Episode 19: Making Peace With The Scale?

Episode 19: Making Peace With The Scale? Episode Transcript With your Hosts Mary Preston & Keysa Amaro Hi everybody, welcome to The Real Life Wellness Podcast with Mary and Keysa. Where we talk about different ways to integrate healthier habits into your life. I am Keysa Amaro, and with me, as always, is Mary Preston. Mary, tell us a bit about yourself before we get deeper into today s topic. And I m Mary Preston, and I m a licensed psychotherapist and a life coach and I work with Mental Health Professionals who are experiencing burnout. Welcome back friends! I m Keysa Amaro, certified Health Coach, and I help ambitious moms get control of their food cravings by going beyond the nutrition to develop a healthy relationship with food and with themselves. I just kicked off my Lose the Cravings, Lose the Weight Jumpstart Program! We have an awesome group of women who are ready to go beyond the nutrition and look at their relationship to food and themselves in order to help get control of their cravings. I am having a keysaamaro.com maryalycepreston.com

great time interacting with them and seeing what they have been learning and through my program and how they are making changes in their lives! If you are interested in working with me on a deeper, more impactful level and are ready to make lasting changes in your life for you as well as for your family, it s not too late let me know if you d like to be put on the list for our next session! If you d like more information, go to keysaamaro.com/jumpstart. Mary, what are you up to these days? Sounds amazing! And if you are interested, please join me for my next challenge, starting on October 8, 5 Days to Start Loving Your Body Again. And, if you have questions about any of our programs, the podcast, or anything about health and wellness, come join us in The Real Life Wellness Podcast with Mary and Keysa facebook group Mary: Alright. On to our topic of the day, which is Making Peace with the Scale? How we use the scale as a weapon and how to finally make peace with it. I hear it constantly in my office. Women come in after a few sessions and they say. I m finally feeling better, I m ready to lose that last 15 pounds now! They re usually really enthusiastic about this. It usually throws them off when my first question to them is why? Often my clients have come to the office because they ve been feeling burnt out, exhausted, they worry often, and they don t have the energy for what they used to. It makes sense though. The number on the scale, the amount of pounds you weigh, has been the indicator for your health for as long as I can remember. After all, we ve been fighting the obesity epidemic for years! I can t remember exactly when I was told that I was supposed to weigh 115 pounds, but at some point, probably around 6th or 7th grade, I started to sneak into my parents bedroom and step on the scale. If I was around 115, I felt really good. If the number changed, I skipped snacks, dessert, and ate less at meals. Unfortunately this happens at a very young age for most of us. We begin to make associations with that number. I can only speak for myself, but here is what happened for me. The number would go up and with each numeral I would feel a greater amount of shame, embarrassment, and disgust. I would feel less worthy, less valuable. I believed that when the number went up I was lazy, unmotivated, and not a good person. I would then head into the bedroom where the wall mirror was to pinch my stomach, to look at it sideways, to suck it in and push my stomach out. I would check to see if I was getting a double chin. I would flex my arms to see if there was any definition. In those moments I always saw the flaws. I didn t see that I was a beautiful young girl, who hadn t even grown to my tallest height yet. All I could see was not good enough. But, who picked that number? Did I hear it somewhere? Did I see it in a magazine? Did a doctor say something? I don t remember. I just know that that number still pops up in my head sometimes as the perfect weight, after all of these years, because my belief in that number was so strong for so many years. maryalycepreston.com keysaamaro.com 2

