Day 1 CONSCIOUSNESS
Contents 1. Phases of Consciousness 3 2. Watching Models 6 3. Holding Space 8 4. Thought Downloads 11 5. Actions 12 6. Results 12 7. Outcomes 17 2
Phases of Consciousness There are Five Phases to Consciousness that you must understand as a coach. It is very easy to get trapped in trying to treat symptoms and to forget that consciousness is treatment. By just showing your client how their mind works and how it is creating your reality, you will help them completely change their lives. Your clients will come to you mostly unconscious, and by the time they leave you, the goal is that they have mastered conscious awareness are can be in the observer/ watcher place without any judgment. The Watcher or Observer is how we describe the point of view we are in when we are watching ourselves think. Remember, it is our privilege as a human being to be able to think about our own thinking. As far as we know, we are the only species on the planet that can do this. So by going through the process of developing consciousness and awareness, we are exercising our ability as a genius human. There is a difference between understanding a concept intellectually and having consciousness of your own mind. It is like the difference between reading about meditation and actually meditating. Do not misinterpret your client s intelligence for their awareness. You must constantly check their awareness against how they show up in their life, not how they convey intellectual information back to you. The Five Phases of Consciousness 1. Unconsciousness 2. Consciousness of Actions and Results 3. Consciousness of Feelings 4. Consciousness of Thoughts 5. Consciousness of Personal Cause and Effect 3
1. Unconsciousness Unconsciousness is where most of people are without even realizing it. They think their life is just simply happening to them and they have little control over their results. They attribute how they feel (if they know how they feel) to their circumstances. They aren t aware of their thinking and certainly aren t aware that their thoughts create all the feelings, actions and results in their lives. Many of your clients will have areas of their life where they will claim to be unconscious. When you ask them questions they will respond with I don t know. Please remember that this is just one of those conscious choices that seems unconscious. I do know is always an indication of unconscious awareness and can be solved very easily with conscious awareness and not more knowledge. 2. Consciousness of Actions and Results Some of your clients will come to you aware of their actions and results. They may be struggling with inaction or action that isn t creating the result they want or they may be just reacting and want help with that. But most of them will be unaware that their own actions are something they need to take full responsibility for taking and that all of their actions are creating all of their results. This will be good news to most of them, and for others it will create more selfblame and loathing. Be aware that when you are uncovering these action and result patterns, you will also be revealing thought and feeling patterns. Do not overwhelm your clients with this in the beginning, just work with them on their actions and results awareness. 3. Consciousness of Feelings Now we are getting into territory that many of your clients will have little to no experience with having consciousness around. Most of them will give you a story when you ask them what they feel. Most of them will claim that they do not know. They are not doing this on purpose, most of them have never learned how to feel 4
or how to pay attention to their feelings. We spend a significant amount of time here because feelings are the reason we do and don t do anything. They are the reason we want or don t want something. They are reason we react, resist, and avoid. Become conscious of what we feel is hugely important no matter what the client has come asking for help with changing. 4. Consciousness of Thoughts Ok. Now we are into really important territory. Thoughts will be the cause of EVERYTHING the client has or doesn t have in their life. They MUST become aware of what they are thinking. The more specific they can be about watching the thoughts in their minds, the better they will be at controlling and creating their reality. Working with clients to understand their minds is one of the privileges of being a coach. It is our job to help them reveal their minds to themselves and in the process reveal the most powerful tool they have to create anything, their mind. 5. Consciousness of Cause and Effect Clients will understand the model objectively and intellectually. They will see it very clearly when you give them examples that don t apply directly to them. But when you start working with them directly, you will notice that they don t see it when you are working with them on their own thoughts. This is true for masters and beginners. When you are working on your own mind-it is challenging to see that a thought is creating the feelings and the actions and ultimately ALL the results in their lives. But once they truly get this, then the change and creation becomes much more effortless. 5
Watching Models It is your job as the coach to watch your client s models, or your own if you are coaching yourself. When your client is speaking, you are only to be focused on their models and not to get wrapped up in their story. We call this, jumping into the pool. It is your job to see in models as your client presents all of their issues in their life. When you first begin with a client they might tell you a story about how they have lost their job and how they can t get a job. How this is the worst thing that has ever happened to them and how no one will hire them in their industry due to budget cuts and the economy. They might tell you how this has caused them to be late on their mortgage and how they might lose their house. They might tell you how afraid they are or how they are barely holding it together. They may tell you that as a result of this their relationship is strained and they have gained 20 pounds. Your job is only to grab one thought and create a model. It doesn t matter what thought you grab, just grab one and get to work. C T F A R Unemployed No one will hire me. No job As you can see, even without asking a question I can almost complete the entire model. That is your job. Your job is to see the model and then help your client see how their actions are creating their results. So with the above model, you would know exactly what to ask... What have you done to try to get a job? 6
