Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed.

Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed.

I Am a STAR A Children s Self-Esteem Book Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed.

I Am a STAR A Children s Self-Esteem Book All rights reserved, COPYRIGHT 2012 Innerworks Publishing 6306 Haskell St. Unit B Houston, Texas 77007 Cover design and Book layout by Nick Zelinger Computer graphics artist, Diane Wilkenson A special thank you to Vicki Abel for proofreading this edition. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. Exceptions: a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review; or a teacher, who uses it in teaching children. Original, I Am A Star My Building High Self-Esteem Book, 1992 ISBN 0-9625996-3-8, ISBN 978-962-5996-3-7 Revised Edition, ISBN 978-1-883648-38-1

This Book Is Dedicated to My Grandchildren. Joshua Allen Johnson Samantha Grace Shuemake Dylan Daniel Shuemake Jordan Herschel Johnson And all I have not met yet

Table of Contents Theme of this Book................... 5 For Parents & Teachers Only Children s Self-Esteem Inventory....... 6 Greetings........................... 12 What Is Self-Esteem?................. 13 What Is High Self-Esteem?............ 15 How Do You Know If Someone Has Low Self-Esteem? Behaviors, Thoughts, Feelings?................ 16 How You Can Build Good Feelings About Yourself...................... 22 Affirmations........................ 25

The Theme, or Idea of this book is: You Are the STAR of Your Life This means, you make many choices in your life. You are in charge of the thoughts in your mind. You are in charge of the things that you say. You are in charge of the things that you do and how you do them. Only YOU live inside your body! 5

For Parents and Teachers Only Remember, children are innately good even when their behavior is unacceptable. The same goes for you too. Acting out behaviors are often a sign of low self-esteem and always a cry for help the need for attention, discipline, structure, food, sleep, alone time, play, or information. This book is written with simple graphics and affirmations for children. They build positive self-talk with a healthy philosophy of life. The comments at the bottom of the page are for you. They are full of ideas that will help you discuss each concept in more depth with your child. Besides teaching your child concepts about self-esteem, the reading and talking time instills within your child the idea that you care. You will discover conflicts and issues your child is dealing with that need your 6

help, too. As you read, ask your child what each affirmation means to see how she or he is doing internalizing the ideas that build emotional strength. Younger children want you to read the affirmations as they notice each star. Most four year olds like to talk about the stars as you read and will respond to your questions. As your child grows in attention span, you can talk more about the concepts at the bottom of the affirmation pages. Once your child learns to read, the affirmations are great for building reading skills. Many third graders can read the comments at the bottom of the affirmation pages. This book is full of seed thoughts that will grow over time to build self-awareness and positive self-regard in your child. Sound self-esteem provides a solid foundation for meeting life s challenges when your child goes out into the world. 7

The Children s Self-Esteem Inventory Directions: Read the statements to your child and ask her or him to answer True or False verbally. There are no right or wrong answers, as this is not a test and does not measure self-esteem. Use it to identify faulty thinking. Through discussion you can help correct any thoughts that are not sound. Permission is granted to type and copy inventory for older children. 1. I am a good person. 2. I love myself and that is a good thing. 8

3. I have a choice to improve (change) my words and behavior when I get angry, argue, fight, or do not get along with another person. 4. I am a valuable, worthwhile person. 5. I forgive myself and say, I m sorry, when I have bad behavior or say something mean to someone. 6. I accept the things about myself I cannot change, such as my hair, eye, or skin color. 7. I feel all my feelings. It is okay to feel sad or angry, as well as happy and excited. 9

8. I say positive, kind words to myself inside my mind with my self-talk. 9. I have some good traits (habits and behaviors) and some notso-good traits. That is okay because no one is perfect. 10. I like to be first and win. I also can wait my turn and am a good loser. 11. I make mistakes sometimes and that is okay because I learn from my mistakes. 12. Who I am is a good person even when my behavior is bad. 10

13. When I hurt someone I say I am sorry and I mean it and I do not do it again. 14. I try to be kind and helpful to other people. 15. I am of equal value to all other people. I am not better than or less than anyone even if my looks, talents, and traits are different. 11

