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2 Let Go VIP Audio Hello VIPs and welcome to this month s lesson. Now, this month s topic is a little bit different than a lot of the topics we ve had in the past. A lot of our topics in the past have been about achievement and success, however you define success. That s kind of, I feel, one side of the coin. Imagine you ve got a coin, right? It means it s one part of the whole. On the other part of that coin, it s just a metaphor, so the other part of being a whole person, I guess or being a happy and fulfilled person, is really kind of an opposite process. So if you think about the idea of achievement or success. Success with English, success with your job, success with your health, success, success, whatever that is for you, whatever it is you want. In general, what we re talking about is kind of setting goals and going after them. I want to be healthier and so you re pursuing something. You re trying to get something. I want to get better health or I want to get better money, better job, better career or I want to improve my English. So it s kind of pursuing something, trying to get something more; add something to your life. All that is well and good, especially if you choose healthy goals, but if that s all you do and I know this from personal experience myself, then life can start to become more and more and more stressful and it could even start to feel a bit empty after a while. I ll say this; I ve noticed myself that on one hand achieving many of my goals has given me a better quality of life. I m certainly happy that I started Effortless English and it s been successful, that I became a much better English teacher, that I traveled the world like I always wanted to. Many of these different goals have enriched my life and helped my life. On the other hand, I have also found that after a while I started getting a little tired of just pursuing goals endlessly. Let s say for the business, for example, because this is something very concrete. Let s say the business reaches a certain level. I have a lot of freedom and we have a good number of members and they re communicating with each other. We have a nice community. Everything is going pretty well. I m happy with it. The members seem to be happy. Well, you know there s a part of me that always thinks I want to continue growing Effortless English. You know I have this idea that there are thousands, maybe even millions of students out there suffering with old, traditional, boring methods who would really benefit from and enjoy Effortless English and so with that idea in my mind I m thinking okay, I want to keep growing Effortless English. I want to get more VIP members. I want to keep growing the business. So, on one hand that gives me a nice motivation. On the other hand I ve noticed that over the years I started getting a bit tired about that, right? I mean yes, it would be nice

3 to reach more people, but on the other hand I started getting just tired. Like, you know, oh, keep growing, keep growing, keep growing. It starts to feel exhausting and at some level I start asking myself well, how much do I really want to grow? I mean I m not trying to become some multibillion dollar company. I m not going to reach every single English learner in the whole world and don t want to. So I start questioning that. Like okay, well, you know, do I really have to keep growing all the time? The same thing is true for any goals in my life. You know I achieve a goal and then okay, I ll set a next goal. Keep improving, keep improving; constant improvement and learning. That s very enriching and it keeps life interesting, but if you approach that in a certain way it can eventually feel empty and very tiring and I ve experienced this myself in certain parts of my life and so we need something to balance that. Because if all we do is pursue goals and try to achieve, achieve, achieve all the time, it s a very unbalanced approach to life. So how do we balance that? Well, we balance that by letting go, which is the topic this month, Letting Go. If you imagine goal setting as getting, grabbing on to something, achieving something, adding something to your life, then letting go is the opposite, right? It s letting something go. It s subtracting things from your life. There s a great Taoist quote, I think from Lao Tse that says the wise man unlearns something every day. The Taoists and in some ways the Zen people too, often talk about unlearning as being the path to wisdom, not learning. So what do they mean by that? Do they want people to be ignorant and stupid? No of course, not. What they mean is this. Over the course of our life we tend to accumulate all these beliefs, all these ideas, all this learning, all these habits and most of them are not deeply true. They might have been useful. They might be true in some circumstances, some situations, some context, but they re not universally true. Yet, we can really start to hold on to these beliefs, hold on to these habits, hold on to these goals, hold on to all this stuff and really start believing that it s true and that we must have it and that it s necessary and it s the only way. We start getting a rigid mindset where this, this, this and this is right and good and desirable and these things are bad and not desirable. That process tends to happen over a lifetime, that s why when we think about it, if you think about a very young person, a child, and you think of an old person, generally, we would imagine that the old person is less flexible, is probably more likely to be bitter, more likely to have very hard fixed ideas, a harder time learning something new and being open to new things, whereas a child is very open and is very adaptable, very, very flexible. Why? Because the child hasn t accumulated years and years and years and years of beliefs and hurts and disappointments and habits and goals and all of this stuff.

