Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men

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1 Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men By Jonathon Aslay Your Guy Spy into the Male Mind and Your Heart Protector Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 1

2 Copyright 2015 JSA Communications The information provided in this book is designed to be intellectually and conversationally stimulating, and it is for enlightenment purposes only. It is not intended to replace the advice and care of your physician, nor is it intended to be used for mental or medical diagnosis and/or treatment. Jonathon Aslay makes no guarantees or represents he will find you a match or resolve your relationship issue; his services are merely designed to help you make a shift in a positive direction. Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 2

3 Table of Contents Introduction.page 4 Important Note.page 6 Principle #1: Lifestyle....page 8 Principle #2: Responsibility.....page 11 Principle #3: Emotional Availability. page 14 Principle #4: Maturity.page 18 Bonus Section: How Do You Feel when You re with Him?..page 21 Conclusion. page 23 Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 3

4 Introduction Men aren t always easy to understand or to decipher. We sometimes tell women what they want to hear to get what we want sex, money, a trophy on our arm, or an actual relationship. Men can be confusing, but they don t have to be for you anymore. When a smart woman like you truly understands a man, you ll know exactly what he s getting at and where he s coming from. You ll know if he s sincere, if he s a player, or if he s clueless. After you read this, you ll understand men so well that you ll be able to decipher a man s intentions toward you with 95%+ accuracy. You may not get it right every time, but you ll have a good idea of what s going on before you get too involved with a guy. Keep in mind that some men are not affectionate in public, and that s OK. Some men wait a while to introduce their women to the other important people in their lives. These questions are a Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 4

5 guide to help you determine what s up with your guy and to help you understand him better. There are four vital areas you ll want to evaluate your guy in: lifestyle, responsibility, emotional availability, and maturity. Ideally, he should score well in each area, but ultimately, you know him better than a questionnaire does. And he may be strong in two or three areas and need some help on the others. That s OK. This workbook is broken down into all those areas, with probing questions to help you see if this guy is what you re looking for. You ll have space to answer each question, and at the beginning of each section, we ll discuss why we re asking these particular questions. After finishing this workbook, you ll understand what to look for in a relationship-ready guy. You ll have fun with this, but it will make you think too. Let s get started! Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 5

6 ***Important Note*** Please Read*** As you go through this book, one thing will hit you how much power you have to attract and create the relationship you want. I m not kidding, nor am I exaggerating. (I put this same note in all my books, because I think it s that important. Most women don t have the first inkling of how much they can inspire and guide their relationships.) Enjoy the fact that you can influence all your relationships for the better very easily, just by being you an amazing woman. But some who read this book will (understandably) ask me one question that goes something like this: Jonathon, why is it up to ME to do all this stuff? When does he pull his weight here? This is going to sound lame, but it s the truth Men do not seek help in relationships like women do. We live relationships day to day, and we don t often analyze them to see what can be improved. That s just how we are. Heck, we don t Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 6

7 like to ask for directions! So it s up to you to get the ball rolling. Yes, it s unfair and it sucks. But if you take the bull by the horns and jump in, you can find, create, and keep a truly wonderful, happy, great relationship with a man who s ready for you. And it will be so easy because you GET him. You understand him, and you know him. And you ll be thrilled with the results. Ecstatic, jumping up and down, and shouting from the rooftops thrilled. Give me one hour and read this workbook. Dating, mating, and relating will change for the better, and you ll wonder how you ever managed without this information. Good luck, and know I m always here for you. Hugs, Jonathon Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 7

8 What is His Lifestyle Like? If you and your guy can t blend lives, your relationship stands little chance of success. These questions are to help you assess whether you and he can come together and create a joint life that will make both of you happy. This section is all about compatibility in lifestyles. As you answer these questions, make note of those answers that hit you funny or make you uncomfortable. Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 8

9 If something about his lifestyle doesn t sit right with you now, it may never be OK with you, and it s better to know that now. Is he single, separated, divorced? If he s single (never married), why? How long has he been separated or divorced? How is his relationship with his ex? Any kids involved? How old are they? How is his relationship with them? What is his occupation? Does he like it? How long has he been doing it? How is his relationship with his mom and sisters? How does he treat them when you re around? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 9

10 Does he like to do the same things you do? Does he have a similar spiritual background, or is he open to learning more about your beliefs? Does he have a similar attitude about drinking, drugs, and sex as you do? If not, what s different? Think about a typical day with him. What works (meaning what do you have in common or what do you share), and what doesn t? And finally, can you see yourself with him 10 years from now if neither of you changes anything and you re living together or married? Why or why not? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 10

11 What Are His Responsibilities, and Does He Honor Them? As adults, we all have stuff we have to do whether we like it or not. We have responsibilities to ourselves and to others. Not everyone takes his or her obligations seriously, but you want to make sure the man you re with does. If he shirks his duties to others, he is likely to do the same to you someday. Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 11

12 Does he honor his child support obligations? How about alimony, insurance for his children, or any other courtordered financial obligation to anyone he is or was related to? Does he take care of his parents or any other family members? Does he pay his bills on time? Does he work, and can he hold down a job for a reasonable amount of time? (Reasonable means whatever you decide it means.) How about pets? Does he feed, water, walk, and clean up after them? Does he take them to the vet when necessary? When he makes a commitment, does he follow through? Does he shy away from responsibility and duty, or does he accept it and do it to the best of his ability? If you answered any of the above with no (except the last question), why not? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 12