Greetings Hi! My name is Suzanne. I am going to teach you how to feel good about yourself. This little book will help you learn about yourself and give you some new ideas in a fun way. Let s Begin! Hi! Let s get started! 12

First, What Is Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem is how you feel about yourself. Do you like yourself and feel worthy of love and respect, no matter what? I Don t Know. 13

I hope you answered, Yes. It is important to be your own best friend. That means loving and accepting yourself. You do even if you make a mistake or do not like some parts of you such as your behavior, the words you say, or your hair or your skin color. Let s begin by looking at high Self-esteem. 14

High Self-Esteem Is Liking yourself Knowing yourself and only trying to be yourself Being kind to yourself and others Taking risks and learning new things Accepting yourself, even if you want to change some parts of you Taking responsibility for your choices 15

How Do You Know If Someone Has Low Self-Esteem? That s easy. They will have some or all of these: Behaviors POW! Thoughts Feelings 16

Behaviors of Low Self-Esteem Hurting Yourself in any way Being a bully, or hurting others, including your brothers, sisters, or parents Saying mean things to others Not keeping clean with your body, hair, or your clothes Not speaking up for yourself POW! 17

More Low Self-Esteem Behaviors Talking too much Needing to always be first or last Gossiping or making fun of others Breaking things or defacing property Taking things that do not belong to you Not trying new things because you might make a mistake POW! 18

Thoughts of Low Self-Esteem Thinking you are better than someone different from you Thinking others are better than you Thinking mean or negative things in your mind about yourself Thinking, I don t count. Secretly hoping someone will fail or hurt himself or herself Thinking only one way your way is right 19

Feelings of Low Self-Esteem Feelings of hatred Feelings of jealousy or envy Feeling sad or angry a lot of the time Being embarrassed and ashamed when you haven t done anything wrong Crying a lot and not knowing why Isolating yourself from others Afraid to be by yourself for long 20

Wow! You can see there are lots of things to look for with low self-esteem. Most people have some of these behaviors, thoughts, and feelings some of the time. Now we will learn ways to help you change things that cause low self-esteem. 21

How Can You Build Good Feelings About Yourself? The best way is by saying kind, positive things to yourself in your mind. That is what this book is about. 22

Let s Learn a New Word: Affirmations Affirmations are positive words to say to yourself. Example: I am the Star of my Life. You are the main character of your own life, like an actor in a movie. You also write the script, direct, and edit your movie. You can take responsibility for what you do, think, and say. 23

Now the Fun Begins! The rest of this book is full of affirmations to read out loud or silently to yourself. These positive words will soon become part of the self-talk you hear in the voice inside your mind. Read each affirmation and think about what it means. If you do not understand the meaning of a word, ask a parent or teacher to explain it to you. What does this mean? Say the affirmations over and over in your mind until you feel each statement is true for you. 24

Affirmations I am responsible for my choices. You are the one who thinks and makes choices for your life. When you take responsibility, you make choices that support yourself and others. 25

I am unique, one of a kind. Only One of Me! No two people are exactly alike. You feel good when you appreciate your special set of traits, abilities, and potentials. Life does not expect you to be anyone but yourself. 26

I am good, even when my behavior is bad. I m Good No matter what the behavior, the inner essence of who you are is okay and good. You are not a bad person when your actions are bad. 27

I love and respect myself. It is good to love yourself. You are worthy of dignity and respect. You automatically treat other people with love and respect when you do this for yourself first. 28

I like myself. I m OK! It is important to be your own best friend. You have to live with yourself all the time. Why not get to like who you are? It makes life easier. 29

I stop comparing myself to others. STOP It is a bad habit to get your self-worth from comparing yourself to others. Healthy competition can be experienced sometimes in school or sports. Remember to not base your self-esteem on whether or not you are the winner or loser. It is best to compete with yourself to gauge your progress and improvement. 30

I laugh at myself sometimes. Laughter heals. It is best to not take yourself too seriously. When you lighten up, you make wiser choices and you handle mistakes better. Laughter is a good way to express feelings of tension and discomfort, as well as joy and fun. 31