You already know the answer is going to be something negative because the thought is negative, so the emotion will be negative. From here you can show them that their actions are creating their result, not the fact that no one is hiring. They have set themselves up for this result and you can show them the fallacy in their theory that their result is coming from the economy. It is clearly coming from their actions or lack of actions. Watch models and you will always know what to ask and how to help increase consciousness. 7
Holding Space If your client has never worked with a coach before, you might want to explain that the discussions she will have with you will not resemble the conversations she has with her girlfriends, sisters, or mother. While her close friends might react to what she says and agree or disagree with her, you are not going to do any of those things. At times she might not like what you have to say. While close friends tend to empathize, a coach is there to reveal things to the client she might not be aware of. All of it comes from a place of love and a desire to teach her new skills. But it will feel different than her lunchtime conversations with girlfriends because you as the coach will be holding the space. Remember that coaching should not be about you as the coach and your agenda or needs. It s about the client and what they need. The most important thing you can do for your client is hold the space for whatever it is they need to work out. What this means is that you create a virtual, spiritual place where they can unload their mind and in return, receive an honest perspective. Other people in your clients lives are involved and not focused on objectivity, whereas your role is to remain neutral. As the coach, it is your privilege to hold the space and not react. You are the one person who can listen to anything your client has to say without reference to your own opinion. Your client can act out their negative emotions with you and tell you their negative thoughts and secrets; you can help by holding the unconditional space where thoughts and emotions can be looked at, unraveled, and understood. Do not underestimate the power of doing this. This alone can change your client s life. The first step in being able to hold the space for your clients is to think clean. Even though you have the best of intentions, you are going to judge your clients in both positive and negative ways. You re a human being, and that s what humans do. We are socialized to believe certain things, and we have a history that creates our knee-jerk thinking. You MUST be aware of this thinking, and you must clean it up before coaching your clients. 8
You can clean up your thinking by first becoming aware of your thoughts and judgments and then writing them down. Notice what your judgments are, and be sure to put them aside as you coach. Your opinion of how your client should behave is not your client s business, and it is not going to benefit them. You can t possibly know what is best for your client. Ever. Only they can know that. You can give them perspective, but you can t know what is right for them. So if you have a judgment that a client shouldn t be cheating on her husband or quitting her job, remember this is due to your own thoughts and beliefs. You need to realize your judgment will only interfere with your ability to help your client as a coach. Do your own work in order to clean up your thoughts and beliefs so you can truly be present for your client without judgment. Being clean means you ve acknowledged your opinion and have set it free. You have an open mind for all possibilities; you know that only your client can find his or her answers. Understanding why your client is doing what they are doing, how they are feeling, and what they genuinely want is what matters. I find an attitude of fascination is the best way to observe clients. That word, fascination, gives me so much freedom simply to understand rather than trying to fix or change them. This is the most important and often most difficult part of your job. It requires that you do your own work. It requires the ability to listen to your clients and hear what their minds are thinking. You should keep in mind that whatever they re saying is not all- encompassing of who they are it is simply what they re thinking. Even how they view you and your sessions is not about you; it is about their minds. For example, Sara is a client who has a very painful story about how her sister victimized her. She sobs through every session. She rages against her sister. She believes she is miserable because of her sister. A good coach does not believe this story. Holding the space means knowing this is just a painful group of thoughts she is creating and recreating in her mind. No matter what her sister did forty years ago (Yes! Forty years ago), it is not harming her now. The only thing harming her now is her thinking about it. A good coach does not console her for her painful story or empathize with her self-created pain. 9
It is important to love your clients. When you love them and hold the space, you will know that while empathy might be appropriate at times, it is not helpful in a situation like Sara s. Sara is punching herself in the face. Crying with her will not help remedy the problem in any way. Instead, we want to grab her hand and tell her to stop punching herself. This is how we can truly help our clients get to the root of what is bothering them. Sara s coach explained that her sister is in no way responsible for how she is choosing to feel. This upset Sara because up to this point, everyone else in her life had agreed with her victim story and consoled her when she cried. But in the end, the people in her life who have responded with compassion to this terrible story have not helped her. That s why she s here with a coach. Sara s coach gave her the truth she needed, although she did not like hearing it. She told her coach she was mean, uncompassionate, and cold. And then she cried and cried and cried. She was in a pool of despair a mire of her own creation. But her coach did not jump in the pool with her. She stayed out because she knew that only from the ground could she help her out of that pool. 10
