Fear to Fuel Stop Resisting, Start Creating...Now Facing Your Arch-Nemesis Karl Staib 1
Let Go of Fear The key to change...is to let go of fear. - Rosanne Cash Every person and business has an arch nemesis. It could be pricing, marketing, or getting leads. It could be the clock or your competition. It could be internal blocks, such as excuse making, indecision, or procrastination. We try to deal with this barrier by ignoring it, but it only makes our arch nemesis stronger. 2
This increases our resistance to confronting it. I started my confrontation by naming my arch nemesis. I ve named it Dr. Oatzel. He s an evil genius that would love to destroy all my hard work so that I maintain the status quo. Why? Because if I keep the status quo alive, then neither of us needs to fear rejection. But it s only in overcoming the fear of rejection that we learn how to overcome our fear of unleashing the inner artist. We must learn to see rejection as a side effect of being expressive and creative rather than as a sign of failure. In order to beat Dr. Oatzel into submission and to create separation from my fears and my current reality, I smacked a label on him and called him what he was. In doing this, I gained the power to defeat him. If you can t step back and create emotional distance from them, fears can seem incredibly daunting. But the thing is...it s really you who is creating your fears. 3
Once you accept this, you can begin to work with your fears, so they actually help you make smarter decisions, rather than hold you back from success. Stuckness Every action you take has a foundation of fear within it. It can motivate or cripple your action. Think about the last project you worked on. What were you afraid of? This fear can stop you in your tracks, instead of doing the parts of the project that you love. 4
You are avoiding it by checking out Facebook, your email, or talking to a friend. You are afraid to start because of how you might feel. You might feel stupid for missing a vital step. You may feel embarrassed for not including someone in an important meeting. You may feel angry because you can t figure out a solution. So it feels easier to just procrastinate and put off that pain until tomorrow. Not having deadlines is another form of being stuck. You don t take swift action because you feel you have plenty of time. This is where you don t allow yourself to feel the fear. By not accessing these feelings you, lose out on a powerful motivational tool. There are a small percentage of people who can do timely work without deadlines, but I have yet to meet one. You may have used this fear as a way to motivate. 5
It s surprising how efficient and well we will do a project if we are on a deadline. I know this is one of my weaknesses. I don t give myself a deadline on a project and time keeps marching until I eventually the project is forgotten because I m on a new more important project. Where is your fear is coming from? Your fear comes from many places within you, and you have two choices: You can either deal with it or keep pushing it aside. 6
Although pushing it aside feels like an escape, the truth is that it adds up over time; it becomes an incredible burden. It starts to add up until your one Dr. Oatzel becomes dozens. The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is not fear, or lack thereof, but of the way they deal with it. Contrary to appearance, most successful people do have fear, but they learn to manage and overcome it, rather than run from it. I had a friend start a web design business because he didn t want to work for anyone else. His only income was $5,000 a year his grandma would give him. He built websites, databases, and shopping carts. He talked about his fears on a weekly basis. Worried his customers would leave him, worried his cash-flow would dry up, and worried he couldn t pay back his debts. This fear, while very real, encouraged him to get up at 5:30am and start work by 7am every day. 7
My friend actually credits me for helping him survive this tough time. We would talk every Monday morning and he would unload his fears. After we were done talking he felt relieved and was able to do his work. Your fears are real, but they are only crippling if you let them become too powerful. My friend told me a lot of his fears came from comparing himself to friends and competition. He was jealous of my 9 5 steady paycheck. Funny thing was I was jealous of his freedom. 8
He would have a bad week and the first thing he would do was go to a competitor s site and see what they were offering. If they were cheaper, he would lower his prices. If they offered a different service, he went to work on a competitive service. He admits this was the worst strategy that he could have implemented. He couldn t keep up with all his competition, but he was sure trying, burning himself out in the process. When he stopped comparing himself to other people, he let go of chasing after others and started comparing his results to himself. He learned that the only way to track his success was to compare his wins and losses to his past wins and losses. In essence his only competition is himself. You should only measure yourself against yourself because comparing yourself to anyone else is torture. You don t know what resources they have or what mistakes they ve already learned from. All you see is a tiny sliver of the whole picture. 9
Once my friend David stopped chasing other people s ideas, he started coming up with ideas that were unique to his customer s needs. That s when his business took off. Originally, David was chasing after concepts he didn t even want in his business. But once he started looking at what he loved, which was making people s lives easier, his business changed overnight. He loved the college philosophy. He also loved developing new systems. He created a way for colleges to coordinate 10
