FROM UNABLE TO COPE, TO HOPE STOP! JUST STOP! WHAT S HAPPENING TO ME?

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1 FROM UNABLE TO COPE, TO HOPE STOP! JUST STOP! WHAT S HAPPENING TO ME?

2 COMING OUT OF NOWHERE! THEY RE GETTING LOUDER.AND THERE S MORE OF THEM. FROM UNABLE TO COPE, TO HOPE HEY MATTH-YEW! T Story by James Farquhar Illustrations by Sacha Lefebvre his story describes a couple of typical first appearances of a type of mental illness. While the symptoms described in the story are shared by many with this condition, they are by no means the only symptoms. Every person is different, with symptoms unique to them. If any of the feelings, thoughts, or experiences described in the story sound like something you or someone you care about are experiencing, there is a lot of help available. It doesn t have to be like this! If you are experiencing symptoms that concern you or that make you feel scared, go to your doctor, a local clinic, or if you feel really bad go to the hospital emergency room. Just know that you aren t alone in feeling this way, there s nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, and that there is plenty that can be done to help you feel better. I DON T KNOW WHAT S GOING ON SOMETHING WEIRD S HAPPENING. I DON T FEEL SAFE. I M SCARED ALL THE TIME! WHY ARE PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME ALL THE TIME? AND TALKING ABOUT ME OR TALKING TO ME. YEAH, YOU MATT! DOORMATT! YOU RE A MORON! MATT, YOU STINK! YOU RE STINKIN STUPID! HE S SO STUPID. LOOK AT HIM! NO ONE IS SAFE THEY RE ALL IN ON IT! JUST STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! I GOTTA BLOCK IT OUT. PLAY MY MUSIC, GET BETTER EARPHONES THEY RE PLOTTING AGAINST ME! THEY RE AFTER ME! THEY WANT ME TO HURT MYSELF! I WAS HOPING TO RUN INTO YOU WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HOOK UP THIS MORNING TO GO OVER THE ASSIGNMENT! MATT! HEY MATT! I GOT WORRIED WHEN YOU DIDN T SHOW UP AGAIN. This project was developed in collaboration with Dr. James Farquhar, MD, FRCPC, Psychiatrist, Director, Assertive Community Treatment Service (A.C.T.), and was made possible thanks to a grant from Bristol-Myers Squibb and Otsuka.

3 EM EMILY? I UH, I CAN T TALK LOTS JUST PLEASE I GOTTA GO. LISTEN, MATT. WE RE FRIENDS. YOU VE BEEN BLOWING ME OFF FOR A WHILE NOW, AND THAT S NOT LIKE YOU. ACTUALLY, SOME OF US HAVE BEEN NOTICING THAT YOU DON T COME AROUND ANYMORE. WE MISS YOU! EMILY, YOU DON T GET IT. JUST SHHH, PLEASE...I HAVE TO GET OUTTA HERE SOUNDS A LOT LIKE WHAT I WENT THROUGH. LET ME EXPLAIN THEN YOU CAN TELL ME IF I M OFF TRACK. COOL? WHAT I CALLED THE WEIRD FEELINGS STARTED IN MY FIRST YEAR OF UNIVERSITY I HAD FRIENDS, I WAS DOING PRETTY WELL AT SCHOOL THINGS SEEMED PRETTY NORMAL! BUT ONE DAY, I STARTED FEELING SCARED, LIKE I WASN T SAFE AND IT KEPT GETTING WORSE EVERY DAY! YO, WAIT UP! THERE S SOMEONE I WANT YOU TO MEET! I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT S GOING ON. DO YOU TRUST ME? I WANT YOU TO MEET MY BROTHER ERIC. NO THANKS I KNOW YOU MAY FEEL LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS AND THAT YOU RE THE ONLY ONE WHO S GOING THROUGH THIS, BUT YOU RE NOT. I THINK YOU AND ERIC MIGHT HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I M NOT THE ONLY ONE? HOW COULD ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THIS? I FELT LIKE EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME AS I WALKED DOWN THE STREET LIKE I LOOKED STRANGE OR THEY KNEW SOMETHING THAT I DIDN T IT HAPPENED ALL THE TIME! I STARTED FEELING LIKE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED AROUND ME WAS ALL ABOUT ME. I D TURN ON THE TV AND THE RADIO, AND IT WAS LIKE THEY KNEW WHAT I WAS THINKING AND TALKED ABOUT IT... HEY MATT! HOW YOU DOIN BRO? LISTEN MY SISTER S WORRIED ABOUT YOU SO SHE KINDA TOLD ME WHAT WAS GOING ON. SHE SAID YOU REMIND HER OF ME A FEW YEARS AGO I THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHAT S GOING ON WITH YOU. JUST MEET WITH HIM FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES. HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP HERE HE IS NOW! ERIC, THIS IS MY FRIEND MATT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT S GOING ON WITH ME? OR I D WALK INTO A ROOM WHERE THE TV WAS ON AND THE PEOPLE ON TV WOULD LOOK RIGHT AT ME AND START TALKING TO ME! IT WAS LIKE THE TV WAS GIVING ME MESSAGES IN SOME WEIRD WAY. AND IT GOT WORSE AND WORSE

