1 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

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1 1 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

2 Hello and thank you for taking the time to download and read this ebook. If you don t know who I am, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Steve Zanella and I am an author, speaker, designer, life coach and father of three. I am also a former sufferer of anxiety and panic disorder. I understand all too well how negative, anxious, worrisome fears can limit the quality of our lives. I was able to learn to overcome my anxiety, retrain my brain and build my dream life, and am committed to helping others do the same. Like many people, I allowed my fear of life to limit what I was able achieve. I lacked confidence, in myself and in my abilities, to build the life I truly wanted. It took me almost 40 years but I was finally able to change my life, rebuild my confidence and become the type of person I always wanted to be. I want to share with you some of the tips that worked for me. Overcoming anxiety can seem impossible but I want you to know it is very possible. I did it. And you can do it, too. There are many different things that factor into managing your anxiety and overcoming your fears. The way you think, eat, sleep, move and talk all lay the groundwork for anxiety and fear-based living. It isn t enough to simply change one of these and think that magically your anxiety will disappear. That isn t how your anxiety formed and it isn t how you fix it. Not everything works for everyone but something WILL work for you. The key is figuring out which actions resonate with you and lead you to the most powerful change. 2 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

3 Ok, so let s get started. Here are five steps that I have personally used and experienced amazing results in dealing with my own anxiety and fearbased living. STEP ONE: Start a gratitude journal. Our lives get so crazy sometimes it can become easy to only focus on the negative things we see around us. A job we don t like, bills we don t know how to pay, dealing with disagreeable people; all these things can make us feel trapped in a world full of negative people, choices and actions. But here s the thing: The more you focus on the negative in your life the more other things begin to look negative even if they are not. We need to learn to find the positive aspects of our life and take time to celebrate and honor those times as well. Starting a gratitude journal is a great way to focus your attention on the things in your life that you should be happy about. When I was at my lowest point, everything in my life seemed to be bad. No matter what I did, it seemed to be the wrong move. I began to expect everything else to also go wrong. If it didn t go wrong, I would say, Yeah, but I m sure the next thing WILL go wrong! I should have been saying, Hell yeah! That worked out. Maybe the next thing will work out, too! We become so fixated on negative patterns and outcomes, we project failure on to our next endeavor. But when we start to look at the positive things in our life, the things that are going right and make us happy, we start to feel a little more positive and optimistic about how things may turn out. 3 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

4 So how do you start a gratitude journal? It s as easy as it sounds. Simply find a notebook, pick up a pencil or pen, write the date and time on the top of a page, and begin writing all the things you are grateful for. That s it! Simple, right? Here are a couple hints that I feel are very important. First, don t use your computer, tablet or phone to write your journal. Here s why! You always start with the best of intentions; you take out your laptop, open up a page and begin typing. Next thing you know you are on Facebook staring at someone else s vacation pictures, screaming at someone s political post or getting irritated by someone else s negative story that they are venting about publically. Either that or you are checking s, reading the news or doing something else other than thinking about what you are grateful for. In short, digital options tend to offer far too many distractions that are counter-productive to feeling gratitude. Old school paper and pen works best! Next, try and write your gratitude journal either at the beginning or the end of your day. Writing it at the beginning of the day helps start you off on the right foot. It helps develop the habit of feeling positive, happy thoughts at the beginning of your day. This can be the difference between having a good day or a bad day. Ending your day with gratitude is also great. It helps you to look back over your day and find all the things that went right. This will help you to sleep better. Just be careful. As anxious people, I know how easy it is to slip down that slope of finding the negative. If your review of your day takes a turn to the dark-side you could be up all night, staring into the darkness and worrying about what happened. Make sure you focus on the positive. 4 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

