BUILDING EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES FOR TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT ALCOHOL AND DRIVING SPEAK YOUR MIND
Parents have an important role to play in preparing their children to make responsible decisions when they are on their own. But research tells us that a careful balance must be struck between playing an active role in your children s development and leaving them to fend for themselves in difficult times. This guide will help provide you with insight and advice for broaching complex and challenging topics while talking to your kids about alcohol and driving. Interacting with your child The first step to communicating with your children is to set out specific goals for the information you wish to impart. Focus on educating by providing information that they will use to make decisions later, rather than trying to tell them what they should decide in a given situation. Use this basic 4-step model for planning a conversation structure with your child:» Topic» Challenge» Solution» Application The key elements that you want to convey to your child can follow this handy four-step plan for delivering your point in a concise and education-oriented manner. Take, for instance, the question of communicating to your child the importance of having something to eat before they drink alcohol. Topic Practical things young people should know about responsible drinking. Challenge Drinking on an empty stomach can dramatically increase the impact of alcohol on your system and can make you sick. Solution Eat something before you drink. Application Have something to eat before you have a drink. It doesn t need to be huge, but if you are planning on having a couple drinks, make sure you eat a little more. In practical terms, this means that a conversation about the importance of eating before drinking alcohol would flow from identifying that drinking on an empty stomach can make you sick, and that if you plan to drink more, you need to eat more. Consider the following simulations: Dad: Hey Jane, are you going out with your friends tonight? Jane: Yeah, we re going out to a party at my friend Alex s house. Dad: Okay, well just remember that if you plan on drinking, you should eat something first so you don t get sick. Jane: Okay Dad, we ll get some pizza before we go over there. Dad: Thanks, honey. 2
Mom: Ricky, it s this weekend you re going to the lake? Ricky: Yes we re leaving tomorrow afternoon, after school s out. Mom: Alright don t forget to take some food and things to snack on, especially if you and your friends are drinking. And if you get stuck in the rain, just sleep in a car till morning, or give me a call and I ll come get you. Ricky: Thanks, Mom Dad: So, Dustin, what are you going to do out at the lake? Dustin: Jan s dad is letting us use the boat for water-skiing. Dad: Sounds like fun. But try to make sure everybody leaves any beer on-shore at your camp site. They patrol the lake for people running boats while drinking, or even just having alcoholic beverages onboard. Dustin: Thanks, Dad I hadn t thought of that. But I ll do my best to make sure that s what happens. Mom: You re going out for dinner with Jake, tonight? Anne: That s right, Mom then we re going to see a movie after dinner. Mom: Nice if you both decide to have drinks with dinner, just give it lots of time. You might wanna consider going to a restaurant that s within walking distance of a movie theatre. Anne: Good idea. Mom: And remember if you have any doubts about whether Jake should drive, give me call and I can give you a ride no questions asked. Anne: Cool. Dad: Who are you playing in your hockey game tonight? Mike: The Hornets. We think we re gonna win, and we ll probably go out afterward. Dad: Hope you win. And have fun. You know if you need a ride home, just give me call. Mike: It might be real late, Dad... Dad: Doesn t matter just give me a call, whatever time it is. I wouldn t mind an early morning breakfast at that all-night place. 3
Dad: How are you getting home for Christmas? Max: I m catching a ride with Matt to save some money just helping with the cost of gas. Dad: Great! Just take it easy there s going to be a lot of traffic on the road. Max: Yeah, you re right. We plan to leave early in the day for the trip. Dad: And if something happens, just hop on the train or a bus, and I ll pay for your ticket. Max: Appreciate it, Dad. Mom: How are you getting back from the ski trip in time to catch your flight? Allison: Alex is coming back early on Sunday night, and I m catching a ride with him. Mom: If you re stuck, we can always swing up and bring you back in time to make the flight. Sometimes people get caught up in the spirit of ski weekend... Allison: You re right sometimes people do caught up. I ll call if Alex isn t ready to come back. Mom: What time are you going out snowmobiling on Saturday? Chad: We re leaving early about 6 in the morning. Mom: Just remember the trails are patrolled, including for drinking and driving. Chad: Yeah I think probably we ll be sticking to hot chocolate in a thermos. Mom: I hope so. But if someone does drink, just suggest that they leave the driving to somebody else. Chad: Good point thanks. Mom: How are you getting to the concert? Tom: Mark s parents are letting him drive their mini-van we re all going together. Mom: Okay. I hope Mark is the designated driver, then, and he won t drink. But if he does, you can always give me a call, and I can meet you at that coffee shop right next door. Here s some cash for a bagel or a doughnut and coffee, just in case. Tom: Thanks, Mom. I don t think it ll be a problem, but I ll call if I need to. Dad: Is your mother giving you a ride to Angie s? Beth: Yeah and Angie s dad has offered to bring me back. Dad: Okay. If it doesn t work out that Angie s dad can give you a ride for whatever reason -- you can always call me. Beth: Thanks, Dad. I don t think it ll be a problem, but I ll call if I need to. 4
The key is that by following the 4-step model, you introduce the concepts in an order that builds awareness and highlights the value proposition of your advice. Structurally, this is the basis for a standard argument, in that you highlight the challenges associated with a particular issue before identifying potential solutions and then tying it together with a strategy that implements the solution to mitigate the challenges. However, underpinning this model are some key behaviours that you as a parent must adopt for finding the correct balance to play an active, helpful role in your child s development. Be Knowledgeable One of your jobs as parent is to be a clearinghouse of relevant, valuable information. You need to learn about the issues and challenges, and their solutions so you can provide advice when needed. Communicate You must demonstrate that you are approachable and you must be proactive in starting conversations that address the issues you are concerned about. Build a network There s strength in numbers. Talk to other parents with children your own age to gather information and share knowledge. So, how do we put this all together? Well, this website is a great place to begin. We have pages and pages of resources for you to gain the knowledge you need of the issues and challenges surrounding alcohol and driving. Communicate with your kids regularly about the issues that you are concerned about. Don t be heavy handed or try to influence them through guilt. People, and yes, your children are people, resent being made to feel guilty, particularly if they have not done anything. Instead, frame your discussions from a positive position. Don t be overly judgemental and your children will tell you things that you need to know to help inform your conversations. Remember, as in all things, it takes a long time to build trust but only seconds to break it. You need to demonstrate to your kids that they can trust you to be reasonable, fair and open when they bring an issue to you. And this is your chance to give them the advice they are looking for. Think of it like a transaction. If you were purchasing a pair of shoes, you would want to buy them from someone who you felt was giving you their honest appraisal without judging your tastes or the shoes you were wearing when you walked in. Communicating with your kids is no different. If you want to build a strong, open line of communication, you need to demonstrate clearly to them that seeking your advice on a particular situation will ultimately be a beneficial experience for them. Don t be heavy handed. Don t try scare tactics. Kids are especially good at shutting out, ignoring and, ultimately, forgetting information that is delivered to them with a heavy hand. Much like guilt will validate fears and undermine trust, a heavy-handed or fear-based approach will promote apathy and a disinterest in the topic. Finally, avoid making assumptions. Don t assume that your kids know as much as you do, or that you know as much as they do on any given topic. Approach situations with as little bias and prejudgement as possible to foster a stronger, more helpful bond. EVEN SOBER YOUNG DRIVERS ARE 9 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO CRASH. 5
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