1 >> Counselor: Hi Robert. Thanks for coming today. What brings you in? >> Robert: Well first you can call me Bobby and I guess I'm pretty much here because my wife wants me to come here, get some help with some things. >> Counselor: Okay. So your wife's pretty worried about you then? >> Robert: I'd say more kind of angry, kind of pissed, more than, you know, looking out. >> Counselor: Okay. So tell me a little bit why she's angry and why you think that or why she thinks you need to come in and get some help. >> Robert: Well, we've pretty much been, you know, it's kind of marital issues. I guess, you know, fighting a lot. >> Counselor: Okay. What do you guys seem to fight over? >> Robert: Well, there's a lot of stuff. I guess kind of the main thing though is probably our sex life. >> Counselor: Okay, so- >> Robert: Yeah. >> Counselor: tell me a little bit more about what you mean. >> Robert: Well, I'm pretty much, I have a high sex drive. She doesn't seem to be interested in it at all and I think that just creates a lot of tension. >> Counselor: So how does that turn into fights between you two? >> Robert: Well, I, again, I have a high sex drive. I get anxious if I don't get some action, you know [inaudible] you're a guy, come on. You know, I get anxious if I don't do something and I mean I'm talking on a daily basis I feel like I've got to do something. If I don't have sex I feel like I gotta please myself, take care of myself- >> Counselor: Okay. >> Robert: and that, for me, you know, I mean, she's my wife. I mean, she's supposed to- >> Counselor: Sure. >> Robert: we're supposed to have sex and do things like that. We used to have, you know, a lot of good times together but that's changed and I don't know if she's lost interest in it or something like that. So it's really, it sucks. >> Counselor: Yeah, it really sounds like you're in a tough spot. >> Counselor: Where do you find, you know, this relationship that you are talking about that you're missing?
2 >> Robert: What do you mean where do I find it? >> Counselor: When you talked about really having a strong sexual urge and desire, needing it every day, I'm just kind of wondering where you get that fulfillment from? >> Robert: You know, I'm not too proud of it, but, you know, I've really gotten into watching porn. You know, again it is probably a daily basis. It is not something, I mean, you know, I never thought I would be doing that. But, you know, it's what I do. So doing things that way and again taking care of myself. And then, you know, but then I got to go, you know, the actual feel of a woman. >> Counselor: Sure. >> Robert: You know, I just need that sometimes so I end up, you know, I've cheated on my wife. >> Robert: You know, I've met up with other women outside of our marriage. And, you know, sometimes I have to do that. >> Robert: To take care of my needs. >> Counselor: What happens when you don't have it for a period of time? >> Robert: I get really anxious. Like at work and even at home I can't concentrate on things. I mean, you know, it gets to the point where, you know, I really, that's kind of the front thing on my mind. I can't concentrate on other things. And, you know, if I haven't been able to actually meet up with somebody, you know, because she is not going to do anything for me. So, you know, I may have to take care of myself, masturbate, you know, three, four times a day. You know, when I'm having to do that that means it is disrupting work and other stuff to have to worry about that. And it just gets really frustrating. So once I get that taken care of I can concentrate on things better. OK. So does your wife know about any of these affairs or that you look at porn? >> Robert: She knows about the porn. She doesn't like it. I don't know if she knows how often. She just knows that that happens. She doesn't know, I freaking hope not, she doesn't know about me sleeping around with other people. To my knowledge I have never seen anything. She's never flipped out on me or something like that. But the porn thing she knows about. She's not happy about it. It's not what I intended to do either, but I don't know what else I am supposed to do.
