WEDDING TRAIN. an Atrainplay by Craig Pospisil. songs by Joanna Parson

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1 WEDDING TRAIN an Atrainplay by Craig Pospisil songs by Joanna Parson Representation: Bruce Miller Washington Square Arts 310 Bowery, 2 nd flr. New York, NY tel: ext. 36 Copyright 2005 by Craig Allan Pospisil

2 1 WEDDING TRAIN by Craig Pospisil songs by Joanna Parson No, he s not. You re crazy. ( and board the A train, each carrying a copy of the Racing Form. They are deep in discussion.) Yes, he is. Bugs Bunny is not gay. He s totally gay. I mean, come on, how many times did he wear a dress in those cartoons, huh? How many times did he put on a dress with big boobs and a blonde wig and bright red lipstick? He was undercover. What? He dressed like that to get away from Yosemite Sam or Elmer Fudd. He did it to save his life. That doesn t make him gay. Bugs Bunny was a total queen. He d get into a dress at the drop of a hat. No, he s just, you know, the artistic type. That always just makes you seem gay. What about all the times he kissed Elmer Fudd?

3 2 Aw, this is stupid, Justin. Just because he kissed Elmer Fudd a couple times, or kissed Yosemite Sam or... or the Tasmanian Devil... or that big orange monster in the tennis shoes.... Oh my god! Bugs Bunny s gay?! I told you. Wow. It s just I had a really good feeling about betting on What s Up Doc in the sixth race. Hey, doesn t mean he s not fast. (pause) What about Daffy Duck? No. Oddly, he s straight. (The train pulls into the next station and, wearing a wedding dress and carrying a bouquet, darts onto the train. She stops and looks back out the door and down the platform.) Come on, close the doors! Close the doors! Yes! (The train begins to move again and Tanya collapses onto the bench, crying. Justin and David stare openly at the weeping bride, who finally dries her tears and looks up to notice them. Long pause) Hey. Nice dress.

4 3 (Tanya bursts into tears again. Justin hits David.) David! What, I was trying to say something nice. And in this situation you thought nice dress was the way to go? Oh, I m sorry. I guess I don t know the proper greeting when a runaway bride jumps on your subway car. What are you so upset for? I m not...! That s my ex-girlfriend. You re kidding. No, look, just... don t talk. (Tanya is drying her tears again as Justin approaches her.) Tanya? What? Oh, my god. Justin! What are you...? Ah,... hi. Yeah, hi. What s up? Are you okay? SONG: Hey, It s a Neurotic World

5 4 (Tanya laments her mental state and how always makes a mess out of her life. She envisions a fraud of a marriage, and that she ll end up living alone with dozens of cats.) So, how about you? How ve you been? Me, uh,... I m fine. You know,... keeping busy and... all that. Yeah? Good. That s good. (pause) You look great. Thanks. So do you. (slight pause) You don t have to say that. No, really you do. You look terrific. As always. Radiant. And it s not just the dress. Thanks. But... what s going on? I don t know if I can talk about this with you. You can talk to me, if you want.

6 5 (Justin stares at David, but Tanya responds.) I... I just needed a place to think for a bit, you know? Things have been pretty crazy for the last few months and... You re under a lot of pressure. You re supposed to make all these decisions. Everybody wants something from you. yeah. Yeah, I ve been there. Really? You re married? I was. Man, was that a mistake. If I pay you, will you shut up? What? I didn t say, Marriage sucks. David! I don t know how I got here. I just stepped out into the courtyard to get a little fresh air, a moment to myself. And suddenly I m running down the block and four bridesmaids are chasing me. It s just it s been one thing after another. There s questions and more questions. What sort of flowers do we want, what kind of music, which photographer, where to register, what china pattern, silver pattern, or font on the invitations. And then there s the family. Each one of them is crazier than the last.

7 6 You don t like his family? No, my family. His family is great. People that normal and well adjusted are so rare they should be pandas. My family,... well, you remember. It s all, Don t make me sit next to Aunt Sylvia, or Your father s new wife is a painted whore. Then where are you going? I don t know. Maybe the beach. Look out on the water. Or throw myself in it. Do you... I mean... I could go with you. If you want. Oh, I don t know where I m going. I should call Mark or something. He ll be worried. He doesn t deserve this. Oh, I feel like such a bitch. Hey, no, no, don t say that. You re under a lot of stress. It s natural. And, you know, if you decide to go back, I m sure he ll understand. I don t understand. Why should he? I almost took off before my wedding. Really? Yeah. It wasn t anything about commitment or not sleeping with anyone else ever again or stuff like that. Basically, I didn t think I was good enough for her. I thought she was just about perfect, and I was about as far from it as possible.

8 7 That s just what I ve been thinking! Mark s so amazing. I mean, he s a prince, I think, and I don t know what he sees in me. I ve ruined every relationship I ve ever been in. Hell, I never thought Mark and I would get this far. I assumed I d wreck us long before our wedding day. So, instead I m doing it on the wedding day. You re not wrecking anything. Just take a cab back to the church. Maybe she doesn t want to go back, David. (to Justin) She s just scared. (to Tanya) Don t worry. So the wedding s a little late. Wouldn t be the first one. Mark ll be glad to see you. Not when I tell him I m pregnant. (silence) Mark s starting med school in the fall and we said we d wait a couple years before kids. (slight pause) See? I screw up all my relationships. That s not true. I messed ours up. No, you didn t. I left you. SONG: Win, Place, Show

9 8 (Justin admits life isn t always a sure thing, and that he and Tanya didn t make it, but he tells her to take a chance.) Music Vamps. (spoken) You did the right thing. I mean, things between us were good maybe it was love but we wanted different things. How about Mark? Do you love him? Do you guys want the same things? Yeah. Yeah, we do. Then David s right. Hard as that is to believe. You should go back to that church. (slight pause) You ve got this light around you. Always have. I know that sounds corny and sentimental, but it s true. And you should share it. But I m still scared. But that s natural. Life s a gamble. They singing again. (David and Justin encourage Tanya to get in the game and play to win. Finally convinced, she sings along with them.)

10 9 Could you lend me some money for a cab? Yeah, here. Consider it a wedding present. (Justin holds out some money, which Tanya takes and then she darts off the subway car. Before the doors close, she stops and tosses Justin her bouquet. Then she s gone.) (pause) Nice flowers. Yeah. You still love her. No. (a brief beat) Uh-huh. (slight pause) Aqueduct s the next stop. You still want to go? Yeah. How bout you? I m putting twenty dollars on What s Up Doc to win. Then these are yours. (Justin tosses the bouquet of flowers to David as they exit the train. End of play.)

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