4 So we have to balance goal seeking and achievement. We don t want to become hardened. We don t want to have our minds become inflexible and narrow. We don t want to be so obsessed with certain goals or certain things or a certain way of living that we lose our flexibility and, ultimately, our happiness. So letting go is the process of unlearning, of cleaning out your mind and body and emotions and it s very freeing and it feels really good and it s very, very necessary and as we get older it s even more necessary. It s very necessary to consciously do it. You can imagine and I know if I look back in my own life we all have difficult painful experiences. If we hold on to those they can really cause us a lot of problems. You know let s say oh, some girlfriend or boyfriend broke your heart and then if you hold on to that experience or hold on to that hurt then maybe you never trust men or women ever again. Or let s say you try a business and you fail and then you just focus on that failure. You hold on to the failure. You hold on to those feelings of embarrassment or shame or whatever it was and so then you never try to start a business again because of that, because you re holding on to it. We can also hold on to certain old ideas and goals that no longer are good for us, right? I mean some people, for example, maybe when they re young, very young, may have the idea I want to be rich. I want to be super rich and I m going to be super successful. I m going to become a stockbroker and make millions of dollars and so they go about doing that in this very focused aggressive way. Then achieve that and they re just working, working, working, working and making money and they become super rich, but at some point they lose all their happiness. They re no longer happy. They re constantly super stressed out and maybe deep inside they really want to live a more artistic, creative, relaxed life, but they can t let go of that goal. They can t let go of the identity of being a stock broker and being rich and making all this money, right? They re holding on to it so tight that they can t even be open to other ideas that might make them happier. It could be the opposite too for that matter. Somebody could live a really relaxed free life with no money at all and eventually really get to a point where living in that kind of constant financial stress really is no longer good for them. It doesn t make them happy anymore and they really need to get focused more on achieving some economic stability, but they can t because their identity is that I m this free-spirited person and that s who I am and, again, not able to let go. We need to really focus on that, so this month and really we probably should do this more than once a month or more than one month a year, we really need to have the idea of flushing out, letting go. You imagine you ve got all these ideas and fixed things in your head and we want to just kind of like pour water through them all and get a lot of

5 them out. We want to unlearn, let go of old beliefs, let go of old emotional hurts, let go of goals that no longer serve us that don t make sense for us anymore, that don t really give us happiness anymore. I ll give you a personal example. With Effortless English I targeted a certain number of members that I wanted. I created this goal. I want to have this many VIP members by the end of this year. Well, in the past that kind of goal really motivated me, but I found that I just started feeling kind of miserable whenever I thought about it. I was going about it aggressively, trying all these things to try to bring in more VIP members and I just kept getting more stressed and more stressed and it really wasn t happening. I really wasn t getting close to that goal. Everything was happening super, super slowly, which was making me even more stressed and I kept focusing on it. Then I realized that s all I was focusing on and I was losing my general enjoyment of my life because I was so obsessed with this goal. I finally realized well, this goal, I made it myself so I can just let go of it. It s not necessary. I don t need that many members financially for myself and our community doesn t need it. We already have a good number of people who are quite happy with each other. Really, I realized that while it would be nice to reach that goal it s not necessary. It s not necessary for my happiness, it s not necessary for our existing members and I just said okay, forget it, I m not going to worry about this anymore and I just let go of it and I decided oh, I m just going to focus on enjoying making lessons and having a very nice VIP Program that we already have and if it grows in the future that s great. That reduced my stress quite a bit and raised my happiness level. So sometimes instead of achieving a goal to be happy what we really need is to let go of a goal or to let go of a belief or to let go of a habit, just to let go of something. Mahatma Gandhi had a great way of talking about this. He said Just do your job then let go. Do your job and let go. In one of the Learn Real English lessons I talked about this a bit. It s one of my favorite quotes from Gandhi and it s a general idea I think in Hinduism in general that you don t focus on results so much. You actually focus on the process. The way we would say this in typical, American, Western language would be this. We d say this. We d say focus on the process not the end result. Focus on making an excellent process rather than just the final result. In sports some coaches will take this approach. So what does that mean? Like, for example, John Wooden the famous UCLA coach, he was famous for just focusing on the process of practicing. He just wanted his players to focus on, you know, dribbling the ball better and better, very, very well, shooting the ball very well, practicing very hard, playing every game with all their heart and all their ability and he didn t focus on winning. He never talked about winning. He never talked about the final result, which is I want to win a lot of games and win the National Championship. He never talked about

6 that result. He just focused on the process, the thing that would make them good players and good people. As a result, in fact, they won a lot of National Championships. His team and he as a coach have the record for the most college basketball National Championships in the United States. He was an amazing coach, but he focused on the process. If they lost a game he didn t yell at them because they lost a game. He just talked to them about the process. How well did they play? Did they try hard? Were they using their skills the best they could? Sometimes they lost to a better team and he would just say you know you played a great game. I m happy with the process. I m happy with how you did it. That team was just better than us, so don t feel bad. Likewise, because his teams were quite good, they would beat another team that was much lower in skill level, but the coach would not be happy. Coach Wooden would not be happy. He would actually be frustrated with them. He would say you didn t really concentrate well. You weren t trying your hardest and doing your best. You beat that team just because their skill level is less than you, but you did not really play your full potential. So this is just a great way. You know one of the things I like about Coach Wooden, number one, he was truly excellent and number two, he was not one of these coaches. He wasn t stressed out. He never yelled and screamed at his players. He seemed to be a genuinely happy content person and when they interview all his ex-players they all say the same thing. They really loved him as a person. They say that he made them better as individual people and that he helped them be happier people not just better basketball players. So, of course, it is possible to get success just by focusing on the end result and a lot of coaches do that. You know win, win, win, win, but if you notice a lot of those coaches do seem kind of stressed out and miserable, right? I ve noticed that. The ones that are always screaming and yelling and they re obsessed with just winning and if they lose a game they re super angry, right? They re not typically happy people. Their players don t look too happy either. So I like this idea that Gandhi talked about. Just do your job with excellence and then let go of the result, because sometimes you can t control the result. You can t control what other people are going to do. You can t control the surprises that will happen in the world. So the result is not totally in your control. What is totally in your control is how you do something. So in Gandhi s case, he was resisting and fighting against the British and he focused on doing that with maximum integrity, with a maximum feeling of peace, yet strength. He couldn t always control how the British would react or what was going to happen in

