Lessons for Life Number 84 July/August 2011 IN THIS ISSUE The Conversation is the Relationship Zero-Based Thinking Habit What Would Change Your Life If You Were To Do It Consistently? HOWARD WIGHT One Idea Can Change A Lifetime. 2011 Howard Wight
The Conversation is the Relationship The theme of Susan Scott s book, Fierce Conversations, is that the conversation is the relationship. That is a breakthrough concept from my perspective, which is why I am bringing it to your attention. I m not sure that I totally agree, because after all, actions speak louder than words. The conversation is what generates action. If you accept the fact that the conversation is the relationship, then each conversation takes on more importance. When you are talking with someone, they are the most important person in the world at that moment or at least they should be. Should you be multitasking and reading your email while you are talking to the most important person in the world? When you are talking with your children, are you giving them your undivided attention, or is your mind somewhere else? Focus on the task at hand. Clear your mind of everything else. Wouldn t it have an incredibly positive impact if you were to be totally involved in every conversation that you have. When you are with someone and you check your watch, you re telling them that you have something more important that you need to move on to. Is that really your intent? It s more important to be interested than to be interesting. Focus on being interested in what others have to say. You ve probably heard that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Invest more time listening to others and less time talking. Notice that I said invest rather than spend. Life is about helping others. How can you help others if you don t know where they can use your help? How do you find out? Ask questions and listen to the answers. Great advice starts with great questions combined with great listening. According to Ben Franklin, People are best convinced by reasons they themselves discover. How do you get people to discover reasons themselves? Ask them questions. Everything we learn, we learn by listening. Even when we read or see something, our mind interprets it for us and our inner voice explains what is going on. Are you paying attention to this ongoing conversation you have with yourself the conversation between the undermining mind and the inner winner? More about this at another time. In summary, I recommend that you be fully aware of the importance of each conversation. One conversation may not make or break a relationship, but each one counts. Make the best of it. Give it everything you ve got. Focus on the person with whom you are having the conversation. Treat that person as if they are the most important person in the world.
Zero-Based Thinking Brian Tracy, well-known speaker and writer, talks about the concept of zero-based thinking where you review your previous decisions by asking the question, Is there anything that I am doing today that, knowing what I now know, I wouldn t get into again if I had to do it over? Knowing what you know now, if you were starting from scratch, what would you do different? Knowing what you know now, would you do what you are now doing? Everything you do requires an investment of your time? Are you willing to invest more of your time in some of the things you are now doing? Are there some relationships that you have that are going nowhere and the only reason you continue them is because you are already in them? Years ago, I left a relationship because I was unwilling to invest more time to make it work. It was a tough decision. I made the decision, and I moved on. Are there things you are doing in your business that you are only doing out of habit? Are there some business relationships that are holding you back from doing what you might be able to do? Should you stay in a situation that is no longer right for you or should you move on? What is your exit strategy?
Habit I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly. I am easily managed you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great men; and alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures. I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am habit! Anonymous
Your life is a reflection of your habits. Habits are choices repeated. Change your choices and you will change your life. Here are some habits you might want to adopt. Focus. Focus on the task at hand. Clear your mind of everything else. Focus on first things first. Make prioritizing a priority. Finish what you start. Commit to finishing what you start. Get up earlier. The early bird gets the worm, which means it s better to be an early bird than an early worm. Get up earlier and do something important. Have breakfast meetings. Get the day off to a good start. Stop taking work home with you. Read more books or listen to more tapes on a specific subject. Become an expert. Go home earlier. If you start earlier, you can finish earlier. Go home earlier and spend more time with your family. Watch less TV. Go to bed earlier and get more rest. Eat less. Exercise more. What Would Change Your Life If You Were To Do It Consistently? According to some studies, it takes twenty-one days to change a habit. Why not think in terms of thirty days? If you can do something consistently for thirty days, you can do it forever. In a year, you could establish twelve new habits, one per month. Successful people consistently do what others can do but don t.
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