5 Another reason to use paper and pen is for your brain. The act of physically writing with a pen and paper engages different parts of your brain. We need to begin to retrain the brain to think and respond differently to things in our life. The act of thinking about positive, happy thoughts in your life combined with the physical act of writing out your thoughts will help begin the process of retraining your brain. That is something you ll be doing a lot of as you work to change the way you think. Introducing that idea in small ways is the secret to making big, lasting changes in life. Remember, little actions every day will change your life! Finally, don t judge your gratitude! Too many people I know feel like the things they are grateful for are too small or trivial to list. Not true! There is no such thing as something being too small or trivial to be grateful for. Anything that causes you to feel grateful is worth writing down. STEP TWO: Use a To-Do list. I know what you might be thinking, How can a to-do list help me worry less? Won t seeing a list of everything I have to do make me worry more? Not at all! In fact, part of our worry stems from the idea or feeling that we are going to miss something because so much stuff is swirling around in our minds. Getting that stuff out of our heads and down on paper allows our mind to move on to other things. Writing a to-do list can help take what you may be worried about getting done and puts it on paper so you can begin taking action. 5 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

6 When I would go to bed every night, I was plagued with anxious thoughts that I would forget something I needed to do. My life seemed like a whirlwind of responsibilities, bills and obligations. The more these things piled up in my mind, the more overwhelmed I felt. I couldn t keep them all straight and it made me want to pull the sheets over my head. It all seemed too much! This is constant feeling of being unorganized and overwhelmed kept me from getting the sleep I needed and contributed to my overall anxious mindset. But when I found ways to distract myself from this feeling. I would binge-watch television, play video games, or eat as a way of distracting my mind during the day. But at night there seemed to be no escape from that little voice in my head. When I started putting together to-do lists, I found it helped to quiet that voice a bit. I always worried that if I wasn t constantly thinking about what I needed to do the next day I would forget something. This pattern caused my mind to race with all the things my future self needed to do. So, by writing these things down on a physical piece of paper I could hold, I knew I wouldn t forget anything. Making lists is a great way to stay organized. I use lists all the time for everything I do. Not only does it help relax your mind by freeing it from the feeling of having to be the keeper of everything you have to do, it makes you more productive when it comes time to do things. And a side note on making to-do lists: Always focus on the things you checked off rather than on the things you didn t. I always told myself, even if I only check off one thing today, that s one less thing I have to do tomorrow. 6 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

7 Giving self-praise for accomplishing something is far more productive to our anxious mind than focusing on what we failed to accomplish. Successful people always talk about pushing themselves expecting the best from themselves. But when you are someone who suffers from anxiety, you already push yourself more than most. It s ok to dial that back a bit and allow yourself to focus on one small accomplishment. Life isn t lived all at once but rather in small moments spread out over your lifetime. And your to-do list won t be completed all at once either. Focus on one item at a time. The key isn t to get them all checked off, but to get one thing checked off and then move on to the next thing. Keep that to-do list on paper not in your mind. STEP THREE: 5 minutes of meditation. I don t know if you are currently using meditation or not, but I seriously suggest that you start! Adding a meditation practice to my life changed so much for me regarding my anxiety. As anxious people, we tend to not know how to relax. We carry our stress mentally and physically. Doing that 24/7 can be exhausting. Meditation can help you learn how to relax your mind and your body at the same time. And it doesn t have to be a long, over-complicated process. And once you understand how it works, you can do it anywhere, any time of day. 7 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

8 The simplest form of meditation is called a breathing meditation. And it is exactly what it sounds like. Focus your attention on your breathing. That s it. And who doesn t know how to breathe? We all breathe all the time. It is something we almost never think about. But thinking about our breathing is actually a great way to calm the mind! It can be done anywhere and anytime. And it works! Here s what you do. 1. Take a slow, deep breath in through you nose. Don t draw air in too fast or too slow, just at a nice, relaxed pace. As you breath in, count to 5. Focus all your attention on picturing the air entering your nose and filling your lungs. 2. Pause and hold that breath for a count of Exhale through your mouth. As you exhale, count to 7. Again, focus on visualizing the air leaving your lungs and exiting though body. As you do this, feel your shoulders relax and let your entire body sink. 4. Pause for a count of 3 before your breath in again. That s it! This little breathing exercise can be done anywhere at anytime. The trick is to remember to do it. It can be done when you feel anxiety or panic starting to build. You can do it quietly during a meeting or a stressful moment of the day. It takes away the attention from whatever your mind is worrying about and places that attention on to your breathing. 8 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

