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1 (This mini-scene from THE FAMILY BYTES may be used royalty free for auditions or classroom work.) (In this scene, the Bytes family including Barnabas the father, Elvira the mother, Jason the teenage son, and Scarlett the teenage daughter, are meeting a young woman named Candy. Raven, the youngest teen in the Bytes family, has brought her home as a new friend. The cops Cagney and Lacey are immediately suspicious of Candy.) RAVEN: Come on in, Candy. (When CANDY enters LACEY comically pounces on her forcing her to the floor. Chaos ensues.) LACEY: (Loudly.) Police! On the floor! Hands behind your head! CANDY: (Screams and yells.) What s going on? What are you doing? RAVEN: Lacey, stop it! LACEY: Who are you? What do you want? RAVEN: She s my friend! Mother, Father, please! (CAGNEY rushes in.) CAGNEY: Everyone, calm down. Lacey, put the gun away. (Helps CANDY up.) Alright, miss who are you and what are you doing here? RAVEN: Would someone listen to me? She s my friend! LACEY: What? You re not allowed to have friends. CAGNEY: Lacey, quiet. What do you mean she s your friend? RAVEN: This is Candy and we met at the gym. CANDY: (Frightened.) It s true, I didn t do anything wrong. ELVIRA: You went to a gym? RAVEN: Yes, hello, change, normal etc.?

2 (JASON enters SL.) JASON: What s all the commotion? (Sees CANDY, stops with a jolt, immediately attracted to her. He runs hands through his hair and tries to act suave.) Well, hello there. (Howls.) ELVIRA: Jason, please. JASON: It s Jacob. (Gets down on one knee, takes CANDY S hand and licks it.) And you would be? CANDY: (Slowly pulls hand away in disgust and wipes it on her pants.) Ewww! SCARLETT: She would be the one getting sick. CAGNEY: Pack away the teenage thoughts, son. Now s not the time. (To RAVEN.) Miss Byte, what do you mean you went to the gym? You re not allowed out. RAVEN: I was bored. LACEY: How did you get out? I was here the whole time. SCARLETT: Someone sucks at their job. CAGNEY: Yes, how are you people getting out, and what part of staying in don t you understand? One minute we see you outside by the door and the next second you re gone. What, are you invisible? SCARLETT: If only. ELVIRA: (Trying to change the subject.) Enough with the questions. Can t you see the poor girl (CANDY) is upset. ELVIRA: (Cont d.) Here, dear, come over here and have a seat. (THEY go to couch.) My apologies. I m Elvira, Raven s mother, and this is her father, Barnabas. BARNABAS: Hello, my dear. ELVIRA: And this is Scarlett, Raven s sister. SCARLETT: (Goes to CANDY.) Hi. (Takes strand of hair from CANDY S shirt.) What lovely hair you have. ELVIRA: Scarlett? CANDY: (Confused and afraid.) Thank you. ELVIRA: You ve already met her brother, Jason. JASON: (Hovering behind CANDY.) Enchanté. SCARLETT: Gag me with a wooden stake.

3 ELVIRA: And these two overly protective ladies are police friends of the family. They must have taken you for an intruder. CAGNEY: (Frustrated.) I give up. (Sits at table.) ELVIRA: So, you met Raven at the gym of all places? CANDY: Yes, I m there every day. Raven and I started talking and I offered her a ride home. RAVEN: Candy believes our bodies are our temples. JASON: Howl wonderful. (RAVEN slaps JASON S arm.) CANDY: (Looking fearfully at JASON.) I believe people should worship their bodies. JASON: Oh, I do, I do. RAVEN: (Hits JASON.) She doesn t eat or drink anything that isn t good for her. CANDY: I refuse to taint my blood with garbage. SCARLETT: (Licks her lips and leans closer to CANDY S neck.) This just keeping getting better. Go on. CANDY: My doctor tells me I have the purest blood he s ever seen. In fact he gave it a new name, A+++++ positive. (FAMILY gasps.) SCARLETT: (Jumps up, frustrated.) Oh, come on! RAVEN: Ignore them, Candy, they re just jealous of your pure blood. (FAMILY shoots HER a worried look.) RAVEN: I mean considering our pigmentation problems because of a blood disorder. BARNABAS: It s who we are, dear there is no shame in it. JASON: (Flirting.) If you haven t noticed, mon chérie, I have no such affliction. SCARLETT: No, you re just a jackass. (JASON growls at SCARLETT.) CANDY: I m sorry, I didn t mean to cause such a commotion. LACEY: This is considered normal around here.

