Week 1: Your Beliefs About Yourself and Your Abilities Who are you? Beyond the roles you play in your life, which may include being a daughter or son, husband or wife, parent, business owner, employee, doctor, mechanic, caretaker...who is the person beneath these roles? You have a whole collection of beliefs that make up your self-image. And you probably aren't even aware of most of them! They were formed long, long ago when you were still a child. Some of them might be more recent, but most were likely formed in the early part of your life. These old beliefs have become part of your self-identity, and they continue to influence you even today. How did these beliefs get formed? Very often, other people in your life planted the seeds unknowingly. For example: - Your father said you stink at math. - Your teacher said you aren't a good listener. - Your friend said your ideas are dumb. - Your brother said you are a coward. - Your cousin said you're ugly. Whether these things were true or not, you probably accepted them as your truth, absorbing and internalizing them, even though they made you feel terrible. As children, we tend to believe the things that are said to us, simply because we don't know any better. We don't yet have a strong sense of identity, so the things that other people say to us end up becoming part of our growing identity! Sometimes this happens to us as adults too. We accept the things other people say to us. Someone calls us lazy and we feel bad for taking time to relax. Someone calls us selfish and we feel guilty for wanting time to ourselves.
It happens all the time; we simply absorb and internalize the things that other people say to us. However, there is an exception to this "rule." If we already have a strong belief that opposes the new accusation, we will usually just reject it. For examples, if someone accused you of being irresponsible and you happen to know that you are very responsible, their accusation would probably just make you laugh. You wouldn't accept their accusation as truth because you already know that you are responsible. But if you didn't already believe that you are responsible, you might indeed accept it and internalize it as part of your truth; especially if you have been told that before and developed an earlier belief about it. Identifying the Beliefs That Make Up Your Self-Image As I mentioned before, most of our beliefs are subconscious. We aren't really aware of them most of the time. They are silent programs running in the back of our mind, influencing our behavior. As I also mentioned earlier, much of what you believe about yourself isn't even true! Or it doesn't HAVE to be true. You can change anything you don't like, but first it will help if you get clear on exactly what you want to change. In this week's course materials, I released a document called "Identifying Your Unique Limiting Beliefs." (You can find that on the course download page.) There are a lot of exercises in there that can help you uncover some of your biggest limiting beliefs. Here's still another good exercise, especially for identifying beliefs that make up your self-image. Grab a notebook and pen, and make two lists. One of these lists should be filled with your positive traits and qualities. List everything that you believe to be good about yourself. (Examples: "I always try to do the right thing; I respect others; I am considerate and kind; I work hard to provide for my family...")
The other list should be filled with negative traits and qualities. List everything that you believe to be "bad" about yourself. You can include things that other people have told you, as well as things that you have noticed yourself. (Examples: "I am impatient; I forget important dates; I am failing in business; I have a short temper...") When you are finished, look over both of these lists carefully. Notice that almost all of the items on both of these lists are nothing more than descriptions of your habits and behaviors. They aren't about who you ARE, they are more about what you DO. It's important to acknowledge that because habits and behaviors can be changed! These so-called "beliefs" on your lists are simply perceptions of yourself. They are descriptions of the way you see yourself, and the way you think other people see you. And you can CHOOSE to start seeing yourself differently, starting now! You can start clearing any and all of these negative beliefs about yourself, and replace them with much more positive and empowering beliefs. I wish I could show you what will happen when you start doing this. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show you how quickly your life can transform when you clear away the old baggage that has been weighing you down for years! But it's something you need to experience yourself to truly believe it and appreciate it. Common Limiting Beliefs If you are having trouble identifying some of the limiting beliefs you hold about yourself and your abilities, here is a sample list to get you started. Read each line carefully and pay attention to how you feel.
Consider whether each belief feels true to you, or not. If it doesn't resonate with you, you'll know it's not one of your limiting beliefs. However, if it DOES feel true, even a little bit, that's a sign that you need to clear that belief! I'm not good enough. (Or I'm not enough.) Nothing I do is ever good enough. I'm a bad person. People will reject me if I show them who I really am. (Or this variation: It's not safe to be myself.) No one cares about my opinions/my voice doesn't matter. I'm not lovable/attractive/relationship material. I'm damaged goods because of my past. I can't. (Insert any goal or activity.) I can't express my true needs. I'm a slow learner/learning is difficult for me. People are always out to hurt me or take advantage of me. My dreams are just silly fantasies. I don't have a life purpose. Other people's needs are more important than mine. If I became more successful people wouldn't like me. I'm too old to. It's too late for me to. I'm lazy and unmotivated. I haven't accomplished anything good in my life. I'm not important or valuable. I never have enough time to do what I need to do. I need to make happy. (My kids, spouse, parents, boss, etc.) I can't receive anything unless I have "earned" it. Everything always goes wrong for me. I have to struggle for everything I get. When things go well for me, it will fall apart or I'll lose it somehow. Loving myself is vain and wrong. I'm too. (Fat, skinny, tall, short, ugly, nerdy, etc.) I shouldn't want more. (Money, love, fame, recognition, etc.) I don't deserve. (Love, money, rest, personal time, etc.)