7 world events. You know World War I came. World War II came. He couldn t control all of that stuff, but he could focus on just how he was going to be as a person and, of course, eventually, he and the rest of India did win. They did prevail. So the idea is don t cling to results, focus on rather an excellent enjoyable process. So let s talk about this in terms of your English, because it s a very simple and practical example. Now, on one hand we have a lot of people who really focus on the goal. Like I like to speak exactly like AJ, you know, and speak like a native speaker. They re obsessed with this goal and they focus on it, focus on it. Now, at some level that s okay. It s good to have big goals. I want to encourage you to dream big. However, if you become too obsessed with that here s the measurement. If you find yourself feeling frustrated and unhappy because you re not reaching that goal fast enough, because you re not getting closer to it fast enough, that means something is wrong and you need to let go and what you need to do instead is focus on the process, right? You ve got the goal, fine, just kind of push it to the side and let it go a little bit and say okay, you know what? Hopefully I ll get to that goal, but most important of all I m going to focus on the process of learning English and I m going to create an excellent and enjoyable process. Well, what would that mean? What would that mean an excellent process? For example, maybe one thing you would decide is I m going to focus on having maximum concentration every time I listen to the lessons, because I know that some of the time my mind starts to wander and I start looking at other things and I m not really totally focused on the lesson. So instead of worrying about this goal that I have for next year or five years from now or 10 years from now, which isn t making me get better or happier, I m going to focus actually just on this moment, every moment, every day that I m actually listening to English and I m going to focus on having maximum concentration. And each day I m going to try to have better concentration so that I m really truly focused and listening every minute that I m listening to English. Another thing you could focus on to have an excellent enjoyable process, you could decide here s something else. I notice I m kind of tired. I m kind of like sitting back. I m not really smiling when I m listening to English. You know emotionally I m down. So I m going to focus on having a very peak, positive, emotional state every time I listen to the lessons, every time I listen to any English at all. I could do that by I m going to focus on pulling my shoulders back and having my head up and smiling. Maybe I ll use an ipod and I ll actually go out walking or I ll be in my house and I ll walk or I ll jump or I ll move around in some way so that I have more energy and more positive emotions as I m listening to English because I know over time that will help me improve faster. So then I ll actually do a better job each time I m studying English and listening to English and I ll feel better and happier and more emotionally positive every

8 time I m listening to English and I know eventually that will get me a good result. I can t control exactly when that s going to happen, but I know it will. It s a much more relaxing thing instead of every day you re getting frustrated because I still don t speak English exactly like AJ does. I still don t speak English like a native speaker. Oh, my God, when will I ever do it, aah! If you do that too much you re going to be so stressed and frustrated and then you ll just end up quitting. Even if you don t quit, if you reach your goal you ll be miserable. That s not very good, reach your goal and feel unhappy. Rather, if you focus on totally enjoying every moment that you re listening to English, doing it with maximum focus, maximum concentration, maximum positive emotions, then you re going to enjoy it each day. You don t need to wait until five years from now or one year from now to be happy, be really happy and totally involved now. Just like John Wooten s team, because you do that, you re actually more likely to reach your goal faster anyway. So you re going to let go of some of that stuff. So here s what I want you to do this month. I want you to make a list of things you ve been grasping, trying to get, in all different parts of your life. It could be in English, other things you re learning, jobs, economics, career, relationships, health, whatever and make a list. Okay yeah, these are things I m really strongly trying to get. Make a big long list and then what I want you to do is identify two or more of them that are not making you happy and let go of them. Decide you re going to let go of them. I m not saying let go of all your goals. Sometimes it s great to have big dreams and goals, absolutely, but I want you to identify a big long list and then I want you to choose. I m sure that on your list some of those things are actually just making you feel more stressed and that s a sign you need to let go of them, at least for now. You can always come back to them next year. So that s your homework. Write a big long list of all the things you re trying to get in all those categories of your life that you re really pursuing aggressively and you really want really badly and then I want you to identify at least two of them, maybe more, that are no longer making you happy, that those goals are really not making you feel excited about your life and you re not really enjoying them and I want you just to let go of them. Mark them off your list, stop thinking about them, let go of them and relax. That s it. So this whole month is really about letting go, relaxing, simplifying mentally, mentally simplifying. Let go! All right, I hope you enjoy that process and I ll see you again. Bye-bye.