4 CAGNEY: You re not helping. ELVIRA: Candy, we were just about to eat perhaps you would like to join us? LACEY: (Finds it amusing.) Ha! I don t think Miss Pure Blood would find your menu appealing. CAGNEY: And just how would you know that? (LACEY whispers to CAGNEY about the raw meat.) Really? LACEY: Yes, it s disgusting. SCARLETT: Hey, Lord of the Rings, we re standing right here. CANDY: Thank you for the offer, Mrs. Byte, but I follow a strict diet and I can t stay long. However, I would like to use the little girls room. RAVEN: Sure, c mon, I ll show you. (CANDY and RAVEN exit SL.) ELVIRA: Candy seems to be a very nice young lady. BARNABAS: Indeed. SCARLETT: A bit uppity for me, but comes with I mean, comes from good blood, no doubt. JASON: I think I will call her Bella. ELVIRA: I think not, dear. LACEY: I don t trust her. SCARLETT: Is that what your detective senses tell you, or is it your elfin instincts talking? LACEY: Go play with your doll. CAGNEY: Nice or not, she can t come back it s too dangerous. SCARLETT: I m one Byte who wouldn t mind learning more about her pure blood. ELVIRA: Scarlett, that will be enough. SCARLETT: (Teasing.) Mother, I thought perhaps it may help our condition. I have a feeling it would certainly help mine. JASON: I m sure it s something you would sink your teeth into. SCARLETT: And you wouldn t, Furball? LACEY: What are they talking about? CAGNEY: I think they mean their CSP skin condition. SCARLETT: (Mocking.) Can t get one over on you, Detective.

5 CAGNEY: Folks, listen. I mean it, the girl can t come back and she cannot find out why. SCARLETT: Great! Perhaps our one chance to get some pure blood for our condition and we are denied. JASON: Bella is certainly pure, I ll say that. LACEY: Bella? I thought her name was Candy. BARNABAS: (Giving KIDS a stern look.) You have my word, Detective, neither Raven nor any of us will ever see her again. SCARLETT: Father, that is so mean you re going to break dear sweet Raven s heart. JASON: (Sarcastic.) Your compassion is so touching. SCARLETT: And you wouldn t like to see Bella again? JASON: Father, it s your Raven, think how devastated she ll be. LACEY: I m sorry, Son, but they ll be no Candy for you. SCARLETT: Father, are you really going to let them take Candy from you, baby? BARNABAS: I m sorry, Scarlett, but SCARLETT: (Trying to lure BARNABAS with pure blood.) You mean to tell me you wouldn t want a sweet, pureblooded young girl like Candy around you I mean Raven? BARNABAS: (Pauses, dazed by the thought.) Well, maybe ELVIRA: (Bringing HIM back to reality.) Barnabas! BARNABAS: What? ELVIRA: Our changing ways, remember? BARNABAS: Right, right. I m sorry, children, they ll be no Candy for the family. SCARLETT: (Aside to JASON.) They can t blame us for trying. LACEY: (Aside to CAGNEY.) What are they talking about? CAGNEY: I have no idea. RAVEN: (ENTERS with CANDY.) Yeah, tomorrow s good. CANDY: Great, we ll get that blood flowing clean and pure and pumping like a machine. (JASON howls.)

6 SCARLETT: Why me? BARNABAS: What about tomorrow, dear? RAVEN: I m going to meet Candy at the gym. BARNABAS: I m afraid that s not possible. RAVEN: Why not? (Looks at CAGNEY.) Is it because ELVIRA: It s because we ve decided to go on vacation. RAVEN: (Upset.) I, I (Goes to CAGNEY.) I hate you! (Exits SL crying.) ELVIRA: I apologize, Candy. Raven can be a bit dramatic. CANDY: (Confused.) No, no, that s alright. I ll stop by in a week or so. BARNABAS: I m afraid we ll be away for some time. I ll have her get in touch with you. CANDY: (Still confused.) Okay, then I guess I should leave. It was nice meeting all of you. (Aside.) I think. SCARLETT: Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. (Places hair around the voodoo doll s neck.) JASON: I bid you adieu, Bella. (Kneels, takes CANDY S hand and licks it.) CANDY: Please don t do that. ELVIRA: Come, dear, I ll show you out. CANDY: Thank you. Goodbye, all. #8191 The Family Bytes By Daniel O Donnell

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