DIRECT MARKETING. Jason Nave. screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

FADE IN: INT. SLEAZY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT A cockroach s paradise. Dark, grimy, torn furniture. Thankfully, only a single bulb lights the room., 20 s, going on 40, teased hair, bright red lips, lingerie, slouches on a couch, feet up on a table. The front door swings open. Ruby pops up at attention, straightens herself out. VALENTINE, 30 s, white suit, derby, slick as can be, parades in leading, 50 s, a timid weeble-wobble, by the arm. (to Daddy) Hey, Baby! My girl! Daddy kisses Ruby on the cheek. Stan blushes. (to Stan) Did I not tell you she was fine? Mmm mmm! She s lovely. (laughing) You hear that? I m lovely! I like him already. Okay, you got thirty minutes, understand? (enthused) Uh huh. Ready. Ruby unties the top of her lingerie. Stan drops his pants to the floor, kicks them off.

2. Daddy places a hand on Ruby s arm. She stops. Before we get started, I want to ask you a question, sir. Do you think you re getting all the vitamins you need to keep your body healthy? Excuse me? Daddy slides a colorful brochure out of his jacket pocket. Ruby recoils. You see, you should be getting between seven and thirteen servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Are you doing that? I m not sure. Then you re not. We tend to grossly overestimate the fruits and vegetables we consume. Supplements might be the answer. Ruby lovingly wraps an arm around Daddy. Baby, what you doin? It s what you call direct marketing. I know what it s called. I m just not sure this is the time for it. (to Stan) Does this bother you? Look, I really just came for--

3. This don t count against your thirty minutes. You still got your full allotment of time. Oh, okay. Ruby s hand clenches Daddy s chin. Baby, we agreed we d talk about this. That s all. Really? I m sorry. We must have had a miscommunication. Daddy pries Ruby s hand from his face. (to Stan) We have had those before. When one of us talks, but the other one don t seem to be listening. Lemme get this in the light so you can see. Daddy scoots to Stan s side and angles the brochure toward the light. It don t matter where you stand if all you got s a dim bulb! It ain t always the bulb. Sometimes there s somebody standing in your light, blocking you from seeing! And sometimes somebody can hold a light right over your head and you still can t see. Cause your blind! Daddy focuses back on Stan. We both businessmen here, right?

4. I m a school bus driver. That qualifies. You see, if you buy in volume, like say, a thousand dollas, you get a hundred dollas product, free of charge. And-- Smiling, Ruby wraps her arm around Daddy s neck. My baby s a good salesman, but sometimes I need to simplify it a bit. You see, you spend a thousand dollars on stuff you ain t never gonna sell... Ruby locks eyes with Daddy. (CONT D) And I m sure my baby here didn t spend that much. Daddy stares down at his shiny shoes. (CONT D) Then you can get a hundred more dollars worth of stuff to sit in your closet next to it, like a vitamin Mini-Me. Maybe I should take a rain check. It sounds like you two have something to discuss. No, sir, we don t. Make yourself comfortable. We can go ahead and get started. Baby, you sure you don t want to show him your real estate program or how to work from home for a six figure salary? Those were fine investments. I might be able to quit this job in, what would you say, twenty, thirty more years?

5. He don t need to hear about that. He came here to have fun. I did. He s right. This is fun. Ain t this fun? Stan glances at his watch. Oh, look at the time. I better get going. I need to be rested. For the kids. Stan snatches his pants from the floor. (CONT D) (to Ruby) I d still love to have sex with you, maybe when it s a better time. Stan backs to the door and pops it open. Honey, I ll be here. Ain t sold no duplexes on that real estate program yet! Stan slips out the door. It slams shut. Baby, I had him! Two more minutes! Ruby glares, disgusted. FADE OUT.