HOW NOT TO BE A LIFE COACH Presented by IMNOTALIFECOACH.COM

Transcription

1 HOW NOT TO BE A LIFE COACH Presented by IMNOTALIFECOACH.COM

2 Introduction: What follows are ten techniques sure to skyrocket you to international fame and certain notoriety as not just a life coach, and not just an amazing life coach, but an AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACH. What exactly is AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHING you ask? It's a movement and a phenomenon. It's all the things you could ever want in a program. It's a bi-monthly assortment of snacks delivered right to your door. It is literally everything for everyone, and simultaneously obscure enough to not work for anyone. The truth is, a large majority of people could probably use a life coach, right now, and if not, they'll need one soon enough. Well meaning friends and family can only do so much to help the people they care about, and coaches can be an ideal solution in times when loved ones don't have the answers. But what if you truly don't care about any of that and are just looking to turn a quick profit under the guise of helping others all the while? Read on: How Best to Use This Guide for Serious Life Coaching Success: Don't. #1. Sell a lifestyle, not a coaching program. Do you live in a palace or at the very least, do you claim to? Are you currently tweeting about last night's porterhouse and lobster dinner? Is your Instagram seven parts beach pics and one part headshots? Anyone will tell you, putting forth effort to help people is an important task for the life coach to master. However, AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHING is about selling the life you yourself live, so you can better focus on the real issue at hand: How utterly amazing you are!

3 Remember! You are the superstar, and the student is... well, he's a guy who signed up because he believes you to be someone he can look up to. No matter how authentic you are, no matter how excellent you can make his life, and no matter the time you intend to invest in him, that student won't be lending an ear until you prove just how much of a rockstar you are! Do yourself a favor right now: Get off the phone with your student and go book a glamour photo shoot. #2. Make it as easy as possible. Let's get one thing straight: Nobody does anything that's hard. Nobody. Sure, a case can be made for the people out there who took the time and made an effort when pursuing a goal. Some of them probably even reached it -- heck, some of them who didn't reach their goals may have even found the experience of pursuing them somehow fulfilling, but that's beside the point. And the point, once again, is that nobody does anything that's hard. Tell people they'll be as invested in their change as you and they'll run for the hills. Worse, inform them that they're going to be even more invested than you, and they'll start spreading dirty rumors about how you made them do actual work during your coaching sessions, and you can kiss coaching anyone else goodbye. #3. Charge large sums of money. The only way you'll know if you're charging enough is by the state of your students' bank accounts. Do they have a savings account with money in it? You're not charging enough. Do they hold only one job to be able to afford you? Not charging enough. In the very least, do they owe you a few children if their promises to pay up fall through? You get the idea. It's not enough to know your worth and put a price tag on your work which fits your market. You shouldn't have to research prices of competitors and shift things around when your courses aren't selling or when your schedule becomes too crowded with over-booking. No, you just gotta find the leading guy in your field and match his cost. Then double it.

4 Sure, people will take you seriously if you have a price that reflects your worth. But they'll think you're some kind of shaman if you require they take out a second mortgage to afford you. Guaranteed! #4. Coach everybody. Who is your audience? Who isn't?! Your neighbor with the crummy job, your kid's teacher with the loads of student loan debt, the pastor of that church you're not going to (you think his name is Bill) who has an ugly marquee out by the front door -- it's their lucky day because you can be coach to them all! And you shouldn't stop there! What about the people who don't appear to even need your help? How about your doctor, the local newscaster, your wife, and most of all, how about you yourself? Targeted coaching may be more likely to connect you with the type of people you want to coach and bring your students best results, sure. But this is AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHING not for the faint of heart. If you're not coaching everyone, then everyone is missing out. #5. Go with God. Take note: When I say you need to get God into your program, I don't mean in the gentle guidance fashion which is so popular. No way, weaklings. We're talking old-school, ritualistic, flog yourself on the back of the head and suffer for the man upstairs styled sacrifice! You can't use God, Jesus, the universe, or any other Big Holy as a motivator or role-model because so many other people are already too successful in that arena. God only has so much room at the table and he can't let everyone grab a piece of the pie, bucko. Real AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHING knows the best way to work with God is through fear. This works best if the religion you're using to incite this fear is either really obscure or one you made up yourself. No matter which, if your students get the idea they won't be moving on to great spiritual enlightenment except through you, then you're on the right track. And let me assure you, there's only one train running on that one: The gravy train (see step #3)!

