Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 1

Transcription

1 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 1 Well good evening everyone, Bryan Post here and this evening I ve got a very special opportunity to have an open dialogue with two very unique professional women who are knowledgeable about stress model and about love based parenting and all that good stuff but they also have experience in doing telecoaching and as a part of our 16 week certification program I thought it would be a really nice and rich experience to just kind of listen to the three of us. Myself, Ginette Bedsauls Welcome. Thank you, Bryan. And Erin Blain, Welcome. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. I just thought it would be good for everyone to be able to hear the three of us kind of just kick around thoughts, and just have an open dialogue. You guys know that anytime I do a phone interview, like if someone asks me to do a radio interview or phone interview or whatever and they ll ask me for questions. Half the time I m like just whatever you want to ask me and if they re insistent I ll send them ten questions but I don t prepare for those kinds of things because I am, I like to just let my consciousness just kind of flow, just flow through me and just speak from that intuitive place. So that s, for me to just kind of talk with you guys openly feels the most natural so I hope that s good for the two of you. It is. It s perfect. I ll tell you what. Ginette, why don t we start with you? Just tell us a little bit about who you are and how you came to be involved in the certification program and the work that you do and your experience. Sure, absolutely. So my name is Ginette. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. I ve been teaching classes in human potentiality and mind body wellness for about 20 years. So classes in advanced meditation that really lend to mind body wellness. Kind of that mind body connection and helping people to heal through traumatic situations and to be able to claim their authentic self and then begin to manifest really what they came here to do with this lifetime, so to speak.

2 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 2 So I have quite a bit of experience in the classroom teaching large groups of people this time of work. For a long time I did a lot of sessions in person with people and so over the years kind of my practice has evolved into being yes I teach, I teach in groups but primarily the biggest part of my work, probably 95 percent of my work is my private practice which is all through telesessions, which I just found has organically evolved over the years and it s incredibly powerful as a medium to be able to reach many people really all over the world and to truly be able to coach and assist people. So I really love telesessions. I m also a minister so my background is very based in spirit. I m not religious by nature, I was raised that way but really where I am now is really in a nondenominational kind of spiritual position. So I really coach from that place of love because that s what spirit is to me. I am a love based coach, I d say. About eleven years ago I heard about Bryan Post when I adopted a beautiful four day old baby boy and I thought, Oh my goodness, I have a lot to learn, and I prayed about it and Bryan s name came to me. So I met Bryan about 11 years ago and I ve always found him to be so authentic and such really a leader in this love based model of humanity for adoption parenting, but also humanity. So I really just found him to be just really an amazing teacher and a guide for almost 11 years. So when I saw this opportunity to be able to expand my knowledge in this incredible model, the minute I saw the I just jumped right on board. That s a little bit about me. That s awesome. That s perfect, thank you. Thank you very much and Erin, how about yourself? Why don t you share a little bit about who you are? Okay. My name is Erin Blain and my experience is quite different. For the last 20 years I ve been in the homeschooling arena basically teaching teachers how to teach and so parents how to teach and have found that parents who have children that they have adopted are very eager and willing to say that they need help and homeschooling moms are very eager and willing to learn also. So it s a really interesting dynamic and it s overlapping greatly. A lot of homeschool families are also adopting. So the way I found out about Bryan was through my research in how to help children with learning glitches. Because even though you re getting therapy and you re having all these diagnoses and it s the stress on the brain that s causing behavioral issues. So that s what my first kind of trying to find a pathway is how I found Bryan and I think I did the last great behavior breakdown instructor certification with Helen in Oklahoma City a couple years ago and that was just really transforming for me. That s when I realized instead of just speaking and doing seminars and conventions, I really wanted to be a coach. So these last two years I ve gone back to school to pursue a coaching certification, several different ones. I have three or four right now, just working on trying to figure out