4 IF A PERSON JINGLED THEIR CAR KEYS, IT MEANT ONE THING. THEN THE VOICES STARTED PSST ERIC! IF A PERSON WORE A HAT, IT MEANT SOMETHING ELSE. IT GOT TO BE THAT EVERY LITTLE THING PEOPLE DID SEEMED TO HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ONLY I COULD UNDERSTAND. SOMEONE STARTED WHISPERING MY NAME, BUT NO ONE WAS THERE! I ALSO FELT HYPERSENSITIVE TO EVERYTHING AROUND ME SIGHTS, SOUNDS, SMELLS, TOUCH, EVEN TASTES. I COULDN T STAND BEING WITH PEOPLE IT WAS TOO INTENSE! AT FIRST IT DIDN T HAPPEN WHEN I WAS WITH PEOPLE THE WORLD GOT SCARY LIKE, EVIL. PEOPLE WOULD SHIFT FROM NORMAL TO CREEPY. AND NO ONE ELSE SEEMED TO NOTICE. OR THEY WERE IN ON IT! THEN CAME MORE VOICES THEY GOT LOUDER AND MORE FREQUENT! THEY D EITHER TALK TO ME, OR ABOUT ME LIKE I WASN T THERE. BUT WHEN I WAS ALONE, IT CAME BACK. AND THE VOICE SAID MEAN THINGS. I WAS SURE SOMEBODY WAS OUT TO GET ME THE ONLY EXPLANATION I HAD WAS THERE WERE SECRET THOUGHT POLICE AFTER ME. I DECIDED THAT ANY STRANGER I SAW WAS IN THE SECRET POLICE IF THEY WORE BLACK! I STOPPED TALKING TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HEY, MAYBE THEY WERE IN ON IT TOO! I DIDN T WANT THEM TO KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING OR DOING! ERIC! YEAH, YOU, MORON! YOU MAKE ME SICK! DON T LISTEN TO HIM HE DOESN T KNOW WHAT HE S TALKING ABOUT! YEAH! I HATE HIM JUST LOOK AT HIM! HE ALWAYS DOES THE WRONG THING! LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE HEY ERIC! I KNOW YOU YOU RE STUPID! THE VOICES WOULD TELL ME NOT TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE, THEY WERE STUPID, THEY WERE IN ON IT.

5 MY MOM KIND OF NOTICED I WASN T ACTING LIKE MYSELF AND STARTED LOOKING ON THE INTERNET FOR ANSWERS. THE VOICES WERE ALWAYS SAYING NASTY THINGS TELLING ME TO DO BAD THINGS MAYBE I WASN T THE ONLY ONE I COULDN T BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE WERE GOING THROUGH THIS! I WAS RELIEVED BUT STILL SCARED. SHE SHOWED ME THIS WEB SITE THAT DESCRIBED THE SAME THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH. I CAN T TRUST ANYONE! MY MOM FOUND A DOCTOR AND I FINALLY AGREED TO GO... EVEN THOUGH THE VOICES WERE SAYING NOT TO. DON T TRUST ANYONE, STUPID! DON T DO IT, IDIOT! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU RE DOING? HI, ERIC! I M DR. MILLER. SO TELL ME WHAT S BEEN GOING ON? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING? I WASN T SURE I COULD TRUST THE DOCTOR, BUT I TOLD HER MY STORY. MOST OF IT. WITH MY MOM. NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD THEM AND THEY MIGHT BE THE SECRET POLICE ANYWAY I WAS COMPLETELY SHOCKED BY WHAT SHE TOLD ME. EVERYBODY HATES YOU! HURT YOURSELF JUST A LITTLE FOR ME. HA HA HA! AAAAAARGH! HELP! MAKE IT STOP! ERIC, I VE HEARD STORIES LIKE YOURS FROM HUNDREDS OF PATIENTS. OF COURSE, WE HAVE TO RULE OUT A FEW OTHER POSSIBLE CAUSES OF THESE SYMPTOMS, BUT I THINK I KNOW WHAT S GOING ON AND YOU AREN T ALONE. I VE TREATED MANY, MANY PEOPLE WITH THIS PROBLEM OVER THE YEARS. IN FACT:

