Marilyn: (Overcoming Procrastination, )

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Calvin Caldwell
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1 (Overcoming Procrastination, ) It s the 24 th day of September, 2013, a little after 10 on Tuesday morning. Marilyn, this video recording might be made available on educating mental health professionals. So, thank you for your kindness helping me to assist them in being useful to other people. It starts us with some great energy. What would you like our meeting this morning to address? Okay. I talked to (name withheld) last Friday, and we had covered my big grief issue, and I think I m dealing okay with it. Just to give you a little quickie of it, the day I finally signed up to come here, my boyfriend was extremely happy. He was so proud that I finally did it, and he ended up having a massive heart attack that night and died. So, I had to wait another week for his services and that and then I came the following day. How long ago was that, my goodness? August 21 st. Then I got here September 1 st. I see. So, in some ways, I felt like I ran away from it and I do have a very spiritual being, so (name withheld) kind of talked me through it, and I think I m okay with it. It s not like, okay, it s over with and I m fine, but I think I m grieving in the way I need to, so that doesn t seem to be a problem anymore. It s not like that doesn t hurt or anything like that, but, I m dealing with it. I believe I understand what you re telling me. Yeah. I know he s here, you know, and he kind of said, he s just not here in a physical being. That s kind of what I m doing I can t touch you, but I can still talk to you and you re watch me. So, that I m even sitting here talking and not crying is a good thing. Before, if I started talking about that, I would be crying, but I don t cry hard or I m a very quiet griever. So, I am pretty good on that. I m going on 21 days. Congratulations. 1

2 2 Yeah. Actually today is the 21 st so today is my 23 rd day sober. Was it about alcohol? It was alcohol, yeah. Alcohol only. And my biggest obstacle is and will be that I work from home alone. I have my own condo, and my boyfriend and I, even though we ve lived together for 12 years we ve never really moved in together we each had our own places. But I work and I m at home alone all day. What kind of work do you do? I work for a company called (name withheld). We sell time and billing systems to attorneys. So, I work with the sales force putting together their proposals and contracts, so it s all via and phone. So you re not communicating No, I have no contact with customers. You re more like creating system? No, actually putting together proposals to sell I don t do the programming they say, oh, I m at a law firm with 20 attorneys I get it. yeah, and I just put the proposal, the dollars together for them to present to the customer. Ah, interesting. Do you like doing that? Oh, I love it. I ve probably been in this business since 1984, basically dealing with the legal industry with time and billings systems. So, it s something I ve been doing for, oh my God, 30 years yeah, almost 30 years. And you work right from home, you have a place that s set up that s sort of a work place?

3 3 Yeah, I have a separate office I live in a two bedroom condo, and one is my office and one is my bedroom. Where are you? Phoenix. Oh, how nice. Uh huh. It s an ideal situation. It s not an ideal situation for an alcoholic. So when I leave here I plan on doing a halfway house or some other living place to transition just not going back and being alone. Because, for the last three months, I had been consistently been drinking heavier and heavier, my boyfriend had me move in with him so he would be able to monitor my drinking, but of course you know that we all know ways to get around it. And, I had been living at his house, so I wasn t alone, but it didn t help the drinking any. Well, how has it been for you here? I m fine, yeah. And, it probably had a lot to do with the drinking too, but I had high anxiety. I m on antidepressants, but, in addition to that, I was doing Xanax at night to sleep, because I would just wake up in a panic. And I didn t take the Xanax until that happened. I could pretty much fall asleep, but I would wake up every night, and it was just alcohol sweats and typical alcohol worrying. My Xanax was only a.25, so it wasn t a heavy dose, but it was there. And since, even I say well, even during my first night of detox I, of course, was valiumed up, but since coming over to res, I haven t had a sleepless night. It takes me no longer than five minutes to go to sleep and I sleep a good 7 ½ to 8 hours a night. So, my anxiety has gone away. I enjoy the people because I was isolated when I worked at home alone. You know, you don t really see anybody all day, and my outlet was always to go to the bar after work. But pretty soon it was, let s just bring the bar to the house, you know, and stuff like that. But I enjoy the group environment. While we re serious, we can still make fun of our addiction. Well, the idea of being in a halfway house makes a lot of sense. You re thriving in a connection with others

