"CATERING FOR KIDNAP" Written by. Luke Prince
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- Rodney Gervais Reynolds
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1 "CATERING FOR KIDNAP" Written by Luke Prince Copyright (c) 2010 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author. All useage queries, please contact;
2 Catering For Kidnap Draft 2 Luke Prince 1. EXT. EMPTY CAR PARK - COUNTRYSIDE - DAY Fields stretch for miles around; a gravelled car park holding one car the only life for miles. A lone man stands by his car, staring towards the road entering the car park. Another car enters slowly, parking near to his vehicle. This is. takes a few paces towards the arriving vehicle. He is not happy. Two men exit., a short man with glasses, who walks to meet, and, a tall skinny man with a vacant expression who stays not far from his passenger door. You re late. Yeah sorry. We had to go slowly didn t we. Didn t want her bumping her head. seems impatient. You re not taking her on a package holiday Frankie. I don t really give a damn about her bumping her head. Oh. Right. I figured concussion would hinder the interviewing process. Don t get wise Frankie. You re half an hour late. smirks as he laughs to himself. Sorry- I have hayfever. It s like making Superman meet you at a kryptonite factory. And then being late. I said I m sorry! You need to start being a bit more professional.
3 Catering For Kidnap Draft 2 Luke Prince 2. mocks offence, turning back to look at. Don t question our professionalism Ken. We do this for a living. We re awesome at it. You tell him Frankie. jumps around, seeming excited at a final chance to give some input. I m sure you are. You re like the Morecombe and Wise of kidnapping, that s for sure. I don t even where glasses. Ignore him Paddy. He s just jealous he s just the go between. Doesn t get the thrill of the kidnap. The thrill of the chase. I m sure you may find chasing teenage girls through the woods a rewarding pass-time Frankie, but I m fine being a go between. It wasn t the woods; chased her round a caravan. Ok, Paddy. Where is she? turns to, nodding. They ve pre-planned where to go with this. We want our money first. Up front. Right, ok. Want to prove you even have her first? You don t think we have her?
4 Catering For Kidnap Draft 2 Luke Prince 3. I don t see her. He thinks were lying Paddy. I m just saying that I don t see her. You hear that Paddy? He thinks we ve put some pillows in a bag and tried to pass it off as a bird. What a dick. Alright then jokers. Where is she then? turns away from and begins to walk towards the car. follows. This way; oh ye of little faith. The trio all stop round the back of the car. By the boot. You show him Frankie. holds s gaze; smirking as he unlocks the boot of the car. The boot opens. There is a silence. and both frowning. turns to look. The boot is full of bags of food. But no girl is to be seen. There is a pause. So... Where is she? She was... Did she turn into crisps lads? Is that it? Paddy. Where s the girl? scratches his head.
5 Catering For Kidnap Draft 2 Luke Prince 4. (CONT D) Paddy. Did you...? What? Did you put the girl in the boot? I thought you were doing that. Pause. Oh Christ. You thought I was doing it? It was your job to pack the girl wasn t it? My job?! How the fuck was it my job Paddy? I m driving the fucking car. I was on the snacks. Snacks??! Yeah I pack the snacks. You pack the girl. Pause. So you packed all these snacks. And then just left the girl. Because you thought I was going to load her in? Yeah. There s some onion rings in there if you want some. I don t want any onion rings Paddy - Ken?! Did you leave her there?
6 Catering For Kidnap Draft 2 Luke Prince 5. I was on snacks! You re a kidnapper Paddy. Not the catering! turns away from in exasperation. focuses on him, ignoring. What happened? We stopped at Asda. **Asda is a UK Supermarket** Asda...? Yeah Paddy wanted some food for when we got here. So we went there and bought it all. Ok, so I m guessing the girl was in the car at that point? Yeah. So...? What the hell happened? Well we bought quite a lot. So. We kind of needed to get her out of the boot to fit it all in. And you what - You just didn t put her back in?! It wasn t me! He was meant to put her back! Did you not fucking notice?! The car still felt pretty heavy ok. Yeah, because you ve got half a weeks shopping in there!
7 Catering For Kidnap Draft 2 Luke Prince 6. There is a silence. Out of view to the other two, has pulled out a mobile phone. (CONT D) So you ve left a bound kidnap victim... in an Asda carpark. Yeah... Hi, is that Asda? and turn to, who is on his mobile phone. (CONT D) Hi yeah. Basically, I was wondering if there had been a girl left in your car park by accident. She s all tied up, got duck tape and such on her. Bit bruised. and s mouths fall open. listens, before grinning and putting his thumb up. (CONT D) Oh that s awesome. Thought we d lost her. Don t untie her, we ll come back and get her init. (pause) So do we come to lost property to collect her or what? (pause) Sorted. See you in about half an hour. Any problems just call this number back. Didn t withold it. Names Paddy. Me or my mate Frankie will come pick her up. (pause) Cheers. hangs up the phone. (CONT D) Sorted lads. Asda still got her! and look at him in angered confusion. What? (CONT D) END CREDITS.
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