6 ABOUT ONE OUT OF EVERY 100 PEOPLE GETS THIS ILLNESS AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES! USUALLY IT STARTS IN A PERSON S TEENS OR TWENTIES. EVERYONE S SITUATION IS DIFFERENT, AND IT USUALLY TAKES A COMBINATION OF STRATEGIES TO HELP MANAGE THE SYMPTOMS. ALONG WITH MEDICATION, THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN PROVIDE SUPPORT, PEOPLE LIKE: PSYCHOLOGISTS, NURSES, SOCIAL WORKERS, OCCUPATIONAL AND EDUCATIONAL THERAPISTS, PEER-SUPPORT GROUPS, INCLUDING ONLINE GROUPS, FAMILY-SUPPORT GROUPS. TOGETHER, WE LL WORK OUT A TREATMENT PLAN THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU! WHEW! LET S GO, MOM! OH ERIC, I M SO PROUD OF YOU! I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I COULD TRUST HER I HOPED MAYBE SHE S RIGHT? MAYBE I WASN T THE ONLY ONE DOCTORS KNOW ALL ABOUT IT. AND WE CAN HELP! YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF, TOO! WHILE THERE ISN T A CURE, WE CAN HELP MANAGE THE SCARY FEELINGS, THE FEARS, THE VOICES, AND OTHER SYMPTOMS, AND HELP YOU FEEL MORE LIKE YOURSELF. IT MIGHT BE A BIT FRUSTRATING AT THE BEGINNING WHILE WE FIND OUT WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU, BUT TAKING YOUR MEDICATION EVERY DAY, STICKING WITH YOUR TREATMENT PLAN, AND MEETING REGULARLY WITH PEOPLE FROM YOUR HEALTHCARE TEAM TO TALK ABOUT YOUR ILLNESS IS THE BEST WAY TO STAY ON TRACK AND START FEELING BETTER. AND REMEMBER, ERIC, YOU AREN T ALONE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE TO HELP YOU WE RE ALL HERE FOR YOU! I DIDN T LIKE THE IDEA OF TAKING PILLS. THE VOICES EVEN TOLD ME THE PILLS MIGHT HURT ME. BUT MY MOM AND MY DOCTOR CONVINCED ME TO GIVE IT A SHOT. SO I DECIDED TO TRY IT. BUT THEN THE SCARY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE PILLS GOT STRONGER, AND I STARTED SPITTING THEM OUT WHEN MY MOM WASN T LOOKING. I KNEW DR. MILLER SAID I HAD TO TAKE THE MEDICATION DAILY IF I WANTED TO SEE A DIFFERENCE BUT I DIDN T WANT TO ADMIT I NEEDED HELP, SO I STOPPED. I TOOK THEM FOR A WEEK

7 I DIDN T REALIZE IT, BUT I JUST KEPT FEELING WORSE. I COULDN T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING AND COULDN T MAKE MY MIND WORK AT ALL. I DIDN T EVEN SHOWER. COULDN T BE BOTHERED. PLUS THE BATHROOM LOOKED DIFFERENT BRIGHTER AND DISTORTED LIKE A FUNHOUSE. THE VOICES STARTED TELLING ME TO KILL MYSELF. I DIDN T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WAS CONSTANTLY TERRIFIED! THE SECRET POLICE STOPPED FOLLOWING ME. MAYBE THEY DIDN T REALLY EXIST AFTER ALL...JUST A TRICK MY BRAIN WAS PLAYING ON ME. WALKING DOWN THE STREET, I DIDN T ALWAYS FEEL LIKE PEOPLE WERE SINGLING ME OUT TO LOOK AT. THEY DIDN T LOOK EVIL. THEN MY MOM FOUND OUT I WASN T TAKING THE PILLS. WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND SHE MADE ME REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS. SHE CONVINCED ME TO GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY. A FEW WEEKS WENT BY. IT WAS HARD TO STICK TO THE PLAN, BUT I WAS SURPRISED TO REALIZE I SLOWLY STARTED FEELING BETTER! TV AND RADIO WEREN T ALL ABOUT ME ANYMORE. IF IT HAPPENED SOMETIMES, I TOLD MY HEALTHCARE TEAM AND WE DEALT WITH IT. I STARTED FEELING LESS SUSPICIOUS SAFER BETTER ABLE TO CONCENTRATE AFTER A FEW MONTHS, I NOTICED THE VOICES WERE TALKING LESS OFTEN. THEY ONLY CAME ONCE IN A WHILE, AND THEY DIDN T SCARE ME AS MUCH ANYMORE. ERIC!.UH WHAT WAS I SAYING? AND NO ONE COULD TELL THAT I WAS ON MEDICATION. I VISITED DR. MILLER AND MY HEALTHCARE TEAM REGULARLY. THEY HELPED ME WITH EVERYTHING... MY FEELINGS AND EXPERIENCES. I STARTED SCHOOL AGAIN. SOMETIMES I HAVE TROUBLE, BUT I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO GET BACK ON TRACK. ON TOP OF SEEING MY SOCIAL WORKER AND PSYCHOLOGIST, I EVEN JOINED AN ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP TO TALK ABOUT WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH WITH OTHER PEOPLE DEALING WITH THE SAME THING. I RECONNECTED WITH MY OLD FRIENDS. MOST OF MY FRIENDS UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH, AND THEY RE AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY SUPPORT SYSTEM.

