Funny Farm. By Deshon porter Donnell porter. Deshon porter Donnell porter

Transcription

1 Funny Farm By Deshon porter Donnell porter Deshon porter Donnell porter 1158 w division st Springfield MO deshonporter1@gmail.com

2 FUNNY FARM Scene: 1 FIRST PART JESSICA IS SLEEPING AND SHE IS TRYING TO REST ON HER DAY OFF FROM DOING SHOWS AT A CLUB LATE AT NIGHT. 1 JESSICA OH, MY LAND I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! LATER THE NEXT DAY. 2 JESSICA This city is crazy with all this noise,i can not sleep after a show when I get back home late. Because you know it is not safe at night for a lady. 3 BEST FRIEND 1 I know it is,but where can you go that is away from here but you can still get to the club? 4 JESSICA Looking at her laptop and it is still giving her trouble She bursts out Computer no Not now? Stop it! 5 JESSICA (cont d) Oh my! I gotta leave! I can worry about the computer later! RUNS OUT THE DOOR. realtor. At the new house with the 6 REALTOR Well,this the house. But I have one more thing you need to know. Unfortunately, you have a few neighbors on this street. 7 JESSICA SAYS WHAT! The ad online said that this was a very peaceful place to live? And I do not want any neighbors! 8 REALTOR Well the ad online made a mistake. The house does need some work, but it is still very sellable. 9 JESSICA REALLY! You bring this up now! just as I was going to make an offer? WHY NOW! SHAKE HER HEAD END OF THE SCENE

3 2. the boyfriends house SAM KISSES JESSICA 10 SAM Hi sweet heart,how was your day? 11 JESSICA DON T ASK? I was just getting ready to make an offer on the house when the realtor decides to tell me,i"m going to have neighbors! WALKS AROUND IN FRUSTRATION. 12 JESSICA It is sellable but it"s going to still need work done first. I can"t go back to the city,i JUST CAN"T! could I stay with you till I find some place to stay? 13 SAM Well? uhh?? 14 JESSICA SHE TURN GIVING HIM A QUESTIONABLE LOOK? driving. THERE IS SOMEONE GOING WAY TO FAST THEN SOMEONE CUT HER OFF. 15 JESSICA What in the world is this, a Circus? The only clowns I see are the ones driving. At a hotel 16 JESSICA Would you believe my boyfriend wouldn t let me stay at his house until I find a new one? 17 FRONT DESK Oh really, Why? 18 JESSICA I don t know why? Maybe it"s because we"re not married? All I know is I"m not going back to that apartment EVER AGAIN! Do you happen to have extended stay at this hotel? 19 FRONT DESK Yes we do, would you like me to sign you up? welcome to our hotel have a nice stay.

4 3. Jessica takes the house 20 REALTOR Well, I see everything is in order here, when do you want to move in? 21 NEIGHBOR Hello! Are you re looking to buy this house? Well I wish you luck getting it fixed. 22 JESSICA WHAT YOU TOO! Well for your information I just bought it! SO THERE, HMM JESSICA (cont d) WALKING TO HER CAR AND SLAMS HER NEW DOOR. At the store 24 JESSICA WOW,will I get through this line and get home before my TV show come on. 25 CASHIER Hello, my are you having a party? 26 JESSICA No just on my way home to see my TV show. 27 CASHIER Oh OKṠOME FOOD FALLS IN THE FREEZER AND JESSICA FREAKS OUT. 28 JESSICA Did you see that? 29 CASHIER No, I didn t. 30 JESSICA Well that fish fell, and no one even opened the freezer! 31 CASHIER Wow, that"s a new one on me. JESSICA PAYS FOR FOOD THEN WALK OFF SET.

5 4. After the move the the new house 32 JESSICA Well I am at my new home now the bed is supposed to be delivered. 33 JESSICA (cont d) Hold your horses I m coming. 34 DELIVERY PERSON ONE Oh, I know who you are! I "I ve seen you at the comedy club in the city! WOW! they will never believe who I have delivered a bedframe to. 35 JESSICA where is my mattress? I Ordered white glove delivery service and all I got is just you? 36 DELIVERY PERSON ONE I" m only here to deliver the bedframe. Someone else sets up the bedframe it"s an extra charge for that. 37 JESSICA An extra charge?for WHAT! Just to put a bedframe together?i have to be on the road for four days next week driving back and forth I sure can t do it because I don know how so what do I do about getting it put together? 38 DELIVERY PERSON ONE I m sorry ma"am I just deliver them I don t set them up. I need your signature here, and have a good day ma am. 39 JESSICA OH GOOD GRIEF NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? A bedframe in a box, and no mattress. And now what am I going to sleep on? LATER ON THE PHONE OPERATOR You have reach mattress firm your hold time will be 10 minutes. Please stay on line for the next agent. LATER 40 AGENT Hello welcome to mattress firm how may I help you? 41 JESSICA YOUR DELIVERY GUY ONLY DELIVERED PART OF MY BED WHICH CONSISTED OF JUST THE BEDFRAME. HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO GET IT PUT TOGETHER? THERE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE TWO MEN COMING TO SET IT UP WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DOING ABOUT IT?