4 4 Yes, I am. and it s a good time this is happening. It s good for you. Uh huh. Yeah, I don t want to go home alone right yet. So, it s something, and I ll see how long I want to stay once I get there. You re just bringing your I m just bringing my computer and a printer. That s all I need. You know, so all I need is a desk. So you really could work at Starbucks? Yeah, I really could if they let me bring my printer in there. Yeah, I could work at Starbucks.they have Wi-Fi. So, luckily I m very open Or any library Yeah. If it wasn t for the printer, I would be okay. But I don t see any problem in these halfway houses in having a computer or printer. So, I m planning on doing that at least 30 days and probably 60 I ll probably end up doing 60. So what I was asking you is what comes to the top that you would like meeting with me that you would like to I don t know. My biggest problem is procrastination. I mean, it is I wait until the last minute to do anything. It s procrastinating about what? Anything. You know, if something is due at a certain date, I don t do it until the 10 th hour. I m still not done with my recovery plan, and I ve been here for almost three weeks, which I want to get done so I can get onto phase two. So, tonight is a really heavy day. I ve worked on it a lot this weekend, but I just have a hard time to do something if it s not due right then. I see, okay. Yeah, and it s not that I don t do it. It s not that I m ever late. You know, it doesn t lead into that. Actually, lateness

5 5 is not in my dictionary I m always on time. Even with my drinking, I was always on time. But procrastination, I thought it might get better if I wasn t drinking and it hasn t unless my brain is still a little broken. So when it came to these complex reports that you prepare, would you say the lion s share of the work was done toward the end of the timeframe? Oh yes, uh huh. Not so much in the beginning. No, not in the beginning at all. Well, would you say that was it a difference in terms of the quantity or the intensity of the work, or was it a difference more in terms of the focus? The focus. Let me make sure I m clear. In other words, let s say I was doing something for six hours a day, Monday through Friday, and most of it was getting done from Thursday afternoon until Friday evening. Would that mean I would be working fewer hours Monday and Tuesday, or would it mean I would be working differently during those hours on Monday and Tuesday? Um I would definitely be working Thursday and Friday trying to get it done and I would probably find something else to do on the Monday and Tuesday. I might take a quick look at it and mentally put together how long I think it s going to take and put it aside and do something else. Something else that was work related? Yeah, if that was required. But I did find I was going out and socializing rather than Yeah, I get it. So, I get it. So the way that your mind, obviously, works at a significantly higher level than normal. The way you recognize the way your mind was processing stuff, data, thought, stuff to do, was working out in a way that was not optimal it wasn t optimal.

6 6 Right, uh huh. Make sense? Yes. So the way mind has been organizing around the completion of tasks might be significantly better than most people s minds but isn t what you would call optimal. Let s find a way to represent how that s been. I get how it s been. You know I get it I follow you. Yeah. So, I get how it s been. We want to find a visual that will represent how your mind has been, up to this point, working around those issues. So the visual will be any kind of abstract design an abstract design, modern art, finger paints, any design that doesn t have recognizable content will be working fine for representing this. You could let me know that it seems to be more dim, dark or more harsh or glaring, more large or small or colors or gray scale, or moving or still. So create the design. The design is for a baseline, a starting point, where it s been and where mind has been working. More like dim or more like I would say it s more, like, colorful. Okay, good. We re done with that. Then, I begin, as you could tell, I paid close attention to what you told me about how it s been and I made sure I really understand. Simultaneously, I begin to see what it is that I and you at the highest level plan and intend for you. So that picture of what s planned becomes more vibrant, more detailed by the moment as I connect with you like this. Okay. In that picture, what I m seeing is this I m seeing you having completed a project. So, it s done. We re out here in the future in a little ways. You ve completed this project and you re looking back at the completion of it Okay, uh huh.

