Name: Hour: Human Relationships and Family Structures Points of Discussion Future Spouse Overview: Many couples choose to go to marriage counseling prior to their wedding date to help them prepare for marriage. While not all couples will choose this option, it s important that all couples discuss lifestyle, goals, and values prior to getting married. MONEY MATTERS 1. Do you plan on having a joint checking account, or keeping money separate? 2. Will one person control the money? If so, who? 3. Do you want to have a financial budget to follow? Why? What will the budget be? 4. Do you consider yourself an impulse buyer, or a careful shopper? How does this compare to your partner? 5. At what money limit do you need to consult your spouse before spending? 6. Do you want to work? Do you want to be a stay-at-home parent? Do you and your future spouse agree on this? 7. What purchases would you feel comfortable with making on credit? Circle all that apply: House Car TV/Electronics Furniture Clothing Groceries Gas Toiletries Entertainment Vacations Educational Cost 8. Would you be willing to move from your current location if your spouse wanted a job elsewhere, even if you loved your current lifestyle? Why or why not? 9. At what age do you plan to begin saving for retirement? 10. What percentage of your income do you hope to save each month (to put towards retirement or other long-term expenses)? 11. What career training do you expect for yourself? Does wife/husband need a career? 12. What credit cards do you plan on having? VISA/MasterCard Department Stores Gasoline Furniture store Car repair
HOUSEHOLD 1. Who will handle the cleaning of the house (vacuuming, dusting, mopping, sweeping, scrubbing toilets, washing showers, etc.)? 2. Why will handle the laundry? Who will handle the children s laundry? 3. Who will cook dinner? 4. How messy is too messy for your home and personal items? Can t see the floor 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Spotless 5. Who will handle the yard work (mowing the lawn, tending to a garden, watering plant, shoveling)? RECREATION 1. Do you like your day scheduled minute-by-minute or a more laid back day? What about your spouse? 2. Do you like to plan ahead (you want to keep a calendar of things coming up throughout the next several months), or do you like to plan things spur-of-the-moment? How does your future spouse plan? 3. How much a month do you like to spend on recreation (non-necessity items shopping, movies, out for dinner, electronics, etc.)? 4. What recreational equipment would you like to own (examples: a big screen TV, a guitar, ATV/four-wheeler, snowmobiles, skis, hunting land and equipment, a boat, a pool, etc.)? 5. What are your three most favorite things to do in your spare time? Does this compare or include your spouse? 6. How much time would you like to spend as a couple? How much with friends? How much time alone? 7. Do you wish to socialize with the in-laws and other relatives? How much?
RELIGION 1. Is religion important to you or your spouse? 2. Is it important to marry someone of the same religion? If yes, under what circumstances would you marry someone of another religion? 3. How often do you plan to attend church? 4. How do you rank religion in importance in your life? Not important 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Important 5. Would it be ok if your children practiced a religion that is different than yours? If yes, under what circumstances? 6. Did you come from a religious home? Explain. AFFECTION 1. How important is holding hands in public? Why? 2. How do you feel about kissing in public? Why? 3. What affection should and should not to be displayed in front of the children? 4. How often do you believe it is important to tell your spouse I love you? 5. What is the primary way you feel loved (love languages)? 6. What are your attitudes about sex after marriage? How much is enough? CHILDREN 1. How many children do you want?
2. How far apart do you want your children spaced? Why? 3. What are the top three primary principles that you want to teach your children (self-esteem, honesty, intelligence, responsibility, spirituality, etc.)? 4. How do you feel about spanking or other physical punishment? 5. How do you feel about yelling at a child or time-outs? 6. If you have told a child NO several times and he/she does not listen, what will you do? 7. How would you handle it if your spouse disciplines a child in a way you disapprove of? 8. What responsibilities, if any, will you give a 3 year old? a 6 year old? a 10 year old? a 16 year old? 9. If both parents work, where will your young children be during the day? Why? 10. Which child rearing responsibilities do you believe belong to you? Which child rearing responsibilities do you believe belong to your spouse? (examples: help with school work, discipline, manners, religion, feeding, etc.) 11. Every couple has limited resources, what purchases would be a priority for your children? Why? (examples: swing set, DVD player, gaming system, sandbox, preschool, nice clothes, music lessons, dance lessons, etc.) IN-LAWS 1. How often do you plan on talking to your parents in person? In-laws? 2. How close do you plan to live to your parents? In-laws? 3. What topics would you consider getting advice from your parents? In-Laws?
4. When is it okay if your spouse looks to his/her parents for advice? When is it not okay? 5. What would you do if you felt your spouse confided in his parents too much? 6. Under what circumstances would you take money from your parents or in-laws? 7. If you took money from your parents would you pay them back? In what time frame? With interest? 8. If both spouses work, would you feel comfortable asking grandparents to watch kids? Why? 9. How often, other than for work, would you feel comfortable asking a grandparent to babysit? 10. How often do you plan to spend major holidays with your parents? Your in-laws? 11. How will you decide what to do if your parents and your in-laws are celebrating a holiday on the same date/time?