5 #6. Don't bother with research. There's simply not enough time in the day to be well-informed on a topic. It's not like most of us have magic boxes hooked up to other magic boxes, from which we can get information on practically anything we can name. It's a fantasy. I myself am so adammant about thiss 1 tht i dont even trun on speelcheck. #7. Cash in on suffering. If you're not a subscriber to your local newspaper, you need to be. The first place you'll want to turn is the obituaries section, AKA your new prospects! And no, I'm not crazy enough to tell you to get your business by harassing dead people. You need to be harassing their families. It's a scientific fact that people who are suffering don't actually want to suffer. You should therefore be getting right in there and alleviating their pain with AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHING the minute grandma breathes her last. The grief-stricken, the failed business owner, the recently unemployed and more need your sales pitch sooner than later! Don't wait for them to come to a place of clarity where they're more capable of seeing what a traumatic life event has left them without! Do it while they're having trouble remembering their own name and have otherwise hung their better judgment out to dry. #8. Be perfect. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to go to a coach who doesn't have his own life together, 100% of the time, 24/7, 365 days a year. AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHES know that if you've answered the call to become a life coach, you have essentially renounced your former imperfect self.

6 Think about it: In the history of this world, can you think of anyone from any period of time who has ever made a mistake, come back to realize what they did, and thought to teach others based on their experience? No, you can't. And neither can I recall a single individual who wasn't leading while living an utterly amazing life with no problems to speak of. Haters will say that good coaching sessions sometimes come from days when the coach has had his own issues to wrestle with, but as they say, haters gonna hate! #9. Blame everyone else. Look, despite the fact that you as an AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACH are obviously perfect, your students aren't. Furthermore, their families, friends, lives, jobs, and pets certainly aren't. Let's get right to the point: Nobody's crummy life is their own fault. It's all about the circumstances around them, and your students are counting on you to remind them of this at every opportunity. The reason your student is poor and hungry all the time is probably not his lazy approach to work. No, he simply wasn't born rich. If you're coaching someone who is having trouble maintaining his relationships with others, you could tell him he needs to step up his listening game. Of course, it's far more likely the people around him are snobs. Got a student with mountains of debt? Society made him buy all that stuff. Trust me on this one. Nothing feels better than someone sitting down with you and taking the ownership off your shoulders while passing it on to others. Bonus: while you're doing this, you're taking all their money. #10. Save the world. When we start out as AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACHES, we get off on the wrong foot if we're not immediately making huge promises to our students. It is we who will give the ultimate and true path to happiness with relationships, careers and money. It is by our hand that success will flow from every channel into their miserable lives after a few Skype calls and GoToMeetings. We will be the ones who will save not only their lives, but the lives of everyone else around them, and everyone else around those people... and that happens forever!

7 And if it doesn't, there is only person to blame: The student. Hey, you tried. So what if they refused to take out a loan to hire you? Who cares if they can't keep the pace with your strict forty-lashes-across-the-back nightly regimen? The nimrod probably had the audacity to assume he'd be doing workshops, seminars, or in the very least, catching an informative blog post from you, week to week. He certainly should have been born with all the natural talent he'd need to make a difference in his life before hiring a coach. Honestly! You have a fanbase to send selfies to and those margaritas ain't gonna drink themselves. Final thoughts What's the real goal here? Results? Maybe results aren't all they're cracked up to be. Maybe it's the journey: The recognition, the money, the prestige of being a true AMAZING-INCREDIBLE-SEXY LIFE COACH. Isn't that why you read this book, after all? Maybe, if you wanted to get results, you'd go back through this manual and do precisely the opposite of what it says. Maybe you'd find little pieces of wisdom scattered throughout the piles upon piles of bad advice presented in this volume. Maybe you'd get results and help a few people by making sure not to do a single one of the ten items covered in the previous pages. Maybe you would, and maybe you wouldn't. Don't take it from me. I'm not a life coach, myself.

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