purchases so they could save money. Bingo! He hit his sweet spot. David s work was much more lucrative and enjoyable. You have different fears than your friends and competitors, so you have to work with them. Listen to them. Feel where they originate, so you know when to expect them again. Where are your fears coming from? (Are they based in reality or are you letting them get too powerful?) Dealing with your fear I ve tried many ways to deal with my fear, but the best one is a simple Angel and Devil walking meditation. I find that when I have visual distractions (especially trees, birds, etc) it allows me to access part of my mind that are very hard to reach without this technique. 11
The tools are simple - You - Your imagination - A pen and piece of paper - A pet (optional) I walk and listen to my fear, otherwise known as Dr. Oatzel. I came up with the name Dr. Oatzel because it felt real. It felt like a character I could love and hate at the same time. Dr. Oatzel speaks English with a German accent, wear s black rimmed glasses, and a scar going down his right cheek. 12
He s also got a cackle of a laugh, and always wears a white Doctor s coat. The reason I m so detailed in my description is simple. The more real I make the meditation the more fear I can release. I take a pen and paper with me because whenever I have an idea I can write it down. This helps me let go of my fear. Once it s on paper I can move on to my next issue. I take my dog with me because when I need to talk out loud I don t look like a weirdo. Any person talking to the air looks crazy, but talk to your dog and you are the person that is a huge dog lover. People love that person. I kind of think of my dog as my sidekick. Walking side by side with your fear Me, my arch nemesis, and my dog all walking to figure myself out. Yes, you could do this like a normal person, but what fun would that be? 13
Facing Your ARch-Nemesis The goal is to create a fun way to deal with your fear rather than to avoid confronting them. A typical conversation: Me: Why don t you want me to succeed? Dr. Oatzel: Because you are weak. Me: Why do you think I m weak? Dr. Oatzel: Because you have superpowers that could change the world and I don t think you are ready. You don t want to look stupid. Do you? 14
Me: Of course not, but I have to put myself out there. It s the only way I will improve. Dr. Oatzel: Why do you need to improve? Think about it. You have a great life, you don t need to make it any better. Me (talking to my dog AKA sidekick): Can you believe this guy? Of course I want to improve. I can t make a big impact on other people if I m average. Sidekick: Want me to bite him? Me: Nah, he s just trying to protect me. Dr. Oatzel: Protect you from all that pain out there. Me: Ok, the thing is I need to feel some pain when developing my superpowers. Dr. Oatzel: Good point. 15
Me: If I can get good enough at this writing and teaching thing I can help a lot of people do work that they are passionate about. It s this work that sends ripples through society. If I can help just one person a week do what work that they love then they are happier and more successful. This helps out hundreds of other people. Dr. Oatzel: But Me: No buts this time. I need you to understand that I have to do this work because it makes me happy. Dr. Oatzel: Ok, but don t blame me if people laugh at you. Me: That s fine. At least I m out there trying to help people. I would rather be laughed at than be a non-factor. You may have noticed the evil (Dr. Oatzel) and the Angel (My dog) scenario. It s what we talked about in the previous chapter our emotions lead our choices. You can side with the fear 16
(negative feelings) or you can side with the optimistic view point (positive feelings). You just have to find a way to connect with the more positive feelings so you take action on your thoughts. The idea is that as you walk you listen to both sides. I don t ever want you to rid yourself of your Arch Nemesis. That would be awful. Living a life without fear is totally scary. Fear keeps you in check. It makes sure that you don t decide to create a business around killing little bunnies. You need to keep walking until that fear dissipates. I promise it will dissipate if you stay focused on processing your worries. The steps: 1. List your most intense worry on your piece of paper. 2. Try to visualize this worry as if it s created by your arch nemesis. 3. Then talk and talk until you wear your arch nemesis down. Talk about the worst case scenario, the best case scenario and something in between. 17
By having your angel on the other side you ll balance out your negativity and find some nice middle ground. 4. Make a list of how your arch nemesis is actually helping to make you stronger and smarter. 5. Appreciate that your wonderful brain can perform such imaginative scenarios. (Creativity that will save you from letting your fears take over and control your decision making process.) Stop Resisting and Start Creating...Now Learning how to face your fears is just half of the battle. You re going to have to learn to get comfortable in the uncomfortable, and to ignore the fears and distractions that keep you from doing your greatest work. If you truly want to build a life of purpose, where you wake up feeling energized, rather than paralyzed, then stay tuned, because very soon, we ll be showing you how you can do just that. Did you like this guide? Click here to leave a comment and share your thoughts. 18
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