9 Did you know that your mind isn t capable of thinking about two things simultaneously? It may seem like it does, but actually its quickly jumping between multiple thoughts rather than thinking about two things at the same time. By focusing your attention on your breathing, your mind is forced to let go of the other things it is thinking of. Now, this doesn t mean your mind isn t going to give up without a fight. When I first started doing this, my mind constantly distracted me with other thoughts that seemed to just pop into my head and made it almost impossible to focus on my breathing. Don t fight those thoughts! Them more you fight a thought, the more attention you give it. In the mind, attention is power. You can t NOT think about a thought by thinking about it! You can only think of another thought and let that first thought slip away naturally. Keeping your attention on your breathing causes the other thoughts to naturally fade. This is what you want. The other benefit to this form of meditative breathing is that it helps to slow down your breathing and heart rate. When we begin to feel fear and panic, our body kicks into action. Our mind believes it is under attack and prepares itself. This is commonly known as the fight or flight response. The mind tells the body to get ready to either defend itself or to run away. The mind sends a signal to the nervous system causing your heart to begin to pump more blood to the muscles to be ready for action. This is why our hearts start to race, we begin to feel warm and our palms and forehead begin to sweat. It is our body s way of preparing itself to take on whatever is causing the fear. 9 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

10 By slowing down our breath and relaxing our muscles, we help to counteract our body s reaction to the stress and worry it feels and helps return it to a more natural, resting state. I would suggest adding 20 minutes of meditation to your morning or evening routine. Simply find a quiet place to sit or lie flat on your back and repeat the same breathing and counting technique for 20 minutes. Set a timer so that you can close your eyes and relax rather than always looking at the clock to see how long you ve been meditating. It can take time to build up to a full 20 minutes. The mind has a way of distracting you and it can sometimes cause you to feel frustrated at the beginning. Just know that this is normal and be patient with yourself. Don t put pressure on yourself to sit and meditate for 20 minutes right away. Start small and build from there. Even one minute of meditative breathing can help reduce stress and anxiety. STEP FOUR: Practice speaking kindly to yourself. This is probably the most important thing you can do to help turn your life from anxious to awesome! But it is also one of the most difficult to master. For me, my story began to change with the birth of my first child, Lili. At the time of her birth I was still very much trapped in a pattern of anxious, worrisome thinking. I was depressed, struggling with fear and panic attacks and had a very negative self-image Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

11 I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would raise my daughter, the type of parent I would be and the type of advice I would give her if she struggled with anxiety and panic attacks when she got older. I quickly learned that the advice I would give her seemed to make sense for her but not for me. How was that possible? Why was I able to be loving and supportive to my daughter but I was never able to be loving and supportive to myself? It s because, as I came to realize, I didn t love myself the way I loved her. When you spend years and years being worried, it creates self-doubt. Self-doubt leads to self-loathing and frustration. You create a very warped and negative opinion of who you are and this impacts how you love and treat yourself. I saw myself as weak and afraid. I eventually grew to hate the person I was. When you hate someone, it is almost impossible to believe they deserve great things. This happens on a conscious and subconscious level. We often sabotage our own success without even realizing it because our image of our self is so bad. We believe on a subconscious level that we don t deserve to be happy. This can lead to a lot of negative self-talk. So how do we break this habit? We have to learn to see ourselves in the same way we see those we love. We have to repair the relationship with ourselves so that we can begin to support ourselves the way we support others we care about Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