9 Let Go VIP Mini Story Hello, this is AJ. Welcome to the mini story for this month. Now, as usual, I will do three things during this mini story. I will make a statement. When I make a statement you say aah. Move your body when you do that, very important. Number two, I will ask a question that you know. You know the answer. When I do that shout the answer. One word, two words, full sentence, it s your choice. And finally, number three, I will ask a question that you don t know the answer to. When I do that you shout a guess. Just guess anything, it doesn t matter. Of course, after you listen to this a few times you won t need to guess anymore. Let s start this month s mini story. * * * * * There was a chinchilla. His name was Mr. Chinchilla and he was stingy. A chinchilla is small little animal. I don t know, kind of like a rabbit. I think they re from South America. Look it up on the Internet. So Mr. Chinchilla was stingy, ahh. Was Mr. Chinchilla generous? No, he wasn t generous. He was stingy. Stingy is the opposite of generous. Stingy means that you are very tight with your money. You don t want to spend money. You remember the story A Christmas Carol? It s about Scrooge. It s about a stingy guy. He s always holding his money very tightly. So that s stingy. So was Mr. Chinchilla stingy or was Mr. Chinchilla generous? Stingy. Mr. Chinchilla was stingy. Did he like to spend lots of money and give away lots of money? No, he didn t, quite the opposite. He was what?

10 Stingy. Mr. Chinchilla was stingy. Was Mr. Chinchilla a dog? No. What was he? He was a chinchilla, obviously. And he was what kind of chinchilla? A stingy chinchilla. Mr. Chinchilla was a stingy chinchilla. Aha, interesting. And one day Mr. Chinchilla went to a restaurant Papa s Crab House and at the restaurant he got great service, super great service and he got wonderful food and after the dinner he left only a two percent tip. He left a two percent what? Tip. He left a two percent tip. Of course, a tip is extra money you give to a waiter or a waitress, some other situations, maybe a taxi driver, things like that. And in the United States it s very common to give tips to waiters, waitresses, taxi drivers, people who cut your hair, massage therapists. I think those are the most common people that you give a tip to. So you pay the normal fee and then you give extra, a tip. So was a two percent tip a good tip? No, it was not a good tip. It was a very bad tip. Was it too low or too high? It was too low. Where did Mr. Chinchilla give a two percent tip? He gave a two percent tip at Papa s Crab House Restaurant. Is it normal to give a two percent tip at American restaurants? No, it s not. It s not normal to give a two percent tip.

11 What is normal? Ah, 15% up to 20% is the usual amount at a restaurant. Fifteen percent is fine. So what is a normal tip in an American restaurant? Hum, about 15%, 15 to 20. How much of a tip did Mr. Chinchilla give? Mr. Chinchilla gave only a two percent tip. So how did the waitress feel? Oh, the waitress was irate. How did she feel? Irate. And who felt irate? The waitress. The waitress who felt irate, where was she? She was at Papa s Crab House Restaurant and she felt irate because Mr. Chinchilla only gave her a two percent tip. So, irate means very, very, very, very angry. To be irate means to be very, very angry. So was Mr. Chinchilla irate? No, Mr. Chinchilla was very relaxed. So who was irate? The waitress was irate, because she gave him great service and the food was great, but he only gave her a two percent tip. You see, in South America it s normal for chinchillas to give only two percent tips -- extra information for you but in the United States what s normal?

12 Fifteen to 20% is normal. So was the waitress ecstatic, super happy about the tip or was she irate about the tip? The waitress was totally irate, very irate; very, very, very angry. Was Mr. Chinchilla irate? No, Mr. Chinchilla was oblivious, oblivious. Did Mr. Chinchilla realize that he angered the waitress? No, he didn t realize. He didn t know. He didn t understand that he angered the waitress. He was oblivious. So was he aware or was he oblivious? He was oblivious. To be oblivious means to be totally unaware. It means you have no idea. You don t know what s happening around you. You don t know what the situation is. So Mr. Chinchilla had no idea that he angered the waitress. Mr. Chinchilla had no idea that two percent was a bad tip. He was totally unaware. He was what? He was oblivious. Was the waitress oblivious? No, the waitress wasn t oblivious. She was what? Irate. And how did the waitress feel about the tip? Irate. And Mr. Chinchilla was what?