Thought Downloads A great way to help your client become more conscious, even before they understand the model, is by doing thought downloads. A thought download is simply a five minute writing assignment. We ask them to write about a general or specific problem. You can have them do this before the call or you can simply ask them to talk about a problem (a verbal thought download to you). As they do this, just remember that you job is only to watch models. If you assign this to a client or you are doing it yourself, just simply write for five minutes without editing. When you understand this work you might try to stop negative thinking as it is presenting. This is a HUGE mistake. You want to do your mental hygiene. With 60k thoughts per day, and most of them unconscious, you will uncover dozens of negative thoughts. This does not mean that you aren t doing a good job in your life. It just means you are a human with a brain. The way I like to think of this is in relation to our homes. No matter how sophisticated your home is, it gets dirty weekly. It needs cleaning. It doesn t matter how smart or refined it is, it still needs cleaning once a day and then deep clean once a week. That is exactly how our minds are. We need to keep an eye on them and try to keep them clean, and then every week it is smart to bring someone in to help if possible (a coach) to see what you can t see. 11
Actions When you start with a client, you can start very easily to increase consciousness by talking to your clients about what they are doing in their lives and what results those actions are creating. I have created a prompt sheet for you to use when coaching your client. Alternatively, you can use this sheet as a worksheet or homework to give to your client. Results Everything your client creates in their life is a testament to how powerful they are. You can work with them to see how they are creating the unwanted results in their lives, but I also find it helpful for them to see the good and positive results they are creating. Make sure as you go through this work with them, you show them their capability to create results. If they can create the unwanted results, the good news is they can create the wanted results as well. 12
WORKSHEET What Isn t Working? Please take the space on the page here to write about what isn t working in your life as it pertains to the issue you want help with changing. Do not edit what comes to your mind, please just keep the pen writing on paper for a full five minutes. 13
WORKSHEET What Actions Are you Taking? What are the actions you have been taking in relation to your previous download? Include all small actions, inactions, and reactions. Make sure you focus only on your actions and not the actions of others. Include specific examples and situations of when you did or didn t take action. This will be a challenging exercise, stick with it and write down as much as you can. 14
WORKSHEET The Results You Have Created As you look at the list of actions on the previous page, what do you imagine the effect of these actions, reactions, and inactions are? Be careful not to blame or judge yourself. Notice how your behaviors create results in your life. You can even imagine future results that might happen or keep happening if you keep taking the actions that you are taking now. Again, you might find this challenging because increasing consciousness is taxing on your brain. Stay focused on trying to fill up the page. 15
Your Actions Create Your Results Action: Result: Action: Result: Action: Result: Action: Result: 16
Outcomes Once your client understands that they are creating their own actions and results in their lives, it is important they are very clear on what they do want in their life and that they state their desired outcomes in a specific way. I have a process we use for this that is very powerful. For the last step of this worksheet, making commitments and decisions ahead of time will come in very useful. We will learn more about those in the COACHING TOOLS section. 17
WORKSHEET What Results Do You Want? As it pertains to your thought download of what isn t working, decide what you want instead. Try to allow yourself to believe anything is possible. If you notice yourself holding back, please let go. We don t want you to write stuff that is completely out of the realm of reality for anyone, but we do want you to stretch the boundaries of what you have thought was possible for you. 18
Now, from the brainstorm, pick one main result you want to create in your life. Write it here and then put a date of completion. Decide what it is you want and when you want it by. Now, brainstorm everything you need to do to make this happen. Include all the detailed steps. Do not worry about putting them in order, just write everything that needs to happen. If you need to learn something or find out something make sure you write it here. You might be tempted to say I don t know, but refuse to do that. Be willing to make estimates. Guess if you have to, but include everything you will need to do or find out in the list below. 19
Current Actions and Results Desired Actions and Results Action: Action: Result: Result: Action: Action: Result: Result: Action: Action: Result: Result: Action: Action: Result: Result: 20
Check your time frame, does it still seem reasonable now that you have listed everything that needs to be done? If it doesn t, then change it now. Then, add dates, and hours to each of the items below. You might want to start the first item in a few weeks so we can complete this work first. This might be a tedious process, and you might not want to do this, but this is one of the most important pieces of this awareness. Understanding exactly what needs to be done to get it done and how long it will all take MATTERS. Once you have completed this, then add each item to your calendar. 21
OBSTACLES The difference between where we want to be and where we are now is a series of obstacles. You can think of each obstacle as a rung on the ladder to where we want to go. Take a minute right now and list all of the things between where you are now and where you want to be. Include any challenge, belief, inconvenience, skill set obstacle, or unknown. 22
STRATEGIES For every obstacle you have listed, create a strategy to overcome the obstacle. Remember that every problem always has a solution. You want to take the time and access the wisdom within you to be able to overcome each obstacle in your mind before you start to take the actions you have planned. Revisit these strategies often and remember that overcoming them is the process and not a problem. 23
C: T: F: A: R: C: T: F: A: R: C: T: F: A: R: 24
C: T: F: A: R: C: T: F: A: R: C: T: F: A: R: 25
C: T: F: A: R: C: T: F: A: R: C: T: F: A: R: 26
27
28
29
If you are interested in learning more about The Life Coach School and what we offer, please come visit us at TheLifeCoachSchool.com