We saw Hamilton at a fantastic old theater. It was restored in the 1980s, and Cher performed there once.

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Dwight Higgins
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Wordiness and Awkward Language Connections Using redundant or extra words is a common problem in writing. This lesson will help you recognize and fix wordiness and awkward language. Need help?

1 Wordiness and Awkward Language Connections Using redundant or extra words is a common problem in writing. This lesson will help you recognize and fix wordiness and awkward language. Need help? Scan the QR code with your phone to see your Virtual Tutor. Why Should You Learn It? Correcting wordiness and awkwardness in your writing can make a big improvement. When your writing is simpler, it s easier to read. One of my students was writing a letter to her congressman, and she brought it to me to read. She had a problem with overcomplicating her writing with too many words and sentence structures that were too complex. By the time we worked through the whole letter together, it went from three pages to one page. More important than that, it was much easier to follow. Anyone could understand it, quickly and easily. Your writing probably won t get that much shorter, but it will be clearer and more effective if you edit for wordiness and awkwardness. CONNECTIONS Leonard says: 1

2 Learn It Wordy or Awkward Sentences When it comes to writing, wordiness and awkwardness are closely tied together. Aside from grammar issues, there are two kinds of awkward phrasing: too many words in a sentence and too many ideas in a sentence. Both can make your writing hard to understand, and the answer to both is to simplify your writing. You want to write in a concise way. That means without any unneeded words. Here s a common problem when the subject and verb don t focus on the main idea. Look at this sentence: It is important that we understand the factors that led to World War II. What s the main subject and verb here? It is. But that s not really what the sentence is about. Starting sentences with clauses like it is important, it s a fact that, it is possible that, there are, or it is common knowledge that is usually unnecessary. It adds more words without adding any real meaning. You can usually restate the sentence in a better way by deciding what s the most meaningful subject and verb, like this: Learn it The factors that led to World War II are important. 2 Always look for ways to cut down excess words! You also might have too many ideas in one sentence. Try reading your writing out loud to find sentences that are confusing or just too long. Here s an example of a sentence with too many ideas: When we went to the fantastic theater, an old one that had been restored in the 1980s where Cher once performed, we saw Hamilton. This sentence is confusing because it s got too many ideas jammed together. It s too complicated. Do you need all of the ideas? Some of them might be off-topic, so be prepared to delete ideas that you don t need. Other ideas could be broken up into multiple sentences that are shorter and more focused.

3 We saw Hamilton at a fantastic old theater. It was restored in the 1980s, and Cher performed there once. Reducing wordiness and awkward language in your writing is an important skill. Try It: Wordy or Awkward Sentences What change would you make to this sentence? There are things I do well in terms of working around the house. There are things I do well around the house. In terms of working around the house, I do some things well. I do some jobs around the house well. Go to page 8 of the answers and explanations to see the answer. Redundant Phrases When you write, you need to watch out for redundant phrases. A common problem is repeating something the reader already knows. For example, if you talked about secrets that you can t tell, that would be redundant. A secret, by definition, is something that you can t tell anyone. Look at this example: My boss called me into his office to talk. When we were talking, he told me about a possible promotion. Learn it 3

4 Do you see how the clause when we were talking repeats what came just before it? The reader already knows that you re talking to your boss, so you don t need to repeat it. In fact, you can take the word talk out altogether: My boss called me into his office and told me about a possible promotion. Learn it A lot of the time, common phrases include words that aren t needed because they repeat an idea. Here s an example: Jan was unexpectedly surprised by the job offer. What s the unnecessary word in this sentence? Do you see it? It s unexpectedly. When you re surprised by something, that shows that it s unexpected, so you don t need the word unexpectedly. Here s an example: It was the very worst day of my life. A word like worst, most, or best doesn t need the word very. Nothing can be worse than worst. Some other redundant phrases are: my most favorite, the color red, just exactly, and my own opinion. You can just say my favorite, red, exactly, and my opinion. When you edit your writing, cut out words that don t add any new meaning. 4

5 Try It: Redundant Phrases What word would you remove from this sentence? In the community college seminar, Ella learned about various different careers. careers seminar community different Go to page 8 of the answers and explanations to see the answer. Learn it 5

6 check your skills Check Your Skills 1. Which choice is the best correction to this sentence? The truth is that if you only read things you agree with, you will rarely learn anything. Need help? Scan the QR code with your phone to see your Virtual Tutor. The truth is that you will rarely learn anything by reading. If you read, you will rarely learn anything you agree with. 2. What word would you remove from this sentence? If you only read things you agree with, you will rarely learn anything. The truth is that you will rarely learn anything by reading agreeable things. The day before yesterday, Hester got a new promotion at the research laboratory. before yesterday new laboratory research 3. Which choice is the best correction to this sentence? Attempting to gain voters, the candidate said he supported the bill, which he never really supported. The candidate never really supported the bill. The bill was supported by the candidate, who was attempting to gain voters. The bill was one that the candidate supported in order to gain voters. The candidate only said he supported the bill to gain voters. 6

7 4. What revision would you make to these sentences? Yesterday, we drove up to Vancouver. In Vancouver, we visited the aquarium. Delete up to Vancouver Change Vancouver. In Vancouver, we to Vancouver and 5. Which choice is the best correction to this sentence? It happened that my friend Gabe passed by the store. Change up to Vancouver. In Vancouver to up, and My friend Gabe passed by the store. 6. What word would you remove from this sentence? A high C history It happened that my friend Gabe passed the store. The doctor wanted to know about my past medical history, so I told her about my high blood pressure. B past D medical The store was passed by my friend Gabe. check your skills 7

8 7. Which choice is the best correction to this sentence? check your skills Nora, who yesterday had been very tired, took a nap today. Nora took a nap today after having been very tired yesterday. 8. What revision would you make to this sentence? Nora, who took a nap today, had been yesterday very tired. Nora was very tired yesterday, so she took a nap today. In reference to your question, my answer is that I will help you with that project. My answer is that I will help you with that project. Go to page 8 of the answers and explanations to see the answers. I will help you with that project. In reference to your question, I will help you with that project. 8

On the GED essay, you ll need to write a short essay, about four

Write Smart 373 What Is the GED Essay Like? On the GED essay, you ll need to write a short essay, about four or five paragraphs long. The GED essay gives you a prompt that asks you to talk about your beliefs