Finding the Right Words to Build Confidence

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1 Finding the Right Words to Build Confidence This article comes to you courtesy of the Red Cape Revolution ( Join our member community and find other great tools like this one, designed to help you discover confident, positive words and actions to apply to your everyday workplace situations and bring your superpowers to work today. Join now at Why Confidence? Confidence is the juice that every professional needs and often needs more of! But how do we get it? It can be a simple as using our everyday conversations with our colleagues, teams, clients and customers. Here s a list of phrases and questions you can use in many different situations to help you build better relationships, help others feel more confident in you, and ultimately create more confidence in yourself. This Guide includes: Ways to Break the Ice and Build Relationships Things to Say If You Think Others Aren t Confident in You What to Say When You Don t Have the Answers How to Demonstrate You Were Listening Words to Demonstrate Your Credibility How to Show Respect to Others and Still Promote Yourself

2 Every phrase won t work for every person, so try them out and see which work better for you. Be sure to practice the words out loud! so that when it s time to use them, they come out in a way that s natural and honest for you. Enjoy trying out these different techniques. Have some of your own? Share them with us at or share your thoughts on our Facebook page at Ways to Break the Ice and Build Relationships I d like to make sure I m serving you well and building your confidence in me. What do I need to do to achieve that goal? My observation is that you and [name of someone else] have a very strong working relationship. I d like to have that kind of relationship with you someday. What helped the two of you learn to work so well together? What can I do to earn that relationship with you? I realized we don t know much about each other, and I d like to change that. Could we meet for lunch sometime to get to know each other better?

3 I am always interested in learning more about how people work and make decisions. Could we find 30 minutes when we could have a cup of coffee soon? I m working on my goals and I d appreciate your insights. Can we spend 20 minutes where I can share some thoughts with you and get your feedback? [To someone familiar with the person you re trying to get to know] I d really like to develop a better relationship with [name]. What do you know about him/her that might help me? Things to Say If You Think Others Aren t Confident in You It s important for me to build great relationships. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being perfect, how would you rate ours? What do we need to do to get it to a 10? I d observe you re not feeling as comfortable with me as I d hoped. Is that an accurate perception? [If they agree] I appreciate your honesty. I d like to build your confidence in me. What can I do to help that? I don t know about you, but our [relationship/work together] isn t as smooth as I think we d both like it to be. What can I do to fix that?

4 Looking back, I made a mistake when I did/said [your situation/comments]. I value our relationship. What can I do to get us on the right track again? If you weren t afraid of [hurting my feelings/insulting me/creating negative consequences in our relationship, etc.], what would you want to tell me right now? You know, we started working together quickly on this project and I realize I didn t take the time I would have liked to make sure I was clear on the things that were most important to you about this work. Can we take a step back and talk for a few minutes about those so that my focus is in sync with yours? What to Say When You Don t Have the Answers I ll be honest with you I m unsure of how to respond here. I d like to think on it a little. Can we talk again about it tomorrow morning? I don t know your [situation/company] well enough to answer that yet. Tell me more about [ask for more details]... What a good question! I don t have as equally good an answer, but I d like to. Let me put some thought in it and let s talk again later.

5 Hmm. You ve stumped me. Let s talk a minute about how we might figure this out. You know, I have some initial thoughts, but I d really like a little time to think through them more. Can I call you tomorrow with some firmer ideas? Thanks for asking that. I m betting my colleagues have come across that issue, too, and I d really like to connect with them before giving you an answer. What s your timing for needing an answer? I don t know. What do you think? How to Demonstrate You Were Listening What I heard you say is... Let me play your comments back to you. You said... Did I understand you correctly when you explained that... Building on your idea, I d suggest... May I paraphrase you? So it seems like there are really three different issues going on here, which if I m hearing you right, are...

6 Said another way, you are telling me the following... If I put what you said in my own words, you said... Is there anything we haven t talked about that you think I should know? Words to Demonstrate Your Credibility In my experience, I ve found... One of my colleagues recently shared a story with me where... In my observation... [What you observe through your experiences is always valid to share.] I hear what you re saying, and the other things to consider are... [Use and instead of but and is inclusive, while but signals disagreement.]

7 How to Show Respect to Others and Still Promote Yourself I m honored to partner with you on this initiative. I m proud of what we ve accomplished together. I m excited to be chosen to work with you as the leader of [name of project, team or task]. It will be wonderful to learn from each other on [name of project, team or task]. It s great to see that our efforts together are paying off. I value our partnership and I m glad you and I [or your company and my company] have been successful together. I m happy I was able to support you in reaching your goals.

8 Join the Red Cape Revolution Today! Put on your own red cape and start bringing your superpowers to work! Come visit us at RedCapeRevolution.com and Read our blog and share it with your friends! Download Your Superpower Statement Generator workbook and audio series, guiding you to find your own superpowers right now; Get your free copy of my e-book, How to Thrive in the New World of Work; Use my Free Tips & Tools, with ideas for new words and actions for your challenging workplace situations; Like our Facebook page at Join the Red Cape Revolution today, and start bringing your superpowers to work! Need more ideas and support? Sign up for your own Superpower Strategy Session with Red Cape Revolution Founder Darcy Eikenberg (right) to get supercharged, super-personalized coaching and mentoring on this and other issues that impact your career and your success. Find out more and register for your session today Want Darcy to speak at your next event? us here or visit

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