DWARF PLANET. Steven Plunkett. (c) Steven Plunkett No use is. permitted without the author s consent.

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1 DWARF PLANET By Steven Plunkett (c) Steven Plunkett No use is permitted without the author s consent.

2 OPEN ON PHYSICS LAB, WITH MAN IN LAB COAT STANDING IN FRONT OF PARTICLE ACCELERATOR. NARRATOR Fred is a physical chemist. His job is to discover new elements. On this day in question, he has succeeded in discovering a new element, Deusexmachinainium, capable of doing whatever the author wants it too. In this case, that means it can accelerate 100 years into the future, to an era of colonization and warfare on an untold scale PICKS UP GREEN GLOWING ROCK OUT OF ACCELERATOR, BEFORE SCREAMING AND BEING LAUNCHED INTO A SWIRLY TIME-TRAVEL EFFECT. ENTER TO A CORRIDOR ABOARD A SPACESHIP, RESEMBLING A CORRIDOR ABOARD A BATTLESHIP, BUT WITH MORE CHROME AND BLINKING LIGHTS. IN THE ROOM ARE TWO PEOPLE. ONE IS A MAN WEARING A NAVY BLUE MILITARY UNIFORM; THE OTHER IS A WOMAN WEARING DENIM COVERALLS. BOTH OF THEM PULL GUNS ON. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! Where am I, and why do you want to kill me? COVERALLS How did you board our ship? UNIFORM Shut up Kara. HE COCKS HIS GUN Whoa! Captain, stop! We don t need to shoot him. Just put him to work. We re down a gunner anyway. SHE NOTICES THE ROCK IS HOLDING Captain? Is that what I think it is? I think you re right! HE POUNCES ON, GRABBING THE DEUSEXMACHINAINIUM Hey! I need that! That s how I got here! Which brings back my question, where am I?

3 You re aboard the Darkstar, the finest Glowworm class ship in the Plutonian fleet. Wait, Pluto? You mean the dwarf planet? AND BOTH JUMP AT THIS LAST REMARK, BEFORE PINS AGAINST THE WALL Don t call it a dwarf planet. (Afraid) Um... how exactly are we from Pluto? Keep up with the times. Pluto was settled 40 years ago. You must ve been raised by those stupid Isolationists with their, Oh, if you weren t born on Earth then you re not truly human What year is it when being born on Earth is optional? Like the Rush album? No, it s the year. What s this Rush you speak of? Good music. But I m pretty sure it s not minutes ago I was back in 2011, running experiments with a particle accelerator. I had just synthesized a new element, the only sample of which you just stole. AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER KNOWINGLY That explains a lot. Let s get you up to speed. About a hundred years ago, some scientist discovered Deusexmachinainium, and then sort of went crazy, saying it had taken him to the future and back. That s you. About fifty years ago, near light speed engines enabled the settlement of Mars, some moons on each of the gas giants, and Pluto. All of the settlements in each planetary system formed giant

4 space states; All of the different moons of Jupiter formed the Jovian alliance, the moons of Neptune formed New Oceana, the various Pluto settlements formed the Plutonian Confederation, Mars became El Republico Rojo (long story involving massive illegal immigration), and the moons of Uranus formed the Our Name Is Not That Funny Company. SNICKERS AT THE LAST COMMENT You see? That was what they wanted to stop. Anyways, all of the various states, plus Earth, formed the Solar High Council. All of them, except Pluto. That stupid dwarf planet thing was enough to disqualify us from membership. It wasn t so bad, seeing as we didn t have to pay taxes or anything, but the problems started when our supplies got pirated and the Council did nothing about it. People were dying, and we demanded to enter the council, but they were stern. No dwarf planets allowed! they said, and so we went to war. We collected our militia, and we attacked the closest available target on Neptune. We ve been fighting off the entire Solar Fleet ever since. We re a sentry ship, defending this sector of Plutonian Space. It s not such a tough job, but it s plenty exciting. We lost our gunner in the last raid, so we ve been hoping nothing will happen. But now that you re here, you can take over his job. What? No! I want to see the colonies on Pluto! I don t want to be cooped up on some stupid gunship! Well, we ve got three months left in our tour of duty, and we aren t leaving so you can go sightseeing. LIGHTS ALL START BLINKING RED, VIBRATIONS FELT THROUGHOUT SHIP Proximity alert! All right then you what s your name? Fred. You mentioned something about a gunner? Yeah. See that joystick? Point at the target, and press the button to shoot. It s a laser, which takes a lot of power, so short bursts of fire only.

5 POINTS TO JOYSTICK, BUTTON, AND SCREEN, DISPLAYING SEVERAL SHIPS SURRONDING THE DARKSTAR TAKES THE GUN CONTROLS, ATTEMPTING TO SHOOT DOWN SHIPS WHILE PILOTS, AND APPEARS TO BE TINKERING WITH THE SHIP S MACHINERY. SHIP TAKES SEVERAL HITS, BUT ENDS UP SHOOTING DOWN ALL THE ATTACKERS. Nicely done, time-traveling-freak-person. Where did you learn how to shoot so well? I don t have a video game addiction or anything... Well, you ll be a valued addition to our rebellion. Hell no! I want to go home! Give me back my bizarre glowing rock! PULLS A HANDFUL OF POWDER OUT OF HIS POCKET I kinda sat on it... Then how will I get home? That was the only sample of Deusexmachinainium in the universe! No it s not. We use Deusexmachinainium to power our ships. How does it do that? It s Deusexmachinainium. It can do whatever the author needs it to do. It s the ultimate plot device. Well, isn t that convenient. WALKS TO ENGINE, OPENS SMALL FLAP, TOUCHES A GLOWING GREEN ROCK AND FLASHES OUT

The REAL Thing That Happened to the Unicorns. By Haley

The REAL Thing That Happened to the Unicorns By Haley Have you ever wondered why you never see unicorns? Or where they went? Where did they go? Well after years and years of research, scientists have found