6 5. 42 AGENT Well ma am if you want your bed set up then you will have to pay an extra $300 to have it done that what we plan on doing about it! 43 JESSICA OH BITE ME!!! BOYFRIEND KISSES JESSICA At the new home no bed.. 44 SAM Hi sweetheart where is your new bed? CRYING 45 JESSICA Oh Sam,I have no bed and the mattress won t be here until Saturday! NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 46 SAM I"m sorry Jessica,I really wish I could help you. 47 JESSICA It s OK Sam, I know you would if you could my darling. 48 SAM Oh Jessica I just remembered I have to work until Saturday afternoon! So I won t be able to be here for when they deliver the mattress. PHONE RINGS. 49 DRIVER Yes I m with the cable company I have an order to install cable in your house. 50 JESSICA Yes I did I hope you re on your way? at least some thing went right today. YES I DID I HOPE YOU RE ON YOUR WAY? AT LEAST SOME THING WENT RIGHT TODAY. 51 JESSICA (cont d) Now I have cable in the house, I better get to the restaurant. 52 JESSICA (cont d) Boy there sure is a lot of cars! Who in the world left the barn door open? UGH I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

7 6. SHE FINALLY DRIVES OFF. 53 BEST FRIEND ONE Great everyone is here finally. EVERYONE SITS DOWN. At THE restaurant with friends. 54 BEST FRIEND TWO To honor Jessica s move into her new home we wanted to treat you both to dinner. 55 EVERYONE Awe! EVERYONE CLAPS 56 BEST FRIEND THREE Waiter! we are all ready to order now. 57 SAM Let s all have a great time together. Oh man the phone at this time. SAM" S PHONE RINGS. 58 BOSS ON THE PHONE Sam Just wanted to let you know that you have this weekend off. I hope you have a good time with your girlfriend. LATER 59 SERVER OK everyone eat up and enjoys the ride on the food train. 60 FRIEND 1 Wait a minute stop this train! I did not order this! 61 FRIENDS 2 THROUGH 5 This isn t what we ordered either! WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? 62 SERVER I M so Sorry about that I will get the right order for you. 63 JESSICA Has this ever happened before? 64 SERVER I assure you it has not.

8 7. 65 FRIEND 1 she was talking about if it had happened to us before! 66 SAM Isn t that just like a woman to get the order wrong and then try to get away with it! JESSICA LOOKS AT SAM AND SAYS. 67 JESSICA Sam you better be quiet! Because you re in a room with five women and no way to escape! SAM LOOKS EMBARRASSED.. Day MATTRESS GETS DELIVERED JESSICA IS THE FIRST TO WAKE UP THEN SHE WAKES UP HER BOYFRIEND. 68 JESSICA Oh darling guess what so special about today? SAM IS WAKING UP. SAM 69 SAM It s Saturday my day off and I want to spend it with you. 70 JESSICA UMM, NOT QUITE? TODAY IS THE DAY THE NEW MATTRESS IS COMING, AND YOU"RE FRIENDS ARE COMING TO HELP SET IT UP! 71 SAM Really? 72 JESSICA Yes dear really. 73 SAM Their coming today, really? 74 JESSICA NO! I M JUST LYING BECAUSE I LIKE TO LIE! LATER AFTER A NAP. SAM WAKES UP TO GREET JESSICA AND SEES THEIR FRIEND AND HE GETS EMBARRASSED BECAUSE HE IS UNDRESS.

9 8. 75 FRIEND 1 Oh Sam it s OK, you ll be part of the family soon. 76 SAM I m really sorry about this I didn t know you were coming so early. 77 JESSICA Honey there s a game on that you wanted to watch and we re going to go do some girl talk. 78 JESSICA Who is it? DOORBELL RINGS 79 DELIVERY PERSON 2 AND 3 We are here to deliver a mattress. 80 JESSICA yes come this way with me and I ll show you where the bedroom is. 81 DELIVERY PERSON 2 You have a Very nice place here What are your neighbors like? 82 JESSICA Well there is one who has a really great sense of humor. 83 SAM Jessica are you ready to see the new mattress finally! 84 JESSICA BOY AM I! I can t hardly believe it s finally here! Now we will let you guys finish your job. LATER AS THEY ARE SUNNING TOGETHER BY THE POOL. 85 JESSICA (cont d) Honey I want a baby hedgehog? 86 SAM Ok! But do you want a boy or a girl hedgehog? 87 JESSICA I think I want a girl one. 88 SAM I think a girl one would be perfect. 89 JESSICA Since You will be at work all day, my baby hedgehog can keep me company until you get home.

10 9. 90 SAM Are you sure you ll be OK? 91 JESSICA Yes honey I will be just fine JESSICA You know honey I think this move has been good for me. 94 BOYFRIEND I do to sweet heart. AS HE KISSES HER. 95 SAM That s great honey, but the move is not over yet. 96 JESSICA It not? What is there left to do GETTING ON ONE KNEE POPS A RING OUT. 97 SAM JESSICA I love you 98 JESSICA Oh Sam! CRYING 99 SAM Will you do me the honor of marrying me and being my wife? 100 JESSICA YES SAM YES!,I have been waiting for You to ask me since I got here. A ROMANTIC KISS AND HUG. AS JESSICA TUGS ON SAM S NOSE AND PLANTING A HUGE PASSIONATE KISS ON HIM. FADE TO BLACK. THE END.