13 Oblivious. So was he aware or not aware of the waitress feelings? He was not aware. He was unaware. He was oblivious. Well, next, Mr. Chinchilla visited his son who lived in Chicago and they went to a restaurant together and they had a big wonderful meal and at the end of the meal Mr. Chinchilla s son said Dad, please let me pay. And Mr. Chinchilla said No, no, no. Son, I insist. I will pay. And he paid the bill, but again he only left a two percent tip. So the son said Dad, let me pay. And Mr. Chinchilla said No, I insist, insist. Did he request or did he insist? He insisted. To insist is kind of like to demand. It s to very, very, very, very strongly suggest. You can say I insist. It means I must, right? It s not quite a demand. It s softer than demand. If you demand something, then that s very, very strong. Insist has a softer feeling, but it s still quite strong. If you say I insist on paying the bill. You re saying I strongly want to pay the bill or I absolutely will pay the bill. It s that kind of feeling. So he s saying very strongly no, no, I will pay the bill. I insist. It s a common phrase. I insist. No, no, no, I insist. It means I will. I must. Okay. So who insisted on paying the bill? Mr. Chinchilla insisted on paying the bill. Did his son insist or did Mr. Chinchilla insist on paying the bill? Mr. Chinchilla insisted. He strongly recommended. He strongly, not demanded, but he strongly said I will pay the bill. I insist. And so who actually paid the bill? Mr. Chinchilla. He said No, I insist. I will pay the bill. And when he paid the bill, how much of a tip did he leave?

14 Well, he left only a two percent tip and his son said Dad, that s not enough. Let me leave the tip, but Mr. Chinchilla said No, no, no, it s fine. Don t worry. How did his son feel about this situation? His son felt embarrassed. He felt embarrassed because his son lived in Chicago. His son knew that in the United States 15% to 20% was normal, but Mr. Chinchilla was oblivious. He was totally unaware of this. How did the waiter feel at the Chicago restaurant? Well, the waiter was furious. Furious also means very, very angry. So irate and furious are very similar. So the waiter was what? The waiter was furious, very, very, very angry. Was Mr. Chinchilla s son furious? No, no, he wasn t furious. He was embarrassed. Was the waiter embarrassed? No, the waiter wasn t embarrassed. The waiter was furious. Was Mr. Chinchilla furious? No, Mr. Chinchilla wasn t furious. He was oblivious, totally unaware. Well, later, Mr. Chinchilla returned to Papa s Crab House and he had the same waitress again. This time she scowled at him and she was very short with him. Hmm, there are a couple new words possibly. To scowl means to frown and it really is to frown in a little bit of an almost angry way. It s the opposite of smiling and being friendly. To scowl means your mouth goes down and your eyes kind of go down. Your eyebrows go down and you look a little bit angry. So that facial movement, that facial gesture, expression, is called scowling. So she scowled at him. So did the waitress scowl at him or did she smile at him?

15 She scowled at him. She scowled at who or whom? She scowled at Mr. Chinchilla. Did Mr. Chinchilla scowl at the waitress? No, he didn t scowl at the waitress. He smiled at the waitress. He was very happy and friendly. So who scowled? The waitress scowled at Mr. Chinchilla and, also, when she talked to him she was very short with him. Short with him, this is kind of a casual phrase, but it s common, to be short with someone. She was short with him. So this is not the normal meaning of short. We re using it as a verb to be short with, to be short with someone. To be short with someone, it means that you are kind of unfriendly and it means that you speak only very short sentences to them. That s kind of the idea, right? Instead of being open and friendly, you say only a few words to them and you say it in a slightly angry way. Let me give you an example. Normally, we might say Hi, how are you? Hi, how s it going? But if you re short with someone you might say Hi. Yeah, how are you? Yeah, hum. Okay. See, it s kind of a different sound and feeling, right? It s very quick, short, little words. It s a choppy feeling. It s a short feeling, right? The sentences are short. The pronunciation is faster and it sounds less friendly. Hi. Aha, how are you? Can I help you? That s to be short with someone. Instead of, Hi, how are you? Oh, nice to see you again. Can I help you? That s more normal and friendly. The short version, if you re short with someone you would say Hi, can I help you? You re just speaking the minimum amount possible in an unfriendly way. So was the waitress friendly with Mr. Chinchilla or was she short with him? She was short with him. She spoke in an unfriendly way with him.

16 She was short with who or whom? She was short with Mr. Chinchilla. She scowled at him and she was short with him. So was she open and friendly or was she short with him? She was very short with him. She spoke in an abrupt way, in an unfriendly way. Mr. Chinchilla realized she was unhappy. He said Why do you seem upset? And she said Because you stiffed me last time! You only gave me a two percent tip. That s very rude. There s another nice phrase. It s kind of a common phrase, maybe a slang phrase, To stiff someone. When we re talking about money or a payment and you say You stiffed me or you use the word to stiff as a verb, it means that you don t pay the correct amount or the total amount. Maybe you pay nothing or maybe you pay less than you should, right? So it s the idea of not paying a debt or not paying a fee or not paying a price correctly, not paying enough. If you say You stiffed me, it means it s kind of like you cheated me, right? You cheated me, but we use it in the situation of money usually. So if I say You stiffed me, it means you didn t pay me the money you should have. You cheated me of money, that s the idea. Maybe you owe me $100 and you only pay me $20. Then I might say You stiffed me. You only paid me $20, but you owe me $100. You stiffed me. So she said to Mr. Chinchilla, the waitress said, You stiffed me last time. You only gave me a two percent tip. How much should he have given her? Well he should ve given her 15% at least, but instead he only gave her two percent. He stiffed her. So who stiffed the waitress? Mr. Chinchilla. How did he stiff her? He stiffed her by only giving her a two percent tip instead of the normal 15%. So what did she say to him?