12 We are always our harshest critics. While this is a good thing when we are trying to push ourselves to achieve great things at a high level, in people with anxiety it becomes negative and self-destructive. We need to work to bring balance back and build ourselves up from the years we ve spent breaking ourselves down. How do you learn to speak kindly to yourself? The easiest way to do that is to leverage the love you have for someone else. Here s how that works: Think of someone you love. It could be a child, a parent, a close friend or a partner, anyone that you have a tremendous amount of love for. Now take a moment and focus on what it feels like when you think of them. Really sit and FEEL the love you have for that person. The next time something comes up that makes you feel anxious or worried, when something is happening or going to happen that would normally make you feel stressed, pause and think how you would talk to that person you love if they came to you with the same exact problem or worry. What would you tell them? How would you comfort them? But don t just think it, feel it. Feel the love and compassion you feel towards them as you ponder the advice and support you would offer them. Now, direct that love, compassion and advice towards your self. Allow your self to feel that love for your self that you so easily give to that other person. Use the picture of them to help create a better picture of your self Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

13 Over time we lose the ability to see ourselves as deserving love and support, so it become almost impossible to feel it. In fact, we teach our brain to think this way through repetition. We ve spent years teaching ourselves to think and feel negatively about our self and our situation. The more we focus on it, the more we establish that pattern even deeper into our mind. It s actually how our brains work. We need to re-train the brain to have a different response to situations. And the good news is that you can retrain your brain. You just need to practice having a different response to things so that your brain can learn a new pattern. Telling your self, Ok, be nice to me! sounds great but isn t really practical. After all, if you are anything like me you ve spent years telling your self to worry about everything! I couldn t just suddenly change that behavior no matter how much I wanted to. This is why it s so important to feel the love you feel towards someone else first and then redirect it towards your self when stressful situations come up. The act of feeling love when you face stress helps to retrain your brain to respond with a different reaction to a familiar situation. Over time, you will begin to feel more kind and loving with yourself because the pattern of having that feeling will develop. And I want to you know you DO deserve that same love and support that you so freely give to others! We ve all had tough times in our life. We all feel beat down and bad about things that have happened. And no matter what you did in the past, or what happened to you, that is behind you. It does not have to define you today or dictate what you do in the future Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

14 Each moment we are alive is another moment we can choose to be the people we want to be. We simply need to make the decision to change and become the hero of our own story. Let go of that old, negative selfimage and embrace the new person you are becoming. And you are becoming a new person. Just the fact that you are sitting here reading this right now tells me you have the desire, the drive and the ability to change. You can do this. I know you can. It s time you started to believe in yourself the way you believe in others and the way I believe in you! STEP FIVE: Replace one negative habit with one positive habit. This one is the most fun for me. I have made some of the best and most dramatic changes in my life by learning to replace bad habits with good ones. I m going to let you in on a secret that most people never realize a secret so big that understanding it has the ability to change how you look at the entire world around you. Yes, it s that big! You ready? Ok, here it is. All life is a form of patterns that repeat. At the smallest level of all that we are in the universe, on a scientific level, patterns are used to create everything that is in existence. It is how everything comes into having a physical form, takes physical action and creates our physical reality Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

15 Understanding that patterns form everything is a big deal. Why? Because when you understand this, you can use this understanding to control the patterns in your life and actually change your life! Everything you do, everything you know, everything you believe to be true, it all comes from a pattern. A pattern of beliefs, of actions, of thoughts, of responses, they all are based in patterns that have been established in your mind since the moment you were born. Think about a newborn baby. They are born into this world without any physical understanding. What is the first thing they learn? That when they cry they get their needs met. If they feel hungry, they cry. When they cry, they are fed. The connection between crying and action is made. They have just successfully formed their first pattern. As that same child grows similar patterns will develop. If a child cries at night because they don t want to go to sleep, the way a parent responds will establish a pattern of behavior in that child. This pattern will impact future choices that child makes, thus developing other patterns that impact other aspects of life. Once we become adults our subconscious mind has become littered with patterns. Some we are aware of and some we have no idea have been established. These patterns and habits are often the biggest deciding factors on if we are successful and happy, or if we fail and are unhappy. By recognizing the pattern that establishes a habit you now become empowered with the ability to change your life. All you have to do is take back control of those patterns. Luckily, it s easier than you think Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