7 7 which I m imagining was over five days. And as you re looking back at it, you re realizing that, that Monday, let s say, the beginning day, there was an intense amount of work completed. Then again on Tuesday. But on Wednesday, with much of this done, things were approached in a more relaxed way. And then, there was open time that you thoroughly enjoyed because you were enjoying the open time with the work behind you. Then, the next day, still more open time which was, again, so enjoyable because it was even more open mentally Uh huh, right. because the project had been completed and the next project doesn t have to be started. So this was a very nice, sort of, open time to do other things. Right. So that s what I m envisioning for you, and what I want to check on is, does that sound all right, or how shall we tweak it so it becomes more to your liking? Oh, I would love to be able to work like that. So the way I described it is okay. Nothing we need to change on that? No I would love to have two or three days in there before I finish. Well, you have, sort of. All that is different from here to here is which days. Right. So, this, there is as much work having been done as this; all that has switched is the timing. Right, okay. And other things all of the stuff that you can already do, that s the stuff that has complexity that has already been mastered. This is a tiny tweak, as to the timing of it being done. Basically, the back half has been loaded here. The front half is loaded.

8 8 Yeah, I can envision that, yes. That s the only change here. The result is that the easy time here is significantly easier than the easy time had been there, because it s the time of easy time you have for instance, think of this gal who goes to the gym. Okay. The first thing she does is relax in the sauna. The second thing she does is get this nice, soothing, lovely massage. The next thing she does is lift weights. Now she s switched it around and says, you know what? I have lifted the weights first today. After I lifted the weights I got in the sauna, and I did so much better in the sauna because I sat in the sauna feeling so entitled and done, and I wasn t thinking about I got to get out of this relaxing sauna and go lift a lot of weights. So, she already knows how to do everything. All we are doing is a little adjustment in what is stacked where and where those pieces come in. Right. Good. So, you got it. Now, you and I have the same intension... Correct. with the same intention, the same purpose, the same vision, our energy comes together, and it can t not. As our energy comes together, it has to expand. It can t not. Expanding energy is, then, fuel. Fuel, power, fueling the transformation, which is just basically a small change in how the mind is processing data so that it simply comes to you to be doing it like this. Yeah. So that s all that s getting tweaked. It gets tweaked as a result of our combined, clear intention that is expanding the energy toward it. So I m going to show you a couple things with energy that might be interesting. Okay.

9 9 Would you slide into me for that? Good. Just put your arm like I have mine. Perfect. Hand like this. I m going to touch your finger, and I d like you to look where you feel the touch. Look there and keep looking there, please, Marilyn. Next, when I move my hand in toward yours, what I would like you to do it to imagine that, as my hand moves in, you begin to feel, sense something maybe some kind of energy, some kind of force or temperature. There you go. Then, even more importantly, as you continue to look there, feeling what you feel, is noticing the movements that are beginning to happen there through your hand and through your fingers the vibratory movements that are taking place without any conscious direction. As I slowly withdraw my hand and as those movements continue, anticipate you ll experience your hand in a different way when your eyes have closed. And then, go ahead and close your eyes. Let them rest, closed. And as they re resting, you re aware of your hand, and you can t see it, but, of course, you know exactly where it is. And the movement that had begun previously now takes place with much more power and still much more definite. And each process builds on the one before it, hence, each time is more powerful, each time, more effective. So anticipate next time and then take your own time to open your eyes, touch your finger, and you just look at the spot I just touched again. As you continue looking at that spot, just tell me what you noticed, in terms of thought or feeling last time. The last time you touched? No, the last time your eyes were closed. I was concentrating on my hand. Yes. And focusing there again, noticing the sensation there. Again, as I withdraw my hand eyes close, you re aware of your hand, aware of your fingers, you know where your hand is because you can sense it. You can sense it because you can feel it. You can feel it because of energy. You can sense it because of energy, because there is energy, you can sense and feel your hand movement that is taking place. It s taking place because of energy. Because of energy, your hand is moving. Aware of the movement, you re aware of the energy. Awareness is energy. Energy is combining with energy, and then combines with energy.