17 She said You stiffed me. You only gave me a two percent tip last time. That s very rude. And, finally, Mr. Chinchilla realized his mistake. He realized that in America 15% was normal and so, from then on he always tipped at least 15% and the waitresses and waiters were very happy with him. * * * * * And that is the end of our mini story and, by the way, this is true. If you visit America, if you travel in the United States, it is normal to tip 15 to 20% in sit-down restaurants or when you re traveling with a taxi or something like that. It is also true that the waiters and waitresses will be irate and furious if you only give them two percent. So only do that if they give you really bad service. All right, I ll see you next time. Bye-bye.

18 Let Go VIP POV Hello, this is A. J., welcome to the point-of-view stories for this month. As usual, we ll tell the same story with several versions. We ll change the point of view and that s all grammar really is. It s just changing a point of view. It s looking at a situation or telling a story or communicating information from a certain point of view. It might be from a point of view looking back to the past. Then we use different tenses that are connected to the past. It might be looking at a situation or something to the future and then we might use the future. It might be giving information or telling a story as if it s happening right now. Maybe it really is happening right now or maybe we re just seeing the situation as if it s happening now in our mind. We re seeing it that way. That s why it s possible to give the same information or tell the same story using several different verb tenses. This is a very common problem and mistake that students have. They think that there s only one correct way to say something. This is, unfortunately, because in school when you re taking tests they taught you there s one right answer. So many times people will leave a comment and say In this story A. J. used the past, but in this other story he used the present. Which one is correct? Well, they re both correct, okay? It just depends on how you want to give the information. In my own life sometimes I might tell a story in the present because it has a different emotional feeling. It feels more exciting sometimes when we use the present, but I might commonly tell something in the past tense because it happened in the past. That s also common. They re both fine. You just have to understand the feeling of that point of view. So let s start with our same story and let s imagine it s happening in the present. It gives a feeling of a little more excitement because we can imagine we re with Mr. Chinchilla as it s happening. * * * * * So Mr. Chinchilla is stingy. He s a stingy Chinchilla and one day he goes to a restaurant. The restaurant s name is Papa s Crab House and he gets great service and the food is fantastic and after he finishes eating he only leaves a two percent tip. The waitress looks at the tip and she is irate, extremely angry, but Mr. Chinchilla doesn t realize that she s angry. He s totally oblivious. Well, later on he goes to Chicago to visit his son and they go to a restaurant together and they also have a nice meal with great service and at the end of the meal his son

19 says Dad, let me pay. Mr. Chinchilla says No, no, no, no, son, I insist. I will pay. And he pays the bill, but once again he only leaves a two percent tip. Now, because his son lives in the United States he realizes that s not good and he says Dad, that s not enough. Let me leave the tip at least. But Mr. Chinchilla says No, no, no, no, I insist. It s fine. His son feels embarrassed, but he says nothing. The waiter, however, is furious, extremely angry, but once again Mr. Chinchilla is oblivious. Well, later he returns to Papa s Crab House, the same restaurant again and he has the same waitress as he did the first time. This time she scowls at him. She looks angry and frowns at him and she s very short with him. She speaks in an abrupt way, in a very short unfriendly way with him and Mr. Chinchilla finally realizes something is wrong and he says Why do you seem so upset? And the waitress says Because you stiffed me last time. You only gave me a two percent tip. That s very rude because I gave you great service. And, finally, Mr. Chinchilla realizes oh, no. He realizes he made a mistake and he realizes that in America 15 to 20% is the normal kind of tip and from then on he always tips 15%. He decides that in the future he will always tip at least 15%. * * * * * That s the end of our first point-of-view story, our first version. Now, when we, when Americans, Canadians, Brits, whatever, hear a story like that in the present it has a little bit more of an exciting feeling sometimes. Sometimes writers will use the present if they want to give that feeling of it s happening now. All right, let s do it again and let s use the future this time. Again, we don t normally tell entire stories in the future, but I want you to get used to the future tense and just get used to the sound of it and not think about grammar rules really, just get used to it. So I ll tell this as if it s going to happen in the future, like I had a dream about something in the future. * * * * * So in the future there will be a chinchilla and his name will be Mr. Chinchilla and he s gonna be stingy. (He s going to be stingy. Gonna means going to.) First he ll go to a restaurant Papa s Crab House and he ll get great service. He ll get great service and he ll get great food. (Again ll, ll is will. That ll sound.) But after he eats he s only gonna leave (He s only going to, gonna) a two percent tip. Hum, the waitress will not be happy. In fact, she s gonna be irate, but Mr. Chinchilla will be oblivious and he ll leave.