3 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 3 how to be that support in more of a personal role. So all of my, I would say almost 100 percent of what I have done has been in person either in a teaching format or one on one. So and mine has been some with, most of its behavior but it s usually educationally related. Okay. I think that s great. I think gives My experience has been the combination, the gamut of whether it s in person or whether it s on the phone. Then we ve got you Erin with all the training that you ve been doing around coaching and certification and your individual work. Then we ve got Jeanette who has done a lot of individual but now does the majority of what her practice is now is telecoaching. So I think that s perfect. So let me start with this question. What does coaching mean to the two of you? I will start by answering that question. What does coaching mean to me. It is a process of listening. It is a process of reflecting. It is a process of seeking understanding so that in the reflection you can help people start to discover some truths about where they are. The difference for me between coaching and therapy is that I don t spend as much time really delving deep into kind of all the historical factors of who the person is. And I don t look to help them really solve problems so much as I help them to try to discover some different, a different path, a different kind of a viewpoint about what it is that they re struggling with and through that just kind of guide them to discover their own truths. So when I m doing coaching at a great level it s really helping people just to see things, whereas if I m working as a therapist it is really helping them to feel it and then to see it. So that s probably, for me, the biggest difference between therapy and coaching and what coaching means to me. What about the two of you? Hi, this is Ginette. Well I think what you said was just beautifully put. To me coaching is, to me I feel like it s a position of holding sacred space for the people that I work with. To be able to kind of come into this safe space where there is stress released off of them and they can begin to start to feel what s really happening in their life and holding kind of a, for lack of a way of saying it, a place that has safety for them to come and be able to just speak openly and when they do that they can actually hear themselves. So as a coach I think my job is to kind of mentor and to foster this space for their own self reflection and to be a guide in helping them to be able to find new ways to live. Also to be able to let go of old, really kind of old ways of being and invite them to look at new ways of incorporating things in their life that if they chose, could take them into the next step of their evolution but it s a process of very, very active listening and feeling for me. So being very present and listening to them very carefully and listening to what I call is the thing underneath the thing, what is really happening. Not so much the story but what is really happening under there and in doing that I think it creates a synergy and a sense of teamwork. So whenever I coach I really seek to kind of create that safe space

4 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 4 and then to begin to build trust so that the person can come forward and speak openly and to then mentor them in whatever direction that they re really seeking. So I think coaching to me is a really sacred relationship and the majority of my work is really in that place is where people really want to know the depth of themselves. So I have to be willing to be that present emotionally and yet still have the altitude to be able to come in and to guide and to teach. So I think in the purest sense to me, a coach is a good teacher. I think that s great, that s great and Erin, what do you think from a kind of theoretical model and from just your own personal understanding and experience? What are your thoughts? I think both of you have a great definition but I think I would add to that just that I see parent coaching as a catalyst to really help parents identify the strengths that their family already has. So kind of like a bolstering of courage. Families that come to us are lacking courage to continue. They re ready to give up and they don t know where to turn. So that I find that in listening to what they re sharing there s always something to hand them courage to continue. So I think helping them collaboratively come up together with okay what are your family strengths and let s discover together what the pieces really are that you would like to work on that are missing and together developing a plan to address this and bringing in the latest resources and books that you ve written, Bryan, and those kinds of things so that they have something in their hands more than just a conversation. I ve really found the strength in handing them something, so they feel like they leave the conversation bolstered, ready to try something even if it s just one thing for that week, courage to continue. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that is excellent. I think that is really good and let me ask you this, how much time, Ginette, do you spend in establishing relationship? Tell me the significance of the coaching relationship for you. Is establishing relationship, establishing trust what have you? It s all about the relationship. Really everything is about relationship, everything, and the quality and the depth of the work that I can support someone with is based really on the quality and the depth and the trust in the relationship. So really, especially, well in the beginning but really all through the entire time I am working with someone I am conscious of that relationship and the building of this place where there is a sense of, really there s a sense of really my instincts and my intuitive nature, for lack of a better word, almost like my heart reaching out to them and in transparent and open and very grounded kind of creating a space for them to reach back and I found that as I kind of