Clearing the Belief That You Aren't Good Enough Since this week's featured clearing technique is tapping, I'd love to walk you through a sample tapping exercise to clear a belief that many of us have about ourselves; the belief that we aren't "good enough." ---> Important: If you aren't familiar with tapping yet, be sure to read through the Tapping Technique explanation before continuing with this exercise! I walk you through it step by step, so you'll know exactly how to tap! I have also included a generic tapping script and audio that you can use to clear any other beliefs. All of these files are on the course download page. Karate chop: "Even though I'm not good enough, and I've always believed this, I choose to love myself anyway. Even though I really believe that I'm not good enough, and I've never been good enough, and I probably will never be good enough, I'm willing to accept myself anyway. Even though I'm not good enough and it makes me feel awful to acknowledge that, I'm willing to let go of this feeling now." Eyebrow: I am not good enough. Side of Eye: I've always felt this way. Under Eye: I have never been good enough. Under Nose: I just feel it. Under Mouth: I will never be good enough. Collarbone: That's my truth. Under Arm: Not good enough. Top of Head: That's me. Eyebrow: I hate this feeling. Side of Eye: Feeling not good enough. Under Eye: Feeling defective. Under Nose: Damaged. Under Mouth: Like there is something wrong with me. Collarbone: I'm not good enough. Under Arm: I'm not enough. Top of Head: Never enough.
Eyebrow: It doesn't matter what I do. Side of Eye: It's not enough. Under Eye: I can't be attractive enough. Under Nose: Can't be successful enough. Under Mouth: Can't work hard enough. Collarbone: Can't be perfect enough. Under Arm: They still won't love me. Top of Head: Because it's never enough. Eyebrow: It's never enough. Side of Eye: I'm not enough. Under Eye: Not good enough. Under Nose: Not lovable enough. Under Mouth: It makes me feel so empty. Collarbone: So alone. Under Arm: Not good enough. Top of Head: I'm just not good enough. Eyebrow: I hate feeling this way. Side of Eye: Why do I feel this way? Under Eye: Who made me believe that I wasn't good enough? Under Nose: Who made me feel inferior? Under Mouth: Who convinced me that I don't matter? Collarbone: Shame on them! Under Arm: I deserve better than that. Top of Head: I deserve to feel loved and accepted. Eyebrow: I'm angry at that person. Side of Eye: Maybe more than one person. Under Eye: How dare they make me feel that way! Under Nose: I'm not going to stand for this anymore. Under Mouth: I'm going to start believing that I am good enough. Collarbone: Not just good enough, but REALLY GOOD! Under Arm: I am good. Top of Head: I am good enough.
Eyebrow: I am smart enough. Side of Eye: I am attractive enough. Under Eye: I am lovable enough. Under Nose: I am enough. Under Mouth: I am enough. Collarbone: Yes, I am enough. Under Arm: I choose to believe that now. Top of Head: I am enough. Eyebrow: I'm letting go of that old belief. Side of Eye: The belief that I'm not good enough. Under Eye: It is totally untrue. Under Nose: Maybe I believed it once, Under Mouth: but I choose not to believe it anymore. Collarbone: I AM good enough. Under Arm: I am enough. Top of Head: I am enough. Eyebrow: No one can ever make me feel inferior again. Side of Eye: I won't accept it. Under Eye: It's not my truth anymore. Under Nose: I am good enough. Under Mouth: I am good. Collarbone: At my very core, I'm good. Under Arm: It's not about what I do, Top of Head: It's who I AM. Eyebrow: I am enough. Side of Eye: I am MORE than enough. Under Eye: I love and accept myself. Under Nose: I am enough. Under Mouth: I am MORE than enough. Collarbone: This is my new truth. Under Arm: I won't accept anything less. Top of Head: I am enough. (Take a deep breath.)
What Happens When You Clear These Old Beliefs The most amazing things start happening when you clear your old, limiting beliefs and start replacing them with more positive, empowering beliefs. First, you'll notice that you start feeling differently about yourself. The inner tension that you may have been carrying around for years, even decades, starts to fade away. You'll start feeling happier and more centered. You'll start feeling more confident. As a result, every area of your life starts to feel and look better too. Things start going your way. Obstacles fade away. You start attracting better resources and opportunities. You start attracting a better caliber of people into your life. That's because your beliefs form a "foundation" for your overall quality of life. When you start changing that foundation, everything that is built upon it will start changing too! However, keep in mind that this is an ongoing process. Don't expect everything to transform dramatically overnight. It could happen, but it's more likely that you'll experience more subtle, positive changes day by day. It can happen fairly quickly, too. It does not require years of work to change these beliefs. If you are consistent in clearing your limiting beliefs, you can create some great momentum that continues to amaze you. Changing Your Beliefs About Your Abilities So far, the examples we've used have focused more on your perceptions of yourself as a person, but these same techniques can be applied to your ability to do whatever you want to do. Grab your notebook and make another list of things that you would like to do but feel like you can't do.
Some examples: - I can't go back to school at my age. - I can't run a marathon. - I can't quit my job and start a business. - I don't feel comfortable networking. - I can't learn a new language. When you are finished making your list, look at it carefully and keep one important thing in mind. These things might be true for you at the moment, but they do not have to be true for you forever! By using the clearing techniques I'm teaching in this course, you can easily dissolve any self-doubt and start believing that you CAN do anything you want! Maybe there will be a learning curve. Maybe you will need to be patient. Maybe you will need to build up your confidence, but you will at least be able to start saying, "Yes, I think I can do this." Keep in mind one last thing: Most of your beliefs about yourself and your abilities were probably formed a long time ago, so they've been with you for a very long time. Don't get frustrated if it takes a little time to change them! Simply keep working on it day by day. Tap to clear the negative feelings connected to your limiting beliefs, and start easing into some better beliefs like I did in the example above. As we go along with this course, I will also be sharing some other techniques that can work well on old, ingrained beliefs. For now, just be willing to see your beliefs for what they really are; perceptions that can absolutely be changed. And when you change them, YOU change as well. And the things you feel capable of doing will change as well. You can do it! :-)