8 AFTER A YEAR ON THE PILLS, I FELT LIKE THINGS WERE GETTING BETTER. BEFORE, I FELT LIKE I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THIS HAD EVER HAPPENED TO. NOW, I DON T FEEL ALONE BUT NOT BECAUSE OF SINISTER PEOPLE LURKING, BUT BECAUSE NOW, I HAVE A TEAM OF SUPPORT PEOPLE TO HELP ME MANAGE MY CONDITION. SO MATT, SERIOUSLY MAN, GET SOME HELP. TRY: A DOCTOR... A MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC... A CLSC A LOCAL WALK-IN CLINIC WEBSITES BEFORE, I FELT LIKE I WAS NEVER ALONE BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS ALWAYS WATCHING AND LISTENING. A HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM IF THINGS ARE REALLY BAD... WHEN I LOOK BACK OVER THE PAST WHILE, I KNOW IT WAS WORTH IT TO LISTEN TO MY DOCTOR AND DO WHATEVER I COULD TO IMPROVE MY CONDITION. TAKING THE MEDICATION, SEEING MY TEAM TO TALK ABOUT ALL MY PROBLEMS IT S PART OF MY LIFE NOW, AND SO IS EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT. MY MOM AND FAMILY HELPED SO MUCH TOO! THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT IT AND THEY KNOW WHAT THEY RE DOING! IF YOU RE AFRAID TO GO ALONE, GET YOUR MOM, DAD, OR A FRIEND TO GO WITH YOU. HEY, I LL GO WITH YOU IF YOU WANT. Does Matt remind you of someone you know? Maybe yourself? Is anything like this happening to you? Or have you experienced something like this before? You re worried all the time but you don t know why. You feel unsafe a lot of the time without knowing why. Your mind doesn t seem to work anymore. You can t control your own thinking. You hear strange noises that other people don t hear. Someone is calling your name but no one is really there. You hear your own thoughts out loud, as if someone were right next to you saying them. You hear a voice, or voices, that other people can t hear. You see ghosts or strange visions. Do you sometimes think that Someone is watching you all the time. People are always looking at you in a creepy way. Something evil or mysterious is happening that you can t explain. Things on the radio or TV are actually about you, or about what you re thinking at the time. Someone is making a movie about your life, even with cameras or microphones. Someone wants to hurt you or even kill you for no reason. Someone is controlling your mind. Everybody knows what you are thinking or feeling, even when they can t see you. These things can happen from a brain condition where you become much more sensitive to everything in a disturbing way. If this is happening to you or someone you know, it s easy to get help. You have to take care of it or it will just get worse. These horrible experiences can be controlled with all kinds of help. JUST PROMISE THAT YOU LL THINK ABOUT IT, MATT. YOU DON T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS. HMMM I M SCARED? I DON T KNOW WHAT IF IT S A TRICK? YEAH I THINK I WILL, MAYBE. What you can do: Go to your regular doctor, a hospital Emergency Room, a mental health clinic or your school nurse or counsellor. Tell them what is happening with you. Show them this comic book if it might help tell your story. MATT, YOU D BE STUPID TO TRY AND GET RID OF US! Here are some websites to check out for more information: National Alliance on Mental Illness (U.S.) National Institute of Mental Health (U.S.) publications/publications-in-english.shtml Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (Canada) Canadian Mental Health Association understanding-mental-illness AMI-Quebec WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE EXCEPT FEELING AWFUL AND SCARED ALL THE TIME? If you re afraid to go alone, get your mom, dad, or a friend to go with you.

9 Now, I don t feel alone...

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