13 And finally, do you trust that he will do what he says? If not, why not? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 13

14 Is He Emotionally Available? Most women I coach have dated an emotionally unavailable guy at some point, and they often say that they didn t realize it until they d already fallen for him. Wouldn t it be wonderful if you could tell ahead of time? I will say that many men will move from one serious relationship to the next quickly. They don t take time to grieve or analyze relationships, as women tend to do. They typically find what I call a transition girlfriend (often merely a rebound or a friend with Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 14

15 benefits) as soon as they can after the breakup of a long-term relationship or a divorce. Don t be that woman. And it should go without saying that a man who is separated, or whose divorce is not final, stands a very good chance of going back to his wife. He is still married, and the chances of him being ready for a relationship with you right now are slim. Don t go there either. Some women will disagree with me, but I m telling you as a man don t do it. Let him disentangle himself from the current relationship before you get involved. Here are some questions that will help you determine his relationship readiness. How long has it been since he broke up with his last girlfriend or got his divorce decree? How much has he dated since his separation or divorce? Has he had a transition girlfriend already? Do you get the sense that he has truly closed the door on his last relationship? If the answer is no, why not? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 15

16 Has he told you that he s not ready for a relationship? Is he more interested in texting than meeting face to face? Does he contact you? (And I do mean does he contact you?) Is he consistent about contacting you? (It doesn t matter how often as much as how consistent.) Does he contact you for reasons other than to plan sexual encounters? Do you go on actual dates in public, and does he do the asking out? When you go out, does he pay most or all the time? Did he take time to get to know you before sex came into it? How long? When you are together, is he all about sex, or is sex just part of the picture? Does he show you affection that isn t sexual? In public? Does he leave or expect you to leave right after sex? If you ve already been dating for a while Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 16

17 Has he met your parents or children, or expressed an interest in meeting them? If not, why not? Have you met his friends, family, and/or coworkers if you ve been together more than a few months? If not, why not? How much do the people close to him know about you? Is he making room for you in his life? Does he show you off in public? Has he introduced you as his girlfriend? Does he show affection in public? And finally, do you know you have a future with him, or is he keeping you at arm s length? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 17

18 How s His Maturity Level? You want a man, not a little boy. You want someone who takes disappointment in stride and can handle bad days, bad news, and bad fights. You want a man whose default setting is calm and happy. And finally, you want a guy who can accept your occasional bad day and knows how to help you or how to make you laugh and forget about it. Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 18

19 Is he that guy? Let s find out. Do you think he s in a good place in his life? Does he feel like he is in a good place? If he s not happy with his current job, does he have an exit plan? Is he settled and stable? If you needed him, would he be there? Does he talk about you, or is it all about him? Do you think he s dealt with any issues from past relationships or marriages? Is he generally happy, especially when you re around? Does he talk about the future, even if it s just next week, and do his actions match his words? Does he make plans, or does he just let things flow (or have you decide what happens?)? Does he cope with disappointment in an immature fashion, meaning does he run to alcohol, drugs, buddies, or other women? If you answered any of the above with no (except the last Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 19

20 question), why not? And finally, do you get the sense that he s mature and ready for a relationship with you? (Gut check time.) Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 20

21 Bonus Section: How Do You Feel When You re with Him? You can analyze the guy to death, and on paper he looks perfect, but the final say comes from your heart and your mind. Is this a man you can see yourself with long-term, if that s what you re looking for? Answer these last questions but beware, they may be the hardest of the bunch! Does he treat you with respect? Does he make your heart flutter? Do you believe he values your opinion? Does he make you feel that you re important to him? Do you feel you re important in his life? Are you happy just being with him, even if you re doing nothing more exciting than watching TV? Do you feel protected, listened to, and cherished by him? Do you ever feel a pang of unease or anxiety around him? Even a Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 21

22 small one? If you answered any of the above with no (except the last question), why not? And the big question If you listened to your gut, what would it tell you about this guy? Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 22

23 Conclusion So how did your guy do? Is he the one you want to pursue a relationship with? Or is it time to let him go and find the one you do want to be with? Do you feel like you understand men more than you did before you read this book? If I could put everything we ve talked about in a nutshell, it would Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 23

24 be to love and honor yourself and don t be afraid to end a relationship if you need to. But one of the best ways to find the guy you want is to be happy and open, and give him a chance (or two). Guys don t always know what to do, but if he s a good guy, his heart and intentions are in the right place. And don t be so worried about chemistry. Both sexes place far too much emphasis on it. Yes, amazing chemistry is a wonderful feeling, but it may be fleeting. There are several types of chemistry, and not all of them are as explosive at first as the physical. Spiritual, intellectual, mental, and emotional chemistry (or compatibility) are just as (or more) important for a lasting and loving relationship as physical chemistry is. It just happens that physical chemistry will probably be the first one you two experience. Remember, amazing chemistry does not always equal a fantastic, Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 24

25 long-lasting connection. When we focus too much on chemistry, we often fail in creating a real, live, good relationship. If you look back at your own love history, you may see what I mean. In the end, it doesn t matter if your guy scored well or not: the man for you is out there. And remember: you are enough by yourself you don t need someone else to make you whole or complete. Get Inside a Guy s Head: The Smart Woman s Guide to Understanding Men Page 25

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