in the name of love 2 email: askmonica@kabbalah.com blog: askmonicaberg.com twitter: @monicaberg74
1. To be emotionally intelligent is to know each other s worlds in great detail starting from their childhood to their current experiences. (It means you know their history even before you were in the picture, what their life was like and the people who were in their lives.)
2. Express & grow fondness for one another, communicated through daily actions (you know their hopes, dreams, aspirations and you encourage & support them consistently). In short, part of your brain is designated to store all relevant information about your partner s life.
The stories in your head false or real effect your interaction & reaction to your spouse, partner, friend, sibling, parent, etc.
What are your narratives? (Story you tell yourself) How does this negatively influence your behavior in relationships? What narratives do you know about the person you re in a relationship with?
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH What s wrong? What meaningless selfinflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH I m hungry. I m hungry.
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH I m sleepy. I m sleepy.
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH I m tired. I m tired.
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH What s wrong? I don t see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. I liked it better before.
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. $50 & it doesn t look that different!
WOMEN S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH While shopping... I like that one better. Pick anything & let s go home!
We need to talk. I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead. I don t want you to.
I m not yelling! Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.
We need... I want...
It s your decision. The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want. You ll pay for this later.
I m not upset. Of course I m upset, you moron!
You re so manly. You need a shave & you sweat a lot.
You re certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever think about?
I m not emotional & I m NOT overreacting! I ve got my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby thighs.
I want new curtains....and carpet & furniture & wallpaper.
I need wedding shoes. The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there. NO, I mean hang it there.
I heard a noise. I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? I m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today you re really not going to like.
I ll be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes & find a game on TV.
Is my bum fat? Tell me I m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me?! TOO LATE, you re dead.
Yes NO
No NO
Maybe NO
I m sorry. You ll be sorry.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. I want a new house.
Do you like this recipe? It s easy to fix, so you d better get used to it.
Was that the baby? Why don t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep?
All we re going to buy is a soap dish. It goes without saying that we re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
What things do you blame on your partner (or any significant relationship you are in) - that in reality is not their fault? What is the designated issue you ve placed on them? What is your real unaddressed issue?
4 Steps to Find & Dispel Your Designated Issue 1. Sit down in a peaceful space, either alone or with someone who s willing to act as a friend or advisor.
4 Steps to Find & Dispel Your Designated Issue 2. Imagine as vividly as you can that your designated issue is gone. Vanished. Not even a memory.
4 Steps to Find & Dispel Your Designated Issue 3. Ask yourself, Now that I ve fixed that, what problems do I still have to face? The answer will be sobering. Your unpaid rent, your Aunt s illness be prepared for all the unglamorous, frightening realities your life will spill from the lead-lined box of your designated issues.
4 Steps to Find & Dispel Your Designated Issue 4. Pick one of these unpleasant problems & take at least one step toward solving it.
True love is NOT conditional. True love exists even after someone refuses to hear us, doesn t understand us or take our advice. Truly loving someone is when they re disappointing you/upsetting you/perhaps undermining you but you still feel love for them.
The first step in this shift of awareness is to consider the following: Write a time where you did not act with true love & list the circumstances surrounding it. Write a time where you felt or behaved with a lack of love because you felt anger, disappointment or stress.
WEEKLY CHALLENGE - homework Apply one of the following tools to a relationship conflict you have this week & use these tools to: 1. Recognize Your Story 2. Discover Your Designated Issue 3. Practice Unconditional Love
in love the name Part 2 of Lecture 2 Tuesday, November 16th @ 8 PM blog: askmonicaberg.com twitter: @monicaberg74 Still have questions? email askmonica@kabbalah.com