MARY S GARDEN TEN-MINUTE PLAY By John Tissot All Rights Reserved Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa The writing of plays is a means of livelihood. Unlawful use of a playwright s work deprives the creator of his or her rightful income. The playwright is compensated on the full purchase price and the right of performance can only be secured through purchase of at least twelve (12) copies of this work. PERFORMANCES ARE LIMITED TO ONE VENUE FOR ONE YEAR FROM DATE OF PURCHASE. The possession of this script without direct purchase from the publisher confers no right or license to produce this work publicly or in private, for gain or charity. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: Produced by special arrangement with Heuer Publishing LLC of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. This dramatic work is fully protected by copyright. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission of the publisher. Copying (by any means) or performing a copyrighted work without permission constitutes an infringement of copyright. The right of performance is not transferable and is strictly forbidden in cases where scripts are borrowed or purchased second hand from a third party. All rights including, but not limited to the professional, motion picture, radio, television, videotape, broadcast, recitation, lecturing, tabloid, publication, and reading are reserved. COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. PUBLISHED BY HEUER PUBLISHING LLC P.O. BOX 248 CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA 52406 TOLL FREE (800) 950-7529 FAX (319) 368-8011
MARY S GARDEN By John Tissot SYNOPSIS: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Quite Contrary Mary is growing the unbelievable in her backyard garden! Based on the classic nursery rhyme, this play centers around a newspaper reporter trying to get the scoop on the unique and strange crops growing in Mary s garden. The investigating becomes extremely difficult, however, when the fame-hungry neighbor, Lucy Locket and Roger Hansen from the Department of Agriculture show up. This reporter has the story of a lifetime or does he? CAST OF CHARACTERS (6 MEN, 5 WOMEN, EXTRAS) POLICEMAN (m)...a man of any age.(12 lines) FIRST MAN (m)...a man of any age. (2 lines) HOT DOG SELLER (f)...woman of any age. (1 line) FIRST WOMAN (f)...woman of any age. (2 lines) FIRST BOY (m)...boy between 5 and 8. (3 lines) SECOND BOY (m)...boy between 5 and 8. (Non-Speaking) REPORTER (m)...man between 20 and 40 years. (98 lines) LUCY LOCKET (f)...woman between 20 and 30. (41 lines) ROGER HANSEN (m)...man, any age. (28 lines) MARY (f)...woman 60 or older. (16 lines) CANDLE SELLER (f)...woman, any age. (1 line) EXTRAS (m/f)...men/women/children, any number or age. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockleshells, And pretty maids all in a row. 2
PROPS Hot dogs in buns, on stage. Candles, on stage. Notebook and pen, carried on stage by Reporter. Camera, carried on stage by Reporter. Attaché case, carried on stage by Hansen. A street. TIME: Now or then. SETTING COSTUMES The director will have to decide whether to use period costume or modern costume. Each actor should wear clothes suitable for age and character portrayed. 3
AT RISE: The curtains open revealing a street in front of a house. A picket fence runs along the front of the yard. A POLICEMAN stands guard at the gate, preventing people from going into the house. A line of people, headed by FIRST MAN and FIRST WOMAN are waiting to go into the house. Center stage, extras are milling about, talking in pantomime, looking at the house and pointing to it. At stage left is a hot dog stand with hot dog seller. FIRST BOY and SECOND BOY are chasing each other around the stage, but as the story progresses, they see the hot dogs on a plate on the stand. At stage right is a stand selling candles, CANDLE SELLER. From time to time, a person comes over, buys a candle and places it in the street along with the other candles in the street. REPORTER: (He comes on stage from stage left, carrying a notebook and a camera. He stops and looks around, then goes up to the POLICEMAN.) This the place? POLICEMAN: If you mean the house with the strange crop in the back, it is. REPORTER: I ve got to go in and talk to the lady inside. FIRST MAN: (To REPORTER.) Hey, buddy. Get at the end of the line. REPORTER: (To FIRST MAN.) There s a line to get in? FIRST MAN: You blind or what? Course there s a line. I m not standing here for my health. I ve been waiting a long time. My feet are beginning to think they re roots. Next thing you know, a rose will be growing out my ears, so get in line! REPORTER: (To POLICEMAN.) I m a reporter from Tankton. POLICEMAN: Where? REPORTER: Tankton. Down the road. POLICEMAN: I don t care if you re from the moon. The lady inside doesn t want to talk to reporters. So if you want to go in, stand in line. FIRST WOMAN: Yeah. Stand in line like the rest of us. REPORTER: (To POLICEMAN.) Have you been back there? Seen the garden? 4
