Bernice Lightman Interview, January 2016 J: June B: Bernice 10:35 J: Hello. X: Hi June. Thanks for waiting. J: Hi. You're welcome, no problem. X: I have Mrs. Lightman here and I'll leave you and her to speak. J: Thank you very much. Can you hear me ok Bernice? This is June. B: Yes, June I hear you very well. J: Excellent, how was the party? B: Oh, you mean all the people who were born in January? J: Yes. B: Oh yes, it was lovely. It was lovely. Everything you do is lovely. I'm very very prone as you know and so happy to be here. It was a lovely party. We sang happy birthday to each other and we had delicious cake and coffee. It was wonderful. J: Good, are you one of the birthday participants this month? B: Yes, I was born January 15. J: Oh, well happy birthday to you. B: Thank you so much. J: You're welcome. Ok, so thanks for making time. I know it's a busy schedule you have there so I appreciate it. I ll try not to keep you too long. And before I start asking you some questions I just want to remind you that we are recording this conversation and that's mainly so that my hands are free and I don't make mistakes taking notes. But should you say something along the way that you wish you hadn't because it is too personal or something, you can just say right then and there please scratch that part from the transcript, ok? B: Ok but I don't think I'm going to make an error. J: Ok, perfect, great. And just to give you a little background, we do interviews with residents all over the country at various Watermark Communities to get their perspectives on how they came to make the decision to make a move and how that went for them. And we do that because we like to share different perspectives with other people out there who have not yet done what you've done. And they may be thinking about it or they may not be thinking about it. But we just like to share the information and get people talking about it. So that's the purpose of all of my questions. And it's a free flow of information just feel free to say whatever is on your mind and chime in if I don't ask you something you wanted to share, ok? B: Fine, I understand perfectly. J: Good, ok so we will get started. The first question being, when did you first move to The Watermark at Logan Square? B: On November 11th. J: This year, this past year?
B: 2015. J: Ok so you've been there all of two months then. B: Right and I'm very acclimated and I love the place. J: Good. B: And I'm just waiting to hear you ask me why I love it. J: Well, why don't you go ahead and tell us? B: I did write an essay which I did give to Brian and Rachel but I'm just going to tell you what I wrote. J: Ok. B: If you are thinking of a scale of one to ten, I can easily tell you that I vote it's a 12. And now why did I say 12? You have so many of the amenities that I was really looking for and my husband and I made a survey of the many places where we could have gone. I come from the suburbs of Jenkintown Abington area. And when we learned about this it had everything that I wanted. Primarily, this is not in order of importance but it is important to me that it is in the city. And we are near so many of the cultural places that are available to us, the Academy of Music, the art galleries, the library. But I was looking for something else, let's say not something else, in addition, in addition to its location and what I found here was the many, many activities that you offer. Now, if anybody is bored here that is their own fault. You offer so many things, for example, the exercise classes which I always go to because I've been feeling much better. They have them at 9:00am and they have them at 2:30. Also, my favorite is current events and they have, you can't call it a class, a get together, and it's called Short Stories. And we pick a short story and we read it and then we get together and discuss what is the meaning of this short story. Well, really to sum it up, you have so many things that are enjoyable. So let's get to the second thing I love your food. It is delicious. I feel like I'm coming down every night to eat in a lovely restaurant. And the food is excellent. I have not had anything that I really would say was not up to par. And I discovered your wonderful salads so in order not to gain weight I've been choosing a salad for dinner. Now, let's see what else do I like about it? The people here, well, the staff is wonderful, they are very polite, but I'm talking about the people whom I've met here, many interesting people, interesting in their careers, their past. Let's say their past and careers but we talk freely about it. And you have one feature that came to me the first night I was here, it's called the welcoming committee. They don't allow you to go alone into the dining room when you first come here. They pair you up with some people who are already here. And I thought that was wonderful. The first night that I came here it was arranged for me to have dinner with two ladies and they just were so interesting. So after you are here, let's say for six weeks, eight weeks. then they know that you have met people on your own. And I'm just having a wonderful time. J: That's fantastic Bernice. Well, that gives people a very good idea of what it's like to be there and I'm glad that you're so well acclimated so quickly and having so much fun so soon. Let me take you back to before you moved and if I could ask you to give me an idea of well, first of all you said you were from the suburbs, Jenkintown area, were you living in a house or an apartment? B: No, at this point in our lives (inaudible) all the children had graduated college and they were off on their own. So Bernie and I moved to a condominium. We had two bedrooms, two baths in the Jenkintown area. We were very happy there but it came to a
point in our lives were I knew it was too much for me. I had given up my car so I was going to choose something where we were near enough in town to enjoy all the cultural places. So that was the first thing that we thought of when we thought of coming here. And then my husband will be 97 and he is up in the memory part and he has a beautiful studio room just by himself. It is not a hospital atmosphere. He's being well taken care of. He's on the third floor. I'm on the 16th floor and I just have to go down in the elevator and I can meet with my husband. He's always well taken care of, dressed very well. And he seems to be very acclimated there and he smiles all the time so I know he's happy. J: Good, that's fantastic. What a great arrangement. Now, you have three children, is that right? B: Yes, that's correct. I have three children. My oldest daughter and her husband, they live in the Abington area. And then I have a son and a daughter and they live in the San Francisco area. So I do see, of course, my oldest daughter and her husband because it's just a 30-minute, 35-minute ride into the area. My other children in San Francisco they do visit, let's say twice a year. J: And did they help you find The Watermark or look around? How did you figure out