RECLAIM YOURSELF GET BACK YOUR IDENTITY AND SELF-CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU VE LOST YOURSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP BASTIAAN & CHANTALLE BLIKMAN

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2 RECLAIM YOURSELF GET BACK YOUR IDENTITY AND SELF-CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU VE LOST YOURSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP BASTIAAN & CHANTALLE BLIKMAN Reclaim Yourself Copyright 2016 by Bastiaan & Chantalle Blikman/ Want2Discover. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

3 HAVE YOU LOST YOURSELF IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? Do you no longer feel like the capable, confident and independent person you were before you met your partner? Have you neglected the things in your life that make you feel like you your hobbies and interests, your dreams, your friends? Do you feel somewhat trapped or tied down and lacking the freedom to make changes in your life? If this sounds like you then it is time to RECLAIM yourself! It s time to claim back your unique personality, your love for life, the determination to chase your dreams and a strong sense of self-worth and self-confidence. It s time to stop feeling alone and disconnected from friends and others around you. And finally it s time to stop feeling weighed down and desperate for change in your life. This book is exactly what you need to feel empowered and enabled to find yourself again and to live the life you want while in your relationship. This book will teach you how to; ** Create space in your relationship where you and your partner each have the freedom to do your own things, have your own friends, make your own decisions and pursue your own dreams and aspirations.

4 ** Look deep inside yourself, understand exactly who you are and why you feel the way you do, and discover what you truly want in your life. ** How to stop compromising your needs, interests and aspirations. ** How to stop feeling guilty for doing the things that make you happy. ** How to stay true to yourself when your partner is controlling, insecure or mistrusting. ** How to trust yourself and find the confidence to make your own choices and use your own discretion without feeling a need for approval from your partner. ** How to effectively express your feelings and needs to your partner and get what you want (even if your partner is stubborn and hard to talk to). Are you feeling excited to reclaim yourself? We are so happy that you have found us at this time in your life. Chantalle and I (the authors of this book) both know what it is like to have lost ourselves in a relationship. In our past relationships, we have both seen our self-confidence, independence and sense of self fade to the point where we were not happy anymore. We are so passionate about helping you through this and empowering you to make the necessary positive changes in your life. A few years ago Chantalle and I started our Self- Improvement blog Want2Discover. Together we have been writing articles about living a happy, meaningful and fulfilling life. One of the articles 12 Powerful Ways To

5 Claim Your Identity Back When You ve Lost Yourself In A Relationship resonated with a lot of people and many of them poured out their hearts and expressed how lost they felt in their relationships. Here are some of the comments we received; When I was in a relationship I focused on his needs and neglected my own needs and happiness We were just addicted to each other and we forgot about ourselves I went from a strong, confident person to a dependent, insecure person I gave up everything for my partner All I wanted was to be with her. I lost all interest in my hobbies and friends I revolved my life around my partner s schedule We realized that there are so many people out there who desperately want to feel like themselves again and to gain back their identity, independence and self-confidence. We also realized that there is not a lot of good information out there on the topic and it motivated us to create this book. We really believe that this book will help you to make the necessary changes to truly be the person you want to be in your relationship and to live the life you ve always wanted.

6 TABLE OF CONTENTS Have you lost yourself in your relationship? Your Free Gift Table of Contents Chapter 1: Let there be spaces in your togetherness Chapter 2: Become your own new best friend Chapter 3: Living life with an insecure or mistrusting partner Chapter 4. Strategies to be you again when your partner is mistrusting or insecure Chapter 5: How to express yourself in order to get what you want from your partner About The Authors Don t Forget Your Free Gift An Invitation To Join Our Facebook Group One Last Thing...

7 CHAPTER 1: LET THERE BE SPACES IN YOUR TOGETHERNESS Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart. And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. - Kahlil Gibran Just like the quote above says For the pillars of the temple stand apart so do the strongest and healthiest relationships allow each person space to maintain a strong sense of self. We are all unique individuals and we need to stay connected to who we truly are as a person that includes our personal and unique qualities, dreams and desires. Often when we enter a relationship, over time we adjust our lives so much and revolve it almost completely around our partner (often without even realizing). We stop doing the things that make us who we are. We neglect our friends, hobbies and aspirations and we stop thinking for ourselves and making our own choices. Suddenly we find ourselves relying on our partner s opinion or approval before making simple choices in our lives even choices like making plans with friends or starting a new hobby. Of course there s absolutely no harm in consulting our partner when making choices in our life but it s so