Fast forward to my first year in Hawaii. I had just graduated with my Bachelor s degree and my now husband and I had just moved to start grad school. I was probably around 175 pounds. Even just a few years ago, I would tell you that story as if I had completely let myself go, as if I was the laziest slob on the face of the earth. I would highlight that point in my life with an exhorbitant amount of beer, wine, and pizza rolls. I would talk about that version of myself with disgust. I was fat. I couldn t exercise because I had let myself go so much. I remember I used to step on the scale every morning, naked and after using the bathroom, but before my coffee because the number would be the lowest then. I would step on the scale and tear myself apart if that number hadn t changed lower. I was mean. And if it did move, then I was ecstatic. A lower number meant I had stuck to my diet, that I had stayed strong, that I was getting thinner, and therefore, at some point, I would start to look good again. I just needed to get closer to that magic number. My success, my mood, how my whole day went was determined by the directional movement of those numbers. And it seemed totally normal. My friends and I would talk about our weight, plan out our runs, update each other on our healthy diets and compare notes. It s the same story I hear clients telling about themselves. Lazy, sick, fat, and embarrassed about it. Worthy only if that number would change for the better. Keysa: I hear you Mary...We all have our own experience with the scale, and for most of us it s not a pleasant one or one that promotes a healthy mindset. When I sat down to write notes for this podcast, it occurred to me, just like calories, there was a time when we didn t weigh ourselves. We didn t have scales in the home and didn t have access to weighing ourselves every day. And guess what...no one cared. Weighing ourselves was not in practice and our weight, or that number, had no meaning to us. Humans survived, they didn t go crazy with the sugar, or restrict their food intake because they didn t know what they weighed. Now, we have scales in the home and are able to weigh ourselves every day or multiple times a day. We can weigh ourselves before we use the bathroom and then again after we go to the bathroom. We get pissed off when the scale moves up a pound or two, or if it doesn t move at all. We are so excited when the number goes down. Our emotions are tied to the scale. We decide what to eat and not eat based on the number that is on the scale. Our self-worth is tied to the number on the scale and we are lovable or not worthy of love based on the number. We beat ourselves up and we think horrible thoughts about ourselves, thoughts that you would NEVER tell your friend or your child or your spouse. How do I know this? Because I used to do this all the time! I would weigh myself multiple times a day and that would determine what I would or wouldn t eat. I would beat myself up if the number went up a pound or if it didn t go down when I was restricting my calories to the bare minimum. It was so frustrating! My self-worth was tied to the number on the scale and I would tell myself horrible and hurtful things because of the number I saw. maryalycepreston.com keysaamaro.com 3

These thoughts and feelings are not serving us...they are not making us thinner, or making the number on the scale go down. So, why do we subject ourselves to these thoughts all the time? I had a turnaround with the scale once I started Paleo and crossfit. I was encouraged through both communities to base health not on the number, but how my clothes fit and how I felt. And too, muscle weighs more than fat! And when I started crossfit, I got a lot stronger and gained a lot of muscle. If you have ever done a Whole 30, part of the process is that you don t weigh yourself the entire 30 days. They don t want weight to be the main focus and they don t want you to get discouraged 10 days in when you haven t lost any weight. So, I didn t weigh myself, and in fact, I got rid of my scale all together. It was wonderful! It was liberating...like burning your bra in the 60 s. It was out of sight, out of mind. I didn t weigh myself for a long time and I learned to base my health or weight on the fit of my clothes. If my clothes were getting too tight, I was gaining weight, and if they were feeling lose, I was losing weight. This was all and well until I went to the doctor s office and was weighed. And guess what...i did NOT like the number on the scale! I was still under the assumption that my weight needed to fall into a certain range, and it didn t. Even though my clothes fit well and I felt great, that number on the scale still got me! Then the roller coaster of thoughts and emotions came over me! OMG I need to lose weight! How could I weigh this much? What am I going to do? I suck? Why can t I just weigh x amount? Then came guilt and shame and failure. So, even though I didn t use the scale and didn t rely on it on a daily basis, which was great, I still had an emotional connection to the number on the scale that wasn t healthy. What was I to do? Never look at the number ever again when I go to the doctor s office? Or maybe even refuse to step on the scale in the first place? What was the solution? So I looked at the root cause of my unhealthy emotional connection to the scale...i looked at my thoughts around the scale. These thoughts were not good, and they were causing me to have negative emotions about my body, my weight, and my self worth. So once I uncovered all of my thoughts around the scale, I started changing my thoughts about the scale. I looked at the fact...the scale is a number that is calculating the pull of gravity on my body. It doesn t take into consideration my mass. The scale is just a number. The number on the scale does not determine my self worth. It s just a number. After changing my thoughts around the scale, I was able to step on the scale, see a number and be neutral about it. It didn t set me into a downward spiral of negative thoughts and emotions that led to either overeating or restricting. I didn t see the number out of hate, but out of curiosity and possibly love. Do I weigh myself every day? No. But I do weigh myself about once a week out of curiosity. It s not a guessing game and it s not a shit show of thoughts and emotions that lead to negative maryalycepreston.com keysaamaro.com 4

