HOW SELF-ASSERTIVE ARE YOU?

Transcription

1 HOW SELF-ASSERTIVE ARE YOU? Circle the letter that best fits your communication style. 1. You are in a restaurant and order a steak medium-rare, but it is served to you well done. You a) Accept it since you sort of like it well done anyway. b) Angrily refuse the steak and insist on seeing the manager to complain about the poor service. c) Call the waiter and indicate you ordered your steak medium-rare, then turn it back. 4. You are in the middle of watching a very interesting television program when your spouse comes in and asks you for a favor. You a) Do the favor as quickly as possible, then return to the program to finish watching it. b) Say "no," then finish watching your program. c) Ask if it can wait until the program is over and, if so, do it then. 2. You are a customer waiting in line to be served. Suddenly, someone steps in line ahead of you. You a) Let the person be ahead of you since he/she is already in line. b) Pull the person out of line and make him/her go to the back. c) Indicate to the person that you are in line and point out where it begins. 5. A friend drops in to say hello, but stays too long, preventing you from finishing an important work project. You a) Let the person stay, then finish your work another time. b) Tell the person to stop bothering you and to get out. c) Explain your need to finish your work and request he/she visit another time. 3. After walking out of a store where you purchased some items you discover you were short-changed. You a) Let it go since you are already out of the store and have no proof you were short-changed. b) Go to the manager and indicate how you were cheated by the clerk, then demand the proper change. c) Return to the clerk and inform him/her of the error. 6. You ask a gas station attendant for twenty dollars worth of gas. However, he fills up your tank by mistake and asks for forty dollars. You a) Pay the forty dollars since the gas is already in your tank and you will eventually need it anyway. b) Demand to see the manager and protest being ripped off. c) Indicate you only requested twenty dollars worth of gas and give him only twenty dollars.

2 7. You suspect someone of harboring a grudge against you, but you don't know why. You a) Pretend you are unaware of his/her anger and ignore it, hoping it will correct itself. b) Get even with the person somehow so he/she will learn not to hold grudges against you. c) Ask the person if they are angry, then try to be understanding. 8. You bring your car to a garage for repairs and receive a written estimate. But later, when you pick up your car, you are billed for additional work and for an amount higher than the estimate. You a) Pay the bill since the car must have needed the extra repairs anyway. b) Refuse to pay, and then complain to the Motor Vehicle Department or the Better Business Bureau. c) Indicate to the manager that you agreed only to the estimated amount, then pay only that amount. 10. You are in a group discussion at work that includes your boss. A co-worker asks you a question about your work, but you don't know the answer. You a) Give your co-worker a false, but plausible answer so your boss will think you are on top of things. b) Do not answer, but attack your co-worker by asking a question you know he/she could not answer. c) Indicate to your co-worker you are unsure just now, but offer to give him/her the information later. Donald A. Cadogan, Ph.D. (1990) Add how many A s, B s and C s you have and put the total number for each one next to the letter: A B C Your style 9. You invite a good friend to your house for a dinner party, but your friend never arrives and neither calls to cancel nor to apologize. You a) Ignore it, but manage not to show up the next time your friend invites you to a party. b) Never speak to this person again and end the friendship. c) Call your friend to find out what happened. Passive inaction, unwilling to stand up for their rights, for fear of offending others. Uncomfortable expressing anger and usually deny or suppress it. Aggressive go after what they want, but are unconcerned about how this will affect others. Dominating manner and tend to alienate people. Assertive - fairness and strength. Stand up for their rights, but remain sensitive to rights of others. Relaxed and easy going but are honest about their feelings.

3 re you a good communicator? Do you listen critically? If you do not communicate effectively, a variety of problems may arise. This activity demonstrates that simple directions can misinterpreted when communication is one way or different learning styles are not taken into consideration. Materials needed: A blank piece of 8.5 x 11 paper for each participant. Instructions to the group: This exercise requires listening to and following directions. As you hear the oral instructions, perform the requested task. 1. No one may ask questions during this activity. 2. You may use only the materials given to you for the exercise. 3. You must close your eyes during the activity 4. Fold your sheet of paper in half. 5. Tear off the upper right-hand corner. 6. Fold your paper in half again. 7. Tear off the lower right-hand corner. 8. Fold your paper in half. 9. Tear off the upper left-hand corner. 10. Fold in half a final time. 11. Tear off the lower left-hand corner. 12. Unfold your paper and hold it up. 13. Open your eyes, look at the paper and share it with the rest of the group.

4 LISTENING IS THE SUPREME ACT OF CARING Listen When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, You have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn t feel that way, You are trampling on my feelings When I ask you to listen to me and you have to do something to solve my problem, You have failed me, strange as that may seem Listen! All I asked was that you not talk. Advice is cheap. Fifty cents will get you both Dear Abby and Bill Graham in the same paper. And I can do for myself. I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can do and need to do for myself, You contribute to my fear and weakness. But when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel No matter how irrational, Then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding What s behind this irrational feeling. And when that s clear, the answers are obvious that I don t need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what s behind them, So please. Listen and just hear me; and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, And I ll listen to you.

5 Body Language What the body says that the mouth doesn t Match the body language to the message it usually sends 1. Nodding head a. Open to suggestions and ideas 2. Rolling eyes b. Nervousness 3. Clearing Throat c. Embarrassment or reluctance to talk 4. Wagging finger back and forth d. Suspicion or rejection 5. Pointing e. I understand 6. Crossing arms over chest f. Classic negative sign, you are wrong 7. Deep sighing g. That was a stupid remark 8. Arms and legs relaxed h. Resistance, I don t agree 9. Chewing pencil or other object i. Impatience, boredom 10. Rubbing eyes j. Nervousness and uncertainty 11. Hand or fingers in front of mouth k. Aggressiveness