Coach on Call It was great to talk with you. Thank you for your interest in. I hope you find this tip sheet helpful. Please give me a call if you have more questions about this or other topics. As your UPMC Health Plan health coach, I m ready to help in any way I can. Most people manage anger in healthy ways. They talk themselves out of feeling angry when it is not justified. They let off steam in healthy ways so anger does not build up. Or they have rational discussions with others to manage their feelings. Anger can also be used as a motivator. It can help you achieve your goals if you direct that energy toward work, school, sports, or other areas of your life. On the other hand, some individuals are angry people and get angry with all sorts of things. Their problem lies within themselves. They justify their anger and blame others. These individuals need to redefine their anger and contain it (not let it out). They must learn to talk themselves out of feeling angry so easily. What is anger? Anger is more than a feeling. It involves beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions. It shows in what you do and what you don t do, in what you say and what you do not say. What causes anger? Anger is not caused by others or by what happens to you. Instead, it is caused by your reactions to others or to what happens to you. CMN14-0515-3 (d) UPMC_14_0124 Copyright 2014 UPMC Health Plan, Inc. All rights reserved C on C Strs MNG YR ANGR CXXXXXXXX-XX (MCG) 6/4/14 PDF
Page 2 of 6 Experts believe that anger may be caused by: Your temperament or overall way of approaching life, which may be inherited. (Some people have short fuses. They are more easily angered than others, even about little things.) Patterns of thinking you learned by watching your parents or caretakers handle their own anger or respond to you when you felt angry Heightened sensitivity because of exposure to trauma (such as abuse or loss of an important person) or stress (such as having a parent with mental illness or addiction) Feeling powerless or deprived by social, economic, or political issues that affect your life Distorted or overly intense reactions caused by using drugs or alcohol Learning About Your Anger 1. How do you know you are angry? Check the signs below that apply to you. In your body Headache Stomachache Tense muscles, such as in your shoulders, arms, or hands Shaking Pacing Other: In your thoughts and feelings Thoughts about what happened and why your anger is justified Thoughts about getting revenge or getting even A strong desire to use alcohol or drugs Feeling depressed Other:
Page 3 of 6 In your actions Talking faster than usual Talking with a curt or hostile tone of voice Arguing, yelling, screaming, or cursing Pushing or hitting someone Pounding your fists or breaking something Other: Below are some healthy ways to manage anger. Check those you would like to try. Plan ahead Do not let irritation, anger, or resentment build up. Do something often to let off steam. For example, get plenty of physical activity. Talk about your day-to-day stresses with a trusted friend. Think of a few words or a phrase you can say silently to yourself to help you roll with a tough situation. Examples: That is life. This kind of thing happens. This will blow over. I am not going to let this get to me. Think about what might happen if you use various ways to cope with anger in a given situation or with a certain person. What strategy might be best? When your anger flares Pause. Take a time out. Try to limit what you say or do. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Say something silently to yourself that will help you calm down. An example is I can take some time to calm down. If you can, do something physical and constructive. Examples are walking, jogging, playing sports, or working around the house. Working off physical tension can go a long way toward helping you feel calmer.
Page 4 of 6 When you have calmed down Brainstorm a variety of ideas you have for handling the situation. Tailor your ideas to what happened specifically or to the person involved. Choose one idea that you are confident may help. Try it. Remember that doing nothing for a while is always an option. With time, your perspective or the situation may change. Think about what happened. Ask yourself if your anger was justified. Were you overreacting to someone or something? Change your thoughts. For example, change I am angry because to It is too bad that this happened, but I will not let it make me angry. Talk to the person you are angry with. Do so only if the person is open to hearing you and if you are able to talk in a calm, respectful way. Talk to someone else. This can help you release your feelings, gain perspective, and get support. A Note for Those with Chronic Anger Are you angry with others often? Do you have a short fuse? A therapist or counselor can help you learn ways to manage your anger. Need help to find a therapist? Talk with your doctor or UPMC Health Plan health coach. Take Action 1. In the blanks below, set a goal or goals for managing your anger in a healthy way. Be specific. Put your goal(s) into practice as often as you can. Example: When I get angry with Susan, I will say I need a break and leave the room until I feel calm. I will walk around the block if I can. When I am calm, I will ask her if she is open to listening. If she says she is, I will talk to her with respect about what happened. My goal(s): 2. Keep track of your anger and how you cope with it. Use the blank chart on page 6. An example is show on page 5.
Page 5 of 6 Sample: Anger Log Situation or Event Degree of Anger (from 1 to 10) My boss criticized me. 9 What does he know? You can never please him. Thoughts How I Coped Talked to my wife about the situation. Thought about what my boss said and realized he was right. Told myself I could learn from what he said and let go of my anger. My son did not clean up his room like I told him. 5 I will show him. He is going to be grounded for a month. Why does he not listen to me? Talked with my son about what I expect and what the consequences would be if he does not clean up his room. I finished my taxes. I owe the IRS almost $2,000. 10 They want all your money. I am sick of paying taxes. Told myself that nobody likes to pay taxes. I knew this was coming and should have put money aside. Next year, I will put tax money aside a little at a time.
Page 6 of 6 Anger Log Situation or Event Degree of Anger (from 1 to 10) Content provided by Dennis C. Daley, PhD, 2014. Thoughts How I Coped