10 10 As energy combines with energy, there s then more energy, but it s not just combining. As they are brought together they become each so much more intense. It s not 7 +7 = 14, it s 7 and 7 and 7, and then there are thousands and then 10s of thousands. As each process builds on the one before and as mind continues to set itself up to front load each task, so that the back end is luxurious. Each process building on the one before. I m going to touch your wrist and lower your arm. Then, you just take a nice, big, easy breath fill your lungs with air. Then, again, you can open your eyes. Good. Then, you just put your hand like I have mine here. Let me just bring it to here, and you look right there. Keep looking there. As my hand approaches yours, again, you notice sensation and you notice movement, movement, and sensation. That s it. Then, when I touch your arm, your eyes can close, but when I move your arm, things shift, arm will release and fall loose and heavy on my finger that s perfect. Resting easy and complete. Then, as arm just rests, again, aware of your hand and fingers. And fingers on their own energized. And as they re energized, there s movement. And as fingers then that s it are moving, the movement that s it is automatic. And it s automatic because your inner mind, your subconscious mind is not just powerful. Your mind is also wonderfully responsive when treated with respect. And with your mind s wisdom, it deserves that s it our respect. In a few moments, you ll feel taps on your forehead as things rearrange to front load. Notice how, as you feel the tap, things shift, you just melt in further further further yeah. Again, an easy breath in and out. And then, when you re ready, you can open your eyes. There you go. So, what were you noticing within you during those few moments? I was very relaxed just listening to your voice. I can t say it was just very relaxing. And the design you saw as we began, what does it look like now? It s more defined, like it s been outlined. Ah, good. Perfect. It hasn t changed color, but the abstract has been defined and outlined.

11 11 Perfect. Let s find a way to symbolically, maybe some kind of wild animal, wild bird, represent what it is that we re intending, which is this front loading. Any symbol will work wild animal, wild plant. Um, let s do a giraffe. Yes, perfect. So, giraffe is moving still? Still. Still giraffe. Perfect. There it is. Now, when you have a second or two free during the day, think giraffe. When you have another second free, think giraffe and slowly inhale good, just like that. Think giraffe, and inhale. Now, if you were to do that 10 times a day, that will take, what, 15 seconds, that 15 seconds of telling your mind see the flag isn t representing color cloth; the flag is representing what has been associated with it. Now giraffe is representing front loading, as you undertake projects, this power front loading. Oh, okay. That s what you, then, putting that in mind with giraffe a number of times during the day, and it just comes to you, think giraffe, take a breath, real easy. That, over and over during the day, affirms what s going on. Do I do it multiple times or just once and drop it and pick it up again and pick it up again? Once. Yeah, it s easy. It s just once breath, giraffe, once breath. Okay. So, think about after a warm up, this gal begins to do her exercise routine. She warms up and then there is a deep intensity to what she s doing. Then, the deep intensity to what she s doing, and then the intensity goes down and the next part is easier and easier and easier. Yeah.

12 12 So that s the way your projects will be handled. Make some sense? Oh, it makes a lot of sense! So, you got it done. That s why you already see the difference in the design. Your mind has been elicited in numerous and different ways so that see the way you had it before and the way you were thinking it needed to be done was that this piece was supposed to be controlling all of this, while this was trying to do something else. And that led to some frustration, and this piece was saying, I obviously can t control this thing how am I supposed to? It s like this mouse trying to control this elephant that it s sitting on the head of. But that s different. But now what there is is just alliance so the transformation is coming right from the center; it s not being imposed any longer. That s the shift. That s why the design is different than it was. Look at it for a moment now. What do you notice? It s larger. Yeah, see? I see it! So, kind of interesting. Yeah, it s larger now. So, as a thermometer is an instrument that provides a reading on the environment, the design is an instrument that gives us a reading of the internal environment within your mind and the issue on the table. There is a different reading because you have successfully altered the environment. Okay. That s why things will...i mean, it s not that they will be different, try hard, good luck. It s that something has shifted from inside out and you can just look at that and see that s not the way it was when we started. So, congratulations.

13 13 Right, no. Because what was over there, now it s over here. It s changed positions. Yeah, exactly. So, congratulations on getting that done. Okay. And it was a pleasure to meet with you. Great, thank you. Take good care. Okay, very good. I have to work on it and think of my giraffe. (AUDIO/VIDEO ENDS ABRUPTLY.) (Inaudibles due to muffled audio, unknown words or when many people were talking at once. Three attempts are made to determine the word before continuing with transcription.) END OF AUDIO. Transcribed by: Jennifer Lloyd PROOFitASAP.com jenniferlloyd@proofitasap.com Completed:

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