actions. But it s a data collection so to speak. I can look at the number and see what I weigh and be done with it. I feel that this is so much more freeing than when I just didn t step on the scale at all! In fact, I recently went to the doctors and was weighed and it was a couple lbs higher than my average. Did I freak out? Did I instantly start thinking how awful I was for weighing a couple pounds more than I usually do? No. I said oh, I weigh a couple pounds more than I usually do...that s interesting, oh, it s probably the Typhoon food, and then I laughed a little inside. I got off the scale and went on with the appointment because I don t have time to think negative thoughts about my weight. I have better things to entertain my brain with! So you are probably asking...should I weigh myself? And that s all up to you. What I would suggest is developing a neutral relationship with the scale. There are going to be times that the scale is there, and it will bring up anxiety, fear, hatred, or a host of other emotions. What I want for you is to lessen those negative emotions around the scale and come to a place of neutrality around the scale. Weather you weigh yourself once a day or only when you are at the doctors. Wouldn t it be so great if it was a positive or at least a neutral experience for you? Mary: Yes! Here is my work for all of you listening. I want you to grab a piece of paper and a writing utensil. You can do this on the computer or phone if that s all you can grab in a pinch. I want you to do some free-writing on this. Just whatever comes to your brain. First, let s sit quietly for a moment. If you are not driving or washing the dishes, close your eyes. We are all going to breathe together for a moment. 1, 2, 3. Okay, now, I want you to imagine yourself on your scale. On the readout is your goal number, the one you have been focusing on. How do you feel? What do you believe will be different now? What does that number mean about you? What does that number say about you? If you can, pause this podcast and write down what came up for you and then come back for this second part. Now, I want you to close your eyes and imagine that the scale readout has increased. Maybe it s your current weight, or maybe in you ve gained weight. What are you feeling right now? What does that number mean about you? What does that number tell you about your life, your health, your motivation, your drive, your value as a person? Again, pause if you can, and write down what came up for you. Read through your answers. Are you using the scale determine your worth as a human? Are you using the scale as the only indicator of your health? We spoke last week about other ways to evaluate your health. maryalycepreston.com keysaamaro.com 5

Okay, now let s think about what the number on the scale actually means. A pound is a measure of your mass. Kind of. Weight is actually the measure of the intensity of the force imposed on this object by the local gravitational field.so your weight depends on the gravity of where you are, since you would weigh something different on the moon. So, what is it that we are measuring when we stop on that scale? Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with using a scale. It is a tool. It gives you a number that you can use to compare with numbers from other times in your life. But, when we use the scale, let s keep that in mind. It is just math. It is just a number. And that number doesn t mean anything. I want you to like your reason for using it. Top 5 Tips (5 Step Process to Start Making Peace with the Scale) 1. Collect your thoughts: What are all of your thoughts around the scale. Think about having to step on the scale, what thoughts come up for you? What if the number increased? Or decreased? What are all of the thoughts that come up for you when weighing yourself? Grab a pen and paper and set a timer for 10-15 minutes and write down everything that comes up for you. 2. What emotions do those thoughts bring up? When you think these thoughts, what emotions or feelings come up for you? Write these down as well. 3. How does that affect your actions? Now that you have identified your thoughts and emotions that come up for you around the scale, how do they affect your actions? What do you do when you feel? 4. How do you want to feel around the scale? Now, how would you like to feel around the scale? When you think about stepping on the scale, how do you want to feel? Neutral, indifferent, happy, accomplished, at peace? What is it for you? 5. What thoughts would create that feeling? Now, that you have the feeling you would like to feel around the scale, what thoughts would you have to think in order to feel that way? Now, write down these thoughts and say them to yourself. Developing healthy, positive thoughts around the scale will help you feel healthy and positive with the number that shows up. Bonus Tip: Measure differently- change the scale to kilograms, only use the last 2 numbers, or talk about your weight in terms of ounces or stones. Although the numbers don t mean anything, we have historically connected pounds to worth, and it is difficult to just let go of that. If you need or truly want to keep an eye on your weight, I recommend that you let go of pounds and move to something new that you can attach new, healthier meaning to. Keysa: That is such a great suggestion Mary, and it reminds me of when I lived in Thailand and stepped on a scale and the readout was in Kilos. I didn t really know what the number meant so it didn t mean anything to me. If anything I was like yeah! I weigh 55 lbs! I knew the conversion rate, but I was used to using it when I went to the market and bought fruit and vegetables. But I maryalycepreston.com keysaamaro.com 6

didn t have a reference in my head as far as human body weight in kilos and what my desired weight would be. So, it had little meaning to me. Alrighty friends, that s all we have got for you today. Thanks for being awesome as always and listening in. If you d like to know more about us, and if you have any questions or comments, head on over to our dedicated facebook group! You can also contact Mary at her website at www.maryalycepreston.com or Keysa at her website at www.keysaamaro.com! If you have any questions or comments, definitely let us know via facebook, instagram or in the comment section below. We will answer them and maybe we ll just make a podcast just for you. maryalycepreston.com keysaamaro.com 7