5 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 5 hold that, the relationship is built and it s really what it s all about because so many people really need and are looking to model healthy relationship. So by actually holding that within the structure of the work, people are learning that through the sessions about what does it mean to be in a healthy love based relationship that has boundaries and is consistent and these type of things. So to me it s really incredibly important for just the overall success of what it can bring to the people that I work with. Absolutely and I think, and I might, I m going to diverge just a little bit because I think that you bring up a very good point in that you talk about extending yourself to kind of hold the other individual to give them a safe place to be able to reflect back to you. It is really important. I find myself really listening as if I were sitting in front of the other person and opening myself just to an energetic exchange of who they are and the depth of their struggle to really get to the understanding but to also be able to really communicate in a way that extends relationship, in an automatic way. It s automatic. I don t even know if automatic is, yeah automatic is probably the road. It s automatic relationship. It is automatic trust and that is, it s Alan Shore talks about in a therapy session when the therapist and the client are really connected they have a right hemisphere to right hemisphere conveyance that is occurring and that is when the therapist can be the most empathetic, the most attuned and that s when the patient feels the most heard and listened to. I, especially in the initial stages of coaches, find myself focused really on getting myself quiet and really listening for the nuances in a way that when I kind of speak back and communicate back that the person who is hearing me just feels automatically that this is someone who gets it. They get me and I feel like that is critical. Coaching has to be more, just like therapy, it has to be more than just a cognitive conversation. It has to be a felt conversation. I feel like a lot of times people will limit themselves in that coaching capacity because they think it s just a conversation we re having. It s just a cognitive conversation. Whereas I believe that you can really connect with the person energetically and you obviously do this, Jeanette, in your work, intuitively and emotionally and spiritually. You can really connect with that person even when you re on the phone. Erin, what thoughts do you have about that? I think that s true and I m, you know I haven t done as much phone coaching so the people that I work with, I have some kind of relationship with them already. So I m connected, I think unless you have a powerful emotional connection it probably won t be near as effective. I think that s the goal is to connect emotionally with empathy and just really active listening so that they know that you are intuitive and you can carry and like Jeanette s been saying have space for them to have a safe place to share.

6 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 6 Yeah. Jeanette, you want to add to that? Yeah, I would love to. I think that attunement-to me that s what I m feeling right now is that level of attunement that a coach can bring to their work. I mean it s really incredibly important, to be able to build that. I work at that literally every moment. Really my openness to being attuned to another person and then being able to respond really from a place of knowledge and a place of heart and I always have the sense when I m working with someone that not only am I coaching them but they re also bringing something to me. So I always kind of enter into that with this kind of quiet awareness that this person is really coming and trusting in me and in that I just find that it opens up my ability to open my heart and to have kind of a humility and a reverence in a way. Also too really, for me I ll just say it, to really like let god work through me because that s just my work. Then what happens in that is in telesessions. I want to speak to that for a minute. I find that the depth that can happen is telesessions, it s really quite surprising because the folks that I m coaching are in a really safe space. Sometimes they re in their home or wherever they may be if they re travelling but a lot of the stress if off of them. They didn t have to go through traffic to get to my office and they didn t have to try to do it on their lunch hour or after work. So they re kind of in a safe space. They re in a very nonjudgmental space. Also, there s not any kind of stress or distractions so it s actually afforded a deeper sense of attunement which for me was surprising. I didn t expect that. It was just something I just kind of wanted to say out loud because it actually can create a very beautiful, sacred, quiet, deep space to do excellent work in. I absolutely, absolutely agree. When you are working with parents and typically they want to start off focused on the child and focused on the behavior. How do you approach that? Either of you can jump in with that. Well, I could use an example of someone that called just a couple of days ago and as the person was calling and saying that they needed so much help for their grandson who was acting out and things, the way I approach it is I really listen to them. I really let them speak and I listen carefully to everything that they re sharing and after that I acknowledge the I think it s important to validate, really, their feelings because they re their feelings, they re valuable and usually from that point I always just take a moment to kind of say, you know I think it s so important to talk about him but also how are you. How are you with all of this as a gentle kind of segue to bring the parent, or in this case the grandparent, back to themselves? Of course they re just full of a tremendous amount of feelings. In this person a lot of stress and I kind of just gently guide them back to themselves and start actually talking