POLICEMAN: Yeah. But I m not going to talk about it. (LUCY LOCKET comes on stage from stage right and stops to look at the commotion.) Why don t you talk to that lady? She lives next door. REPORTER: (He goes over and stops LUCY.) Can I talk to you? LUCY: A reporter? REPORTER: Yes. LUCY: I knew it. You ve heard about my pocket. REPORTER: What are you talking about? LUCY: But I m quite famous. I lost my pocket. REPORTER: I m sorry to hear about that, but I came to talk to you about Mary. (He points at the house.) LUCY: Oh, her. A bitter old lady, if you ask me. If she just looks at milk, it curdles. (She makes a face.) REPORTER: But you live next door to her, don t you? LUCY: Yes. REPORTER: So what did you see? LUCY: I m not going to tell you unless you let me tell my story. REPORTER: Oh, very well. Make my day. LUCY: I lost my pocket. (REPORTER just stares at her.) Well, aren t you going to write this down? REPORTER: (Takes out his notebook, opens it and gets out his pen. He writes as she speaks.) Lucy Locket lost her purse. LUCY: No, no. Not purse. Pocket. REPORTER: (He crosses off what he had written. Speaks as he writes.) Lucy Locket lost her pocket. LUCY: Kitty Fisher found it. REPORTER: (Writing as he speaks.) Kitty Fisher located it. LUCY: No, no. Found it. REPORTER: (Crosses off and speaks as he writes.) Kitty Fisher found it. Who s Kitty Fisher? LUCY: She s a friend of mine. Lives two houses down that way. (Points.) REPORTER: (Writes.) Fisher woman lives two houses from Locket. LUCY: Leave that part out. REPORTER: Leave it out? LUCY: Yes. This isn t about Kitty Fisher. It s about me. 5
REPORTER: (Crosses out that sentence.) What was in the purse er pocket? LUCY: Nothing in it. Nothing in it. REPORTER: (Writes.) Nothing inside pocket. LUCY: No, no. Can t you get it right? What kind of a reporter are you that you can t get it right? REPORTER: I guess my mind is on something else. LUCY: Like what? REPORTER: Like Mary s garden. LUCY: Are you married? REPORTER: No. LUCY: (Brightly.) You need a cup of tea to help focus your mind. (She pantomimes lifting a cup of tea with her little finger curled.) REPORTER: Some other time. LUCY: Can I hold you to that? (She puts her hand on his arm. He shakes it off.) REPORTER: Next time I m in town. LUCY: Wonderful. Now, read to me what you have so far. REPORTER: Lucy Locket lost her pocket. Kitty Fisher found it. Nothing in it. Nothing in it. LUCY: Now add: but the binding round it. REPORTER: (Writes.) But the binding round it. LUCY: You got it. See what you can do when you set your mind to it? Now read the whole thing back to me. REPORTER: (Reads.) Lucy Locket lost her pocket. Kitty Fisher found it. Nothing in it; nothing in it, but the binding round it. LUCY: That s it. REPORTER: I ll take that back to my editor. He ll be thrilled. He gets thrilled easily. The tide comes in at the beach, and the hair on the back of his head stands straight up. Now, about Mary. (LUCY hesitates.) You promised. As the conversation continues between REPORTER and LUCY, SECOND BOY stands off to one side of the hot dog stand and makes faces at the SELLER and when the SELLER is thus distracted, FIRST BOY sneaks up and grabs a hot dog in a bun. The two then start to chase each other around. 6
LUCY: About a week ago (She counts on her fingers.) no, six days ago. I remember because that s the day that Old Mother Hubbard came to tell me about her dog. It had nothing to eat, not even a bone. Can you imagine? REPORTER: Six days ago. What happened? FIRST BOY, chased by SECOND BOY, comes running up in front of LUCY and almost knocks her over. The BOYS then run off. LUCY: Mercy. Those brats. (She looks at REPORTER.) You said you re not married. REPORTER: That s right. LUCY: Do you like children? REPORTER: I guess so. LUCY: So do I. Aren t those boys cute? REPORTER: Six days ago. Remember? LUCY: I gave Old Mother Hubbard some bones for her dog, and she went home. I went out into the backyard to talk to to look at my hollyhocks. I glanced over the fence, and I saw Mary in her yard. I walked over to the fence, and being a good neighbor, I greeted her, even though she s a grumpy old woman. I said. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? And she said, Silver bells and cockle-shells, and pretty maids all of a row. Of course, I didn t believe a word of it, but to be nice, I told her I d like to see her garden. She invited me over. REPORTER: Did you go over? LUCY: Yes. I had no choice. It was the neighborly thing to do. REPORTER: And what did you see? LUCY: There were shells and bells and four or five young women. But they were all fake. REPORTER: Fake? LUCY: If they are real, I m the Queen of England. Do you see any crown on my head? REPORTER: No. LUCY: I think the garden is a set-up. REPORTER: Why would she do that? 7