that you wanted to move to The Watermark? Did you look at other places and did your kids help you? B: Very glad you asked that question. No, my children did not help because I didn't need any help. Before my husband had difficulty in remembering things we had done a survey of the area around Jenkintown and further out. And there were many facilities that we could've chosen especially Rydal. Rydal, as you know, is very near Jenkintown but we chose, we went to many of them and finally when we had to make a choice we did choose The Watermark. So we really came to The Watermark with the knowledge of all the other places that we could've gone. So The Watermark was our first choice and we re very happy there. And my husband is very well taken care of. J: Fantastic, so how would you say your life is different now than it was before you moved? B: That is a very good question. When my husband was in a nursing home about 15 minutes from Jenkintown and I was alone without a car and I had to rely on people, of course I paid them to be my driver etc., I was very lonely. In the condo that we lived in they had a small library. Unfortunately the library was full of just mysteries and mysteries is not what I really like to read and I'm glad you reminded me of the library. We have a fantastic library and I just am so happy I can go down there and get a book, any type of book I want. And I can keep it and read it for two weeks and then just bring it back down. So that is a fantastic feature that you have. This library, which I understand has been really brought about by one gal that we have here, and she is incredible. I just love that library. And anytime I have free time, everybody can find me in the library. J: That's great. So you enjoy writing, you mentioned the class that you're taking and the library. And is that something that you've always enjoyed doing? B: Oh absolutely. I was always reading. If I ever had any free time and I was forced to watch TV I would rather be reading. I read all the time and then, as you know, my hobbies before I came here were cooking. That I miss. I miss my own cooking. But I do continue to write essays. Do you remember Erma Bombeck? J: Oh yes. B: Well that's my style, sort of tongue-in-cheek. And I enjoy that and you do have a
writing class and you have a short story class. I call it a class, it's really a get together. And you have so many things that I enjoy here. The Current Events is wonderful, wonderful. J: And you didn't have access to anything like that when you were back in your condo, did you? B: Well, there is always access to those things but I didn't drive. And in order to get to any of the places I had to hire a driver. If I had my car I wasn't ready to make a move but once you give up your car it is an entirely different life and that is the impetus that I faced when I finally made the decision that I was not going to be alone and I decided to move to this facility. J: Very good and now when you need to get somewhere off property how do you get there? B: There's some very interesting caretakers here who are free let's say a Saturday or Sunday and sometimes they don't work on Friday and I've made a lot of friends and I have met someone who is a caretaker here for a friend that I met here and she has, she doesn't work on Friday so when I need someone she helps me. And then of course you have the bus. Now, the bus is wonderful but I just used the bus once. The first two steps on the bus I could do but the third one was a little high for me. A man helped me up. But going to the supermarkets which you make available to the people who stay here I'm just not physically capable of going on the bus. J: I see. B: But if I did need there are always taxis available. And that's another plus. When I need a taxi I just call down and by the time I get down the taxi has arrived. So if I have to go somewhere, your front desk is wonderful. I just call down to the reception and I tell her get a taxi and she has it available for me. J: Excellent. Let me ask you if you feel that you moved at the right time or do you wish you had moved in sooner? B: That's a very good question. I think I should have moved at least a year ago absolutely but I just wasn't up to facing the move. All the things that I had to dispose of, it sort of was overwhelming. And I waited another year and my attitude was such that I just hired help because my husband at that time was already in a nursing home. And I did hire a lot of help and my son came in from California to supervise the move. Oh and another thing I have to tell you they were moving in on, I was moving in actually I think, it was the 11th but the 10th they had a room available for me and I spent the 10th here at The Watermark. And then my son was here already and he supervised the move in. J: Oh good so that was convenient, good. Well, let me ask you this, do you have any advice to other people who may be in a similar situation and haven't even thought about their options yet? B: Wow that is a question. Yes, this is what I would say to them. The time will come when you need help, assisted living. And if you wait too long, just the fact of the move itself becomes monumental in your mind, overwhelming, and if you have done your homework like my husband and I did by visiting other places, because eventually, we just don't get any younger. And it's good to do the looking around while you're able to, not when the event happens where you have to move in. And that's what I would tell people. J: Good, that sounds like great advice. Well, is there anything else that we have not
touched on that you care to share? B: I don't think there's any. J: Ok. Well, it's been a great conversation. You really have painted a great picture for people and shared your personal experience so I appreciate that. And thank you so much again for your time on the phone and I'm so glad that you're happy there. B: What is the purpose of interviewing me? You must have some purpose in mind. J: Oh absolutely and I guess I neglected to mention this in the beginning but we interview residents all over the country and we do so so that we can gain their perspective and their personal story about why they moved, how they went about it, you know, what was going through their minds and their lives at the time, and we do this so that we can share the information with folks out there who haven't reached that point in their lives yet, to try to help them, you know, think ahead and plan ahead and know that there are these options available to them. Many people don't even know that or they have the wrong idea about what it's like. So people like you who are willing to share their stories are very helpful to others out there. B: Ok, that makes sense. It was good talking with you. J: It's been a pleasure and I hope that you have an enjoyable rest of your day and maybe get a new book from the library and hunker down and look at the snow out the window. B: Well, I enjoyed talking to you. J: Thank you very much. You enjoy it, thanks again. B: Ok, goodbye. J: Ok, bye-bye.