7 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 7 to them a little bit about what s really happening with them. So it s kind of just a natural process of listening and then guiding them back to their own feelings. Yeah, I think that s good. How about you, Erin? I think that it just kind of happens naturally I think when you re in attunement with someone. I think also just helping them be present physically. So talking to them like I just was talking to a mom this weekend whose son had run away from a camp and they were in a big manhunt trying to find him. So I m coaching her how to walk through this being several states away and trying to talk to her husband. So just helping her get to where her body and mind were present where she was, was really a key for that. She said, I m just so confused, so helping her understand all the information, brain information that you ve given us, Bryan. I think in just a few sentences helping her to understand that because of stress she has confused thinking. So she s not going to change that right now but she can just breathe and that helped tremendously. Just giving one small piece of information to help them be present physically in their bodies also is the only thing I would add to what Jeanette said. Yeah and you know I think that that is-because both of those you know just kind of sit naturally with what my thought is about that because one of the first things I want to do is just slow the individual down because it goes back to what I often times say, is stress causes confusion, distorted thinking, suppresses short term memory. So not only do I realize that about how our brains work but I also realize that about my sensitivity to anxiety and stress. So I need to slow the person down to not only help them to think more clearly but to allow myself to not be overwhelmed because if I get overwhelmed and I start thinking too fast, then I m not listening, I m not being intuitive and I m really not going to be effective. So if that kind of anxiety is present, and I do the same thing in lectures. Is I just have the person stop for a moment, take a few deep breaths and I ll breathe with him and I ll explain why that s important. Then when I ve done that then I actually will spend a little time talking about what s going on and how long its being going on and what have you been trying and what are your goals. I like to establish what the goals are for the call. I like to establish what the goals are for our time working together. Especially in coaching, because I feel like that give me a really nice reference point for helping them to reflect on how successful they re being. If they re moving towards the goals that they set for themselves but as I am exploring what the situation is that s when I start to listen for the deeper thing. Like you said, Jeanette, the thing beneath the thing. That s when I m listening for that. That s when I m paying attention to the intensity, I m paying attention. One of the things I ve started talking a lot more about in lectures and just in conversations with people are our linguistics, the words that we use and how those

8 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 8 words go into the defining and manifesting of our reality and we don t even realize that when we say a kid is raging what negative energy that creates and what that is actually manifesting for us in the world that we see and in our relationship with our child. So I try to listen for those little statements that more greatly reflect the core of where the parent is. Then it goes back to what I said earlier about that automatic relationship. When I feel like I have kind of hit that mark, then I move pretty quick into okay let s talk about what is this stirring up for you. So these are the things you ve tried. And when it s not working, how does that make you feel and tell me a little bit about your history and where you come from and what that looks like and how does that play out. I move pretty fast at that point and I think that it s important to establish that automatic relationship before you move at that speed because if you don t have that, you don t really have a solid foundation to really work from. Thoughts? Oh just what you said, I wholeheartedly agree. I think that foundation to me, almost feels that while I m in that process with someone in the session I can literally feel in my body like a footing at that moment. Like I can feel that relationship, that space is met. It s almost like I feel like I ve got something really firm to stand on to move forward and until that s created I feel that if I move before that time energetically with the person I m working with. I find that sometimes their egos can get triggered or their trauma can get triggered and they can feel not listened to or that I don t get them, or that I m missing something and it s because I needed to really wait until that moment. And for me I can feel it in my body and I can feel like it s just a natural place to step onto and to move into really helping that person and speaking a little bit more directly about what s happening with them but it has to be, it s a sense of timing that I think comes with practice. Absolutely and do you want to add to that, Erin? I was just going to say that some of the parents that I ve worked with are so worn down and so hurt just by the circumstance that it takes sometimes the whole session without even, to establish a place where they feel like they can even slow down enough to feel like they are present and being heard. Sometimes it s a whole session with them leaving the session not even addressing the issue but saying I feel so much better just knowing I ve been able to say all of this out loud. So sometimes I ve found even though it picks up later, sometimes the first session is a lot slower than I expected. Yeah. No, I think that s fantastic and I think that slower than expected is actually moving pretty fast. If you get right down to it, if you can establish that foundation in a session or two that s actually pretty fast but yeah, I think you re dead on. Really being able to