8 important that we do not become dependent on their approval for every aspect of our lives. We need to prove to ourselves every day that we are capable and independent human beings, able to make our own decisions. This is what builds up our self-confidence and gives us a strong sense of self. We also need to feel connected to other people, have quality friendships and feel connected to our dreams in life. If we stop doing the things above then chances are we are not going to wake up each morning feeling like self-confident people. Rather we are slowly going to feel as though we have lost touch with ourselves. If we lose touch with ourselves and can no longer feel selfconfident, how are we supposed to reach our goals, dreams and full potential and become the person we aspire to be? And how can we then be a loving and supportive partner to our loved one if we feel incapable, insecure or unhappy. If you can relate to this, then I think it s safe to say that it is time for a change. It s time to regain the passionate, unique you that so desperately wants to see the light of day. Re-discover yourself, rebuild your ideal life and avoid falling deeper into losing yourself by taking on the 5 simple yet powerful strategies below. These strategies will help you and your partner to have space while still having a close and loving bond.

9 HAVE YOUR OWN FRIENDS Having your own friends is what gives you that sense of autonomy as a person. Your own friends and social life is something that exists irrespective of your partner. It s yours! Not something that you share or that you have built up together. It s an opportunity to prove to yourself that you are perfectly capable of doing things by yourself that you don t rely on your partner in every aspect of your life. This is what gives us self-confidence. Having your own social life is also a space where you can explore who you are as an individual. It s a world where you can just be you, where you can use your own discretion, make your own choices and do the things you love doing most. It is also highly beneficial to keep in touch with friends that you have known from before you began your relationship. This will remind you of how you were before you met your partner and therefore re-connect with your true self. EMBRACE YOUR UNIQUE OPINIONS AND QUALITIES AS A PERSON It is a common misconception that in order to have a close and loving relationship we have to mold ourselves into the likeness of our partner and change who we are as a person to suit their needs and desires.

10 The truth is that we do not need to have the same opinions as them, make the same judgments, enjoy doing the same things, have the same qualities and strengths or stop doing the things we love just because our partner finds it unimportant or uninteresting. The beauty of relationships is that both people are different and unique. And our strengths often complement our partner s weaknesses and vice versa. How boring would it be if you and your partner almost became the same person? They say that opposites attract I think that this holds a lot of truth. Just remember that it was your unique personality that your partner fell in love with in the first place so embrace who you are! DON T BECOME TOO DEPENDENT ON YOUR PARTNER It s easy to become overly dependent on your partner especially if they are your best friend. He or she is the person you feel most comfortable with and who s company you enjoy the most. Being around other people may be a big effort, as you have to make a bigger effort to socialize whereas being with your partner may be relaxing and easy. This shouldn t mean that you only ever spend time with your partner and nobody else. If you do this, you will lose your independence and you will become heavily dependent on your partners company. This is a sign of an unhealthy

11 relationship and can be burdening on your partner.and worse you will lose your sense of self! DON T REVOLVE YOUR LIFE AROUND YOUR PARTNER You have important and unique needs as an individual and by revolving your life around your partner s needs, you will most likely begin to neglect your own. It s about finding a healthy balance and standing firm when you need to protect your right to do the things that make you happy. Make plans regularly with others, get involved with a sports group or hobby and actively take on new things that you believe will help you achieve your personal dreams and aspirations. Often we are worried that if we become too busy, our relationship will suffer This can be true to a certain extent, however maintaining your personal interests, having your own routine and having enough time with your friends is the healthiest thing you can do for your relationship! By neglecting ourselves and revolving our life around our partner we are likely to become overly dependent on them as we begin to lose touch with ourselves and lose our selfconfidence. An attempt to meet your partner s needs can then end up backfiring and result in them feeling trapped and weighed down as they are not able to do the things they enjoy either.

12 GET A LIFE! OR A HOBBY. OR A DREAM Get out there and get yourself a life! Have fun! Identify your interests, identify your dreams and goals and finally make a plan to see those things through. Stop procrastinating, stop feeling guilty and just do it! You deserve to be happy and you deserve to feel as though you are living a fulfilling and meaningful life. And if your partner truly loves you, he/she will show their support. You only live once.but if you do it right, once is enough. Don t live with regrets. Have courage, be bold and give yourself a big kick in the butt. LIKE THIS BOOK? What you ve just read is the first chapter of our book Reclaim Yourself. The book has 4 more chapters with valuable, insightful and actionable strategies to help you feel confident and independent again in your relationship. The full version of our book is available on Amazon. You can get your copy by clicking here.