YOUR NEW t l u a def SMALL GROUP GUIDE
Part One: Judgment -----> Grace It s so easy to judge others, to think you re better than others or to think they re less than you. It s so easy to look down on other people while giving yourself a break. Why do so many people rush to judgment? This week, we ll look at how people who want to change actually find transformation. Bottom Line: Judgment assumes you know best. And you don t. Scripture: Matthew 7:1-5 NLT Discussion Questions 1. Our defaults get programmed early in life. Think back to how you were raised. Who are you more like, your mother or your father? What do you like about that reality...what do you not like quite as much about that? 2. Read through Matthew 7:1-5 NLT. Why do you think Jesus prohibited judgment? 3. In the message, Carey said we usually judge other people by their actions and we judge ourselves by our intentions. What do you think might happen if we flipped that? 4. Carey made a distinction between judgment and discernment. Why do you think discernment is necessary and judgment isn t? 5. What would happen if God judged you with the same standard of judgment you applied to other people? Moving Forward This week, keep a judgment log. Jot down all those times you compare yourself to others to make yourself feel better. Write down any time you rushed to a negative conclusion without sufficient information. Log every time you look down on someone else or conclude that they are inferior. Then bring what you ve written in your log into your prayer time. Changing Your Mind Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others.the standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. Matthew 7:1-2 NLT
Part Two: Suspicion -----> Trust Remember when you were a kid and trusted at a level that seemed, well, childlike? But our trust gets broken. Over time, we become suspicious of people, organizations and even God. What happens to us when suspicion becomes our dominant view? Everything changes when you stop assuming the worst, and start believing the best. Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NIV) Bottom Line: Fill gaps in information with information gaps with the most generous explanation possible. Discussion Questions 1. Think of someone you know who you would say is not very generous. How do you feel when you interact with that person? 2. When you are in a situation where you are missing key information about what s going on (there s $100 less in the bank account from a joint account and you re not sure why), what conclusions do you jump to? Do you tend to move toward a generous explanation (I m sure he picked up some groceries...or the car must have been out of gas) or toward the least generous explanation (that s him...he just can t stick to a budget...or I ll bet he s bought yet another thing he doesn t need). Do you know why you lean that way? 3. 1 Corinthians 13 is a classic text on love, not just between husband and wife, but on how to treat anyone lovingly. As you read verses 4-7, discuss what it might be like to actually be in a relationship with someone who embodies all of those characteristics. What is attractive about that person? 4. In verse 7, the apostle Paul says love always trusts. What is the hardest thing about trust for you? 5. What do you think might happen if you began to believe the best of God and people when faced with a gap in information about a situation? What might happen to: Your faith? Your marriage? Your work? Your parenting? Your friendships? 6. What would scare you about believing the best about others?
Moving Forward This week, when you are not sure how to interpret someone s behaviour, do this: believe the best. Give them the benefit of the doubt and fill every gap in information with the most generous explanation possible. Fill in the gaps with trust, not suspicion. Do this both with people and with God. Watch what it does to your relationships with everyone involved (including God). Not sure what to say? Try this line: I m not sure what happened, but there must be a perfectly good explanation. Changing Your MInd [Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV
Part Three: Anger ------> Gratitude In a world of outrage, it s easy to be angry. Whether your anger shows up in private, public or whether it s just something you feel but rarely show, what s underneath that? We ll look at where your anger comes from, how to deal with it, and how to replace it with a profound gratitude. Bottom Line: DIssolve anger into gratitude by remembering you owe God everything and nobody owes you anything. Scripture: Matthew 18:21-35 NLT Discussion Questions 1. We all owe other people things from time to time. Discuss a time when you someone owed you something whether that s money, an apology or something else. How did that situation resolve? 2. Anger says you owe me. In what ways can you trace the anger you feel to the sense that someone owes you something? 3. Read Matthew 18:21-35. Which character are you most like in the story? 4. When you forgive, it costs you something. Most of us are eager to receive forgiveness but a little hesitant to extend it. In light of the story Jesus tells, what s the problem with that? 5. Carey said that if you don t feel like forgiving someone who owes you (anything), pray for them. Don t just pray about them pray for them, for God to generously bless them. How does praying for God to bless someone change things? 6. How would your closest relationships change (think spouse, kids, best friends, family, closest-coworkers) change if your anger dissolved into gratitude? Moving Forward A few questions to help you move from anger to gratitude: 1. Why are you angry? 2. Who do you think owes you? 3. Pray for the person you re angry with (who you think owes you) for God to bless them. 4. Think of all the ways you ve grieved God...and now express gratitude for the way he s treated and forgiven you. Changing Your Mind Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. Matthew 18: 27 NLT
Part Four: Blame ----> Responsibility Blame. It damages marriages, destroys partnerships, harms teams and twists relationships. None of us like to get blamed, but somehow most of us still find ways to blame others. Why do we do that? What would life be like if we stopped blaming others? What would it do to your faith, your friendships, your family? How would you get there? Bottom Line: Because of God s mercy, start assuming responsibility. Stop assigning blame. Scripture: Hebrews 4:12-16 (NLT) Discussion Questions 1. In your home when you were younger, who tended to get blamed most when things went wrong? How do you think they felt? If it was you, how did you feel? 2. Read Hebrews 4:12-13 (NLT). If you were going to be subject to that kind of scrutiny and judgment, how might you attempt to justify your actions? What emotion dominates your feelings as you read those two verses? 3. In the message, Carey said the opposite of blame is responsibility. Think of some instances when you blamed others for things, and then think of specific instances in which you took full responsibility when things went wrong. Why did you behave differently in each case, and what difference did it make. 4. Now read Hebrews 4:14-16 (NLT) (yes...it s hard to believe that these verses follow verses 12-13). Note the contrast. What makes for the shift in tone and approach in this passage? Why do you think the writer of Hebrews asserts we can approach God with boldness and confidence knowing that we will receive mercy? 5. If you knew ahead of time that when you did something wrong, you would be forgiven, not judged, and fully accepted, how would that impact you? 6. How would embracing the truth in verse 16 help you to accept full responsibility for the mistakes you ve made? Moving Forward As you move through this week, every time you are attempted to blame someone else, stop and ask God what share of the problem is your responsibility. Ask him to help you accept full responsibility for what you have done. Knowing that you are forgiven, ask him to help you stop blaming and start taking responsibility.
Changing Your Mind Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16
YOUR NEW default We live in a culture where we ve never had more options to choose from, but in many ways, we also feel chained down by those same choices. We can feel the pressure that comes from being tied to our job, to a broken relationship, to our past, to our financial situation, to inner battles, etc. No matter how hard we try, why is it so hard to feel free in our daily lives? We ll be talking about what it means to experience real freedom in our souls and lives. What if it really is possible to live free? More at ConnexusChurch.com