9 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 9 communicate that understanding of the struggle. I have this realization, I know I kind of talked about this at some point during out course but one day I was just checking in with myself and just feeling my level of stress in regards to parenting my own children and I just thought to myself, Oh my gosh. If I m feeling this level, it s kind of funny because I m like sitting at the table checking in and thinking about how stressed I am and then just envisioning and trying to have empathy for other parents. Oh my gosh. If I feel this level of stress, how must they feel when they re in this constant struggle and they just don t know what to do? That s just got to be so overwhelming and I actually really tried to convey that but it cannot be conveyed because that is such a felt experience. We can do our best to try to convey it but because I try to do it in lectures now especially because it s when I m working with the most people and I really feel, Erin, that you re kind of dialed into that and so I think that your own personal unique experience really, really set a framework for you to be able to do that and I think that s great. I think it s fantastic because I think it s important and for the longest, gosh for half of my career, I couldn t get it. I couldn t get there. I wanted to but I couldn t get there to that real deeper pain that a parent feels and it s so important. It s so important. I think identifying with pain is difficult and yet it s pivotal. Indeed. It requires us to really have to slow down. It requires us as the listener to really have to slow down and I feel like that s where going into that conversation, focusing on being open. What do I mean by that? Let s explore that for just a moment, I think it s important. How do you prepare, Jeanette, how do you prepare for a coaching call? Because you do coaching calls back to back to back. Kind of like a therapist would. How do you do that? How do you prepare for a telecall? For a telecoaching session? Well I always start my day, I meditate about three times a day because to do those sessions like that back to back I have to maintain my balance and my own personal connection. So I prepare by kind of having that at as my life s practice of prayer and meditation and I actually then do that in-between each session. So I actually like clear myself and kind of come into a very grounded, quiet, as connected as possible place personally before I engage, I begin the session and at the end of the session I have time between sessions where I kind of spend that time debriefing or clearing anything I need to clear after the work before moving to work with another person. So there s actually kind of like a personal, I guess kind of like a practice is what it is and energetic and emotional and mental practice of clearing and staying really kind of as grounded and present in my own body, in my own heart and clear and I literally meditate at being in the moment, literally being my full self in the moment and from doing that for years it s really helped me a lot to stay present because this type of work

10 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 10 really requires it, to be as present as possible. So that s a little bit of what I do. A lot of self-care is really important. Perfect. Perfect. That s excellent. How about you, Erin? Well, prayer is always paramount I think but also just taking in. I have different sets of questionnaires that I to them and they return. So looking over those, studying kind of there ahead of time. Looking at the work that the profiles that they send in so that I have some kind of idea of where they are before I even speak to them is really helpful and I think, in that way, and mine has been educationally oriented also. So to coach them what to look for, doing some research in those kind of educational kind of areas has been my go-to before, so doing as much ahead of time. I even do temperament tests. It s just an eight question core temperament and that has really helped me be able to express questions and ask so that I know they re understand if I can switch it to which temperament I know they are, then I know how to word the question so they have a better understanding of what I m saying. That s one thing that has been very helpful for me. Excellent. So there are two things in my process. One is I like to look outside both before and even like right now as I am saying this I am looking out my window. So I am looking outside and I do that both before and especially in the first part because there s just something expansive that just allow me to, like you said, Jeanette, just clears, erase the board. Just clear my mind and a lot of times I will just see, I will visualize my brain being a blank slate. My heart just being a blank slate, just being open, just being clean, just being clear. So that s probably my go-to practice leading up to working with someone and I have the questionnaires. For me the questionnaires are pretty basic but they also give me a good picture. They ask questions that I need to get a good picture of what I m going to be talking about but then the other thing that I really enjoy, that really I feel like helps me just hone in is when I can see a picture of the family I m working with. When I can see a picture of the child and then I can see a picture of the family together it just really locks in it. I have learned so much from just looking at a picture. Just being able to say, this is a kid who s really sad, really sad and really sensitive and for parents to be able to really connect to that but that s big for me. I really do like to look at pictures. Anything else the two of you want to add to that? I think I d just add one thing which was just coming to me. Sometimes before I start working with someone, just instead of doing a questionnaire per se in the beginning sometimes I offer to just literally spent 30 minutes with them and have a conversation and in that conversation I can ask some of those questions. It s not really a coaching