20 Next, he s gonna visit his son in Chicago and they ll go to a restaurant together. They ll have a great meal and at the end of the meal his son will say Dad, let me pay. But Mr. Chinchilla will say No, I insist. And he ll pay the bill, but he ll only leave two percent again as a tip. His son will say Dad, that s not enough. Let me leave the tip at least. Mr. Chinchilla will say No, no, no, no, it s fine. It s fine. And his son is gonna feel embarrassed and the waiter is gonna be furious, but once again Mr. Chinchilla will be oblivious, totally unaware. And then he ll return to Papa s Crab House later, another day, and he ll have the same waitress, but this time she s gonna scowl at him and she s gonna be very short with him. Mr. Chinchilla will finally realize that something is wrong. He ll say Why do you seem upset? And she ll say (She ll, ll, ll, ll ) Because you stiffed me. You only gave me a two percent tip last time. That s very rude. And Mr. Chinchilla will realize his mistake. He ll finally realize that he s been making a mistake and from that point on he ll always tip at least 15%. * * * * * That s the end of our second version of the story. Let s do another version. So this time I ll do the first person again. We re going to practice the first person for a few months here. So I ll pretend I am Mr. Chinchilla and I m telling my own story and a few things will change a little bit, the feeling of the story changes a little bit. Just listen, that s all you need to do. * * * * * So, hello, I m Mr. Chinchilla and I m a normal chinchilla from South America. I feel that I am not stingy and I feel that I m not super generous. I am just a normal chinchilla and I m hungry so I decide to go to a restaurant. I go to my favorite restaurant Papa s Crab House and I get great service and I have great food and because the service is so good I leave a two percent tip. You see, in South America it s normal for chinchillas to only leave a tip if the service is fantastic and when we leave a tip we only leave two percent. So I m being very generous this time and, of course, I m totally unaware at this time that the waitress is irate. Well, next I go and I visit my son in Chicago and we go to a great restaurant and again we have great food and great service and my son says to me Dad, let me pay. But, of course, I m his father so I say No, no, no, I insist. I will pay. I m the father. I will pay. And I pay the bill and because the service is so great I again leave a two percent tip.

21 I m being very generous, but my son says to me Dad, that s not enough. Let me leave the tip. And, of course, I m confused. I don t understand. What do you mean that s not enough? In South America if a chinchilla leaves a two percent tip that s being very generous. That s plenty. So I say No, no, no, no, it s fine. My son seems embarrassed. The waiter seems furious, but no I m sure he s not. Everything is fine. Well, later I return to Papa s Crab House again and I get the same waitress, my favorite waitress, but this time she scowls at me. She s frowning. She looks unhappy. She even looks angry. She scowls at me and she s very short with me. When she speaks it s very short and abrupt and unfriendly. I realize something is wrong so I say to her Why do you seem so upset? And she says to me Because you stiffed me. You only gave me a two percent tip. That s very rude. Ah, well, finally, I realize my mistake. I realize that in America, in the United States, the situation is quite different than my home country. And so I realize that ah, 15% is actually what s normal in America. So I give her a 15% tip and from now on I will always give a 15% tip. * * * * * Okay, that is the end of our third version of the story. Just listen to these each day for seven to 10 days, more is fine. Just listen, listen, listen, that s all you need to do. Get used to hearing the different versions. That s it. All right, I will see you next time. Have a great day, bye-bye.

22 Let Go VIP Commentary Hello, this is AJ. Welcome to this month s commentary. So this is an interesting topic this month and it s one that I personally focus on, sometimes struggle with. Sometimes the topics I teach you are topics or strategies that I use in my life very successfully. Sometimes the topics I teach you each month, sometimes the topic is one that I struggle with, that s not easy for me, that I know it s important and I ve learned about it, but I m struggling with it and this one is probably in the middle, sometimes I m good at it and sometimes not so good, but it s an important one. I know it s important. I know that there are a lot of benefits of letting go in your life and we ll talk more about what I mean by that. So really, this is kind of the yin and yang maybe, if you want to this about this of our program. I always forget which one is yin and which one is yang. Yen and yang, these are Taoist terms. They re Chinese and really these ideas are common all through Asia. So if you re an Asian member you already know what I m talking about, but it s this kind of idea of soft and hard or it s the idea of two seeming opposites that create something whole and the idea is that they re both necessary, that they re not really opposite. If you think of a coin, for example, on a coin we usually say one side is heads. We describe it as heads, because usually on American coins there s the head of a person on one side, you know George Washington or something. Then on the other side we call it tails and there s usually some other picture on the other side of the coin. So we can think of oh, there are two sides. These are kind of opposite sides, but of course, there s only one coin and it s impossible to have a coin with only one side. That would be a ball, right? So, all coins have two sides so both sides are necessary. This is kind of the same idea of yin and yang, that you might have a hard and a soft or a dark and a light, but the idea is that they re two sides of the whole thing, of the same thing and that they re both necessary and that we just need to learn how to balance them and use them both appropriately. So what the hell am I talking about? So what I m talking about is this. In our program a lot of time we focus on topics of success and leadership and health. They re these kinds of hard topics maybe. We could describe them as hard. In other words, they re topics that require focus and effort and energy. Like if you have a goal and you re trying to achieve the goal, then you re working to get that goal. It s a very focused kind of energy, but this month s topic is sort of the opposite. It s very soft. Instead of trying to get something, we re talking about letting go of something you