I feel kind and loving toward myself. It is good to love yourself. Do not expect many other people to love you they may not know how. A person can only love another if they know how to love themselves first. 32

I forgive others who have hurt me. Many people don t know they have hurt your feelings. If they do things that sometimes hurt you, forgive them in your mind. This does not mean you have to stick around a bully and continue being hurt or taken advantage of. 33

I am developing my talents and interests. I ll be No. 1! Expressing your talents and interests builds good feelings. Your gifts might be caring for animals or plants, playing a musical instrument, or developing a good mind. Time spent developing interests eliminates boredom and gives life meaning. 34

I deserve to feel good, happy, and confident. I m OK! It is okay to feel good, happy, and confident. These are components of high self-esteem. You begin by giving yourself permission to feel these good feelings. 35

I learn from all my experiences, good as well as bad. - + Everyday living is the school of life. We grow wiser every day by learning the lessons behind our experiences. Attention to these lessons will enable us to create a life with awareness repeating what we like and stopping what we do not like. 36

I express my angry and hurt feelings and emotions by talking or writing in a journal. It is a good idea to express negative emotions in a positive way, like talking to someone or writing them down. Denied emotions that you keep inside pop out when least expected in such things as being accident-prone, over-reacting, having many illnesses, or feeling a lot of body pain. 37

I accept all my feelings because they all are okay. Feelings are not right or wrong. They are messages from your inner-self that are telling you something. You can use feelings as teachers to help you understand your thoughts and reactions to people and events in your life. 38

My body is my friend so I take care of it with proper sleep, exercise, and food. Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z A body is a very remarkable thing. Take care of it so it will last a long time. It feels good to live in a healthy body. 39

I separate the inner me from my behavior. The true you is inside you. This part of you is important to get to know. It has needs and wants. Sometimes you have behavior that is bad because you do not know yourself. When you know your inner-self, you make wiser choices so your behavior pleases you. You are not your actions, you are the one who acts. 40

I have the right to say, NO. NO! It is a good idea to check in with your inner self when friends want you to do things. The better you feel about yourself, the more you ll have the courage to risk rejection by saying, no to things that are not good for you. By the way, it is usually a good idea to obey people in authority, such as parents, teachers, or bosses. 41

I think about why I do things, so I can solve my problems. The way out of your problems is to use your mind to think. As you study yourself, you can figure out why you do things. If you want to get different results, then you will make different choices. This is how you learn. 42

I value myself. $ $ $ It is a decision to value yourself. When this choice is made, you accept yourself totally, assets as well as imperfections. Your basic nature is good, no matter what others think or say. 43

I accept the way I look. If you are critical of your looks, you need to determine what can be changed and what must be accepted. It keeps you feeling bad to focus on and be critical of what cannot be changed. You feel good when you learn to accept your looks. 44

I have the power to change many things I do not like in myself. I Have The Power! You have a mind, so you can think about solutions to your problems. It is up to you to take responsibility for finding solutions so that you like living your life. 45

I am of equal value to all other people. No two people are alike and every single one is of equal value to all others. We are all part of the greater whole of humanity and life would not be complete without each of us. We have individual differences and potentials; yet we are all valuable. 46

I listen to my intuition. You are right! You have a wise inner voice that can help you make good choices in your life. Sometimes it takes time to tell the difference between the wise voice and the negative, critical inner voice. Practice paying attention to your wise inner voice. 47

I say kind things to myself. I m OK! Positive self-talk builds your self-esteem. When no one else is around, you have to live with yourself so be a good friend to yourself. Say good things to build your confidence and feelings of value. 48

I forgive myself when I make a mistake. It s OK! Try Again! Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are how people learn and grow. They teach you to choose differently the next time the situation comes up again. 49

I am free to be me. When you express your true self, it feels good. Get to know your inner-self, your needs, wishes, goals, values, and beliefs. Your true self is always good. 50