11 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 11 session it s just more of a just really hearing people and hearing where they re at and for me because of the way I process, I can feel their energy, I can kind of sense where they re at. I can hear their heart and it tells me so much more than what I would process off of a questionnaire. So that s something I do in my practice that s worked very well for just my style of learning and connecting with people. Then I do have things for people to fill out once we re under way but that little brief conversation really has helped me a lot. Perfect. I think you know going into a session in that manner can just give you an opportunity to just hear the blank slate. You don t have any predeveloped thoughts or anything else. You just go into it and you just listen and get a really good feel of where they re at. Then you can ask for that other information. So I think that s great. I actually, there have been many, many times when I ve just gone in cold and just kind of felt my way through it and just had really good clarity in working with a family. So let me ask this question and then I want to wrap it up. When working with a family, how do you know it s time to bring your coaching relationship to a close or they need something more outside of what you have to offer? How do you make that call? Jeanette, how do you make that call? Well I think it s a really good question. I think it s a gut instinct that I feel. When it s time to complete the relationship where I feel like I ve really shared everything that I ve been meant to share with them. That we ve really kind of completed what we came together to do. There ll be just a sense of where they are in their own family and the level of the stress that s been released, the amount of peace or love that s come into their life which they ve created, what they were seeking and even if they haven t created that, that there s a sense that they re on that path and that they re self directed. That they have what they need and that they are very capable of flying their own plane so to speak. So I ll feel that, I ll know that and their behavior and their attitude and their feelings and what s happening in their life will just mirror that back to me and I ll kind of know that what we came together to do, we ve done and that s a really celebratory moment and if there s a need to escalate, to bring someone in, again that s a gut instinct when I know no matter what it is. If it s an immediate 911 call or to refer them to a mental health professional, I ll just have a sense of knowing that by what they re mirroring, what they re bringing into session and how they re feeling and I ll know if it s definitely something where they need that type of help, which is not the type of work that I do and especially making that call in those emergent situations, knowing this could trust to just do that as soon as possible. It s a gut instinct, I guess, by actually feeling and getting a sense of where the family or the person that I m working with, where they re at in that moment. Absolutely. Absolutely and Erin, how about you?

12 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 12 I think setting a goal, like you spoke about, just having goals and if you re talking about the goals each week and there s accountability and some homework involved so to speak in what they re to accomplish during the week. Those things are being met then usually they come to the conclusion of we ve met that goal and they either ask can we explore another goal, or I really think I have some good principles now and I can handle things are one of two reactions that they usually respond with. So I think they discover on their own really that their goals have been met or that they need to have another goal has been my experience. What about the families that you feel are outside of what you have to offer. Well, I only have coaching to offer. I m not a therapist so those are really easy for me and kind of easy for them to understand because right up front I say I want to coach you in a processing and I ve worked with lots of families who are in therapy and doing those kinds of things and I m just coaching them alongside the therapy or alongside someone. So I have a very definite space and role. So it s not easily confused. No one looks to me for those kinds of roles. Sure. Sure. I got you. I got you. I agree with both of you. What I am doing telecoaching with a family and they tend to naturally, kind of organically come to that place. We all kind of hit that place at the same point. Well, it sounds like you guys are on the right track and they re like yeah I m feeling pretty good. Okay well, check in with me in a month if you need to, if you don t, well stay in touch and it just kind of works itself. For me, when I encounter a family that needs more than coaching I know pretty quick and I also want to encourage those who are entering into coaching relationships with families. If your sense, if your gut tells you, if your brain tells you that this is more than I feel like I am competent to bite off and this is more than I feel like I am interested in biting off, say it as soon as possible and it s very easy to say you know what, I just don t feel, I d love to have this coaching time with you guys, I just don t feel like it s going to be enough and I want to help you get everything that you can and so let me talk to some colleagues and let me see if I can get you to a good referral to someone who can come or that you can go see to do something a little more intensively. Then maybe we can follow up after that s happened. It s important, and I can typically establish that, I usually establish that in the first session. I would be hard pressed to be beyond two sessions before I had established or even the patient, the client, the individual who just isn t ready to kind of engage their own process, when there s a lot of resistance present, when they seem maybe combative, I m pretty quick to say, You know what, I just don t feel like this is going to be the right time for us to work together, and I don t lead them on, I don t stretch it out, I don t try to make it happen. I don t believe in working harder than the person I m trying to serve. I

