Self-Marginalization How I Retrieve Myself and the Meaning of It By Hiroko Sano 1
Self-marginalization is... to make your feeling less important to relegate it to second position in your inner world. 2
All I do is just to go along with other people. Her idea is so great, I should follow her. My idea may break the harmony of this group, I should not say it in this group. How do they see me? I should care for him. I ve locked myself out from me and forgot about it. 3
Why can t you have a great idea like her? Give priority to others, not to yourself. Do not break the harmony of the group. Why can t you care about other s enough? 4
While doing that... It becomes hard to recognize my feelings. 5
Inner emptiness. 6
Retrieve myself. 7
Who am I? What are my feelings...? Is that what other people expect of me? Is that what is needed at this moment? What my feelings are...? 8
Withdraw to myself... The world only for myself... 9
I whom no one else knows. 10
I whom no one can control. 11
My body is the place for my soul. Just feel my body. My body tells me who I am. 12
See the world, through the window of my eyes. 13
Exercise 1 1 Let s find the time to withdraw to your room or your bed. 2 Just listen to what your body tells you. What does your body need? Moving? Rest? Find the time just to follow what your body needs. 3 See the world through the eyes in the back of your head (see figure below) Back of the head. Imagine you have eyes in the back of the head, The two points are around here both light and left side. 4 Give a name to yourself In ancient times in Japan, people never told their real name to other people except their partner. It prevented you from being put under a spell by another person. Just give a name to yourself and never tell it to other people. It s you no one can control, no one knows. 14
Me 15
Just listen to what I m saying. Understand my feelings, Care for myself. Yes, it s OK. 16
I m always on your side. 17
It s OK if you have different feelings than others. Going my way. It s good if I m not associated with white sheep group... I m the black sheep. 18
This feeling chose me to come here... This feeling came through my body and my soul to come into to this world. 19
20 Thanks for coming!
Even if I do make a mess. Even if I m not cool, Even if feel too inflated, I am the fan of myself, Keep eyes on me, I m so sweet! 21
When I hate myself, When I criticize myself, Yes, I know sometimes it s coming. To feel jealous of someone, and overwhelmed by this feeling. It s the snake in myself. Sometimes it swallows the whole thing without any chewing. Sometimes it shows its fangs. 22
Just listen to what my snake tells me. Follow it until it s satisfied.. Sometimes send my snake to sleep, Sometimes say goodbye to my snake. 23
When people praise me, I ve almost lost consciousness. But now I can say, Thank you while looking at their eyes. Just ask, Where is the good point? Cherish both my happy feeling and other s feeling. 24
The night dream, no one can deprive me of it, no one can invade my dream world. I can be the Goddess who brought night and day in my dream. 25
I can be the shrine, the field which both You and I are in. The field which shows your Goddess in me. 26
Exercise2 1 Let s say OK for whatever you feel, let s say thanks my feelings for coming to me. 2 When you hate yourself, when you criticize yourself, just listen to what part that you hate/criticize in yourself? Let s have conversation between your critic and other part in you until both sides can say OK. 3 If your inner critic just accuses yourself, let s say good-bye to it. 4 If someone praises you, you may lose your consciousness or find it hard to accept, but just say thanks while also seeing his/her eyes. Listen to where the praise point is for them, and feel if you can accept it or not. 27
Dream Work (1) Pick up one dream which is impressive for you. Which part is most impressive for you? Just remember that part and become the figure who shows in that way. Take the figure s posture or saying the same words with the figure, just be it. If this figure is an avatar, what kind of god is this figure or what do they want to let human beings know? Dream Work (2) Become the place that shows up in your dream. You are that place. As a place, in you, there are some dream figures who show in your dream. What does this place, dreaming field want to tell you about or let you know? 28
Despite all that, Sometimes I do forget my feeling. Sometimes I lose myself. When I realize it, I lock myself out from myself, And I forget itself. 29
I don t know what I m feeling, There is just emptiness. 30
...and I m back to here and now again. But, I know I marginalize myself now and will be able to get myself, again. Welcome back to here. 31
Copyright C Hiroko Sano 2013 32