16 Here s how: Start with a habit. For me, I had a bad habit of starting every morning reading through my social media accounts. The first thing I would do was grab my phone and check Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. By itself, this may seem harmless and I m sure I m not the only person that was starting their day this way. Look for a pattern. Each morning when I read through comments and stories posted by people across the Internet I d find myself getting frustrated with things I was reading. I would inevitably come across a post or a bit of news that would set me off and make me angry or frustrated. I would find myself getting all worked up over something and I hadn t even gotten out of bed yet. Talk about starting your day off on the wrong foot! Develop a new habit. Since I used my phone as my alarm clock (like many people) it was hard to not look at my phone after shutting off the alarm. So, instead of checking in on social media as my first act of the day, I wrote out a statement of gratitude that also included a picture of how I wanted my life to be. In fact, here is exactly what I wrote: I am so happy and grateful for everything I have. I live in a log home with a fireplace and swimming pool. I write books and travel the world helping people find their own inner happiness. Money comes to me easily and in massive amounts, from many different places. And my family is happy and healthy Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

17 I wrote this in the notes section on my phone and I left it open every night so that it was the first thing I saw on my phone each morning. I would read it and feel the feeling of having everything already be true. I would simply reflect on everything that it said and smile. At first, this was a hard thing to do. The old habit was still there, trying to repeat that pattern. I had to fight the urge to do what I always did. Over time, the urge got less and less and the process of feeling grateful go easier and easier. Why did it get easier? It got easier because I practiced it every single morning. This bears repeating; when you practice something every day, it gets easier. The secret of how to change anything in your life is practice. You must KNOW what you want to change, DO the new action to build a different habit, and then REPEAT the new action over and over until it becomes easy. KNOW, DO and REPEAT! That is the formula for successful change. Making just one little change in what you do every day will have a massive impact on your life. It doesn t feel like much at the time, but after a while you will look back and realize that major things in your life change simply by adjusting one small thing each day. After a few weeks of practicing reading my gratitude vision statement each morning in place of checking social media, I woke up with a passion and fire in me that seemed to come from thin air. I couldn t wait to get up and start my day. My mornings seemed to go better, smoother and I was far more productive Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

18 And when mornings didn t go so smooth I was able to handle them better because my frame of mind was better. Bad situations or surprises didn t bother me as much because I was grateful for what I had and knew I could handle them. All it took was practice and time! On a side note: one year after starting this practice we had enough money saved to purchase a log home that my wife and I are currently renovating. Last year we put in our pool and traded in the fireplace for a new pellet stove. To sum up If you apply these 5 steps to your life you can start to feel less stressed, more positive and more capable of handling anxiety and worry in your life. 1. Start a gratitude journal: write down what you are grateful for each day and recognize everything that you have to be thankful for. 2. Use a to-do list: keep yourself organized and on-task and you will become more productive and feel more confident in your abilities. 3. Five minutes of meditation: focus on your breath and learn to relax your body and mind, every little bit helps. 4. Practice speaking kindly to yourself: become your own best friend and support center, and you will always have someone cheering you on Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

19 5. Replace one negative habit with one positive habit: even just one small change in your day-to-day habits will eventually lead to large, impactful changes in your life. So now it s up to you. I know change can seem scary, but trust me, in time you ll see that change can be an amazing doorway that leads you to the life you ve always dreamed of having. I know you can do it. me at steve@stevezanella.com and let me know what you thought of the e-book. And don t forget to say hello to me on Facebook and Twitter. Hearing your success stories helps keep me inspired! Thanks and stay positive! 19 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety

20 20 5 Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety Copyright 2015 All Rights Reserved

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