Copyright 2012 by Kerry Pastine Illustrations copyright 2012 by Paul Shellooe All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously worldwide by True Self Essentials Publishing. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data is available. ISBN 978 1 62209 410 3 Editing, design and layout by Paul Shellooe Cover by Paul Shellooe True Self Essentials Publishing books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts also can be created to specification. For details, contact True Self Essentials Publishing at the address below, or send an e mail to info@kerrypastine.com. True Self Essentials Publishing Company, LLC. P.O. Box 44424 Denver, CO 80201 www.kerrypastine.com Printed in the United States of America First printing January 2013 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For you
... 6... 18 Chapter One helps you to address whatever you are struggling with today. Your feelings become your guide, giving you insight into the thoughts that brought you to where you are right now. You will discover what has been running the show in your past and present life and how your thoughts, fears and beliefs have created outcomes, good and bad.... Chapter Two gives you a greater awareness about the 40 kind of thoughts and mental self talk that you have learned throughout your life, how this affects you and how you can redesign the way that you see yourself. You will discover that you choose your thoughts. These thoughts determine how you feel, behave and the outcomes that you create in your life.... Chapter Three allows you to look at your story from childhood to adulthood. You will learn to love your story by acknowledging all of the challenges that you have overcome and the insights and capabilities that you have gained in your life. Being mindful of your accomplishments allows you to let go of past mistakes that you hold against yourself. Forgiveness gives way to healing and acceptance. 56
... Chapter Four provides insight into achieving balance in 80 your life gently and effectively. You will learn how to tend to the powerful garden that is your life. Through simple daily nurturing, you will learn how to pull the weeds and water the flowers. Within weeks you will begin to see new growth. You will also gain a new respect for tending your own garden and allowing others to tend to theirs.... 106... 134 Chapter Five teaches you how to communicate your true and authentic self outward into all of your relationships. Having done the work in previous chapters, you will use your new understanding and compassion for your own struggle to empathize with the shared stress and struggle that everyone must experience. Your true self radiates for others to see, feel, share and love. Chapter Six marks the very exciting transition into planning and designing the life of your dreams. The work that you have done in this book proves that you are in charge of the life that you want. Only you can create that life and the outcomes and happiness that you seek. You are now ready to create everything that you want in your life and you get to have fun while you do it!
Know Thyself I see the journey to self as the ticket to freedom. The freedom to finally get to be who you really are without fear of what anyone else thinks of you. The freedom from your past, where those fears and insecurities were formed. And, of course, the freedom to dream and manifest as much as you want, whenever you want. As a child, I assumed that all adults knew exactly what they were doing in life. When I grew up, I realized that most adults are actually longing for a life on their terms. I have done a lot of work to find my own ideas, my own beliefs, and ultimately how I want to live my life. Part of that journey was challenging what I was taught and discovering my own path. This book will help you to find your own path. Every great journey involves getting lost and finding your way again. When you lose your way, you feel the chaos within. Knowing thyself takes time. When you make time for yourself, you learn to trust yourself. You find your way back to the path. 6
Know Thyself The Big Move A friend greeted me in the lobby of my apartment building while I was writing this book and mentioned to me that he had recently decided to move to Paris. His reason for moving was simply that it sounded like a good idea. I thought it was a brilliant idea, one that I could see on my list of dreams. He also mentioned that most of his friends and family thought his decision to move was impractical. We got to talking about how most people are afraid to hold on to an exciting idea, let alone brave enough follow through with it. He then said something that really stuck with me. Since he had made this decision and announced it to those close to him he said, Moving to Paris scares most people that I know. I realized that the way that most people live scares me! I then posed the question, What's scarier? Following through with your dreams or staying stuck where you are now? 8
Dare To Dream Introduction Most people do not dare to dream. Most people choose the safe path and only talk about their dreams once in a while. The tendency is to get caught up in everyday life staying busy with work, kids, saving for retirement as though there will be time enough to live out your dreams sometime in the future. So does that mean that you have to wait for happiness and the life that you truly want? Look back on the times that you have said yes to something you wanted. You were full of excitement and motivation, right? The world gave back and you moved forward! That is knowing thyself. 9