LUCY: To draw attention away from me and get people to notice her. REPORTER: You re saying they aren t real? LUCY: Can t be. The soil is too acidic? REPORTER: Really? LUCY: I know about growing things. My hollyhocks. Would you like to come over and see them? (She takes his arm. He shakes her loose.) REPORTER: Some other time. The ground is too acidic, you say? LUCY: I have to feed the soil to get my hollyhocks to grow. There isn t a fertilizer in the world that would give shells and bells. Believe me. REPORTER: (He looks around and sees the candles on the street in front of the house.) What are those? (He points.) LUCY: Unless my eyes have gone bad, they re candles. REPORTER: But why? LUCY: Some people think Mary s house is a holy shrine. The REPORTER starts to write this in his notebook. At the same time, a WOMAN comes out of the house, goes through the gate, sees people she knows and goes to talk to them in pantomime. The POLICEMAN lets FIRST MAN go through the gate and into the house. FIRST WOMAN steps up to take his place. LUCY: Are you going to take my picture? REPORTER: I don t think so. LUCY: But I ve been very nice to you. Talking to you. Telling you about Mary. Offering you a cup of tea. REPORTER: And I appreciate it. LUCY: You re not very nice. I don t think I want to talk to you any more. (She exits stage left.) REPORTER: (He goes up to the POLICEMAN.) Officer, I really need to go inside and talk to this Mary for myself. FIRST WOMAN: Get in line, Mister, or go peddle your papers somewhere else. HANSEN comes out of the house and passes through the gate. 8
POLICEMAN: (To REPORTER.) If you want a story, talk to that guy. (Points.) REPORTER: (He runs after HANSEN and catches him.) Excuse me. The officer told me you had some knowledge about the garden. HANSEN: Who are you? REPORTER: I m with the newspaper in Tankton. The Town Crier. HANSEN: Oh? I didn t know Tankton had a newspaper. REPORTER: We re a small town, but we CAN read. Now, about you? HANSEN: Roger Hansen. REPORTER: And why did the policeman tell me to talk to you? HANSEN: I m with the Department of Agriculture. They sent me here to see firsthand. REPORTER: Then the story Miss Locket told me is true? HANSEN: I don t know who Miss Locket is, and I don t know what she told you. I can only tell you what I saw, but this is off the record. You understand? REPORTER: Yes. HANSEN: I m in an impossible position. REPORTER: How is that? HANSEN: I ve got to go back to the office and make a report. REPORTER: You said you were in an impossible position. HANSEN: You re not going to believe it. REPORTER: Try me. HANSEN: In the backyard, (He points.) there are rows of furrows. REPORTER: Nothing unusual about that. HANSEN: In those furrows are cockleshells, silver bells and young women. REPORTER: You re kidding. HANSEN: I wish I were. REPORTER: Are you saying they just grew up out of the ground? HANSEN: No other explanation that I can see. The REPORTER takes out his notebook and pen and starts to write. HANSEN reaches over, grabs the page from the notebook, rips it up and throws the pieces down. 9
POLICEMAN: (Seeing this.) Hey, you. No littering. HANSEN: (Picks up pieces of paper and puts them in his pocket.) Didn t I tell you off the record? REPORTER: Sorry. You were saying the bells and all the rest were real? HANSEN: Yes, but I can t go back to the office and put that in my report. They d say I was crazy and lock me up. REPORTER: They wouldn t do that. HANSEN: Did you hear about the man who claimed he saw a cow jump over the moon? REPORTER: No, I don t think so. HANSEN: He also said he heard a dog laugh and he saw a dish run away with a spoon. REPORTER: What happened to him? HANSEN: He s in a special room at a special hospital. REPORTER: I understand. HANSEN: They won t give him any dishes or any silverware. He has to eat everything through a straw. Suck it up or starve. That s what they told him. REPORTER: What if he wants a hamburger? HANSEN: He has to eat it through the straw. REPORTER: How strange. HANSEN: They say it s for his own good, for his own protection. REPORTER: How do you know about this? HANSEN: When you work for the government, word gets around. REPORTER: I see. HANSEN: So that s why I can t write up what I saw. REPORTER: Miss Locket, the lady who lives next door to Mary, says the soil is too acidic to grow stuff like that. HANSEN: She s right. REPORTER: That leaves some special plant food. HANSEN: I can t argue about that. REPORTER: Black magic, maybe? HANSEN: Your choice. HOT DOG SELLER: (Shouting.) Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs here. (A few people go over, look and buy one.) REPORTER: Can I buy you one? 10