23 already have. It s really the opposite kind of feeling, the opposite kind of energy. Instead of going after something, instead of working for something, it s really about relaxing more, letting go more. Interesting, but they re both necessary because if we re always chasing after things, if you re always focused on improving your English, improving your English, improving your career and improving your body and nah, nah, nah, all the time it can be very exhausting to constantly be that way all the time, right? It s unbalanced. It s unbalanced. You can burn yourself out that way. To burn out means to lose your energy; to use up all of your energy. That s just like you can imagine a fire burns all of the wood. Well, if all the wood is gone then no more energy, no more fire. It s that kind of idea. So we don t want to burn out so we have to have that balance. We have to have the other side of the coin, right? So it s great that you re very motivated. I know as a VIP member in our program that you re super motivated about improving your English. I also know that you re doing that for a reason, whatever it is. Maybe you re a teacher. Maybe you want to use English in your career. Maybe you want to travel or maybe you re trying to make a big international community of friends or maybe you re trying to learn a lot of things. Maybe you re retired and you re just very active and you want to keep improving your mind. Whatever it is that s great, but you also need the opposite side, right? You have to also sometimes just relax. That s why I m always telling you just enjoy your English learning. Don t always be so focused and serious about it. That s why I named the company Effortless English. I wanted the idea of effortless effort, which I ve talked about in the past. That yes, in one way you are using a lot of effort because you are listening to English several hours a day maybe, but on the other hand it should feel emotionally, it should feel fun and relaxed and interesting. So you re just listening to strange weird stories and you re listening to interesting topics and you re chatting with people on our social site, so both sides of that. So let go is the total opposite, the total yin to the yang of being focused on success and improvement. Letting go is really just about relaxing and it s very, very, very, very, very powerful and there are lots of areas in our lives where letting go is very important. Perhaps the most important area, in my opinion, is the area of relationships. Letting go in relationships is so important. It can be very difficult, but it s very powerful and very important. By letting go I don t necessarily mean letting go of people, like they re not your friends anymore or they re not your loved ones anymore, but I mean letting go of problems in relationships. Because if you have a relationship with someone, a friendship or certainly a dating relationship or a marriage or anything like that that s very close, then during that relationship problems will come up and during that relationship you will have your

24 feelings hurt by the other person. It s inevitable. Inevitable means cannot be avoided; cannot be avoided. It will happen. It s destiny. That idea. So it s inevitable. It means that in any relationship you re always going to get your feelings hurt, always. Every single close relationship I ve ever had, very close friendships and certain dating relationships, my marriage, family, mother, father, sister, all of that, I ve always gotten my feelings hurt by them in some way and, of course, I have hurt their feelings at different times too. Usually these are just misunderstandings, but still they can be a little bit painful. Sometimes it could be something very traumatic, meaning very painful emotionally. So there are little things that happen and there are big things that can happen. The problem is if you keep focusing on those, if you keep holding them, then inside you re going to feel more and more pain, maybe anger, maybe depression. It will start to poison you, all of these little hurts and regrets and pains and so it s so important to let go of those, just let them go. You may remember them intellectually, but letting go means that the emotion is gone; that you no longer feel pain from it. Now, it s not so easy to do that sometimes. Sometimes it s very difficult and it takes some time, but you have to at least focus on doing it and, of course, the first step of that is forgiveness, forgiving. That means that you try your best to understand the other person and why they did what they did. So they did something that hurt you, they said something that hurt you, a little or a lot, and the first step is to really, really, really try to be in their mind, in their life and really try hard to understand why they might have done what they did. You don t have to agree with it. I m sure you don t, but you at least need to try to understand. It may be very difficult. Maybe you can never totally understand, but the more you can try to understand the easier it will be to, eventually, forgive and let go. Another thought that may help you let go of painful experiences is the thought that sometimes what is painful and seems terrible now can create learning and growth that helps us in the future. So, in a way, these painful difficult things may actually help us. So let me give you an example from my own life with this. Way back my first girlfriend in high school oh, I loved her so much. She was so wonderful and I was in love with her and you know, eventually, she broke up with me and broke my heart. Ooh, poor AJ. And at that time I thought it was just a terrible thing. It was the worst thing that happened in my life. I had all this upset and anger and regrets and you know all these terrible negative emotions. If I had continued to focus on those and hold on to them it would have possibly destroyed my whole life. It means today even in my 40s I still might be oh, you know worried and upset and angry about what happened with this first girlfriend back in high

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