Know Thyself WTF Is Wrong With Me On my journey to know myself, I have read a lot of what I call my WTF Is Wrong With Me books. At times to a point of obsession. One night I got into bed, looked at my night stand and thought, Wow, look at all of the 'WTF Is Wrong With Me' books! Overwhelmed and exhausted, I thought, What is it going to take to get well? I just want to feel good! Do I have to keep reading these books until I feel better or am I missing something? I fully understood the characteristics of a codependent. I knew what toxic parents were. I had worked through the adult child of alcoholics workbook. I had diagnosed myself and I understood all of this stuff backward and forward, but I still didn't know how to feel better. My head was full of information, but my heart felt empty, sad and helpless. 10
The Wizard Introduction One day I headed up to my local coffee shop, walked toward the back and came upon this wild looking dude sitting in an office. No joke picture a wizard in your head. That's what this guy looked like. Come in, he said with a voluminous baritone quality to his voice, as I noticed a huge stone hanging off of his neck that could ward off any evil. He gave off a powerful energy that made it seem like he was connected to the universe in a way that only a wizard could be. I wanted that power and could feel that he had answers. Why not, I thought and went in and sat down. He then posed this scenario, Let's say that you are both a sheep and a wolf. Your sheep represents all that is good, gentle and always does the right thing. The wolf is your darker side, the risk taker, the party animal. Think about your life right now and describe your sheep and your wolf. 11
Know Thyself The Wolf and the Sheep My answer was that the sheep was obese. I had over fed the sheep by being good to a fault. As far back as I could remember, I had tried to be perfect for my parents, my teachers, my friends and just about everyone else. Trying too hard had made me a prisoner to myself. I resented everyone else because I felt that their lives were easy and mine was unfair. I was a slave to my own outlook on life. Meanwhile, my wolf was locked in a small chain linked cage in the backyard, starving, angry and held captive. Why? Because I was afraid of the wolf and I didn't know what to do with him. I had never given myself the freedom to take risks, to explore the world, or even to be bad. There was no balance in my life. I needed to sit with the wolf in me and slowly regain his trust. If I showed up every day, fed him, sat on the stoop with him and let him bark at me, then he would start trusting me. The wolf would start to feel better with nourishment and attention to a point where I might be 12
Introduction able to feed him by hand. Befriending the wolf meant showing up for him. I had stifled so much of myself, that now I felt like the angry wolf inside, secretly hating people and situations. I didn't want to be afraid of my dark side any longer. I wanted that part of me to feel free to talk to me and interact with me. I wanted to let my wolf out of the cage, but to stay connected with it. Neglecting the wolf and over feeding the sheep only brought out the worst in me. The answer was to establish balance in my life. 13
Know Thyself The One I went home and tossed all of my self help books in the trash. Not because they were bad, but because they had become a diversion. A distraction that was keeping me from my feelings. The books told me what my feelings were, but I had no idea where my feelings were coming from. My new book became a journal. I had found the one and it was my book, my story. When I had a thought or a feeling, I would write it down. The writing would serve as a compass, leading me to the answers that I so desperately sought through the books, but never found. This book, my friend, is a tool not a diversion. It is here to help you connect with your sheep, your wolf, your dreams. Use it in good health. 14
You Are Ready Introduction You are here because you have outgrown something that is no longer giving you what you need. You are seeking change. Change asks you to give up things that you have grown comfortable having, like a child giving up a blanket. Change also requires learning and developing new habits. Like learning to play a musical instrument, there is an initial phase of frustration and letting go of the ego. Working through the frustration leads to a lifetime of beautiful music. You are here and reading this because you are ready. My deepest desire is for you to get to know all of who you truly are. The beautiful dichotomy that merges your light and dark sides, accessing all of the love, fear, inspiration, aspirations and pain from your past which will unlock the wisdom to design your future. Discovering self is the first step. Only then will your best self naturally spill into other parts of your life for you and others to enjoy. Knowing thyself is your responsibility and your contribution to the planet. 15
Know Thyself I have written the book that I wanted to read and work with, but never found. Give yourself plenty of time to journal along with the questions at your own pace. One chapter per week makes the book a six week journey. But there are no rules, so find what feels right and works for you. I hope this book becomes a reference on a rough day and also gives you the tools to discover your true self, always leaving you feeling enlightened and empowered. Design your life. 16