HANSEN: No, thanks. REPORTER: I m still curious. When you get back to the office what is your report going to say? HANSEN: Right now, I don t know. But I do know what will happen if I write what I saw, and I don t want to try to eat one of those hot dogs through a straw. REPORTER: It looks like I ll just have to see for myself somehow. HANSEN: Good luck. Now I really have to go. (He leaves stage right. REPORTER watches him go and looks to his notes.) Three PEOPLE come out of the house, followed by MARY. The three go through the front gate and out to the street. MARY stops in her doorway. MARY: (Calling to the POLICEMAN.) Don t let any more in today. I m tired. REPORTER: (Breaking past the POLICEMAN and running up to MARY.) I ve got to talk to you. MARY: But I don t have to talk to you. REPORTER: I m a reporter from Tankton. MARY: Reporter, huh? When I let the local reporter come and look and talk to me, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I couldn t have made a bigger mistake if I had married a mule. Come to think of it, the man I married but that s another story. And you re not here about that. REPORTER: No, ma am. MARY: Reporters are just official blabbermouths. REPORTER: We just report the truth. MARY: The truth is I m good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. Are you going to report that? REPORTER: No. We ll keep that our secret. Now will you let me go back and look at your garden? MARY: (Looking at his camera.) Are you going to take pictures? REPORTER: Yes. MARY: No pictures. REPORTER: Okay. Are you going to let me go back and look? MARY: Lucy Locket, did she tell you what she saw? 11
REPORTER: Yes. MARY: That Lucy. She s an airhead. REPORTER: Now, now. Let s not start calling names. MARY: A stiff wind would lift her noggin right off her shoulder. Up, up and away. (She makes circling motions in the air.) REPORTER: Didn t we say we wouldn t talk like that? MARY: Did you talk to the man from the Department of Agriculture? REPORTER: Yes. MARY: There s your story. REPORTER: At least tell me how all this started. MARY: I got a packet of seeds in the mail. There was a note with it saying, Plant these seeds and they will change your life. It was signed, A friend. Some friend. Look at this. (She points at the street.) It s like a carnival. REPORTER: Why don t you let people come in and take pictures? Charge admission. MARY: No. Then people would say I made it all up just to make money. REPORTER: I can see your point. MARY: Are you going back to your newspaper and write a story? REPORTER: I m considering it. MARY: If you do, my life will be turned into a well, I d rather be stung by a swarm of bees than have that happen. Now, I m going to go in and try to forget all of this. Try to take a nap. (She goes back in the house and closes the door.) The REPORTER looks at the door and starts to walk out the gate. POLICEMAN: (Stopping the REPORTER.) So what are you going to do? REPORTER: I don t know. I feel like Hamlet. POLICEMAN: Is that some sort of small sandwich? A little ham, a little mayonnaise, a little mustard? REPORTER: No, he lived a long time ago. When he didn t know what to do, he said, To be or not to be, that is the question. POLICEMAN: Oh. So what s that got to do with you? 12
REPORTER: If I go back and tell the story, Mary s life gets worse. If I don t tell the story, I hurt my career. And a reporter is supposed to tell the truth. POLICEMAN: Tough choices. REPORTER: To report or not to report, that is the question. FIRST BOY: (He runs up to the REPORTER with a hot dog in his hand.) You want a bite, Mister? REPORTER: (Shakes his head no. ) Thanks, but no thanks. Tell me, young man, do you know what s in the backyard of that house? FIRST BOY: Something about bells and shells growing up out of the ground. REPORTER: Do you believe that can happen? FIRST BOY: Heck, no. You d have to be pretty dumb to believe that. (He runs off.) The REPORTER walks out into the street, stops, looks at the candles, the hot dog stand, back at MARY S house. He takes out his notebook, rips out the pages of his notes, tears them in half, and tosses them in the air. POLICEMAN: (Seeing this, he runs over to the REPORTER.) Didn t you hear me say no littering? REPORTER: Okay, okay. (He stoops over and picks up the pieces of paper as the POLICEMAN stands over him. He stuffs the pieces of paper in his pocket.) Satisfied? POLICEMAN: Sure. What re you going to do now? REPORTER: I m not going to write a story. That way, Mary gets some peace, and when I go get a hamburger, as I m going to do now, I won t have to suck it up through a straw. He heads off stage, leaving the POLICEMAN to scratch his head, not understanding. CURTAIN. THE END 13