3 >> Counselor: So it sounds like you've had this issue for a while. Can you kind of talk to me a little bit about early sexual experiences that you've had? >> Robert: How early are we talking? >> Counselor: You know, I would say probably when you may became first interested in the opposite sex. >> Robert: First interested. I'm a guy, so that's been forever. Well, you know, I mean, I guess I started, I guess in terms of, like, actually having sex, I guess I started pretty early. At 11 years old, I mean. I had, that's when I first had sex. I had this really hot babysitter. She was, I think she was about 16 or something, and, you know, she was my first experience, and quite a few experiences, and she was into, look back now, she was into some weird s***. But, you know, that helped. I don't know. Around that time, that's when I was really starting to get into things, and probably by about 15, you know, as I was going into high school and stuff, I was really sexually active. You know, girlfriends that I had, they had to be, you know, give me some action. Otherwise, you know, what was the point, and I was very active during that time, and even after high school, I, you know, you think may calm down, but I was going into college in my 20's, and I got into more stuff. Like sex parties, and, you know, going to, you know, group stuff. People drinking and doing some other stuff, and, you know, multiple people in a night, and just kind of crazy stuff. I thought I'd work it out of my system. >> Counselor: Sure - >> Robert: You know. Once I got married, though, that kind of stuff subsided, and, again, when we were first married, that's what pisses me off, you know. Like, we're just, we got married, and she seemed to have the same sex drive I did. So I thought this is great, you know. We have [inaudible]. We can do this together as a man and wife, but that seemed to change, you know. So that's kind of my history with that kind of stuff - OK. The, tell me a little bit about these experiences. Did you ever have a time where you didn't feel very good about your experiences with another woman? >> Robert: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, I love my wife. You know, I really do. So this, being in this place really sucks. You know, I really feel, I don't feel good about it. I mean, we go to church and stuff, and that kind of goes the stuff that I do, cheating on, even the porn, all that. That's kind of against those values, and the values that we're teaching our kids at home and stuff, but, you know, so I'm not proud of it. I mean, you know, feel guilty about it at times. I think one time, though, that it really kind of stood out to me was, you know, again, we'd been married for a while, but, you know, I had my needs and everything, and I ended up doing something with two chicks one night at the same time. And it was kind of nice to some degree, then there's another part of me that was, like, man, what are you doing? You know, how the hell did you get here? And I remember that being one night that was kind of nuts, and, you know, there's times, too, where I hook up with some chicks in just kind of a one-night stand thing or whatever, or I'll admit I've done, used some escorts [inaudible] that way, and sometimes they're not that classy. They're, you know, kind of questionable. So it's kind of, like, man, I hope I don't catch anything. You
4 know, thankfully, I haven't, but, you know, I don't feel good about those sometimes. >> Counselor: Yeah. It sounds like you're pretty conflicted about some of these experiences that you've had and kind of wish it was different between you and your wife - >> Robert: Yeah. >> Robert: You know. >> Counselor: Do you ever seem to worry about protecting yourself from diseases or pregnancies? >> Robert: Oh sure. I mean, most of the time I do use a condom. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes it is kind of one of those like caught up in the moment things. Sometimes too much drinking or whatever. But, yeah, absolutely. There's times I'm worried about that. And God I don't need any more kids. You know, to get someone knocked up that would ruin a lot of stuff. And to catch something. You know, but for the most part I think I protect myself. And, you know, I don't think I've done anything. You know, I usually remember most stuff. I don't think I've done anything to anyone underage or with guys or anything as far as I know. But, yeah, I mean I try to do that as often as I remember it. But, you know, it just, especially if it's been a while, it just, you know. >> Counselor: Well, I really appreciate you sharing some of your past and some of the current stuff. >> Counselor: We're going to take a little turn now. I'm kind of wondering a little bit about your childhood and your relationships with maybe your mom and your dad. >> Robert: Yeah. It's kind of, you know, childhood kind of wasn't that great. You know, my ma, she used to drink a lot. I mean, she was probably considered an alcoholic, and it, I remember from the age around 10 or something like that that she was really always getting just blasted. You know, my dad didn't like that a whole lot, and, you know, I know that they argued and fought and things like that, and eventually she, you know, they separated, and it was tough because I was close to my ma. You know, I have a younger sister and an older brother, and to this day, we're not that close, but I seem to connect to her, and I don't know. Despite the drinking and that kind of stuff, and she'd be kind of crazy when she did drink a lot, but at the times when she was more sober or only had a couple drinks or whatever, I don't know, we've always had a connection. And I think my dad, you know, he kind of resented that, and, you know, that kind of made things tough, and to this day, we're even, we're still not that close, but, you know, and that kind of continued on through even, you know, young adulthood and all that kind of stuff. My mom finally got lot more cleaned up in my 20's, and that's been nice to have and more sober since that time, but there's some crazy times. I mean, there's nights when she was, she passed out naked on the floor, and me, you know, me and my brother would have to help her, like, get into bed, and then the next morning, she doesn't even remember what happened,
5 you know. I mean, those aren't exactly the best kind of memories, and I guess not something you want to see. But, anyhow, she's my ma. I love her. >> Counselor: Well, I am really glad that you, you know, you were able to come in and share some of those things even if it wasn't something that you were wanting to do right off. I'd like to set up a time maybe where you can come back, and we can talk a little further about some of these things and maybe how all this kind of impacts each other. >> Robert: Yeah. Yeah, I guess that would be fine to, I mean, you know, I guess if it will help my marriage and things like that. And if me and my wife can rekindle, you know, get close and become intimate again or whatever, you know, I'm willing to try it out. But, yeah. Well, thanks Bobby for coming in. >> Robert: Sure. Thanks.