13 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 13 don t believe in swimming up river a great deal and I think we a lot of times do people an injustice when we try to do that rather than calling it what it is because a lot of times they ll actually hear that and not have heard it ever before and oh, wow. What is it that makes you say that? Then I can point that out and then that may take us to some other level but it s pretty important for me to establish in a reasonable period of time and for me it s one to two sessions, whether I feel like whether I m going to have enough. It may just be a family that needs an intensive. You guys know I spend time working in family s homes, and I don t do that any longer or rarely but I could refer them to someone who would be willing to do other, or even more coaching beyond the number of hours I would be willing to do coaching. So I just want to put that out there. You ladies have any final thoughts? I think I would just, since my experience is not as vast, I think I probably what everyone else is thinking and what I m thinking also, is just wondering if you have a certain thought, Bryan, as far as what to share first. As far as the five or six main points that you share like within the class, the last class that we ended you had the five points, is that the order that you would always share it or you re just in attunement with the family and jump off where it s needed? Just wondering to make sure that we re covering things as you would have them covered. Absolutely and my answer to that is I m always going to start where the family s at. I m always going to start where the parents are at. Then as we are, as that conversation is unfolding, then when the time warrants, I will throw in those points but not until, and sometimes I may do a coaching call or two or three or four and never. It really depends, Erin on whether I am really kind of problem and goal focused or whether it s an educational call. If we agree to a session then I m going to start where they re at but at the same time the last part of that call is also going to be educational. So I ll try to balance the two so that when I share a point, when I say to them stress causes confusion, distorted thinking, it suppresses the short term memory. Then I ll tie that into a specific example that they just used in their struggle. So it is relevant. It is not just education but it is linked to their direct experience and to me that s the most important thing. That s what gives this level of coaching the ability to have impact is you re really helping people not to only be educated but also to really connect it to their story and I believe that s how you can help them from a telecoaching session really shift their paradigm and really open them up to seeing different things. Then my homework assignments are along the same lines as my core principles. I want to do things that are going to bring the core principles home for them even more. Does that make sense?

14 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 14 It does and it seems like every session that I have with somebody, the answer is one of those core principles. Not every time, but almost every time. Even if I m not sharing it educationally with them, I m thinking it and I have it in my heart to reach out to their heart without them even knowing about it. Do you know what I m saying? Absolutely. So I just wanted to make sure and I just wondered, the rest of the class might be wondering that that s what I have been doing but just wanted to hear it from you. Absolutely. Fantastic. Jeanette, any closing thoughts? Well I totally enjoyed this time and I was just kind of sitting with the last point that you made in regards to knowing really how to make the call on what s correct and I think those were pretty important pearls that you just shared and I think I would just want to share it that as we begin to coach and I learn every day is to just really develop that sense of self trust and the trust of our own instincts and to also keep studying. I keep thinking about you saying listen to the classes over and over and over and over and over again until they become emotionalized. That s the thing I would share is that we re all learning always and I know for me I literally study and learn on my own path every day and that is an incredibly important part of staying evolving, for us to continue evolving as well and that helps me to be the best coach I can be each day. Perfect. Perfect. Well ladies, I am so appreciative and I thank you so much and I would like for you, if you don t mind. Erin, would you share your address in case someone wants to contact you directly? Sure. It s Erin@erinBlain.com e-r-i-n-b-l-a-i-n dot com. Perfect and Ginette? Sure. Mine is Ginette G-i-n-e-t-t-e at b-e-d-s-a-u-l-s dot com. That is b-e-d-s-a-u-l-s, s-a-u-l-s, right?

15 Spirit of Parent Coaching 2014 Page 15 That s correct. S as in Sam dot com. Dot com. Perfect. Perfect. Ladies thank you so much. It s been rich. I think it s going to be very beneficial and very useful and I am very appreciative and very honored to have spent the time with you and to be working with you in this manner. Thank you so much Bryan. Thank you Erin. Absolutely. You ladies have a good night. Thank you. Good night everyone. Thank you. Good night.