VOICE 1: Right. Bye. VOICE 2: Hello? LEE: (Into phone.) Yes, hello. Mrs. Linder? VOICE 2: Yes? LEE: This is Lee over at Rapid Rescue. VOICE 2: Yes? LEE: Mrs. Linder, we seem to have a wrong location for your vehicle. Our colleague put you down as needing gasoline at the corner of Fifth and Arch. VOICE 2: Yes? LEE: Well, ma am, our driver is currently at the corner of Fifth and Arch and well, you don t appear to be there. Phone rings. DAWN looks at MARGIE and AMANDA MARGIE is now painting her nails and AMANDA appears to have nodded off. VOICE 2: Well, I m not there anymore. DAWN: (Answering phone.) Rapid Rescue Emergency Auto Service. This is Dawn. How may I help you? LEE: Ma am if you ran out of gas, why aren t you at your location?

6 RAPID RESCUE Phone rings after a while, MARGIE looks around and with a theatrical sigh answers. MARGIE: Rapid Rescue Emergency Auto Service. This is Margie. How may I help you? VOICE 2: Well, I wasn t actually out of gas. I was running out of gas. I still had some. So I thought I d see how far I could get. DAWN: I m sorry, sir, I m having a hard time understanding you. LEE: Ma am, when you call for gas and a driver comes out to assist you, he s assuming you ll be at the location you give. VOICE 2: Oh oh, I see. DAWN: You re where? Sir, can you give me your location? (Covers phone and stage whispers to BRAD.) Brad! (BRAD takes no notice.) MARGIE: Get out of town, girlfriend! He did not! LEE: Mrs. Linder, where can our driver find you now? VOICE 2: I m awfully sorry. I m at Jackson and Laurel. DAWN: Hold just one second, sir Brad! LEE: (Snaps his fingers at BRAD and points to DAWN as he talks.) OK, Mrs. Linder. Just sit tight, now. Our driver is on the way. VOICE 2: Thank you very much. LEE ends the call, takes a swig from a flask from his pocket and dials. DAWN: (To BRAD.) Brad, this guy is as drunk as a skunk! BRAD: Are you sure? DAWN: Let me put him on speaker. (Pushes a button.) Sorry for the delay, Mr. Mr.. VOICE 3: Thass Mr. Kingsley. K I N. K I N. Don t tell me, now, don t tell me! LEE: Yeah, Vic? It s Lee. Sorry, guy. She s at the intersection of Jackson and Laurel. Yeah, I m sure. MARGIE: Well what did you do then, girl? I mean, it s not like you re getting any younger. Know what I mean? BRAD: (To DAWN.) I ll call the cops. What s his location? (Moves to work station five.) And where s David? (Dials.) DAWN: Mr. Kingsley, where is your car?

CELESTE BONFANTI 7 VOICE 3: Iss not juss a car, sweetheart. She s my baby! She s a (Current year.), top-of-the-line, loaded Lamborghini! She s absolutely gorgeous! DAWN: I understand, sir. Where is your, um, baby? VOICE 3: You tell me, sweetheart! I can t fin her anywhere! BRAD: Yeah, this is Rapid Rescue. We have an inebriated motorist at where is he? DAWN: I don t know! Mr. Kingsley? VOICE 3: Yo! Thass me! DAWN: Sir, we need your location. VOICE 3: Well, if I knew that, I wouldn t need to call you, would I, silly? MARGIE: Are you pulling my leg? I cannot believe you let him treat you like that, girl! Who does he think he is? BRAD: Yes, officer, I know you do. We re trying to ascertain the location. VOICE 3: I leff her right here right here an now she s all gone. DAWN: Yes, sir. Where are you, exactly? VOICE 3: Well, I m right here! Are you blind? BRAD: Sorry, officer. When we get a location, we ll call you back. (Hangs up and heads over to MARGIE.) Margie, is that a personal call? MARGIE: You didn t! (Gives a shout of a laugh.) DAWN: Mr. Kingsley? BRAD: Margie! (MARGIE continues loud laughter.) Margie!! MARGIE: Hold on, Maureen. (To BRAD, annoyed.) What?? BRAD: You know the policy. No personal calls. Hang up. MARGIE: I m not done! BRAD: Hang up! MARGIE: (Rolls her eyes.) He s on me again. I ll call you on break. (Hangs up with a glare at BRAD, who is oblivious a phone rings.) LEE: (Answering phone.) Rapid Rescue Emergency Auto Service. This is Lee. How may I help you? BRAD: Where s David? DAWN: Mr. Kingsley? There is a loud snore from AMANDA all turn to look.

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