I take one day at a time. 10 11 9 8 7 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 When looking at problems, we sometimes get overwhelmed. It helps to slow down and just live today. It is good to plan; however, remember to do what you need to do and can do today. Get the most out of today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn t here yet. 51

I am calm and peaceful. You use your mind well when you feel calm and peaceful inside emotionally. Remember, the messages you send your subconscious mind are what is expressed in your life. So learn to relax and experience deep peace. 52

I like to be alone sometimes. It is healthy to know how to be alone and not be lonely. To always have people around and activities to do distracts you from your inner-self. There is great wisdom and creativity inside you that wants to come forward. It can do so only when you allow yourself quiet time alone to listen. 53

I like to help others. True giving, without an expectation of a return, results from a well-nourished self. When you take care of yourself and feel good about yourself, you can give unconditionally. Some people give because they are empty and need approval, acceptance, love, or attention. It is wise to fill yourself up emotionally so your giving has no emotional hooks in it. 54

I make a difference. My life counts. I Count! We each have a special mission only we can fulfill. When you have your lower-level needs met like food, safety, love then you can contribute to the well-being of others. When you learn to value yourself, it is easy to make a difference by contributing your gifts and talents to make a better world. 55

I use my time wisely. 10 11 9 8 7 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 We all have 24 hours in a day. It is wise to balance active or goal-oriented time with positive non-directive time. You can be more in balance if you listen to your inner self each day to see if you need more or less activity and quiet time. 56

I have friends who like me, support me, and respect me. It is important to learn to screen your friends. Not everyone is good for you. A good friendship is reciprocal (gives and takes). A good friend is one who appreciates you being you and supports you to get the most out of your life. 57

I smile a lot. Your outer expression shows how you are doing on the inside. As you grow in self-love and acceptance, it automatically shows on your face. Smiles open doors when you are relating to others. 58

I take positive risks. Go For It! To grow, it is important to learn new things. It can be difficult to look beyond what you are already doing, for example, to learn to play an instrument or to solve a problem. Taking a risk to do something new is how you can learn to get new results. It benefits you to put forth the effort, time, and practice to take positive risks. 59

I set goals and have fun achieving them. Goals give your life direction and meaning. Learn to set reasonable goals for your age, interest level, and abilities. Over-achievers set goals so high that they never meet them and feel like a constant failure. Under-achievers don t like to set goals, staying stuck with feelings of low self-worth. They may be fearful of failure or making a mistake so they never try. Remember to take risks. 60

I am strong and healthy. I am healthy because I take good care of my physical and emotional health. I talk positively to myself so my mind believes what I tell it. Remember to talk positively to yourself many times a day. 61

I know I am good. I m OK! To have sound self-esteem you need to know you are good. You feel good when your intentions are to do and be your best with everything you do in life. This is an inner awareness not dependent on other people s opinions and beliefs. Another way to say this is, My inner spiritual essence is the real me and I love being me. 62

It s True! It s true! I am a Star! Now that you ve read this book, choose one affirmation that does not feel true about you. Repeat it again and again until you really feel inside that it is true for you. Do this until all the affirmations feel true for you. 63

Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed., LPC Suzanne E. Harrill is a teacher, coach, professional speaker, and the author of self-help books for adults, adolescents, and children. She inspires people to know and accept themselves while discovering their true Self. Suzanne brings to her coaching and teaching a lifetime of wisdom gained through self-study and being in private practice as a therapist individuals, couples, families for 30+ years. See an interview with Suzanne about her book, The Harrill Solution Secrets for Successful Relationships Revealed at http://www.you tube.com/watch?v=yx3hysc2fbw Contact Suzanne, Read Articles, Buy Books Free Self-Esteem Lecture and Free On-line Newsletter www.innerworkspublishing.com

This little book will teach you how to feel good about YOU! It will help you learn about yourself and give you some new ideas in fun ways. YOU Are the STAR of Your Life! This means you make many choices in your life. You are in charge of the thoughts in your mind. You are in charge of the things you say. You are in charge of the things you do and how you do them. Only YOU live inside your body! Suzanne E. Harrill, M.Ed.